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The other night, I got in an argument … over vegetables and carbohydrates. In front of a group of people. And I don’t mean that I simply disagreed with someone. This person and I debated—broccoli and its elements—for a good five minutes, maybe more.

Read that again.

Here I am, a Bible teacher, podcast host and Christ-following content creator, meaning, someone you’d expect to hold a certain level of spiritual and emotional maturity, and I literally wasted time and energy, and temporarily forfeited my peace, over greens.

You’ve never done that, right? Allowed your emotions or pride, or both, to pull you into a childish dispute that literally bore no impact on your evening or life.

Except, perhaps, for the shame you carried after.

While I landed in that place for a minute, I didn’t stay there nearly as long as in the past.

This is likely how I would’ve reacted, had this event occurred a few years ago. I would’ve returned home carrying a heavy load of condemnation, fueled by all the reasons I should’ve done better and how I must do better in the future. I probably would’ve spent a good portion of the next morning journaling, thinking I was engaging with God, while using every pen stroke as an indictment on my character and worth.

That used to characterize my faith journey. Not long ago, while preparing for a keynote presentation on living in Christ’s grace, I happened upon prayer notebooks from ten years prior. As I flipped through the pages, I sensed a bit of sadness for the patterns. Day after day, paragraph after paragraph, read much the same. Pages filled with all the ways I’d failed and strong self-directed lectures on how I should behave in the future.

I needed to be kinder, more gracious, gentle and loving. To maintain self-control in difficult or stressful situations, and certainly around individuals I found frustrating. And while I ended each entry in prayer, asking God to give me the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) I so desperately needed, those conversations were always one-sided. Filled with my thoughts, accusations and demands, with no evidence of the Lord’s gentle voice.

The problem wasn’t that Jesus wasn’t speaking. I believe He likely was, or at least, waiting to do so. But I remained so stuck in my head, my anxious thoughts zipping through my brain so loudly, that I couldn’t hear Him.

But this time—the produce debacle—was different, and far more productive. You see, I’ve learned to evaluate my inner world before delivering the indictment. And I’m learning to do so with my soul turned to Christ and my ears alert to His soft whisper as He lovingly, compassionately, and truthfully probes the depth of my soul.

This is the level of intimacy, and the growth mindset, David, ancient Israel’s second king, practiced in Psalm 139. He began his prayer acknowledging that the Lord had already “searched” him completely, alert to every thought, word, deed and omission.

But to benefit from God’s complete and perfect knowledge, David needed to bring his entire self, including the parts that brought him shame, to the One who would never reject or abandon him, no matter how many “produce wars” in which he engaged.

And so, he prayed:

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV).

Although I didn’t use those exact words, the other night, as I lay in bed wrestling over that incident, I sensed the Lord drawing me closer to Him.

Here’s what I’ve discovered. He is far gentler with me than I am with myself. Each time I come to Him with these types of concerns, expecting a rebuke, I receive mercy and understanding instead.

In this instance, He invited me to consider all the events leading to my quarrel. As I did, I realized my reaction over broccoli had nothing to do with veggies. I’d come into that encounter with an edge, carrying frustration related to things I found potentially harmful. Along with a few unrelated yet weighty concerns.

In short, I entered that room less than my best. And while I didn’t process my emotions in that moment (although I wish I had!), I did take time to do so later.

I invited my Father to shine His life-giving light into the farthest corners of my soul, where my fears, insecurities and unmet longings lie. I made space by quieting myself in His presence so that I could receive His comfort, truth and goodness toward me, His beloved daughter.

That’s precisely how He met me. Not with harsh accusation, but rather, with an abundance of empathetic truth and grace.

Because it is His love, His kindness, that leads me to repentance; to lasting change.

Does that mean I’ll never argue over broccoli again? Oh, man, I hope so, although I might land in another situation, equally ridiculous, in the future. That doesn’t mean my faith is weak, I don’t love Jesus, or that I’m insufficient or inferior in some way. Rather, it indicates I’m a flawed yet growing child of God who desperately wants to please my Lord.

Here’s the message I believe Christ wants me to glean from all this. First, He’s teaching me to move beyond surface-level behavior modification to true soul transformation. The former, rooted in self-reliance, rarely lasts. In fact, in my experience, it almost always results in fatigue and, eventually, discouragement. And, perhaps, more journal pages filled with “I should’ves” and “musts” without much enduring fruit.

The Lord wants to take me deeper—deeper with Him and myself—so that I can experience real transformation characterized by healing, self-control, a Spirit-led perspective and growth.

But He revealed a second application as well that affects how I view others and their less-than-glamorous broccoli moments. God is encouraging me to remember my vegetable argument the next time I’m tempted to condemn someone else for their “salad” fiascos.

Because the older I get, and the more disagreements and blunders I experience or witness, the more I realize, we all desperately need Christ’s grace. That doesn’t erase accountability, but it does provide the cushion that prioritizes relationship above reaction.

If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to catch a relatively recent Faith Over Fear episode titled, “How to Stop Letting Conflict Control Your Emotions,” accessed wherever you get your podcast content.

