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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Marriage 101 and Dr. Who

Posted in Faith, Marriage, Romance, United in Christ, tagged , , , on May 16, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Biblical marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing–a living demonstration of Christ’s love and intimacy for and with the church. But marriage, no matter how blissful, should ever steal our hearts from our true bride groom. Today Joi Copeland shares a truth God showed her through Dr. Who of all things.

Me and Dr. Who by Joi Copeland

DSC_0641“I will not watch Dr. Who.” I told my husband not too long ago. I really should be careful with the words I say. A few weeks later, I found myself totally engrossed with Dr. Who.

I agreed with David Tenant when he said, “I don’t want to go.” I even told him back, “I don’t want you to either.” I really liked him as the Doctor. And then came along Matt and Amelia Pond.

I learned a lot from Amelia, a.k.a. Amy. The way she treated her fiance, Rory, to spend time with the Doctor really bothered me. It’s something that I struggled with for a bit. And then it hit me. Oh, boy, did it hit me.

In my life, don’t I do the same thing to Jesus? Oh, but I do! When I got married, I still spent time with God every morning, went to church, etc. But something, or someone, started to replace my Savior. Chris, my husband. Not because he put himself there, but because I did.

I became infatuated with “all things Chris.” I slowly began to look to my husband to fulfill my deepest needs, desires, and wants. Just like Amy did to the Doctor.

Amelia, the Doctor, and Rory often found themselves in perilous situations. She’d place so much trust and hope in the Doctor that Rory didn’t see the need to help. It was sad, really. At one point, she was stuck in a dark room apart from the guys, talking into a receiver so they could hear her. Rory often wondered if she was referring to him or the Doctor. It was heartbreaking.

Yet, I did the same thing. I looked to Chris to “save” me. It wasn’t healthy, not at all. Jesus is the only one who can save, who can fulfill the deepest places in my heart. He’s the One I ought to look to and to cling to in trying times.

Yes, God wants me to love my husband, and believe me, I 396685_love,jpgdo. I cannot imagine my life without him. Chris is my best friend, my lover, my soul-mate. He’s my confidante, my encourager, my biggest supporter. But he isn’t Jesus, and never will be. He can’t take away my hurt, heal my pain, or save me from my sins. He isn’t my Daddy, my Lord, my King. That place is reserved for Christ and Christ alone.

It took me years to come to grips with this, to realize what a pedestal I placed Chris on. So now, Jesus is back where he belongs, and I’m thankful I not only learned to love Dr. Who, but I learned a valuable lesson from Amelia Pond.

How about you? Who or what have you placed above our Lord? What did it take for you to recognize that and change?

***

Joi Copeland is married to a wonderful man, Chris, and has three amazing boys, She is living the dream in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Joi loves being a wife and mom and also enjoys spending time with friends over a good cup of coffee or tea. She’s been a Christian for over twenty years. She’s the author of two books, Hope for Tomorrow and Hope for the Journey, and three novellas, Christmas Rayne, Letters of Love, and Sheriff Bride, Rob’s Story.

Let’s talk about this. How can putting your spouse above Christ actually harm your marriage? What does that look like, anyway? What does it look like to put Christ first and to rely on Him to fulfill our needs? Do you have any similar stories to share, perhaps of a time when you were looking to get your needs filled in some other way than turning to and drawing near to Christ? How did He bring you back to Himself?

Share your thoughts and stories in the comments before or on Facebook at Living by Grace.

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Cherishing Your Spouse

Posted in God's Authors, intentional living, Let's Get Real, Marriage, Proverbs Study, tagged , , , , on January 14, 2013 | Leave a Comment »

Today’s reading: Proverbs 5:15-23; Song of Songs 5:9-16

Today’s focal verse: Proverbs 5:18 Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain gives you water.

This week’s memory verse: Proverbs 6:16-17 There are six things the LORD hates–no, seven things He detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent. (To keep this verse manageable, I cut it off at 17. If you want to memorize all six things God hates, you can find it here: Proverbs 6:16-19

You’ve probably heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Have you also heard, “The grass is greener where there’s more water?” Or, in other words, if your neighbor’s lawn looks more vibrant than yours, chances are he’s spent a bit more time with the upkeep. ;)

photo-1 copyIn today’s devotion, author and social-media-guru, Edie Melson, encourages us to cherish our spouse for who they are and not who we wish they’d be.

