Oh, how I’d love to fill a page of all the wonderful, self-sacrificing ways I showed my husband love over the weekend, but unfortunately, lack of wheat squares did me in! Maybe if it had been something big like sacrificing a day with the girls to slave in the yard with my man, or staying up until the wee hours of the night to pray for a struggle he was facing. Maybe then I would have demonstrated some of that die to self I always hear so much about. But coming home to a hot, stuffy house (our air conditioner broke the day before we left on vacation, leaving our house to simmer in the 100 degree weather. It was 85 degrees inside when we returned home Saturday night. Joy.), waking up to an empty fridge, and you guessed it, no wheat squares, I was anything but that self-sacrificing servant I know God has called me to be. In fact, I quickly resembled a beady eyed, grasping vulture jumping on the last cup of coffee before my husband had a chance to steal it from me. Needless to say, I did not give my man the cheery good morning he deserved! And then, after a morning of grabbing, griping and festering, we all jumped in the van to head to church.
OK, so what’s wrong with that picture?
Later that day as I was reading Francis Chan’s book called Crazy Love, reminded of the awesomeness of my Creator, the depth of my sin hit me smack dab in the gut. (It’s amazing how petty my actions seem in light of Christ’s grace.) Now maybe jonesing for the last bowl of cereal or last cup of coffee isn’t serial murder sin, but it did reveal quite a bit about the condition of my heart. And as I poured my heart out to God in honest confession, I realized how truly selfish I am. And totally self-absorbed. Selflessness and love reveals itself most not in grand, awe-inspiring acts but instead in the day to day choices of placing others before ourselves. In hindsight, would it have killed me to go without that last cup of coffee? And was going without a bowl of cereal really worth throwing a Jennifer-sized fit? Or could I have used those same events to bless my husband? And if I had, if I had placed my focus off of myself and onto him, what would our drive to church have looked like? Ouch! Thank goodness God is ever working on this selfish prideful heart of mine!