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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How can we possibly honor the Sabbath when we barely have time to breathe, let alone put major responsibilities on hold? Or, our boss is threatening termination if we don’t complete a project by a set time or a loved one is enduring a potentially catastrophic crisis and needs our help?

I’ve been there. Years ago, while working through the final stages of my first book release, I received an email on a Saturday night that contained substantial edits. The problem was two-fold. First, I needed to return the revised document quickly. Second, the next day was my typical Sabbath.

To explain, I began making Sundays my time to refuel decades prior, when I was a stay-at-home mom raising a little one. And I knew, if I didn’t intentionally set—and guard—a regular time to rest, I’d never take it. I also worried about the message this might send to my watching daughter. I didn’t want my behavior to model the increasing workaholic mindset perpetuated by the culture.

And so, I decided not to work on Sundays. As my house served as my “office,” this meant leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight, walking past the growing mound of dirty laundry and refusing to do anything related to household chores.

That decision took intentionality and courage.

Oftentimes, entrusting our unfinished tasks to Jesus is the most courageous decision we’ll make each day.

Especially when that choice involves organizational leaders and financial risk.

Fast forward to my first book release. I was already anxious—about the book, my ability as a writer, meeting my deadline and how others might perceive my work once released.

In other words, I wanted to create the best product possible. This felt like a reflection of me and a way to respect my publisher.

I was forced to choose between two good and honorable options. Would I honor the commitment I felt I’d made to the Lord? Or, would I elevate my editor’s concerns and prioritize the book above my regular day of rest?

At this point, I can sense some of you saying, “That sounds legalistic! It was only one day!”

This was an invitation to obedience. I knew, in that season, that the Lord was asking me to guard my Sabbath and entrust the outcome to Him.

Please don’t mishear me. I’m not presenting this as a necessary tenet of Christianity. God leads each of us uniquely, considering our limitations and His long-term plans for us.

In my situation, He clearly asked me not to work on my manuscript on the day on which I’d already committed to rest. So I did.

The result?

Not long after the book—my debut novel!—released, I received an email from a reader listing every typo she discovered, along with page numbers.

All 31.

I was mortified and angry at God. “I was trying to obey You, and this is what happened? Why? Why did You allow this?!”

His response: Who are you serving?

That sliced straight through my pride, fueled by my insecurity. This shifted my perspective off self-protection and onto submission to Christ.

If I truly was seeking to honor Him in all I did, then those typos weren’t my concern. He wanted me to relinquish the entire situation, and whatever came from it, to Him.

He remained in control, even when the circumstances felt … coincidental and problematic.

In this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast episode, my guest, Dr. Tara Dew, reiterated this truth: honoring the Sabbath is a profound act of trust. Regarding this, she said, “Friends, think back throughout Scripture. God has been trying to teach his people to depend on him every day, That’s why the Israelites got manna every morning that they had to collect, and they couldn’t collect more than what they could use that day because it would go bad.”

The Lord gives us everything we need, time and resources included, to do all that He asks—according to His brilliant and strategic wisdom. He doesn’t, however, give us everything we need to accomplish those divine assignments, and a slew of other tasks He never told us to pursue.

And, as I discovered with my debut novel and numerous situations since, my ability to relinquish control of those things He’s placed in my hands highlights the depth of my faith. Do I truly believe He’s leading me according to His hope-filled plans for me? Or do I suspect He’s holding out on me or that following Him in this area will lead to sorrow and loss?

To which you might say, “But you did experience loss, didn’t you?”

While it’s true, the final product of that book wasn’t what I’d hoped, the lesson God taught me through it served me well. That situation didn’t negatively affect my career, as I’d feared. Instead, it fortified the foundation upon which my calling stood.

That has served me far better than one book, project or task ever could.

How does this hit you in your present season? Do you incorporate some type of rest into your regular schedule, or does the thought evoke anxiety? Are you operating from a place of fear or Spirit-led wisdom? And if the former, what is one obedient step Christ might want you to take to better align your heart with His?

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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crumpled paper and a notepad and pen

(This post first published in 2020.)

Writers experience a great number of rejections, and some of those can be pretty harsh. Though I know to expect these “no thank yous,” seeing them stream through my inbox can leave me stunned. If I’m not careful, I can begin to question my abilities, my calling, and really, myself. We do that, don’t we? We own every negative experience, holding each one as proof that we’re somehow insufficient or defective.

A while back, after receiving numerous declines in a row, I shared my disappointment with my daughter. “But you’ve also received a lot of acceptances,” she said. I know she meant to encourage me, and for a moment, it did, but I knew my assurance needed to go much deeper. My confidence and value can’t be based on such transient standards as blue and teal background and text from posttemporary wins and losses. To rise above my fears, I must anchor myself, immovable, in the One who knows me, loves me, sees me, goes before me, has a plan for me, and remains with and in me.