Cherish Your Spouse

Be happy with the wife you married when you were young.
    She gives you joy, as your fountain gives you water. Proverbs 5:18

 

Early on in our marriage, I decided it was my job to help my husband improve himself. I thought I was just acting like any good wife, but you men have another word for it—nagging. I never thought what I was doing qualified as nagging; after all, I was just trying to help!

What I was actually doing was getting ahead of God. He knows, so much better than anyone else, what each of us needs to become more Christ-like. But He knows something else—the order in which those changes need to be made. And my attempts to help were actually hindering my husband’s growth.

When I was looking for ways to help my husband grow, I wasn’t cherishing the ways he’d already grown as a husband and as a man. And it was driving a wedge between us as a couple.

There was another problem with my focus, it kept me from concentrating on my own growth. It’s amazing how easy it is to see someone else’s faults and not your own.

This attempt to help God doesn’t just apply to married couples. Nagging can enter into any relationship. Once I started waiting on God and concentrating on the things He wanted to accomplish in me, the rocky road of a new relationship began to smooth out.

I could see the long way God had yet to go with me, and the long way He’d come with my husband. I once again found joy in the man I’d chosen to share my life with.

Challenge: Who are you trying to help God with? I invite you to join me, and give the responsibility of change over to God and let Him work.

Edie Melson is a freelance writer and editor with years of experience in the publishing industry. She’s a prolific writer, and has a popular writing blog, The Write Conversation. She’s the co-director of the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, as well as a popular faculty member at numerous others. Her new book, Connections: Social Media & Networking Techniques for Writers will be released on February 1, 2013. She’s also the social media columnist for Southern Writers Magazine and social media coach for My Book Therapy. Connect with her through Twitter and Facebook.

DSC_5705 - Version 2Connections:

Social Media & Networking Techniques for Writers:

“So how much time do I really have to spend on social networking?”

It’s the question that plagues every armchair marketer. What is Social Media? How much time do I need to spend on Facebook and Twitter? Do I need Pinterest? What about my blog—who is going to follow it?

Social Networking can be overwhelming—yet it’s essential for a successful writer. With the right techniques, it can be streamlined and maximized to produce exactly the results you need to further your writing career.

Edie Melson puts this crazy world of social media into perspective and gives writers the tools needed to succeed and still find time to write.

***

Let’s talk about this. Pause for a moment to consider how you view your spouse. More often than not, are you seeking out and appreciating his/her positive qualities, or do you tend to zero in on their weaknesses? I think we all have times when we’re a bit more negative than others, but that doesn’t mean we need to stay in negativity. I’ve often said, if you look for the negative, you’ll find it every time. But the converse is also true. If you look for the positive, I suspect, you’ll find it’s been there all along.

Today, I encourage you to write your spouse a letter, listing the five things you most appreciate about them.

What is one thing you can and will do to show your spouse you love and appreciate them today?

Few things wrench my heart like listening to one spouse speak negatively about the other. I’ve often wondered how I would feel to know Steve were talking negatively about me. Honestly, it’d break my heart. I’m blessed that he doesn’t do that, and I hope you can say the same.

Pause to prayerfully consider your marriage–your heart–in light of the words in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

What are some situations that challenge your patience? How can you show more patience in that situation? And more importantly, will you choose to?

What is an area your spouse has shown you patience? (I must admit, my list would be quite long here! Which is a great reminder to me to offer my husband the same grace!)

How does pride increase quarrels?

When I consider verse five, I’m reminded of Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Quite honestly, I tend to honor myself above everyone else, including my spouse. But marital intimacy and growth demands the opposite–that I die to myself and think of my spouse first.

But if I’m truly honoring my spouse, I will refuse to make cutting or negative remarks. I will find ways to bless him, even when it is inconvenient or I am tired. I will not demand my own way but will instead, seek out what’s in his best interest and the best interest of my family. I will find ways to build him up throughout the day.

What about you? How has today’s devotion challenged you, or, what are some changes you’ve made personally that have blessed your marriage? Join the conversation in the comments below or by joining our Yahoo Proverbs study group.


