Celebrating a joyful, painful, Hope-filled Christmas

by Jennifer Slattery on December 24, 2025December 24, 2025

This Christmas feels paradoxical. I wonder if you can relate. Part of me—the wife and mom in me—is looking forward to a simple celebration with those I love most. But my heart also … carries the weight of conflicting emotions. Perhaps my undercurrents of melancholy stem from the weather—less light each day, the blue sky of fall blanketed in gray, and nights that come sooner and lasts longer. It could also be because holidays and birthdays, historically, haven’t always felt so nostalgic or enjoyable.

And then there’s the loss of my dad, who I would’ve called today, despite the fact that he hated Christmas, and would likely tell me so. And the loss of my funny, brilliant and oh, so humble father-in-law two years prior.

Yet that’s also why Christmas feels so profound. Christ entered a world with relational, emotional, and global chaos. He saw our darkness and despair and didn’t turn away. Instead, He responded with a compassion that drew Him close. He left heaven’s glory, took on flesh, stepped into our brokenness, and later, carried the weight of the world’s sin and sorrow on His shoulders so we could experience healing, freedom, and relational intimacy with the God who never leaves.

When this season feels confusing, when praise and sorrow, joy and grief, intertwine, I celebrate because:

Christ came.
Pain and hardship won’t get the final say.
Love reigns.
Hope prevails.
Light remains and holds the power to chase the deepest darkness away.

If your heart feels torn…
If you’re grateful and grieving…
If you love the season but feel the ache beneath it…
If anxiety hums quietly in the background alongside your smiles…

I see you. I get it. And so does Jesus. On Christmas morning, He came for you. He’s still coming for you—in your hard and in your joy—and He won’t leave.

Because of His presence, Immanuel, God with us: “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light.”— Isaiah 9:2

Merry Christmas, friend. Hold tight to this truth: the best is yet to come.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When Christmas Feels Exhausting: Pursuing Peace in Christ’s Presence–Guest post by peyton Garland

by Jennifer Slattery on December 18, 2025December 17, 2025

First, I must tell you how FUN it is to share today’s content with you as Peyton was my editor at iBelieve for some time. I love how God allows connections to form and remain in this industry! But, enough of my sentimentality.

When Christmas Feels Exhausting

by Peyton Garland

“I don’t enjoy Christmas anymore,” I told my husband just this year. There have been so many hurt feelings stirred between family members, so many endless demands to bend to others’ holiday schedules, that I spend Christmas surviving, not celebrating. But I don’t want that, especially for my son who needs to know that this holiday is centered on our salvation—our reason for joy, no matter the season.

So where is my disconnect? What am I lacking to feel and appreciate Christmas deep in my soul?

Vulnerability.

2 Corinthians 8:21 reminds us, “For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man.” Notice, we are called to do what is right—to be lovingly open and honest with others and ourselves included.

True connection requires vulnerability, which demands that you get a bit uncomfortable. It asks you to share the pieces of yourself that aren’t always right or put together. Connection won’t allot extra time for you to create a presentable version of yourself because it wants more from you than a mere presentation. Connection needs authenticity that will sustain relationships long after the curtains close and the audience goes home.

The answer to unlocking true connection is prayer. It’s honest, open, holding-nothing-back conversations with God. It requires you to silence the electronic devices and be uncomfortable in the quiet, letting God have a turn to share what your soul needs to change for the better.

Your response to prayer is vital in determining just how rooted you stay in Christ and how connected you stay with others this busy season. When your response to prayer is repentance, your heart softens. It gives way to honest, encouraging conversations with others. It fosters better patience with family, friends, and coworkers.

When there’s nothing to mask, there’s no hidden exhaustion from creating, presenting, and maintaining a false persona that your heart knows is fake.

This Christmas, don’t neglect the joy of your salvation to check off all the holiday to-do’s. Set reasonable boundaries for your family to protect the true meaning of this season: soul-filled peace.

Of course, this isn’t a free ticket to be hateful or rude to others, but recognize when you are sacrificing the spiritual well-being of yourself and your family to please others. Be honest, even if it’s uncomfortable, when you must say, “Our family is maxed out right now. Unfortunately, we can’t come.”