A while back, God reminded me of this truth during a rather discouraging time. For about a year, it had felt as if I’d been turned down for every opportunity I pursued, even those I felt certain had been God led. The first rejection didn’t phase me too much. The second stung, but I determined to keep moving. By the third and fourth experience, however, lies I’d thought I’d long buried began to reemerge, assaulting my weakening heart, “You’re unwanted. You’re not good enough. Insufficient.”

Those lies can be really hard to silence sometimes, can’t they? They’d long held me captive, and normally would’ve plunged me into an all-day, if not longer, gloom. But not this time. As I sat there, initially feeding all those deceptive and toxic thoughts, I sensed God’s whisper, urging me to turn to truth, my most powerful weapon against all fear, fear of rejection included. And so I did.

Bible opened to Ephesians 1, I began to read. More than that, I soaked in every word, claiming each as my own. Through that passage, God spoke so clearly, reminding me of who I was. Though I felt rejected and discarded, insufficient, the Bible promised that was far from reality. Instead, I was and am God’s holy child (v. 1), blessed with every spiritual blessing (v. 3) chosen (v. 4) loved and adopted (v. 5), redeemed and lavished in grace.

But here’s my favorite verse: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (v. 11).

God, my Creator and redeemer, the One who promised to perfect that which concerns me (Ps. 138:8), works all things, my life included, according to His will. Therefore, when opportunities don’t arise or are denied, when others don’t appreciate my skills or my gifts, that doesn’t mean I’m insufficient or rejected. Rather, it indicates God has something else in mind. He’ll show me precisely what that something is, in His way and His timing.

Because He loves me.

What’s more, I can trust Him. I can trust His heart, His wisdom, His power, and His plan. And in the waiting, I can choose to receive the love and grace, the acceptance and equipping, He’s lavished freely upon me through His Son.

blue and gray background with text pulled from postI am far from insufficient. So are you. We are loved, redeemed, empowered, and called children of Christ destined for impact.

Additional resources:

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Overcoming Fear of Rejection (video presentation, by Jennifer Slattery)

Learning to Shake of Rejection to Live in Freedom

When Others Rejection Us

If you struggle with fear of rejection and other fears, make sure to join the Faith Over Fear private Facebook group. You can find it HERE. You can find additional faith-building resources HERE. I also encourage you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode on breaking free from people pleasing. Find it Here or wherever you access podcast content. 

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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Before stepping up to preach one Sunday morning, Pastor Jim Kinder pulled a friend aside with a raw and painful request. “Tell me it’s true. Tell me what I’m about to preach is true,” he said. “Because I just don’t know anymore.”

Months earlier, Jim’s life unraveled when his wife unexpectedly told him she wanted a divorce. The betrayal shook far more than his marriage; it stripped away his sense of identity. The man who counseled others through life’s hardships and taught his church members how to build healthy relationships suddenly questioned everything he believed about himself. Was he worthless? Had he failed? Why would anyone listen to him? He didn’t even want to listen to himself.

Yet, the Lord didn’t leave him alone in His pain. One of the greatest gifts God gave him during that season was a community of trusted friends who let him vent, rage, and wrestle with hard truths. Brothers in Christ who refused to let Jim’s pain define reality or his identity. Again and again, they asked an important yet simple question:

“What is true?”

One day, overwhelmed by accusations his former wife had made, Jim called a close friend and repeated them through tears. “She said I was a horrible dad.”

“Jim, is that true?”

“No,” Jim answered. “I’m the best dad in the world.”

His friend paused. “Now, Jim… is that true?”

In that moment, Jim realized he’d swung from one distortion to another. Pain had pushed him toward extremes. To heal, he needed to return to what was true. Not what he wanted to believe was true, the devil tried to tell him was true, or whatever lies his fear, shame, or self-protection tempted him to believe.

As I listened to him tell that story while editing this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast, I reflected on how often pain tries to reinterpret our reality.

Pain, when endured alone without the presence and grace of our Father, tends to distort our perception—of ourselves, our future, and our God. When we turn to Him, and cling to Him, in our anxiety and grief, He speaks love into our souls.

He reminds us that, no matter what we’ve done or endured, we are His. That is who we are. That is our unchanging identity.

You, my friend, are a beloved, chosen, empowered, and held child of Almighty God.

Hold tight to that.

Hold tight to Him, knowing that He is, at this moment, holding tightly to you.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” We often read that verse as a warning against unhealthy influences or temptation, and it certainly includes those. But it also speaks to the voices we allow to interpret our pain, encouraging us to intentionally amplify God’s voice above all the noise bombarding us each day.

If this post encouraged you, or evoked curiosity, you’ll enjoy this week’s podcast episode titled, “How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won’t Go Away“.

Let’s talk! What lies do you wrestling with most when life feels hard or uncertain? What is one truth regarding who you are in Christ or His heart for you that you can cling to during painful seasons? What helps you hold tight to truth when circumstances wreak havoc with your perspective? Share in the comments, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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(Note: This first published March 21, 2024)

Not long ago, a young adult I mentored said, “I’m not like you. I hold grudges.” The statement took me aback as I could easily remember months and even years when I allowed bitterness from a previous wound steal my joy, my peace, and at times, my sleep. While I was thankful to think that I’d grown in this area, it still doesn’t come without a struggle. The deeper my hurt, the harder it is to forgive. I find it easier, however, when I reflect upon the inner angst my Savior is calling me from and the increased joy and peace He is calling me to.