Click to join ProverbsStudy

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It Starts at Home

Posted in Faith, intentional living, Living by Grace, Marriage, parenting, Reach Out Winners!, tagged , , , , on August 2, 2012 | 3 Comments »

On occasion, especially when tired or distracted, our family has a funny, yet not so funny, habit of looking for ways to be served. It normally starts at dinner time as we each, comfortably sitting at the table, watch anxiously to see who might enter the kitchen first. The moment someone shifts in that direction, requests fly, “As long as your up, can you …?”

By the time nightfall rolls around, the “serve-mes” have reached their zenith. Of course, by then, we’re all reclining, me with my Kindle, my husband and daughter with their television program. Those lovely snacks we crave so incredibly far away ….

Once again, we go in go into hyper-alert, ready for that slightest shift, that sideways glance that might indicate someone is heading to the kitchen.

Why is it so much easier to serve those outside our home?

The gimmes can be quite contagious, but so can the givies. Often it jut takes one person to get things started. Acts of service can create a safe, loving, nurturing environment where each family member submits one to another.

Taking that first step might be hard. Perhaps we fear our loved ones will take advantage of us–will come to expect our service. But there is no fear in love, my friend.

If fear and distrust is holding you back from truly giving yourself to your loved ones, ask God to help you. To heal you from whatever wound has created that fear. Is there a real issue creating this fear? Then address this, speaking the truth in love. If need be, seek help. Commit to moving your family toward intimate, authentic, honest mutual submission and total trust. A trust that says, “I trust you with my whole self. I trust you enough to give myself away.” And recognize, if your relationship suffers from distrust, this healing and relationship building could take time.

Perhaps our pride gets in the way. It’s hard to humble ourselves, to willingly take a servant’s role. But love is not proud, and pride is not fun. Pride creates intimacy barriers that ultimately lead to isolation.

For me, it often comes down to plain selfishness–self-absorption. I get so focused on my needs and wants, it’s easy to forget about those around me. I need to become actively aware of the needs and wants of others. Outside the home, my attitude changes because I know I’m “on mission.” It’s an attitude change that heightens my perception. But somehow, when I come through my garage door, that alertness fades. I get lazy. Compliant. Selfish.

Lord, help me to focus more on the needs and desires of my family. Show me how I can serve them daily. Show me how I can tangibly demonstrate the love of Christ not just “out there,” but within my home.

25 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 26 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. 28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28 NLT).

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about submitting one to another through daily acts of service. When we read of God’s commands to submit to one another, it’s easy to say, “Yeah, but God says ‘one to another!’ My husband, daughter, co-worker doesn’t serve me! As soon as ….”

That’s conditional obedience, my friend. We are each responsible for ourselves. Focus on your obedience and leave your spouse, brother, neighbor to God. In regard to your sons and daughters, train and model. :)

I’d love to hear from you. How can we serve one another in a healthy manner without it becoming co-dependent or skewed? I’m thinking this one could be a book, although I suspect the answer might lie in the motivation. Are we serving out of obedience to Christ or out of guilt or fear? Are we serving without obligation or have we attached strings?

How can we actively combat selfishness in our homes? Do you have an example of a way you served a family member or perhaps how they served you you can share? What was the result? How did it change or enhance the atmosphere of your home.

I’ll give an example of something I did that had greater results than I’d expected. The other day, after my husband went for a long, hot bike ride, I brought his dinner to him along with a cold drink. (Normally, although I prepare the meal, we each serve ourselves in buffet line fashion.) He reacted with such gratitude, beaming as if I’d purchased him major league baseball tickets. My act of love–one that took me tops three minutes–resonated deeply. And added but one more layer of glue to our relationship.

Before I leave you to contemplate over (or fume about) today’s post, I want to thank my July Reach Out to Live Out contributors. It is encouraging to read about all the wonderful ways Christ is loving the world through His children.

The most popular Reach Out story came from Katie Ganshert, a sweet sister in Christ who has been called to reach out to an orphan. (You can watch her vlog here.) Congrats, Katie! You won July’s gift basket. I’ll be contacting you shortly for your mailing address. Please stop by again, after your adoption, and let us know how things progress.

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Where Does Your Trust Lie?

