(Note: This post first published, in a slightly different form, on October 7, 2021.)
As someone with a long history of anxiety, I’ve learned I can’t experience lasting peace in my own strength. I can’t take my anxious, and often snowballing, thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5) without supernatural help. But I’ve also found, each day, I can live more fully in the victory of Christ, during my most hectic and uncertain moments, included, when I actively and consistently pursue Him. When my world feels chaotic and like I’m being whipped about in a never-ending cyclone, I prayed for reprieve from difficult circumstances, yes, but even more so, I prayed against the storm raging within me. That was when I began taking my greatest steps toward freedom.
As some of you know, 2011 was an incredibly rough year for me, for so many reasons. I felt like I was being bombarded, relentless, on each side.
Can you relate?
Now, over a decade later, I can see how my overwhelm built slowly. Eventually, I became completely enslaved to my fear. My anxiety-driven actions also wounded some of the people I hold most dear. Feeling trapped in my inner spiral, I would fantasize about a life free of fear. I’d have so much extra time, so much more joy and peace. Healthier relationships, more restful sleep, more clarity regarding my calling.
But while I frequently dreamt about a peaceful existence, I didn’t believe I’d ever reach such a state. My catastrophic thinking felt far too strong to stop.
then one day, as I was walking to the laundry room, a realization silenced my normally loud brain: This is not how God wants me to live. He promised me freedom.
I knew, with the certainty that can only come from the Holy Spirit, that the same God who called me to live in freedom would give me the tools to do so.
That was my call to action moment, where I sensed God challenging me to make a choice. I could remain stuck in my gunk, slipping further and further into fear. Or I could follow His lead, however He led, in my pursuit of the woman He created me to be.
Praise God, and by His grace alone, I chose the latter and began actively, persistently, and consistently praying against my fear. Every time I felt that knot in my gut, I paused to seek God’s help and His strength. I asked Him to break the power my fear had over me, which at the time felt insurmountable, and in its place, to flood my soul with peace.
I was following the biblical example of the father who began in fear and anguish, but received that which he desperately sought. We read his story in Mark chapter 9, which we discussed in relation to praying versus arguing, a couple months ago. To refresh your memory, Scripture tells us, one day Jesus took Peter, James, and John up onto a mountain where He revealed to them His glory in an unforgettable, awe-inspiring way.
While they were gone, a deeply distressed father came searching for Jesus. Not finding Him, he sought help from His disciples, maybe because he’d heard about all the miracles they’d performed not long before (Matthew 10:1-20). His situation, it seemed, was simply too hard; the disciples failed. But then Jesus arrived, and, noticing a conflict between His followers and the teachers of the law, asked what they were arguing about.
Scripture says, “A man in the crowd answered, ‘Teacher, I brought You my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked Your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not'” (V. 17-18).
Then Jesus summoned the child, and the demon “threw the boy into a convulsion.” The child “fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth” (v. 20).
After a short explanation, the father said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us” (v. 21).
To which Jesus responded, “‘If you can’? Everything is possible for one who believes” (v. 22).
Hearing this, the father let out a guttural, shriek-like cry, krazo in the original Greek, perhaps because he feared his son’s healing depended on his faith. He exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (v. 24).
Jesus didn’t get upset at the man. He didn’t rebuke him and send him away for his weak faith. Instead, He responded to the father and son in love and grace. He commanded the demon to leave the boy, never to return again.
This passage reminds me to bring my anxieties to Jesus, and to seek Him in the midst of my doubts, knowing He won’t chastise or reject me. Instead, He’ll give me precisely what I need–increased intimacy with the only One whose love has the power to cast out my fears. (1 John 4:18).
Friends, He’s been so faithful. That fall when I began actively and persistently praying against my fears? That was a life-changer for me. I didn’t notice much difference at first, and there were times I wondered if my constant requests were doing any good. But I kept praying, day after day, sometimes moment by moment, month after month. Then, one day some six months later, I realized a situation that had once triggered intense anxiety barely bothered me anymore, and other situations no longer bothered me at all. God indeed had been working.
He was working on a spiritual level, using His supernatural power to break the chains that kept me bound. He was also teaching me how to grab hold of His freedom, step by step. To turn to Him in times of fear. Through this, I practiced stopping my anxious thoughts before they gained moment and rerouting them onto the good, in essence, onto God.
Lessons I probably wouldn’t have learned, had God immediately eradicated my anxiety.
I’ve adapted my peace-pursuit-plan since I first wrote today’s post. Now, I spend less time praying against my fear and more time praying for peace. I’ve found this especially helpful at night, when what-if thinking seem to multiply. Now, when I sense that first burst of anxiety, I recite Isaiah 26:3, which states:
You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you (NIV).
I make this my prayer, trusting that the Lord will do what He’s promised. This hasn’t eradicated my worries entirely, but it has drastically improved my inner calm.
Let’s talk about this! Do you suffer from anxiety? And if so, how often do you pray against your fear specifically?
Share your thoughts with us in the comments below, and make sure to connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.
Check out the Faith Over Fear Bible reading plan HERE.
If this encouraged you, make sure to check out both of my conversations with Jamie Hampton, cohost of the Praying Christian Woman podcast. I visited her show January 25th to talk about the healing benefits of interactive journaling. You can listen to that conversation HERE.
Two days later, she joined me on the Faith Over Fear podcast to discuss a powerful, but often misunderstood verse and how prayer–when we find the words to speak and when our anxiety binds our tongue–helps to calm and heal our fearful, wounded souls. Catch that conversation HERE.
Though I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I often run ahead of God, turning to look behind to see if He’s keeping up. Fortunately, He is patient with me, and He reins me in with His soft, gentle voice. The Holy Spirit nudges me to seek the Father’s will before I start the task, project, or journey–to ask Him if it’s something I should be doing or should wait to begin. To consider whether He’d like others to be involved. He reminds me that listening to God is how one plans ahead.
