In our appearance-and-achievement focused world, it’s easy to feel less than. Insufficient. Unvalued. Unimportant. For moms, there’s often the added pressure to raise impeccable, pleasant, and well-behaved high achievers. Scratch that; that’s no longer good enough. Today’s children must be over-achievers (and as a result, over-stressed!), those who can juggle five hundred activities while learning three languages and standing on their head. Obviously I’m being a bit tongue-in-cheek here, and yet, how often do societal expectations feel equally unreachable?
My guest today, Elizabeth Griffin, a sweet Christian woman with a precious son, shares how her struggle to measure up transformed into the ability to rest, and enjoy, and what God showed her through that.
Acceptable to the One Who Matters Most
By Elizabeth Griffin
“Can I wipe that black bean off your bottom lip?”
My wet thumb reaches out and gets in one good smear before Zack pulls away with a grunt. The action has only served to make the remains of his breakfast more evident, and I spend the following 10 minutes calculating my next move. But my 21-year-old son keeps his distance and refuses to let me make him presentable before he lumbers onto the bus that takes him to his school-to-work transition program.
How much of our time as mothers is spent trying to make our children presentable to the world? If we see their acceptability as a symbol of our value, we can become obsessed with it.
One of the most important lessons the Lord teaches me through our second son is how much He values every person, and that the most valuable things in His creation are often the ones this world has no inclination to deem as worthy.
Zack’s older brother Taylor fits the world’s definition of acceptable. At least he did before he decided to go into full-time Christian ministry! Prior to that, society had great plans for him—he has the chops to become a professional jazz pianist, the interpersonal skills to become a highly effective psychologist, and the brains to become a college professor. But he gave all of that up to serve Christ. And the job doesn’t come with a paycheck—he and his wife must raise their own support.
Try explaining that to non-believing grandparents.
My oldest is not the only person many misunderstand. Zack has fragile X syndrome and autism. That double-whammy means he operates at about a four-year-old level, has very little speech, and may never be able to complete a four-hour shift of manual labor. He’s healthy, kind, and has a great sense of humor. His spirit is incredibly tender, and he’s one of the most loving people I’ve known.
But in the world’s eyes, being dependent on others as an adult means you’re a drain on society. Those who view Zack through a utilitarian lens feel sorry for us. They don’t think it’s fair that we have to take care of our adult child. Some have voiced this opinion with firmness and authority—even family members.
That does nothing but hurt.
It’s not possible to explain the moments of my life that have been filled with Zack-love and how wonderful and healing and fun they are. Sure, I’ve had to clean up more messes than I did with Taylor, I’ve grieved over my son’s lack of ability and interaction between us that never existed, and I’ve spent many evenings feeling trapped with a forever-toddler.
But I also have someone in my life who comes running out of the house to greet me with a grin-to-melt-all-hearts every time I come home. I share a million inside jokes that require no words with an adult child who always thinks I’m funny. And I’m given daily affection from the sweetest of man-boys.
I stopped stressing about making Zack presentable to the world a long time ago when none of my attempts, or the work of many therapists and teachers, could do it. And that’s all right, because He’s more than acceptable to the One who created him. He is “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
He’s exactly how God intended him to be. I may not always understand that, but I know it’s true in the deepest of my deep places.
And what about me? Aren’t there some remains of black beans visible on my face from time to time? As much as I try to cover them up, aren’t there things about me that appear glaringly unacceptable? And yet, just like Zack, I am dearly loved by my Creator. I am His child, regardless of my ability or lack thereof. I have been made acceptable through the blood of Jesus. And one day, both Zack and I will be made more than presentable—we will be made perfect.
***
We live in a quick-to-judge society, one where individuals are often evaluated by snapshots of externals. For example, when we see a child with a messy face or hair, or perhaps throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, it’s easy to form opinions of child and parent. But as Elizabeth’s example of the bean dip shows, we’re only seeing a blip in time, and one with absolutely zero context. Because of this, our quick assumptions are almost guaranteed to be incorrect. The result–parents who feel constantly judged and like they have to meet a set of obscure and subjective standards. If you’re a parent, you probably know exactly what I mean. But we don’t have to give others power over our emotions or self-assessment. In fact, we shouldn’t. As Elizabeth points out, we should sift everything through the opinion of the One who matters most.
We all have a tendency to allow cultural standards and the opinions of others hinder our freedom and joy. But in Christ, we have the power to rise above and to embrace, fully, who God created us to be. Join me and my ministry team for our next Wholly Loved Conference to learn how to live fully loved and grab hold of the freedom that accompanies that. You can find out more HERE.
Did anything in Elizabeth’s post resonate with you or perhaps change your perspective (of your situation or someone else’s)? In what ways have you been evaluating yourself by the wrong standards, and what can you do today to shift your thinking? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below or on Facebook, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!
More stories about Elizabeth’s journey as a mom can be found on her blog “Follow the Dots” at elizabethgriffin.com. Her book Fragile X, Fragile Hope: Finding Joy in Parenting a Child with Special Needs can be purchased through Amazon or by emailing her at elgrif@juno.com.Did you enjoy today’s post? If so, I encourage you to sign up for my free quarterly newsletter to receive more inspirational content (along with short stories, recipes, and craft how-tos and to be included in subscriber only give-aways) sent directly to your inbox. You can sign up HERE!