If you can relate, you might find encouragement in Maureen Miller’s thoughts below.

Freedom in Forgiveness

by Maureen Miller

Sometimes God won’t leave well enough alone.

It hadn’t been a week since I’d been wronged. The little girl named Kristie who we’d grown to love, who’d been part of our family for more than a year, was taken away without warning on a hot August afternoon in 2008—her grandmother having changed her mind on the adoption placement we’d thought was part of God’s plan.

Our girl gone, I sat in the ash heap of my broken heart, vacillating between bitterness and deep sadness. It was then that God began meddling with my emotions, though I wanted to wallow in self-pity awhile longer, thank you very much.

“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven,” He whispered.

“But I’ve never done something so hurtful,” came my reply. “How could she?”

“First, don’t be so sure,” I heard Him say a little more loudly. After all, He’s all about leading us to humility, and my self-righteous response was a tad too haughty. And as if that wasn’t enough, God continued, “Furthermore, you’re failing to see that she loves her too.”

Truth is, I was blinded by pain, not to mention I had a tight grip on my grudge, much like a child might cling to a security blanket, as though my vice hold on hot anger brought justification.

“Can’t You see what her wrong has done to me?”

And then, on that day, the day God wouldn’t leave well enough alone, He simply repeated Himself for emphasis–

“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.”

Blast! He was serious. So I turned to Scripture, thinking perhaps I’d find a small-print clause, anything that allowed me to stand my ground a bit longer. Surely strong-willed Peter or perseverant Paul had something to say to justify my resentment, perhaps buy me more time in my oddly comfortable pit of despair.

But what I discovered was in Mark’s gospel, that evangelist who was likely a mere teenager when Jesus called to twelve others, “Follow me.” The one who grew old and fiery, who experienced mistreatment and, eventually, was bound by a rope and dragged through Alexandria until he died in a dusty street.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, [and then] your Father in heaven may forgive you…” (Mark 11:25 NIV).

Yes, it was this man, John Mark, who penned those red-letter words, spoken by the One who’d endured more suffering than we can imagine, who then became sin on our behalf, though without sin Himself—His death offering us freedom through forgiveness.

Ah. I sensed my grip loosening on my grievance as I leaned in to listen. And here I’d thought God’s word to me was an “If / Then” that offered the one who’d hurt me freedom. Frankly, I wasn’t ready to see her set free. Instead, I wanted her to regret her decision, change her mind when she saw the error of her ways. That’s just the honest truth.

But what I read from Mark was something else. Here I was, pleading with God in prayer to heal my broken heart, bind up my wounds, so I could wear the bandages like a badge that others might see my sadness and sympathize. How selfish!

These words, however, offered a gracious gift. Instead of exhorting me to forgive so that this person would be set free, this passage spoke of my forgiveness offering freedom, to me.

Oh my, God’s mercy—to work while I was yet in my simple-minded, selfish state. All He asked was that I do that one thing, like a baby step. And though tottering, I obediently took it to find I was still standing.

What was that step? Even through clenched teeth, I said aloud those 3-words—“I forgive her.” Then I wrote in a letter “I forgive you,” and mailed it.

Though I didn’t know how it would be received, doubted it would ultimately change her mind, that wasn’t what God said was important. I’d obeyed, despite feeling.

And though Kristie never became my daughter, over time, feelings of forgiveness—yes, even love for the one whom I felt wronged me—did come to match my faith-steps. Because, just like a toddler who graduates from tip-toed wobbles to running, I also matured, discovering that it’s in forgiving that we, too, are set free from the binding fetters of sin.

Indeed, there’s power when we forgive, and it’s true—God simply won’t leave well enough alone. Why? Because He knows and wants so much more. Beyond well enough is the well-spring of abundant life that Jesus offered. Through His death, He forgave our sins, which enables us, likewise, to forgive—no matter the circumstances.

And forgiveness? It’s the crossroad to freedom just outside an empty tomb.

(Kristie Miller resides in Oklahoma. We are close friends.)

***This piece appeared first in The Mountaineer, Easter Edition.***

How have you experienced freedom in forgiving?

Is there someone you yet need to forgive? Today’s the day!

***

If this post resonated with you, make sure to check out my cohost Carol’s conversation with Dr. Michelle Bengtson titled “How to Keep Past Hurts from Hardening Your Heart“

Get to Know Maureen:

Maureen Miller is an award-winning author featured in more than twenty collaboratives. She writes for her local newspaper, is a contributing writer for Guideposts, and a featured blogger for several online devotional websites. She loves life in all its forms and enjoys it with her husband and their three children and grandchildren on Selah Farm in western North Carolina. She blogs at www.penningpansies.com, sharing God’s extraordinary character in the ordinary.

