When I was younger, I went through a rebellious stage. Which wasn’t altogether bad. Okay, so it was about 95% bad, but 5% of my stubbornness was good–the part that didn’t get caught up in what others thought. Although I’m not sure if I ever really broke away from that mold. I just convinced myself I had.

Now that I’m an adult, I’m wiser, right? More conscientious? Socially alert?

Each week, there are numerous posts  you never see. I’ll write them up, proofread them, then hit delete. Because you might get offended, or I might say something wrong, or perhaps you’ll misunderstand what I was trying to say. Or even worse, I’ll look bad. Although I think by now you all know how weird I am. So what do I think I’m hiding and what do I have to prove? Can I really live a surrendered life and please man–you–at the same time. (Ah, you didn’t know you held such power, did you?)

I told you about my pity party the other day. Which resulted in two days of nothing, for the most part. I did a few things, like catch up on housework, but most of my day was spent in retreat. I set my responsibilities aside and let God wrap His loving, protective, accepting, strengthening arms around me. I’m a music gal and normally feel closest to God when I’m listening to praise music, so I grabbed my iphone with its Pandora app and went for a very, very long walk.

It was just what I needed. It’s funny how spending a few moments with the lover of your soul can cut through all the garbage. In my tired, somewhat discouraged state, God was there. His love hadn’t waned. And truly, He didn’t care about what I produced. He wanted my heart, and He reminded me that He wasn’t as concerned with the product as He was with the process–my obedience and continual growth in Him.

This freed me. It took fear of failure off the table and brought enjoyment back to my day, and my writing.

One song really resonated with me. Hanging On by Britt Nicole.

I’m going to post the words here. Read them. Contemplate them. Ask yourself this question: Are you hanging on to the Words of God or have you allowed other distracting noise to get in the way? Who are you trying to please? If it’s God, then there’s nothing to fear. He asks for one thing: surrendered obedience.

You see my anxious heart
You see what I am feeling
And when I fall apart
You are there to hold me
How great Your love for me
Now I see what You’re thinking
You say I’m beautiful
Your voice is my healing

Without You I just can’t get by
So I’m

Hanging on to every word You speak
‘Cause it’s all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I’m
Hanging on as if it were my life
I’m hanging on

And when the darkness falls
I can’t see what’s before me
Your voice is like the dawn
Always there to guide me

Without You I just can’t get by
So I’m

Hanging on to every word You speak
‘Cause it’s all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I’m
Hanging on as if it were my life
I’m hanging on

You know me better than I know myself
Better than anybody else
Your love is sounding like a ringing bell
Oh, oh, I won’t let go

Hanging on to every word You speak
‘Cause it’s all that I need
Hanging on to every word You say
To light up my way
Even every little whisper I’m
Hanging on as if it were my life
I’m hanging on (Lyrics taken from elyrics.net)

Are you tired? Feeling like you don’t quite measure up? Then close your ears to the noise and let your Heavenly Father speak words of love over you. He’s only a prayer away.

I’m tucking the following verse in my pocket. It’ll be my battle cry, my ever-present reminder, until self, and my desire to please man, is totally defeated.