Posted in Faith, intentional living, Let's Get Real, Living by Grace, tagged , , , , , on May 10, 2012 | 6 Comments »

Most of us don’t have wooden or stone idols. In fact, a large proportion of us have turned to Christ for salvation, but are we truly resting in His hands? Or have we merged our securities and marginalized our lives? Have we placed conditions on our trust.

Conditions like:

I trust God to provide, but I must keep my savings account at this level

I trust God to watch over my children, but I must watch them diligently

I trust God with my marriage, but my spouse must ….

Oh, how hard it is to truly surrender! Especially in some of these gray, even biblical areas. The Bible tells us to handle our money wisely, to save for the future, to diligently raise and train our children, to submit to our spouses in humility and love.

Those are great things, but they are not strong enough to carry our burdens, to rescue us from storms. And when we trust in those things, we are really trusting in ourselves–in our abilities.

But we all know how far we get in our own abilities, right?

Prayerfully read over the following passage and ask God to show you what idols you have allowed to weasel into your life.

Isaiah 44 (NLT)

“But now, listen to me, Jacob my servant,
Israel my chosen one.
2 The Lord who made you and helps you says:
Do not be afraid, O Jacob, my servant,
    O dear Israel, my chosen one.
3 For I will pour out water to quench your thirst
and to irrigate your parched fields.
And I will pour out my Spirit on your descendants,
and my blessing on your children.
4 They will thrive like watered grass,
like willows on a riverbank.
5 Some will proudly claim, ‘I belong to the Lord.’
Others will say, ‘I am a descendant of Jacob.’
Some will write the Lord’s name on their hands
and will take the name of Israel as their own.”

The Foolishness of Idols

6 This is what the Lord says—Israel’s King and Redeemer, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies:

“I am the First and the Last;
there is no other God.
7 Who is like me?
    Let him step forward and prove to you his power.
Let him do as I have done since ancient times
when I established a people and explained its future.
8 Do not tremble; do not be afraid.
Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago?
You are my witnesses—is there any other God?
No! There is no other Rock—not one!”

9 How foolish are those who manufacture idols.
These prized objects are really worthless.
The people who worship idols don’t know this,
so they are all put to shame.
10 Who but a fool would make his own god—
 an idol that cannot help him one bit?
11 All who worship idols will be disgraced
along with all these craftsmen—mere humans—
who claim they can make a god.
They may all stand together,
but they will stand in terror and shame.

12 The blacksmith stands at his forge to make a sharp tool,
pounding and shaping it with all his might.
His work makes him hungry and weak.
It makes him thirsty and faint.
13 Then the wood-carver measures a block of wood
and draws a pattern on it.
He works with chisel and plane
and carves it into a human figure.
He gives it human beauty
and puts it in a little shrine.
14 He cuts down cedars;
he selects the cypress and the oak;
he plants the pine in the forest
to be nourished by the rain.
15 Then he uses part of the wood to make a fire.
With it he warms himself and bakes his bread.
Then—yes, it’s true—he takes the rest of it
and makes himself a god to worship!
He makes an idol
and bows down in front of it!
16 He burns part of the tree to roast his meat
and to keep himself warm.
He says, “Ah, that fire feels good.”
17 Then he takes what’s left
and makes his god: a carved idol!
He falls down in front of it,
worshiping and praying to it.
“Rescue me!” he says.
“You are my god!”

18 Such stupidity and ignorance!
Their eyes are closed, and they cannot see.
Their minds are shut, and they cannot think.
19 The person who made the idol never stops to reflect,
“Why, it’s just a block of wood!
I burned half of it for heat
and used it to bake my bread and roast my meat.
How can the rest of it be a god?
Should I bow down to worship a piece of wood?”
20 The poor, deluded fool feeds on ashes.
He trusts something that can’t help him at all.
Yet he cannot bring himself to ask,
    “Is this idol that I’m holding in my hand a lie?”

I love that last verse for it speaks of an honest heart evaluation, something we each need … daily.

Let’s talk about this!

Are you fearfully clinging to something God is asking you to surrender? Are you building safety nets God might want you to release?

Stop for a moment and focus on God’s unchanging nature. List ten things you know to be true about God. Now, stop to remember all He has done. List five to ten times when God came through–when He provided a friend when you needed one, a check at just the right time, strength when you felt ready to break.