Instead of obeying a hectic schedule solely for the sake of always seeming prepared enough to do all the things, create traditions rooted in intimacy and slower evenings, traditions centered on celebrating Jesus and honoring His blessing of life-giving family and friends.

Let true connection keep you grounded this Christmas season, as truth fills your heart and stills your mind to take in the vulnerable beauty of the Savior in a manger.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Get to Know Peyton Garland:

Peyton Garland is an author, editor, and boy mama who lives in the beautiful foothills of East Tennessee. Subscribe to her blog Uncured+Okay for more encouragement.

Check Out Her Book, Tired, Hungry, and Kinda Faithful: Where Exhaustion and Exile Meet God:

“For I know the plans I have for—”

No doubt, you know that Jeremiah 29:11 is all about a promising future for the believer. But what about Jeremiah 29:14, which tells us God will drive his children into a treacherous exile—the very place he wants to be found?

How can exile offer hope? Why would a good God force his beloved into life’s wastelands? Often, our Christian bubbles water down the answer to surviving on life’s grim, bland manna, but what if the wilderness isn’t as draining and barren as we thought? What if we are called to exile’s supposed desolation to, instead, discover God’s vibrant works in the most impossible situations?

If you are juggling spiritual and physical hunger, exhaustion, and a mediocre faith that constantly thirsts for more of God’s true nature, I invite you to traverse both lush and lacking terrains as we discover an even brighter, more real picture of God’s goodness.

For more encouragement and tips on creating the Christmas your heart and soul needs, check out the Faith Over Fear episode titled “Anxiety and Stress Threatening Your Christmas? Practical Steps to Find Holiday Peace“

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When Family Drama Threatens to Sour Christmas – Guest post by peggysue wells

by Jennifer Slattery on December 11, 2025December 10, 2025

One morning, my teen groused around the house.

I tried to cheer her with pancakes and jokes.

She absently pushed a pancake around on her plate.

My efforts didn’t improve her attitude. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to give her the silent treatment. How easy to say, “When will you clean your bathroom?”

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Romans 12:18. If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why do family gatherings become a place where we emotionally abuse one another and have pie?

1. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in me feeling rejected. Efforts to cheer my daughter were rebuffed.

2. Resentful about feeling rejected, I make up a story about my teen’s behavior.

3. Feeling resentment, I resist relationship by giving the silent treatment.

4. Resistance turns into revenge. My verbal attack about her bathroom would hurt her in the same way I feel she has hurt me.

5. Repeat.. She didn’t engage with me, I disengaged from her, she distances herself from my barbs, and the pattern continues.

These 5 Rs destroy relationships: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, repeat.

This cycle becomes automatic and expected. The aunt perpetually offended with someone. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way.

Reverse the 5 Rs.

1. Resentment You are stuck in resentment when you are stuck in drama.

“He needs to …”

“I’m not perfect but …”

“She should …”

Solution: Shift to gratitude.

“I’m grateful he …”

“What fun to …”

“I’m thankful she …”

2. Resistance is shutting down emotionally and relationally.

Solution: Engage. Make eye contact, have conversations. Get clear by saying, “The story I’m making up in my head about (situation) is _______________.”

3. Revenge is wanting another to feel hurt.

Words like, “Now he will know how it feels.”

“Serves her right.”

“He had it coming,” signal revenge.

Solution: Give grace generously for healthy relationships.

4. Repeat. Being hurt, you hurt someone, and they hurt you, and you are offended, and they are offended, and both people dive into the 5 Rs.

Solution: Release others from your expectations of how they should act or behave.

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” ~ King Solomon (Prov. 12:16).

The moment you feel rejected, choose the 5 Rs, or choose grace, joy, and health.

Rejection is based on understanding what is fact and what is fiction. The fact is:

1. my teen refused to be cheered up

2. my adult child has a life that doesn’t center around me

3. I was not recognized at an important event

We instantly make up a story about what those facts mean.

1. My teenager thinks I stink as a parent

2. My adult child keeps me out of their life

3. I am not important

We act and react based on the made-up story as if the fictional story were truth.

Instead, stick to the facts.

1. To my teen, I said, “The story I’m making up in my head is I stink as a parent and you’d rather be anywhere than here with me.”