Check out Maureen’s story in Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone:

Stories to warm your heart, make you nod in understanding, and remind you of the extraordinary blessings that come with being a boy mom.

Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone is a delightful compilation of laughter, love, and godly advice from moms who proudly navigate the wild terrain of raising boys.

In this heartwarming collection, Michelle Rayburn and eighteen other moms of boys come together to share their unique experiences, offering a refreshing perspective on the joys and challenges that, for some, come with being the sole estrogen ambassador in a household full of testosterone. Through amusing anecdotes, relatable tales of mischief, and practical biblical insights, these moms shed light on the rollercoaster ride of boyhood.

In the pages, mothers share:

  • Laughter and tears as they recount their hilarious encounters with mud, bugs, and an endless supply of boy energy.
  • Real-life strategies for tackling the messiest situations, teaching life lessons with finesse, and finding the beauty in the chaos.
  • A touch of humor and a wealth of heartfelt wisdom from the vibrant world of boy moms.

If you’re a boy mom craving a dose of camaraderie, a bellyful of laughter, and a reminder that you’re rocking this estrogen-free adventure, this book is the perfect companion. Let these humorous and inspiring tales uplift you and remind you to embrace every messy, joy-filled moment.

The contributing authors include:

Abigail Wallace, Avonlea Q. Krueger, Becky Melby, Betty Predmore, Christina Ryan Claypool, Denise Loock, Gina Stinson, Ginny Dent Brant, Joni Topper, Kim Cusimano, Kolleen Lucariello, Maureen Miller, Melissa Meyer, Michelle Rayburn, Pam Farrel, Pam Fields, Rhonda Stoppe, Stacy Sanchez, Valerie McNulty

Grab a copy HERE.

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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What does it mean to be held, led and well-cared for by God? Do you ever wrestle with that question? When life isn’t going as you’d hoped, or your facing an overwhelming situation, do the truths you know cognitively—like, God is loving, attentive, all-powerful and kind—feel a bit shaky?

I land in that place often, although thankfully, less frequently, and intensely, than in the past—because I’ve experienced the Lord’s faithfulness, including in situations where I didn’t ask for His help, or know I needed it.

Years ago, while researching a book, I decided to drive about four hours to visit a friend who happened to live in an area similar to the fictional town I was creating. And so, one week day morning, I dropped our daughter off at school and headed for I-70. Bored after a couple hours on that long stretch of highway, I called my sister and quickly got swept into an engaging conversation.

When suddenly—and this all happened simultaneously—a blur of movement swept through my peripheral, a sense of calm rested upon me, a jolt shot through me as my vehicle collided with the blur of fur I now know was a coyote or wolf sprinting across the road, followed by a plume of smoke rising from the front of my vehicle.

Everything felt slow motion as I veered to the shoulder and told me sister, “I better go. I think I just hit something.”

As my thinking brain slowly came back online, I realized the Lord had likely saved my life. Here’s how. Prior to that collision, I’d been traveling at 70, maybe 75 miles an hour, with a long string of equally fast-moving vehicles behind me. Had I been more alert to the poor animal racing toward me, and in front of me, I probably would’ve slammed on my breaks, creating a multi-care pile up that could’ve resulted in numerous lives lost.

Instead, I fell almost into something of a daze that prevented me from reacting … until the moment had past and I could safely, and smoothly, veer out of traffic.

Looking back, I can’t help but see the hand of Ruach Elohim, the Spirit of God, in action. The Hebrew word ruach can mean spirit, breath or wind. Throughout Scripture, we see God’s Spirit bringing order to chaos, strength to weakness and life where none seemed possible. Perhaps on that stretch of interstate, He was doing what He has always done—quietly at work, long before I thought to reach for Him.

Protecting me when I didn’t know I needed protection.

I’m grateful that He revealed His hand in that situation, as it strengthened my faith by deepening my trust. It showed me that He is faithful, always—when I ask for His help, and when I don’t. And it make me wonder, how often does He shield or redirect me from danger, without me knowing?

I suspect, often.

The first time we encounter Ruach Elohim, the Spirit of God hovers over dark and tumultuous waters to bring order, beauty and life. That same Spirit remains at work within us—quietly strengthening, guiding and caring for us in ways we might not recognize in the moment.

And because Scripture makes it clear, He holds no favorites, I believe He does the same for you. That doesn’t mean He’ll respond to you or your situation in the same way. I don’t always understand what He does or allows from one situation or person to another. But this I know: He loves and cares for each of us with the same intensity. To quote my cohost (who quoted someone else), He loves each of us with all the love there is, and His Spirit is always with us, working on our behalf, and moving toward us.

In her book, Names of God: Growing Strong, my friend and recent Faith Over Fear guest wrote, “Ruach Elohim remains steadfast, overcomes the darkness, and brings calm to our chaos.” Or as was the case in my near multi-car pileup, brings the calm that keeps the chaos away.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying we’ll never feel anxious, afraid or chaotic. We’re humans, with a full range of emotions, some more intense and unpleasant than others. I’ve experienced numerous other frightening driving experiences during which I didn’t sense God’s presence.