Does remembering who God is and what He’s done make surrender easier?

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about perseverance and how we can do that during “the waiting period.”

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What’s Next???

Posted in intentional living, Living by Grace, Marriage, parenting, tagged , , , , , on February 25, 2012 | 5 Comments »

About two years ago, while listening to a radio program on empty-nesting, it hit me–my husband and I only had five years before our daughter left for college. Five years to ground her in faith, five years to train responsibility, diligence, and all those other necessary traits she’ll need to succeed as an adult.

Five years to sit with her on the couch listening to her retell her day’s events.

And now we have three. It’s frightening and exciting. I dream of who she might become yet cling to the baby-girl she once was. Oy, no wonder we moms struggle with empty nesting! Parenting is a tough, beyond-full-time job. With all we must do on a daily basis from our child’s birth to college launch, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. How can we find purpose when our primary role–the one that’s occupied the majority of our time for 18 years–changes?

I’m not there yet, so I can’t really speak with authority on this subject, but my friend, Eileen Rife, author of Second Chance, can. Today, she wants to help moms like me embrace each phase of our lives with hope, purpose, and vigor. (And she’s giving away a free copy of her novel! Woo-hoo! Details included at the end of this post.)

Three Ways to Prepare for Empty-nesting by Eileen Rife

Transitions in life require adjustment. Never is that more true than when the last child leaves home. Often parents, especially moms, wonder, Are my best days over? What’s next for me?

These are good questions that can lead to action steps. So, what can you do to prepare for the empty nest?

Foster a healthy, growing relationship with your husband.

This is vital, so that when you enter the empty nest season, you won’t be sitting across the table from your husband, thinking, Who is this guy? Investing in your marriage now will pay off down the road. I encourage couples to pencil in a weekly date night on the calendar, even if it simply means putting the kids to bed early and sitting on the sofa together with a bowl of popcorn.

My new release Second Chance highlights this throughout the story as Mave moves from suspicion about her husband, Jerry, to determination to love him. This tension plays out in often humorous ways, and one of them involves popcorn!

Develop a friendship with two or three trusted women.

Allow these gals to speak into your life as you grow older. In Second Chance, Mave doesn’t always appreciate what her friend, Trish, has to share. In fact, at times she’s downright jealous of the woman. But when all’s said and done, she respects her and values her input.

Know that God has a purpose for you in every season of life.

Begin now to foster your own interests apart from your family. Mine is writing, and the Lord has used this platform in my life to do what He’s put in my heart: Share His love and forgiveness with others. You may have to search for your purpose, but it’s there—some cause or people group that you’re passionate about. Mave discovers her purpose unexpectedly, but she then takes steps to pursue fulfilling that purpose.

~~
Eileen Rife is the author of Second Chance, the poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. She and her husband, Chuck, conduct marriage seminars in the States and overseas. http://www.eileenrife.com, www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com, www.guardyourmarriage.com

Eileen’s giving away a copy of her latest release, Second Chance. There are five ways to be entered into the drawing. Leave a comment, join our discussion on Living by Grace, share this post on FB, tweet this link, or subscribe to this blog. Do all five and you’ll be entered five times. :) But remember to let me know if you FB share or tweet this link.

Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about finding ourselves beneath our many hats.

Second Chances: 

Mave wants the life back in her marriage. Dareece just wants a life. Could they be the answer to each other’s dream? Mave Robertson, a recent empty nester, wants the fire back in her marriage, but her husband, Jerry, remains aloof. Is he having an affair? A midlife crisis? When a neighbor suggests she “get a life,” Mave accepts the challenge and volunteers at an inner-city teen ministry where she is thrown into a culture of drugs, gangs, and unwed teen moms. She soon discovers someone she can help, but might he also be the cure for both her stale marriage and her crumbling relationship with her father? Dareece Jackson, a teen from the projects, wants something in Mave’s purse…and he’ll stop at nothing to get it. A poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. Includes Bonus Feature: The 21-Day Romance Challenge.

“Gently unfolds the truth that sometimes the best is yet to come, from unexpected people, and places, and hearts.”-Sandra Byrd, author of To Die For: A Novel of Anne Boleyn.