My teen responded, “I just learned the boy I babysit has leukemia.” (Note to self: Most folks are not even thinking about me.)

2. Adult children are not obligated to keep their parents updated on their schedules. I can be thankful they have productive lives.

3. Though it doesn’t look as I expected, I am important and part of the event. Will this situation matter in five years? Maybe. Now, I choose to enjoy the celebration.

Most things people say or do, don’t say, don’t do, and accidentally do or don’t do rarely have anything to do with you. (Yes, that’s a lot of do-do.) We’re doing our best to live as well as we can.

Occasionally, people reject you. The vital aspect is how you respond. Without the 5 Rs, family gatherings are no emotional drama and all of the pie.

For more tips on building family relationships, see The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells.

Get to Know PeggySue Wells:

PeggySue Wells is an award-winning USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, writing coach, and independent publishing strategist who inspires readers and writers alike with nearly 50 captivating books and practical guides.

Check Out Her and Pam Ferrel’s book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own:

No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you’re able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?

With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of 7 children) show you how to

– be decisive
– create a nurturing home
– be proactive
– date wisely
– pray for your child
– embrace your happily-ever-after
– and more

You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity. This loving, practical guide shows you how.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

Decrease Your Anxiety this holiday season – guest post by Kathy Bruins

by Jennifer Slattery on December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

Christmas always carries with it memories. Some wonderful and some not so great.

I had never really hosted a big family gathering before, but I decided to host my husband’s family for Christmas shortly after we were married. I had a new China set I was excited to use, along with new utensils. I decorated the tree and put cute Christmas items throughout the house. I tied Christmas scarves on my dogs, Max and Walker. I researched recipes for prime rib because that is what his family always served on Christmas.

Let’s not forget the Christmas cards I needed to send out, the cookies I needed to bake and share, while working 40 hours a week, and participating in all the activities that Christmas brings: choir, Christmas program, and Christmas caroling.

Along with this, I adopted John’s family’s traditions so they would love Christmas at my house. This included candy cane cookies and learning to play pinochle (they joked, “must learn to be a part of the family”). Did I mention that 15 people were coming? Remember, I took all of this on to be fully accepted by the family as one of their own (i.e., self-inflicted).

Rejection was a fear I carried back then. Not being good enough, like cliques in high school where I was on the outside, stayed with me after graduation. What if my husband’s family hated having Christmas here and thought I was a loser? These dramatic thoughts were real for me as I struggled with approval. Back then, I felt I couldn’t be myself because I wouldn’t be accepted.

These experiences always seem to stick in our minds, filed neatly in our brains. Then something or someone hits a button that may or may not connect to one of those files; it doesn’t matter, because the whole file drawer comes flying out, and reports from the files are flung all over our minds. Merry Christmas …

How did I enjoy Christmas Day? I didn’t. Exhaustion and anxiety took all the joy out of the day. Although my intentions were good, my methods were not. But here’s what I learned.

Finding peace in the chaos of the world is a true gift. Jesus is the Prince of Peace and knows exactly how you are feeling and what to do to find harmonic contentment in your soul.

First, get rid of your fears. Fears come from wounds we’ve experienced and lies told to us. Healing over these hurts can occur when we practice forgiveness. Here are some ways to forgive someone:

Know that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they are the winner; in fact, you are the true victor in allowing God to take from you the hurts, and you carry them no longer. You become free to become the person God wants you to be.
Pray for the person you want to forgive. God loves the person you are forgiving. Even though you may not feel it now, or ever, praying for them is powerful. Miracles happen every day.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to interact with them like you once did. If that does happen at some time, great, but a little distance during the healing is good.
When the bad feelings about that person arise in you, remember your decision to forgive them. That will bring you calmness.

Second, you are worthy:

God is concerned with your heart. I imagine God loves to sit just with you and talk about your heart and how He can bless you. He already knows, but you realizing it is powerful.
He loves you so much – God did not create you to increase your stress during the Christmas season. His relationship with you is His concern and passion,
You have a right to rest in Jesus’ presence, which is a holy moment. It’s priceless, and you are welcome to experience it.

Third, plan with focus:

What gives you joy? Discern what Christmas items give you joy and do them.
What gives you peace? Again, whatever it is, do it.
When do you feel God’s presence? An important part of the whole. Don’t let the celebrations take God out of the experience.

