John 14:27

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Christmas always carries with it memories. Some wonderful and some not so great.

I had never really hosted a big family gathering before, but I decided to host my husband’s family for Christmas shortly after we were married. I had a new China set I was excited to use, along with new utensils. I decorated the tree and put cute Christmas items throughout the house. I tied Christmas scarves on my dogs, Max and Walker. I researched recipes for prime rib because that is what his family always served on Christmas.

Let’s not forget the Christmas cards I needed to send out, the cookies I needed to bake and share, while working 40 hours a week, and participating in all the activities that Christmas brings: choir, Christmas program, and Christmas caroling.

Along with this, I adopted John’s family’s traditions so they would love Christmas at my house. This included candy cane cookies and learning to play pinochle (they joked, “must learn to be a part of the family”). Did I mention that 15 people were coming? Remember, I took all of this on to be fully accepted by the family as one of their own (i.e., self-inflicted).

Rejection was a fear I carried back then. Not being good enough, like cliques in high school where I was on the outside, stayed with me after graduation. What if my husband’s family hated having Christmas here and thought I was a loser? These dramatic thoughts were real for me as I struggled with approval. Back then, I felt I couldn’t be myself because I wouldn’t be accepted.

These experiences always seem to stick in our minds, filed neatly in our brains. Then something or someone hits a button that may or may not connect to one of those files; it doesn’t matter, because the whole file drawer comes flying out, and reports from the files are flung all over our minds. Merry Christmas …

How did I enjoy Christmas Day? I didn’t. Exhaustion and anxiety took all the joy out of the day. Although my intentions were good, my methods were not. But here’s what I learned.

Finding peace in the chaos of the world is a true gift. Jesus is the Prince of Peace and knows exactly how you are feeling and what to do to find harmonic contentment in your soul.

First, get rid of your fears. Fears come from wounds we’ve experienced and lies told to us. Healing over these hurts can occur when we practice forgiveness. Here are some ways to forgive someone:

  • Know that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they are the winner; in fact, you are the true victor in allowing God to take from you the hurts, and you carry them no longer. You become free to become the person God wants you to be.
  • Pray for the person you want to forgive. God loves the person you are forgiving. Even though you may not feel it now, or ever, praying for them is powerful. Miracles happen every day.
  • Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to interact with them like you once did. If that does happen at some time, great, but a little distance during the healing is good.
  • When the bad feelings about that person arise in you, remember your decision to forgive them. That will bring you calmness.

Second, you are worthy:

  • God is concerned with your heart. I imagine God loves to sit just with you and talk about your heart and how He can bless you. He already knows, but you realizing it is powerful.
  • He loves you so much – God did not create you to increase your stress during the Christmas season. His relationship with you is His concern and passion,
  • You have a right to rest in Jesus’ presence, which is a holy moment. It’s priceless, and you are welcome to experience it.

Third, plan with focus:

  • What gives you joy? Discern what Christmas items give you joy and do them.
  • What gives you peace? Again, whatever it is, do it.
  • When do you feel God’s presence? An important part of the whole. Don’t let the celebrations take God out of the experience.

If you do not send the cards, make the cookies, or decorate the tree, it’s okay. Let go and lay these empty hands at God’s feet for His filling. There are more important things that you need to do to protect your spirit and mind during the season. If someone really needs one of those things done, let them do it.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty. They may use a comparison statement like, “Aunt Trudy’s Christmas was so great because she made her mashed potatoes with a special seasoning, not just butter (like yours).” “Your tree could use some more tinsel and lights,” is another statement I have heard in the past. Don’t let the hurt, shame, or guilt stay with you. Simply say, “Thank you for your suggestion, but this is how I like to do it.” You show more class and strength in not having to defend yourself, but say, “This is me.” Don’t hold their statements against them (forgiving). Just laugh inside at their silly remarks and be proud of how you are blooming as a person.

Journal your experiences with a calm and bright Christmas to remember what you did and how it felt. I hope you see, like I do, that the activities you decide to participate in are more joyful because you have the emotional bandwidth to do them.

Scripture:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

Get to Know Kathy Bruins

Kathy Bruins is an award-winning writer that helps creatives take the next step in their journey through consultation, teaching, coaching, and praying. Kathy is the founder of The Well Ministries for Creatives and The Well Publishers. Kathy wanted to do voiceover originally for audiobooks but has learned of the many opportunities available from her Great Voice training. She lives in Southwest Michigan. Contact Kathy at kbruins77@gmail.com

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For additional holiday stress-reducing tips, keep watch for the upcoming Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled: Less Stress, More Joy and Connection with Christ This Christmas, accessed on your favorite podcast app.