“Transcends race and reaches the extremes-from suburbia to the ghetto, from guilt over a loved one’s murder to a marriage gone dull. With a dash of humor for balance, Second Chance will speak to your heart, no matter your station in life.”-April W. Gardner, author of the Creek Country Saga; Sr. Editor of the literary site, Clash of the Titles.

“Transports readers into the worlds of two very diverse characters. With laughter, tears, and sighs, you’ll enjoy every turn of the page.”-Fay Lamb, author of Because of Me, Treble Heart Books.

“Approaches real-life issues with the gritty realism needed in today’s market. Refreshing and thought-provoking.”-Jennifer Slattery of Novel Reviews and Clash of the Titles.

“Lovingly crafted imagery and dialog will carry you into the lives of two families and show you what forgiveness really looks like.”-Lisa Lickel, author of Meander Scar.

More Resources:

Guideposts: Finding Hope in an Empty Nest

Empty Nest: Moms of Faith

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Who’s Going to Take the First Step

Posted in Faith, intentional living, Let's Get Real, United in Christ, tagged , , , on January 3, 2012 | 11 Comments »

Today I’m doing something a little different, mainly because I committed to do so. But after some nudging from Patty Wysong, and some emails shot around by the Jewels of Encouragement team, I succumbed to…vlogging. The point of the vlog was to introduce ourselves and give readers a voice and face to put to our writing. If you scroll down, you can listen to the time I alluded to on Saturday, and how a less-than-pleasant time impacted my resolve for 2012.

I’ve seen so many marriages crumble, many for small irritations, because of misunderstandings, or an abundance of bickering. Which in my mind is just wrong. Outside of abuse and infidelity, the marriage bed is sacred. So why are there so many divorces in the church? I believe it’s because we’ve forsaken obedience and flipped it to doing “what feels right” or makes us happy. But Jesus never said, “Come find the next party.” He said, “Unless you pick up your cross daily, you are not worthy of me.” And, “But whoever loses his life for me and the gospel shall find it.” And “unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

It’s about obedience and commitment even when–especially when–it’s hard. If you’re a Christian, your word should be certain. People should know with you a promise made is a promise kept. Not only when it’s convenient, or when we get something out of it, but when everything in us wants to run the other way. Why? Because we belong to an absolutely holy God who always keeps His promises.

If we want fellowship with God, if we want to “dwell on His holy hill”, we will value what He values, hate what He hates, and live like He lives. We will be people of integrity and we will do what it takes to make and keep a holy, united marriage bed. Because agape love is a forever love that never walks away.

Psalm 15:1-4
1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?
2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
      speaking the truth from sincere hearts.
3 Those who refuse to gossip
or harm their neighbors
or speak evil of their friends.
4 Those who despise flagrant sinners,
and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,
and keep their promises even when it hurts.

We can keep our promises. We can hold tight to our marriage, no matter what state it’s in, and we can foster increased intimacy, one step at a time.

 

What about you? What’s step do you need to take today to work toward relational intimacy? Take it, but don’t stop there. Keep walking, friend! For those of you who have been in the negativity-spiral for some time, this won’t be easy and likely you won’t experience quick results. You and your spouse will need to learn new patterns of behavior, which takes time. In fact, it might take the same amount of time to reconnect in your marriage as it did to disconnect, but speaking from someone who went from near divorce to (as my daughter calls my husband and I) like newly weds, it’s so worth it.

And now, stop by Patty Wysong’s blog where she explains a little about what this whole vlogging thing is all about.

What about you? Do you have a marriage-transformation story you’d like to share? Shoot me an email at jenniferaslattery(at)gmail(dot)com. Now go be intentional, y’all! Chasing after an extraordinary God with radical obedience.

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Knowing When to Quit

Posted in intentional living, Life behind the white picket fence, parenting, tagged , , on September 16, 2011 | 3 Comments »

Fifteen years ago, year one into my marriage, I took great pride in my “home-making” abilities. I always kept our floors spotless, I was the dusting diva, and dinners were timely and creative. Sounds great, perhaps even admirable, right? Except for the fact that maintaining a spotless house left little time for kingdom building. As time progressed and I grew closer to God, my priorities did a 180. Although initially I tried to do it all–led a Bible study, then came home to scour my house. Participated in all those mommy and me programs then tagged on an extra hour to my day to make up for lost time. But running ragged doesn’t leave much time for resting in God’s presence and I soon realized something would have to give. Not that I let my house go from spotless to slums, but I learned to let go and let God, to not sweat the small stuff, and focus each day on leaving the good to aim for the better.