If you do not send the cards, make the cookies, or decorate the tree, it’s okay. Let go and lay these empty hands at God’s feet for His filling. There are more important things that you need to do to protect your spirit and mind during the season. If someone really needs one of those things done, let them do it.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty. They may use a comparison statement like, “Aunt Trudy’s Christmas was so great because she made her mashed potatoes with a special seasoning, not just butter (like yours).” “Your tree could use some more tinsel and lights,” is another statement I have heard in the past. Don’t let the hurt, shame, or guilt stay with you. Simply say, “Thank you for your suggestion, but this is how I like to do it.” You show more class and strength in not having to defend yourself, but say, “This is me.” Don’t hold their statements against them (forgiving). Just laugh inside at their silly remarks and be proud of how you are blooming as a person.

Journal your experiences with a calm and bright Christmas to remember what you did and how it felt. I hope you see, like I do, that the activities you decide to participate in are more joyful because you have the emotional bandwidth to do them.

Scripture:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

Get to Know Kathy Bruins

Kathy Bruins is an award-winning writer that helps creatives take the next step in their journey through consultation, teaching, coaching, and praying. Kathy is the founder of The Well Ministries for Creatives and The Well Publishers. Kathy wanted to do voiceover originally for audiobooks but has learned of the many opportunities available from her Great Voice training. She lives in Southwest Michigan. Contact Kathy at kbruins77@gmail.com

Check Out Her Release: Essential Keys for Marital Success:

Is there room for increased happiness in your marriage or relationship with that special someone? Learning how to relate with another person is vital to achieve a loving connection that feels so good. Essential Keys for Marital Success shares ways to reach that goal.

It’s more than focusing on better intimacy but looks at the whole relationship. There are ways

to improve your friendship with your spouse or partner, discover new information about

them that touch your heart, relinquishing your rights, missing them, and so much more.

Whether you are married or considering marriage, this book is a solid tool. Information is

invaluable to make your connection the best. Return the joy into your marriage by following the

insights of each chapter.

~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~

For additional holiday stress-reducing tips, keep watch for the upcoming Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled: Less Stress, More Joy and Connection with Christ This Christmas, accessed on your favorite podcast app.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

Deeper than blind faith – guest post by Julie Coleman

by Jennifer Slattery on December 19, 2024December 18, 2024

She was probably thirteen or fourteen, which was the common age at which girls were pledged to marry. Her betrothed was likely much older: a man who had made his way in the world enough to financially support a wife. A while back, he had come to her home to offer for her.

Once he and her father made the legally binding agreement, he returned to his home to make reparations for the day he would bring his new bride home. She, in turn, put her efforts into learning what she needed to know to be a good wife. It was in this waiting and preparation period that an angel suddenly appeared with earth-shaking news.

When he announced her coming pregnancy, it is striking to read of Mary’s simple faith in her response. “Behold, the Lord’s bond-servant,” she simply said. “May it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38 NASB*).

Didn’t she have questions? The angel had supplied her with only the briefest of details. A betrothed woman found unfaithful to her vows would be viewed as an adulteress, or worse, a harlot. With the angel’s shocking announcement, Mary’s world had been turned upside down.

Yet her response was to unquestioningly place herself into the strong hands of the God she loved.

How could she do that? I am sure I would have demanded a lot more information before I took that plunge.

You can only trust someone you know. Mary’s intimate relationship with God is obvious in her spontaneous praise that we read in Luke 1:46-55, often referred to as the Magnificat. She speaks of God’s faithfulness, holiness, and mercy. Her words are obvious references to several passages in the Old Testament: from the Psalms, Isaiah, Habakkuk, 1 Samuel, and Malachi. In the days of little to no formal education for girls, Mary had made it her business to find out about the God of her ancestors.

Mary did not have “blind faith.” She trusted a God she already knew intimately. Her faith was based on His character and proven history with His people. And so, when faced with frightening circumstances, Mary was able to completely put her trust in the God she knew. There was nothing “blind” about it.

Seeing Mary’s simple, willing response to the angel’s news inspires me to know God on that kind of level.