When God Seems Silent: How to Trust He's Still Near – Faith Over Fear

When God seems silent, especially during painful or frightening seasons, we might wonder if He's distant, disappointed in us or simply doesn't care. And when anxiety fills our minds with worst-case scenarios, sensing His presence can feel even more difficult. In this episode of Faith Over Fear, author and speaker Judy Dunagan shares how God met her during a season of intense fear and reminded her of His constant presence and care. Judy and Jennifer also discuss practical ways to quiet anxious thoughts, recognize God's presence and continue seeking Him when He seems silent. Discover how Scripture, worship and honest prayer can help you remain confident in God's love, even when you can't see or hear Him at work. Want to help shape the future of the show? Join Jennifer's volunteer content planning team!  Scripture discussed: Mark 4:35–41, Mark 6:31, Psalm 91, Psalm 23, Psalm 13, Philippians 4:6–7, Hebrews 4:16, 2 Corinthians 10:5, Romans 8:26–27, Romans 8:34, Hebrews 13:5 Resource referenced: The Loudest Roar: Living in the Unshakable Victory of Christ Catch Jennifer's previous conversation with Judy in the episode titled, "Living Victoriously in Seasons of Overwhelm" Find Judy Dunagan: On her website (Scroll down on her homepage to download her free prayer guide.) Instagram Facebook Amazon Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter   Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. When God Seems Silent: How to Trust He's Still Near
  2. When You Fear You'll Miss God's Will: How to Hear Him with Confidence
  3. Does it Feel Like You Can't Hear God? Practical Steps to Increase Spiritual Sensitivity
  4. Why God Might Feel Distant and How to Connect With Him More Deeply
  5. How God Redeems Our Deepest Regrets (ft. Dustin Lolli, lead singer Sanctus Real)

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woman lying in bed
Image by MMPR on Unsplash

My obsessive, OCD mind tends to latch on to the frightening, the hard, the disappointing. The offensive or unkind. And the more I fuel negative thinking, the more miserable, anxious, and insecure I become.

How can I have the peace of God if I’m constantly stressing over what ifs or rehashing old hurts?

The night before He was to die, knowing the grief and terror His disciples would soon experience, Jesus gathered them together and made some horrific predictions:

I’m going to leave you.

The world’s going to hate you.

You’ll be imprisoned and expelled from your faith community.

In man’s misguided zeal for God, they’ll seek to execute you.

And perhaps the most difficult to hear of all: In your darkest hour, All of you will abandon Me.

But sandwiched in the middle of this frightful news, He said, in essence, “I’m leaving you with a gift—verse image John 14:27peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give you is a gift the world cannot give.” His next statement must have felt incredibly frustrating: “So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

As if it were that easy. As if one could simply decide, once and for all, to squelch their anxiety regarding a situation, and viola, all is well and joy follows.

My husband’s made countless similar statements:

Relax, Jen.

Let it go.

Chill.

If you’re female, you know precisely how effective such suggestions can be. And yet, Jesus isn’t my husband. He’s my Creator, my Savior, my Lord, so when He tells His followers, which includes us, to do something, we’d be wise to listen. He wasn’t the type to offer empty platitudes.

So was he speaking to men, then? When a man’s worried about something, they simply grab the remote, plop on the couch, and lose themselves in the football game, all concerns forgotten.

When we women grow concerned about something, watch out.

But … it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to live enslaved to fear.

In Christ, we have everything we need to live—and think—victoriously, in a way that reveals His power within us. But that doesn’t mean it won’t take determined effort and practice as we learn to toss out negative thinking, whatever its root, and fix our thoughts on those things that are good, true, admirable, and worthy of respect.

I’ve found I can’t do both. I can’t simultaneously obsess on the hard or the frightening and the truths of Scripture. At each moment, we’re entertaining one or the other. The challenge, then, is to do all we can, intentionally, to starve one type of thinking while feeding the other until our thoughts consistently mirror Christ’s.

That, my friends, is when we begin to experience the peace that surpasses all understanding.

In the middle of our most anxious moments, we can stop whatever we’re doing to:

  • I’ve found it especially to praise God for all His attributes. “Lord, You’re all powerful, all loving, all knowing. You’re faithful and attentive.”
  • There’s something about praise music that stills my heart and calms my soul.
  • Recite truth. There’s power in God’s word. In fact, of all the spiritual weapons listed in Ephesians 6:10-18, Scripture is our only offensive weapon. All the other weapons are defensive.
  • Engage in something positive. Though my brain isn’t easy to distract, finding something active to do, like vacuuming, going for a walk, or purging the coat closet helps.

Let’s talk about this! When anxiety or fear hits, do you tend to obsess over that thing or turn to God? What are some tools you’ve found that help you move from fear to faith? Do you have any favorite Scriptures you rely on? Share your thoughts, examples, and suggestions with us in the comments below, because this is an area we all can grow stronger in!

I also encourage you to engage with Wholly Loved’s Facebook page as we’ve been talking about ways to break free from fear. And make sure to check out one of our upcoming Bold and Brave conferences where you’ll learn how to break free from the shackles of fear to live in freedom. Find out more HERE.

And before you go, make sure to sign up for my free quarterly newsletter to receive short stories, recipes, devotions, and more! You can sign up HERE.