But even then, He remains faithful. Present, watching, loving, leading and protecting, when we’re aware that He’s doing so, and when we’re so caught up in our anxious spiral we don’t have the mental bandwidth to even consider Him at all.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s where trust is built—not in our ability to navigate this confusing and complex relationship with all-powerful yet full of mercy and grace Creator God—but in His ability to meet us in our mess and gently lead us one step closer in our connection with Him.

I’d love to hear from you. How do you navigate the tension between what you know to be true about God’s love and care and what you experience emotionally in difficult seasons?

Speaking of Ruach Elohim, if you are interested in getting to know more of God, and how to find strength in Him, through His names revealed in Scripture, make sure to listen to my recent conversation with Grace on the Faith Over Fear podcast. Find that episode, titled, “How to Experience Strength for Overwhelming Assignments Through the Names of God.” 

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

by on

“You just don’t have enough faith.”

It’s etched into my memory of a pastor telling me that years ago when I told him about my anxiety. Which, ironically, gave me more anxiety.

I walked away wondering, “Am I a bad Christian? Do I really not have enough faith?” A pit formed in my stomach thinking that I wasn’t doing enough. The room felt as if it was closing in on me, and I looked around to find the nearest exit. All of a sudden, I was getting flashbacks of all the memories in high school.

My earliest memory that I have of an actual anxiety attack was when I was 17 years old at a rehearsal for a school play. I didn’t know what it was at the time. It just felt like something was genuinely wrong. In my head, it felt like I had 100 computer tabs open that wouldn’t close. I went to the doctor and was told that it was anxiety. And from there, my anxiety progressed as I got older.

“Christians don’t have anxiety,” is what was being taught around me at the church I was attending at the time. Therefore, I didn’t feel like a real Christian. It produced shame which led to minimum prayers and reading of my Bible less.

All I kept thinking was, “I can’t be a Christian and have anxiety.”

Years later, after I got married, I connected with a Christian therapist through a free resource. As I shared my experiences, she listened carefully and eventually explained that I struggled with several anxiety disorders and OCD. It was almost like there was a rolodex going through my mind and piecing details together like I was Sherlock Holmes. I once again felt shame, but then she reminded me of this passage in the Bible.

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (ESV)

Here’s what I love about this passage. Paul pleads three times for God to remove his thorn, and where else do we see something similar in the Bible? In Gethsemane when Jesus prayed to God three times to let the cup pass from Him.

“Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”  And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy.  So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on.See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”” Matthew 26:36-46 (ESV)

Both Paul and Jesus ultimately submitted to God’s will even when both fully had faith. God didn’t remove their trials, but instead provided the grace and strength to endure.

What if God allows our “thorns” to keep us totally dependent on Him?

A great quote that I love from C.S. Lewis is, “You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.”

I was reminded that I can indeed have both: be a Christian and struggle with anxiety. It doesn’t make me any less of a Christian.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (ESV)

Having faith doesn’t always mean we get our prayers answered. Even if God doesn’t remove the “thorn” He sustains and strengthens us through it. Having faith also doesn’t mean that we are immune to feeling anything negative. If Jesus faced this, then we should give ourselves grace.

I still pray that one day I will be healed, our God is a Healer and can perform miracles; but maybe that won’t be until I am in Heaven. And that’s okay. Learning to accept my “thorn” is what allows me to write to you today about my own struggle with anxiety.

I’m not enough, but Jesus is.

In certain cases, both Jesus and medicine are needed because everybody is unique. As Christians, we need to do better to break the stigma, and not use manipulating tactics as well as shaming people into Christianity. That leads to resentment and bitterness and, unfortunately, in a lot of cases it leads to people walking away from God all together.

God can use doctors, medicine, therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists to help with mental illness. To say that seeking help for mental health is “unbiblical” is dangerous to say and is why so many Christians suffer in silence.

It’s okay to not be okay.

Give yourself permission to lament and space to heal. And when the anxiety returns, as it sometimes will, remember this: your struggles do not make you a lesser Christian.

God’s grace is sufficient for you too.

Get to Know Mel Davis

Mel Davis is a military wife based in Omaha, Nebraska. She writes from a Christian perspective, sharing stories shaped by authenticity, resilience, hope, and a deep rooted faith in God.

When she’s not writing, she’s behind the camera capturing life’s meaningful moments. With a love for nature and a curious spirit, she is always pursuing new adventures and creative endeavors.

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Let’s chat! What resonated with you most in Mel’s post? When have you experienced something similar, and how did you respond? How have your struggles increased your dependency on Christ? Share in the comments below!

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

by on

The moments we regret most often begin long before they become visible.

I learned that lesson years ago in a grocery store parking lot after a long, exhausting day of travel. A misplaced wallet, mounting stress and one sarcastic comment to a stranger led to an encounter I soon wished I could take back.

But what lingered with me afterward wasn’t the argument.

It was the awareness that I’d missed numerous opportunities to regulate myself before my emotions gained momentum. Initially, that insight brought shame because I saw my behavior as evidence of a character flaw rather than indication of skills to develop.