We can’t expect to trust a God we barely know. We have what we need to glean an intimate knowledge of Him. He has revealed everything we need to know about Him in black and white. Each story in the Bible shows some facet of His interaction with people, His faithfulness, or His love. His holiness and power are clearly shown. His wisdom is made plain in its pages.

How can we prepare ourselves to trust God? Open our Bibles and dig in regularly. What we will learn about Him will someday enable us, even in overwhelming circumstances, to trust Him.

Just like Mary.

And those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:10 NASB*

Get to know Julie Coleman:

Julie Zine Coleman helps others to understand and know an unexpected God. A popular conference and retreat speaker, she holds an M.A. in biblical studies. Julie is the managing editor for Arise Daily. When she is not glaring at her computer, she spends time with her grandchildren, gardening, or crafting. More on Julie can be found at her website JulieZineColeman.com and Facebook.

Check out her latest release, On Purpose: Understanding God’s Freedom for Women Through Scripture

Many Christian women are torn between the church’s traditional teachings on gender roles and the liberty they experience in secular society. But what if the church’s conventional interpretations aren’t really biblical at all? Julie’s new book, On Purpose, is a careful study of the passages in the Bible often interpreted to limit women in the church, at home, or in the workplace. Each chapter reveals timeless biblical principles that actually teach freedom, not limitation. On Purpose was named the Golden Scrolls Book of the Year as well as the Director’s Choice Award at the Selah Awards.

Buy it HERE.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When You’re worried Your Christmas might not feel so Peaceful

by Jennifer Slattery on December 14, 2023December 13, 2023

This post is for those who are facing some sense of uncertainty this Christmas, for themselves or for someone they love. Our world, at times, can feel unpredictable, but today’s verse reminds us that our God is always faithful to watch over and guide us, as He did Jesus’ parents on the night before His birth.

Isn’t that the message of Christmas, after all? That our good, faithful and loving God, Immanuel, is with us and is always crashing through our darkness with light?

You may be familiar with this story.

Scripture tells us some wise men came to Jerusalem looking for “the One who is born King of the Jews” (Matthew 2:2). Upon hearing this, Herod, the currently ruling king, became “deeply disturbed” (Matthew 2:3, NLT*). Verse four says he asked the religious leaders where the Messiah was to be born, stating that he wanted to go and worship Jesus as well. In reality, he wanted to kill the child. But as today’s verse indicates, God intervened. Speaking to Joseph in a dream, He told him to take his wife and child and immediately flee to Egypt.

That must have felt quite frightening, and more than a little inconvenient for them all–to pack up and travel again, this time with a squirmy toddler! Not to mention Joseph would need to leave whatever carpentry business he’d managed to build while in Bethlehem and basically start over, in another country, no less.

But he and Mary also knew that God was watching over them, as indeed He was, in numerous ways.

First, by speaking the wisemen in a dream and telling them to return home another way, thereby avoiding a second encounter with Herod, which I can only assume gave Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus more time, perhaps for Mary to heal and the child to grow stronger.

Then, notice what the wisemen had brought with them. Verse eleven says they presented baby Jesus with gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, which held symbolic significance related to Jesus’s as God’s Messiah. But these items likely played a practical role as well in providing for Mary and Joseph for their midnight journey and whatever time it took for them to get settled and for Joseph to begin earning money once again.

Then, God warned Joseph before the danger hit and told him precisely where he and his family were to go, promising to let them know once it was safe to return. Which He did. According to verses 19-20, “After Herod died, an angel of the Lord appeared in a dream to Joseph in Egypt and said, ‘Get up, take the child and his mother and go to the land of Israel, for those who were trying to take the child’s life are dead.'”

Joseph didn’t need to remain awake all hours of the night, watching for bandits, thieves, or murderous kings. He could sleep in peace, knowing God all-mighty was with them and watching over them, just as He does with us.

The story surrounding today’s verse reminds me of Psalms 127, verses 1-2, which state:

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.

We can stay up all night long, fretting over every potential what-if scenario. We can work ourselves to exhaustion, saving every last penny in the hopes of avoiding financial difficulties. And we can exercise obsessively, eat all the right foods, and do all the right things, but only God can warn us of and protect us from the unknown dangers that lie ahead. If we seek Him and His will, we can trust Him to guide us, just as He’s promised–in the little things and in the big, scary things as well. In the meantime, He invites us to give Him our deepest concerns and then relax, trusting in His faithful attentiveness proven throughout the ages.