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they’re running in circles with underwear on their heads, or telling you stories of their friends who just moved here from another galaxy (and insist they’re telling you the truth), or want to take up the sport of 
heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb” (
hand in it. They raised John under Zechariah’s teachings, ensuring he knew the Scriptures. In other words, “the child grew and became strong in spirit” (
bunch of pencils, pens, crayons, and paper, and ask her to write her story in a book. Even send it to a printer to have it bound. Find some classes around town that can teach her how to grow in her talent. By doing so, you’ll give her confidence in her ability, and what child doesn’t need a dose of confidence? Especially from her parents.
Mikal Dawn is an aspiring inspirational romance author, wedding enthusiast and proud military wife. In addition to being part of the new 
overly-dramatic beginning to give them the stamina and dedication to prepare their child for his destiny—to prepare the way for the Messiah. Every day they saw John’s face they had to remember that God was intimately involved in their lives, and then remember that John was born to tell others about the coming Christ.
back to God, they had to teach him to deflect the attention toward God. Huge crowds gathered to listen to John’s message of repentance, then one day John looked up from baptizing folks on the banks of the Jordan River and knew the time had come for his audience to follow Someone else instead. Between the Holy Spirit and the training he received from his parents, John obviously recognized the pivotal moment for what it was and transferred the crowd’s fickle attention with his announcement for them to “Behold, the Lamb of God.”
God so that he could in turn point others to God.
Danielle Lefontaine, a fledgling actress raised to the lullaby of Broadway, searches for her long-lost brother and her place on the stage, but a jealous cast member and numerous fruitless leads threaten to drop the curtain on her dreams and shine a spotlight on her longing for a place to belong. Meanwhile, Alex Sheridan is living his dream except for someone to share it with. When Dani dances into his life, he hopes he’s found the missing piece to his heart but fears the bright lights of a bigger stage could steal her away.
Candee Fick is the wife of a high school football coach and the mother of three children, including a daughter with a rare genetic syndrome. When not busy with her day job or writing, she can be found cheering on the home team at football, basketball, baseball, and Special Olympics games. In what little free time remains, she enjoys exploring the great Colorado outdoors, indulging in dark chocolate, and savoring happily-ever-after endings through a good book.
hold my own baby and know the joy of motherhood. I desire this with all my soul. Will You give me a child? If not, help me bear this pain and find contentment with empty arms. If it is Your will, please show me what to do. Help me to trust You.”
story here but I found myself at the age of thirty-eight hoping to get pregnant by means of insemination. Month after month nothing happened. After a year of special treatments, I faced the truth I might not ever be a mom and my prayers were similar to the one I began with. Similar to what Elizabeth may have prayed.
Did Elizabeth feel that euphoria? I’m certain she did! Did she see grace in the face of that newborn boy? I believe so.
devotion includes verses from the Bible, inspirational thoughts by the author, reflection questions and a prayer. The topics include many of the struggles common to us all such as parenting, death, fear, sin, and the futility of daily life. There are also devotions on the character of God, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the power of God’s word and other topics. These writings express the hope that gets me through each day and I pray they will also help you.
Susan is a homemaker, substitute teacher and writer. She lives in Nebraska but was born and raised in Oklahoma. Her greatest love is for the Lord Jesus Christ who has redeemed her and set her free. Her other loves are her husband and son (she is now an empty-nester). Susan enjoys reading, photography, spending time with family and friends and writing. She has a heart for prayer ministry and loves her church!
driving. She’s independent, determined, helpful, and maybe a just tad stubborn. It’s easy to forget she’s still a young child.
Laundry needed to put away. So much to do. It would be a big help if this bedtime process sped up.
sometimes seem too subtle to recognize. I struggle with patience and selflessness. While Emma needed a simple reminder of her security in our new home—a reminder of her parents’ presence—she taught me about being a child of God through her ability and gumption to ask for what she needed.
Teresa Tysinger is a wife and mother transplanted from North Carolina to North Texas. When not working as the Director of Communications for a large downtown church, she writes charming southern romances, inspired by grace. As a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Religious Communicators’ Council, and the Association for Women in Communications, Teresa has spent over a decade committed to telling stories of faith through written word. She loves coffee, caramel, and stories with happy endings.
Let’s talk about it: Emma asked Teresa to sing her a lullaby so she’ll hear her mama’s voice while she’s sleeping and remember where she is. Have you ever experienced that deep need, whether with another person or with the Lord? How did you fill that need? Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below or over on 
A sister, about age 3 or 4, went around him and showed him how to go down on his bottom. He watched, sat his back side on the slide and slid down, grinning. He figured it out himself by watching.
Babies arrive with a brain download to literally cry for love, care, and being held, and they won’t thrive without these things.
When Ada Brownell sat down to write The Peach Blossom Rancher, the sequel to The Lady Fugitive, she drew from her experience growing up in Colorado’s Peach Country near Grand Junction, picking peaches and working in a packing shed.