The decade since has changed how I view that afternoon. Through God’s grace, I’ve learned to examine it less as failure and more as an invitation to Spirit-led growth.

My husband and I had just returned from a trip and stopped at a grocery store on our way home. We’d been gone long enough to know our refrigerator was empty, so we planned to grab a few things for dinner before heading home.

The plan seemed simple. He’d pull up near the entrance, I’d run inside, and we’d be on our way.

Except I couldn’t find my wallet.

As I searched through my carry-on bag, my husband urged me to hurry while a vehicle idled behind us. Almost immediately, head stuck out her window, angry words flying, the driver started honking her horn.

At the time, I didn’t recognize how stressed and depleted I already was. Only that I felt pressured, frustrated and flustered.

I darted to the trunk, hoping to find my credit card there. As I glanced over my shoulder at the irritated lady behind us, I responded with a sarcastic comment.

Obviously, that didn’t help.

The woman followed me into, and then around, the store, voicing her anger. By the time we reached the checkout line, a manager had noticed and intervened.

Clearly, not my best moment, especially considering I served in ministry at the time and regularly taught others about Christ’s love and grace.

Later that night, as I mentally reviewed the situation, an uncomfortable question surfaced: What if that person attended my church? What if came to a Bible study I led or an event at which I spoke?

Would my behavior have caused her to dismiss the truths I shared … and claimed to follow?

Would she discount my Savior because I claimed to represent Him but had acted contrary to His heart?

Initially, I focused almost entirely on my failure. But as I brought my regret to the Lord, He helped me recognize something.

The confrontation didn’t started in the parking lot.

I now see that my frustration had been building for hours.

Travel delays, fatigue, hunger and stress had gradually drained my emotional reserves. By the time I arrived at the grocery store, my patience was already low and my irritation high, and my self-regulation attempts, which I knew nothing of at the time, non-existent.

Recognizing that didn’t excuse my behavior, although it did help me gain clarity. Understanding what contributed to my reaction helped me consider how to I wanted to respond differently in the future.

In the years since, I’ve learned (and am learning) to make king David’s prayer mine: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23, NIV)

You see, transformation occurs as we invite Christ to reveal those things within that we’re presently unaware and let Him guide us toward greater wholeness.

Looking back, I can now identify numerous moments when slowing down, noticing my rising stress, and seeking comfort and strength from God might have changed how that afternoon played out. But at the time, I wasn’t skilled at recognizing my internal landscape, nor did I have many tools to respond differently. (This is an area in which I’m still trying to grow.)

Today, if faced with a similar situation, here’s what I hope I’d do differently.

First, I’d pay closer attention to my body’s cues. Tight shoulders, shallow breathing, and irritability often signal inner tension before we’re conscious of our emotions. Such awareness takes practice, especially for those who spent years denying and suppressing how they feel.

Second, I’d respond to those signals sooner. A few deep breaths, a brief walk, a short prayer or a deliberate pause can help calm our nervous system and create space to respond more thoughtfully.

Third, I’d invite Christ into the process early and often. One of my deepest desires is to live increasingly aware of His presence and care. He understands every fear, insecurity and weakness I carry. He offers wisdom when I’m confused, peace when I’m agitated and grace when I fall short.

Finally, if I still failed—and sometimes I do—I would spend less time replaying the moment and more time receiving God’s mercy. Shame rarely produces lasting growth. Grace creates space for honesty, healing and change.

Most of us don’t lose our self-control without warning. Our reactions are often preceded by accumulating stress, fatigue, disappointment, fear or overwhelm. The signs are frequently present long before our emotions spill out in ways we later regret.

The good news is that Christ invites us to bring all those things to Him as they arise. As we grow in awareness, learn healthier responses and increasingly rely on His strength, we’ll often find ourselves responding with greater wisdom, peace and self-control.

Again, this isn’t an area I’ve mastered, which is why I’m so grateful to know, when I don’t handle situations well, His grace remains available then, too.

If this resonates with you, you might also enjoy my cohost’s conversation with Bible teacher Kathy Howard, which addresses this topic from a biblical, discipleship-focused perspective. Listen HERE or wherever you access podcast content.

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay

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Quote pulled from post on teal blue gradiant background

(Note, this first posted on December 31, 2020.)

Beneath every healthy or dysfunctional relationship, we’ll find boundaries at work. Healthy, God-honoring boundaries lead to increased health; Without them, people begin to hide, trust shatters, emotional intimacy decreases if not dies all together, and isolation grows.

When my daughter was younger, one of her friendships turned unhealthy and caused her considerable and consistent pain. She began justifying the poor behavior, telling herself the behavior didn’t, or perhaps more accurately, shouldn’t hurt and also that the other person couldn’t help it and therefore needed patience and grace. The problem is, apart from truth, grace isn’t grace. It’s enabling. As a result, over time, things became worse—the friend’s behavior, my daughter’s wounds, and the relational dysfunction.