Merry Christmas, friends! May you experience the gift of Christ with us afresh this holiday season. And before you go, make sure to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear episode, if you haven’t already done so, for a significant ministry update.

*Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

A Nearly Missed Gift – Guest post by Kathy Collard Miller

by Jennifer Slattery on December 7, 2023December 6, 2023

What happens when God sends a gift in an unexpected manner or package? Have you ever felt disappointed about something only to later realize God was doing something beautiful in your life? Kathy Collard Miller’s story of a Christmas gift wish reminds me of those times.

Quote from Philip Yancey on a blue and gray winter graphic.

A Nearly Missed Gift

by Kathy Collard Miller

I waited impatiently along with my sister Karen and brother Chuck at the closed door leading into the living room, where we could imagine the sparkling Christmas tree awaiting us. Nine-year-old Karen murmured, “I can’t wait to get my new bicycle. I just know it’s under the tree.”

Then it was time. We sprinted into the living room and gasped with delight. The tree blazed with colored lights. Karen’s eyes scanned over the gifts, some wrapped, some not. But there wasn’t any bike standing by the tree. I heard her murmur Where is it? and knew her heart felt heavy with disappointment. But I could also see that she was trying to push her disappointment aside as she grabbed the unwrapped doll sitting on top of her pile. It was the doll she wanted—but it wasn’t the bike!

From my vantage point, I could see Karen’s bike over by the front door next to the hall closet. Even though I wondered why she didn’t see it, I was too engrossed in my own gifts to say anything.

“Karen,” I heard our mother call, “please go to the hall closet and get me one of the folding chairs.”

“But Mommy, I’m not done with my presents…” Our mother’s warning look stopped her whine. She got up slowly. “Oh, OK.” I knew she wanted to scream, “Where’s my bike?” as I saw tears pooling in her eyes. She had been talking for months about getting that bike for Christmas.

Karen walked across the small living room to the hall closet and jerked open the closet door. Tugging at the chair inside, she pulled it out and carried it to where her mother sat. “Thanks, honey,” her mother grinned.

Moments later, Karen’s shoulders slumped as she reached for her last present which wasn’t her bike. “Karen, if you’re done opening your presents, what do you say?” her mother asked.

“Thanks for my presents. They’re nice.” But I knew what she really wanted to say. We all did.

Then our mother spoke up again, “Karen…” but started laughing before she could say anything more. Before she could control herself, our father had burst into laughter too. Mom’s giggling subsided and then she said, “Karen, would you please go to the closet again and stand there?”

My sister obediently trudged toward the closet and then jolted to a stop. There, right in front of her, leaning against the opposite wall, was her shiny, red bike decorated with a big red bow! As she stood transfixed with her mouth agape, we all roared with laughter.

“Honey, why didn’t you see it before?” Mommy called out. “It’s been there the whole time. That’s why I interrupted you with that silly task.”

Karen delightedly jumped onto her new bike’s red plastic seat that sported bright yellow sunflowers. “I guess I was so disappointed when I didn’t see it under the tree that I just didn’t notice it over here.” She paused. “But it’s here! My bike! I love it!” She ran to Mommy and Daddy and hugged them.

I’ve always remembered that Christmas morning. Karen thought the bike would be under the tree and her ability to see it was blocked by her locked expectations.

Graphic of Psalm 27:13 on a winter, blue and cream background.

When I get disappointed by life and other people, and even God, I’m reminded how blessings are often all around me but I just don’t see them. I’m expecting them in a certain way—like under the tree, but not sitting by the closest door.

I must be open to God’s unusual and creative ways to bless me and others. He knows what’s best.

