What happens when we never experience the relationship for which we’ve longed and prayed? Or when, after decades of marriage, the relationship fails and we find ourselves alone, feeling a deepening ache of loneliness? If you find yourself in that hard, painful place, may God speak encouragement to your soul through my guest’s post.
What About Loneliness? Who Will Bring Me Roses
by Sandra Aldrich
As I entered my second year of singlehood, well-meaning friends asked me when I’d get married again. I laughingly answered I wouldn’t think about that until somebody showed up with a dozen roses. Then I changed the subject.
That evening as I mentally replayed the conversation, knowing I often veil the truth with my humor, I asked myself a tough question: Would I really be attracted to the first guy who handed me roses? As I admitted he at least would get my attention, I made an important decision: I would plant my own garden.
The next morning, I was at our local gardening shop loading my car trunk with rose bushes and bags of peat moss. For the next several months, I pruned and sprayed—and kept fresh roses throughout the house, quietly marveling at the satisfaction I gained from fragrant blooms.
Slowly I began to “plant my own garden” in other areas of my life as well, even taking steps toward a new career in editing and public speaking. If I had waited for someone else to bring me roses, and supposedly rescue me from my single state, I would have missed the incredible path my life has taken the past several years.
Hear me: This is not a soapbox speech for forever singleness. It’s an encouragement for you to seek the Lord’s direction rather than giving in to a desperate insistence for rescue. If you want to remarry and be part of a new family, go for it. But let the Lord heal you first rather than waiting for someone to show up with life’s “roses.”
Admittedly, I made a tough choice when I decided to put all thoughts of remarriage on hold. And although it is not the choice every single mother will—or should—make, I know it was the right one for me.
My decision not to rush into another marriage allowed me learn more about the Lord and more about myself. After all, I had been Mitch’s daughter, Don’s wife, Jay’s and Holly’s mother; I wanted to find Sandra Aldrich. And I did. Oh, she’s feisty and has a tendency to shoot from the lip too much, but she’s funny and strong and occasionally even wise. And I never would have found her if I’d thrown myself into another relationship in those early days of single parenting.
I genuinely believe my life never would have turned out this way if I had settled for what my extended family and even society expected instead of what God wanted to give me. And I believe God wanted to give me more of Himself, not another husband.
I also was convinced the Lord was preparing me for another career, and I felt sure a second husband would just talk me into going back to teach in the high school classroom.
Still, women in my Appalachian culture are expected to remarry, so I had to reason with aunts or cousins who made comments at every family gathering. To keep from saying what I was thinking, “That’s none of your business,” I’d mentally quote Proverbs 15:1—“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” But I still was irritated by the constant and often rude inquiries.
My friend Rose finally helped me break out of that anger trap when she said, “You’re giving everyone too much credit when you think they really care about your decisions. They don’t; they’re too involved in their own problems.”
I laughed, decided she was right and promptly stopped worrying over the comments about remarriage. Amazingly, as I stopped arguing about my chosen status, the relatives gradually found more interesting things to talk about.
A friend even said she admired the fact I was taking charge of my life rather than merely reacting to everything. Then she leaned toward me. “But don’t put God and His future for you in a little box.”
I thought about that for several days and then prayed, “Lord, you know I want only what you want. But if I can have my druthers, I’d druther remain single. All I need are friends who will smile when I come into a room.”
Now that I’m past those early scary days of single parenting, do I regret my decision? Not for a minute.
Get to Know Sandra Aldrich:
Sandra P. Aldrich is an inspirational speaker and author or co-author of 27 books, including Appalachian novels in the Zetta series and Bless Your Socks Off: Embracing the Power of Encouragement. Widowed by brain cancer and left to raise a ten-year-old son and eight-year-old daughter alone, Sandra faced unwelcome challenges with intense faith. And occasional stubbornness.
Check out her book, Bless Your Socks Off: Unleashing the Power of Encouragement:
Bless Your Socks Off heralds the amazing benefits of encouragement and illustrates how a few kind words can add fulfillment and joy to an ordinary life. Encouraging words have the power to lift spirits, soothe emotions, restore relationships, heal bodies, and even change lives.
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