The biggest lesson I learned? Sometimes I need to lay everything aside and pull away. Leave the dishes in the sink, the unread emails in my inbox, and the dirty laundry in the hamper so I can recharge.

It’s been sixteen years and no, our house hasn’t collapsed, my family hasn’t become malnourished, and the laundry did not exponentially multiply. In fact, I’d say the opposite happened.

Join me today at Jewels of Encouragement as I talk about why it’s okay to quit…for the day.

After you read the article, stop and consider how you might put this idea into practice in your life. Staring at our to-do-list, it’s easy to get wrapped up in our daily tasks–to feel like they have the power to make or break us, but God’s bigger. He’s in control, and it’s His responsibility to carry His plans for our life to fruition. Our job is to listen and obey. The two go hand-in-hand. If you’re like me–type A on overdrive–it’s easy to get stuck in “obedience” mode, but if we don’t take the time to really listen by connecting on a heart-to-heart level with our Creator, how do we know we’re acting in obedience?

Listen to God’s heart cry to you:

Isaiah 65:1 “I was ready to respond, but no one asked for help. I was ready to be found, but no one was looking for Me. I said, ‘Here I am, here I am.’”

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Are You Building up or Tearing Down

Posted in God's Authors, intentional living, Let's Get Real, United in Christ, tagged , , , , on August 8, 2011 | 4 Comments »

The other day I stumbled upon Preslaysa Williams blog–a refreshing, encouraging site for mom’s. Reading the following devotional, I loved her reminder to build–to encourage, strengthen, pour into–her marriage, so I asked her if I could repost it. Proverbs often provides opposites–don’t do this, instead… In Proverbs 14:1, God contrasts wise and foolish living, leaving the choice to us. Each day, we have an opportunity to invest in the relationships around us. The choice is ours, we can either build up or tear down. It’s much easier to build than it is to repair something lying in shambles.

The Wise Woman by Preslaysa Williams

“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1)

Last week while perusing the pages of the Bible, this verse leapt out at me. Has that ever happened to you? At this point in my journey, it’s a morsel of sound wisdom. As a woman in my home, I have the ability to build it up or tear it down…with my own hands. The actions I take, the words I speak and the tone that I set in my home shape the course of the lives that live within its walls. Those lives can be  built up (or torn down). God has given women a powerful ability to influence their family for eternity.

When I think of my mishaps in this area, the impatience, the frazzledness and all the other daily struggles of home life, I can easily allow the enemy to pull me down into guilt and condemnation. But by leaning on Him, each day to pursue the ginormous tasks He’s given me: to help my spouse become God’s man, to teach our children the fear of the Lord and to string together words that point to God’s grace, I can flourish.

You can too! It’s not in our own strength but in His.

So, I’m keeping this verse at the forefront of my mind. I’m continually evaluating how I interact with those closest to me and I’m asking God for guidance to help me build up my home and the hearts that dwell there. Some ways that He’s shown me include:

*Spending time alone with Him daily before I go about my daily tasks

*Whittling down my activities to align with my four most important roles in life (at this season): child of God, wife, mother and writer

*Making lunches and dinners (leads to eating out less often!!)

*Listening to my spouse and building him up with words of encouragement

Question for you: How are you building up your home? Are there any areas which you’d like God to help you build your home? 

Preslaysa Williams is a wife, mom, freelance writer, domestic engineer and professional juggler (or at least feels like one!) When she’s not rebooting a load of laundry or chasing her toddler, you can find her typing away. Her articles have been published in online and print magazines like Devozine, CBN.COM, The Lookout and Clear Direction. Visit her online at www.preslaysa.com where she blogs about the Jesus life, family and all things literary.