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9 NASB

Get to Know Kathy Collard Miller:

Kathy Collard Miller is an international speaker and best-selling, award winning author of 60 books including Christian Living topics, women’s Bible Studies, and Bible commentaries. She lives in Idaho with her husband, Larry, of 53 years, and they are the parents of two and grandparents of two. She loves to see spiritual applications in the daily moments of life and pass them along to others. Her most recently published women’s Bible study is: God’s Heart for Your Marriage: Daughters of the King Bible Study Series. It Includes 10 lessons on a variety of topics about marriage. Great for group or individual study with questions to answer, commentary to learn, and biblical couples to study. For more about her ministry, visit her website, Facebook Page, on Twitter @KathyCMiller, YouTube, Instagram @kathycollardmiller and Amazon.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

Finding Strength to Love Well This Christmas

by Jennifer Slattery on December 9, 2021December 8, 2021

(This post first published on December 5, 2019)

Unfortunately, when I most need Christ’s strength is often when I’m least apt to seek it. When I most feel rushed and overwhelmed, somehow I deceive myself into thinking I can handle the situation and my responses. And perhaps, for a while I can, but the more I rely on myself, the weaker and less loving and grace-filled I become.

As the bustle of Christmas approaches, along with the obligations and gatherings frequently attached to it, I’m reminding myself of this long-verified truth: I am hopeless and helpless without my Savior. Whenever I forget this and allow busyness to steal those precious, soul-fortifying moments I know I need, I reveal though I claim He’s the source of everything good and right within me, somewhere deep within I’ve believed a potentially destructive lie: That I’ve got this, whatever this may be. The longer I operate in that falsehood, the weaker I become and the closer I edge toward hurt and regret.

About five years ago, our family learned a local youth would soon be out of a home, so, though our schedules were full, we took this child in. Though we anticipated challenges, the arrangement proved exponentially more difficult than we could’ve imaged. The teen was hostile, rebellious, and prone to angry outbursts. Our once peaceful home soon morphed into one frequently filled with yelling and slamming doors.

I knew every destructive behavior this teen displayed came from a place of deep pain. I knew Jesus was the only One able to heal this child, and I so longed to continually point to the life-transforming power of Christ. I longed to reveal that power within me, through my words and actions. The problem was, I routinely felt overwhelmed, chasing one responsibility from the next, I had little time for anything other than what I call “shout out” prayers—those frantic requests tossed heavenward as one runs from problem or obligation to the next.

Whenever I put off my time with Christ, I quickly regretted this. I’d respond in frustration rather than grace, reflecting back what I’d received from the child rather than the love of my Savior. Yet each time I pulled away to rest in God’s presence, whether for a moment or ten, His peace washed over me, strengthening and refreshing me as He spoke tenderly to my soul. And almost always, He cleared my vision, giving me a depth of understanding, and with this, compassion, I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

Jesus put this it this way: “Remain in Me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me” (John 15:4, NIV).

Christ’s words make me think of Galatians 5:22-23, which says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law” (NIV).

Notice, the writer didn’t say, “Now the Spirit helps Jennifer produce love and joy and self-control.” No, it says the Holy Spirit produces these traits within me. As I yield to Him, His power expands within me, giving me strength in place of weakness, patience in place of frustration, and self-control where tempers once flared.

Christmas will be busy. I’ve long since succumbed to this truth, and likely events, recipes, and relational interactions won’t quite go as I’d hoped. I can’t prevent the oven from breaking, my neighbor from fuming, or great-aunt Janice from throwing a fit when traditions aren’t followed as she desires. But I can always draw near to my Savior and yield to His love and grace, flowing first within and then without, me. I’ll likely regret numerous things this holiday season, but I know with certainty I’ll never regret that.

Let’s talk about this. How do you stay connected to Christ during busy and stressful seasons? What are some ways you plan to prioritize your time with Him this Christmas.

You might find Wholly Loved’s latest Devotional, Intentional Holidays: Finding Peace in the Prince of Peace helpful:

This holiday season, God invites us to slow down our hustle and to trade our striving for resting and rejoicing. Immanuel, God with us, encourages us to hit pause in the middle of our crazy, beautiful, and not-so-glamorous moments to experience Him. No matter how busy our days, fragmented our minds, disrupted our plans, or frazzled our hearts, God beckons us to draw near so that we can live filled and refilled. We can experience peace, no matter our circumstances, through the Prince of Peace, our Savior.

Grab your copy HERE.

Additional resources:

Preparing Our Hearts For Christmas, Wholly Loved’s latest Bible reading plan on YouVersion:

This holiday season, take some time to slow down and reflect on God’s goodness and the precious gift of Christ with us.