And I struggled to see beyond the problem in that moment to all God was doing and was yet to do. Grieved by my daughter’s pain, I wanted to step in, to meddle, to fix. To control. To grasp and hold tight to things God wanted me to release—because I was afraid.

This is often my greatest challenge when setting boundaries, and honestly, this is a battle I continually fight. Many times, I know the right thing to do, but my heart struggles to comply. I don’t find it all that hard to take and maintain full responsibility for my behavior, emotions, and reactions. When I sleep in and miss a meeting, that’s on me. When I blow a deadline, that’s on me as well. When something angers me and I lose my temper? Me again.

I don’t like staying in my lane, however, when I know there’s a big old cavern up ahead in my loved one’s lane. When that occurs, I want to veer right and force them onto the shoulder or into a ditch, or perhaps rip their keys from their hands.

As ironic as this may sound, the greater my love, the harder boundaries become. The harder it is to not only realize but accept that I am not responsible for anyone else’s behavior, emotions, and reactions—nor should I attempt to make myself so. Living in that truth, however, takes courage, strength, surrender, and significant trust in Christ.

An old pastor from Louisiana used to say, “Don’t try to be the Holy Spirit in anyone’s life.”

So, what if we’re dealing with something more consequential than a hurtful friend? What if our loved one is heading toward serious self-destruction? What if their choices could, and likely will, destroy everything our relationship rests on, and thus, our relationship itself? I’m relatively certain those scenarios make us all a bit weak-kneed, because we know there’s a potential for deep, heart-breaking loss.

The greater the risk, the more challenging it is to set boundaries, which also means, the greater the potential for dysfunction.

I have to remind myself of this. When life becomes challenging, for me and those I love, all I can see are the danger signs directly attached to whatever behavior or choice concerns me. Choices I have zero control over—which may be why I’m so tempted to fight for control. To elevate the weakest, most deceptive, and often, destructive, god of all time—the god of self.

In short, I act as if God has somehow fallen down on the job and needs me to step in and meddle and fix and arrange.

quote pulled from post

This lies at the root of every choice and action. At each moment, I’m living in surrendered trust and obedience to Christ or I’m trusting in the god of me.

When I reach this place, I need to get honest with myself, with my fears, and with God. Do I really believe everything I claim to be true about God? Do I believe that He’s all-knowing, all-seeing, all-loving, faithful and true? Do I believe that He has the power to change hearts—and that I don’t, no matter how much I argue, nag, pester, or cajole? Do I believe He has the power to bring order to mental chaos, clarity to confusion, and truth to deception—not only in the minds of those I’m worried about but within me as well?

Do I believe God has a plan in the mess, and that He’ll bring good through it? That He longs to use the situation, as painful as it might be, to grow us all and make us more like His Son?

My internal struggle reveals I likely don’t truly, deeply believe those things, therefore the first and greatest work God wants to do is within me. And so, I need to hit pause. I need to quiet myself before Him and ask Him some heart-probing, life-changing questions, like:

  • What sin are You wanting to purge within me?
  • What lie or lies are You revealing?
  • What cracks in my faith do You need to mortar with truth?
  • And just as importantly, how do You want me to model life, light, health, and faith through this situation?

The next time we land in this place, may God remind us who He is, who we are, and who we are not. What He’s assumed responsibility for, and what He has not conceded to us.

He is the initiator, redeemer, Savior, Counselor, Guide, Teacher, and Father. The One who knows all and sees all and is in all.

Scripture tells us:

God:

Our role is to:

  • Listen for His guidance.
  • Speak truth.
  • Honor God’s principle of sowing and reaping. (This means not attempting to shield others from the consequences for their actions.)
  • Seek personal growth.

When do you find it most challenging to set and maintain healthy boundaries? Why do you think this might be? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

If this resonated with you, you might find this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People helpful. Listen HERE.

Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned – Faith Over Fear

Have you ever felt relatively sure God was leading you toward something, only to have it turn out nothing like you expected? Maybe an opportunity disappeared, something you worked hard for failed or you waited so long that you’ve begun wondering whether you heard God correctly or did something to forfeit the call. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol talks with Andy Lee, author of From Failure to Faith, about the difference between God’s call and the expectations we attach to it. Drawing from Joshua 1:9, Carol and Andy discuss how disappointment, limitations, closed doors and waiting can cause us to question our calling and measure success by results God never promised. You’ll learn how to separate what God actually said from what you assumed He meant, recognize when a change of direction might be needed and how trust Him when the journey looks different than expected. Ultimately, Carol and Andy invite us to consider a better question: What does faithfulness look like from here? If this episode encouraged you, you might also enjoy: "Courage to 'Do the Thing' with Rebecca George" Connect with Andy Lee on: Her website Instagram Facebook  Follow her work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Did I Hear God Wrong? What to Do When Your Calling Doesn’t Go as Planned
  2. Overworked: How to Find Rest in Your Good Shepherd
  3. How to Find Lasting Peace in God's Unchanging Nature
  4. How to Heal When Emotional Pain Won't Go Away
  5. Why You Feel Overwhelmed Even When Life Seems Okay