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My Marriage Before and After

Posted in intentional living, Let's Get Real, United in Christ, tagged , , , on July 23, 2011 | Leave a Comment »

One day while my daughter and I waited at the doctor’s office, we skimmed through one of those beauty magazines with the before and after pictures. Inside, we read of how beauticians gave numerous women make-overs. Photographers recorded the transformation on print. I often wish I had similar snap-shots to record my progress in Christ because grappling with the day-to-day, it’s easy to zero in on failure. If only I were more patient, more dedicated, kinder, whatever. Today God provided me a unique opportunity to see the before and after shots in my marriage by scheduling two very different yet complimentary guest posts in one day.

In the first one, I share what my marriage started out as…and it wasn’t pretty. In the second one, I share a special weekend when Steve and I celebrated fifteen years of happily-ever-after. Combined, they remind me of the awesome reconciliation and transformation power available in Christ Jesus. While on earth He promised to give us peace and told us He came to give us life–abundant life. As I continue to follow God and His plans for my life, I have found His words to be true. Day by day, God removes those things that rob our peace, filling our home with life, love, and joy.

It’s amazing how powerful—and deceptive—the human mind can be. Our past experiences, whether positive or negative, color the way we view the world. And when garbage clutters our hearts, it spills over into our vision, giving us what I like to call “garbage-splattered glasses.” (Read more, then come back to read the after story.)

Last year for our fifteenth wedding anniversary my husband and I packed our suitcases and got away…to downtown Kansas City. Quite honestly, I felt a bit silly when we checked into our hotel.

“Where are you from?”

“Kansas City.” The guy’s face scrunched in confusion so I quickly added, “Up north.” Like a whole twenty minutes north. (Read more, then come back to share your marriage journey.)

Where are you? Are you viewing your spouse through garbage-splattered glasses or are you celebrating the love God ignited? Where ever you’re at, remember, it starts and is sustained by prayer. Pray that God will soften your heart for your spouse and that He will open your eyes to catch a glimmer of who he/she really is. Ask God to draw the two of you together as you draw closer to God. Then come back in a few months and share what God does with your simple yet heart-felt prayer!

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Decade Old Newly Weds (Is that Possible?)

Posted in intentional living, Let's Get Real, tagged , , , on January 7, 2011 | 2 Comments »

This morning as I drove to meet my mentor, KLOVE radio shared a story of a homeless man who had been given a second chance. I imagine you’ve heard this story by now as it’s circulated the web and airwaves quite a bit, but one thing that hit me was that it was his ex-wife who prayed for him first. That reminded me how powerful marriage is. The Bible tells us spouses become one when they wed–like two slips of paper glued together. Or perhaps more accurately, like threads of yarn tightly woven. You can rip the couple apart, or unwind the threads, but neither paper nor thread will ever be the same again. The torn paper will be shredded and the strands of yarn frayed and stretched. In most cases, (I don’t have the wisdom or knowledge to address marital unfaithfulness, abuse or addiction) it is far easier to do what it takes to make a marriage work then deal with the stress, pain and long-term consequences of divorce.

Often, it is easier to build on the good until the good overshadows the bad, then it is to chase fires, if that makes sense. This month on reflections, we’re going to build on the good, the lovely, and the praiseworthy. We’re going to shower our spouses with affection, focus on their positive traits and ways to build, encourage and affirm them. I invite you to join us.

Stop for a moment and think back to your first date with your spouse. Relive the moment when he/she first said, “I love you,” and visualize the love in his/her eyes when marriage was first discussed.

Often you can spot newly weds in a crowd. They’re the ones that steal glances at one another, bright smiles on their faces. They hold hands and giggle…alot.

But if we’re not careful, time, the stress of life and the pitter-patter of feet running in a million different directions saps the giggly, lovey-dovey, googly-eyed  romance out of our marriage–if we let it.

Today on Reflections we’re taking steps to rekindle that flickering flame.

And, join me on Rose McCauley’s blog as I talk about Clash of the Titles and why I’m so passionate about Christian fiction.

Then, come back Monday to hear how God used one of my friends to touch a hurting woman with His love.

In the meantime, be loved, be blessed, and as you listen to this, never forget, God is the God of second chances and every day is a chance for each of us to begin again. And for those of you who’ve prayed for loved ones so long, you’re discouraged and tired, don’t give up! God’s working, even now, even when you can’t see His hand.

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