Find it HERE.

Christmas dysfunction—or growth and peace. Your Choice

by Jennifer Slattery on December 20, 2018November 1, 2021

If my Christmas feels out of control and produces more anxiety than joy and peace, I’m probably to blame. Nine times out of ten, when I honestly evaluate those things that cause me the greatest stress and anxiety, it’s my fault. I’ve failed to establish and maintain clear boundaries, have given other people’s behavior and opinions power over me, or both.

Most often both.

Let me explain using a parenting example. When our daughter was in high school, she went through the messy phase that seems inherent to adolescence. I’d nag, cajole, pester, and remind, and yet, dirty clothes remained on the floor, dirty dishes on counters, and piles of randomness cluttered nearly every surface.

As this problem continued, my frustration grew, until one day I realized … the situation was largely my fault. Though I’d stated my expectations, I lacked direct and clear follow-through. In getting upset, nagging, or running around tidying things up, I’d taken ownership of my daughter’s behavior.

I had three options:

Communicate natural consequences and follow through.

(And if I do that, there’s no reason to get upset. I simply enforce the consequence and move on.)

Remain perpetually frustrated.
Determine to let the situation go.

Though this holds true year round, our lack of boundaries and unhealthy responses are felt most strongly over the holidays when obligation, expectation, financial strain, and reduced availability magnifies and reveals every dysfunction.

And whenever God allows something unhealthy to come under the spotlight, He’s giving us the opportunity to align ourselves and our lives more closely with truth and bring increased wholeness to what is now broken.

I think we probably know this, at least in theory, but many times, we’re afraid of what our healthy decisions might cost. We may know Great Aunt Leola’s expectation that all families, regardless of their schedule, commitments, or personal needs and desires, attend her Thursday night dinner, are unrealistic and unfair. But we fear, should we do what we feel is right for ourselves (our sanity!) and our family, we’ll lose the relationship or create uncomfortable tension.

Therefore, we determine her feelings and perceptions, regardless of how unjustified, and lack of conflict are more important than emotional and relational health. Than true peace, which, biblically speaking, means wholeness. We can’t set a boundary unless we’re willing to stand by it, regardless of how things play out and others respond. Otherwise, our boundaries are merely suggestions that will likely leave us feeling more frustrated and defeated than before.

The other morning, I spoke with a group of single moms on pursuing healing and learning to recognize what is and isn’t about them—what to take ownership for and correct and what to “shake off” in a refusal to “own” someone else’s opinions and poor behavior. The question that followed: How?

I think what they were asking is, “How can I stop getting so emotionally entangled in other people’s opinions, behaviors, and perceptions (which usually means, when evaluated at its root, how can I care less what others think about me)?

To which I responded: What gave them the right to hold that power? What did they do to warrant this, and what makes them—their opinion—more important than you and your emotional health?

That’s a question we have to ask ourselves each day, because until we’re able to say, “Nothing and no one gave them that power,” we’ll likely remain victims. Worse, we’ll teach our kids to do the same, and we’ll all suffer for it, the person with the poor behavior included.

Along these same lines, if we’re the ones attempting to override someone else’s boundaries, we must ask ourselves: Who gave me that power? Who gave me authority to force my dysfunction onto others? And what might Jesus have to say about that?

Because as the saying goes, truth without love is hurtful and abrasive, and love without truth is deadly. It kills relational intimacy, personal integrity, robs us and our families of peace, and perpetuates a cycle of dysfunction.

But truth and love combined? That’s power. The power of life, transformation, hope, and peace. True, biblical peace, not simply the momentary conflict avoidance that has killed way too many happy holidays.

Let’s talk about this! How much of your current stress is caused by lack of boundaries? What areas might God be wanting to bring wholeness to this holiday season? Share your thoughts and ideas with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

For those in the Omaha Metro area, fun news! I’ll be leading Wholly Loved’s new Bible study, Becoming a Princess, this January at Wildewood Christian in Papillion. I hope you’ll join us each Tuesday from 6:30-8:00pm as we learn to center our identity in Christ, recognize His peace and power in our most challenging circumstances, rest from our striving, and daily live in God’s grace. I’ll share more details along with a sign up link soon!