rejection

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(This is taken an adapted from a piece I wrote for the Crosswalk Devotional podcast, which published on April 23, 2025. Find the full, audio version HERE.)

When someone’s approval feels life-giving, their rejection can feel soul-crushing.

Years ago, I met a woman who seemed highly enamored of almost everything I did. She loved my novels, wanted to serve with me in ministry, and appeared supportive of my calling. Soon, we developed a friendship that quickly turned toxic.

When I made leadership decisions she disagreed with, she tried pulling others onto her side through triangulation. When that didn’t work, she turned to slander and gossip. Initially, this confused me. How could someone go from a self-proclaimed fan and supporter to so hurtful so quickly?

As I prayerfully processed through the situation, I began to see things more clearly. She never truly valued me. Rather, she loved the version of me she’d created in her mind. When I failed to live up to the person and friend she imagined, her admiration quickly turned ugly.

Unfortunately, experiences like this aren’t uncommon. Human praise often proves unstable. The same person who applauds us one moment may criticize or reject us the next. And when we base our worth on other people’s approval, their shifting opinions can create confusing wounds.

When I land in that place, I gain comfort from knowing that Jesus understands, because He experienced it. One of the most thought-provoking examples comes from John 2.

This scene occurred near the beginning of Jesus’ earthly ministry. After clearing the Temple courts of merchants and money changers, He immediately faced opposition from religious leaders questioning His authority. Yet at the same time, crowds gathered around Him, amazed by the miracles He performed. Some admired Him while others challenged Him. Some believed Him while others rejected Him.

Regarding this, Scripture provides this insight: “But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people” (John 2:24, NIV).

Notice what this verse doesn’t say. Jesus didn’t withhold love or avoid relationship. In fact, He formed deep bonds with the disciples despite knowing they would abandon Him in His darkest hour. Christ loved people deeply and compassionately, without basing His identity or worth on their ever-changing opinions.

Instead, He entrusted Himself fully to the Father, the One who knew Him fully and loved Him completely.

Because human praise is fickle. The crowds shouting “Hosanna!” would soon cry, “Crucify Him!” The disciples who promised unwavering loyalty would scatter in fear. Yet Jesus remained grounded in who He was and what He came to do, because His identity rested securely in the Father’s unchanging love.

This allowed Him to love others with radical grace and compassion.

Jesus saw human weakness clearly. He understood pride, fear, self-protection and brokenness better than we ever will. Yet His knowledge of humanity didn’t harden Him or cause Him to withdraw emotionally. Instead, it moved Him to mercy.

While hanging on the cross, rejected and mocked, He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34, NIV).

Christ longs for us to experience that same freedom. He invites us to become so rooted in His love and secure in our identity as His beloved children that we stop allowing others to define our worth.

For many of us, that healing develops slowly, especially when rejection wounds run deep. But as we walk with Christ day by day, hurt by hurt, He heals those fragile places within us. He teaches us how to love others deeply without entrusting our souls to their approval.

Most importantly, in Him, we find the acceptance our hearts most need.

If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to listen to the Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled “Feeling Left Out? Christ Seats You at the Table of Honor.“

I also invite you to read through my Bible reading plan titled “Embracing Your True Self: Living in Your Christ-Centered Identity” found on the YouVersion Bible reading app.

Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back – Faith Over Fear

In this opening episode of our new Faith Over Fear series, Relational Peace: Loving Others Without Losing Yourself, Carol sits down with Bible teacher and author Becky Harling for an honest conversation about the subtle ways we lose ourselves inside relationships. Together, they explore how fear, people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and the pressure to keep everyone happy can quietly erode our peace, identity, and emotional health. Becky shares practical wisdom on boundaries, friendship, emotional dependency, and how Jesus modeled deep love without losing Himself in the process. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from carrying everyone else’s emotions or guilty for needing rest, this episode offers biblical encouragement and practical next steps toward healthier, Christ-centered relationships. In This Episode, learn: Why people-pleasing is often fear in disguise The difference between healthy love and self-erasure How Jesus modeled boundaries and emotional health Signs you may be losing yourself in relationships Why Christian women and men especially struggle with overextending What healthy friendships actually look like Practical tools for saying no without guilt How to love others without carrying their emotional weight Scripture References Mark 1:35–38 Proverbs 4:23 John 2:24 Ephesians 2:10 I think I got them all? Key TakeawayHealthy relationships are not built on fear, guilt, or emotional exhaustion. They’re built on truth, grace, wisdom, honesty, and an identity firmly rooted in Christ. Find Becky Harling:  On her website On Facebook On Instagram On Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back
  2. Recognizing and Breaking Free from Harmful Relationships
  3. From Bondage to Abundance: One Woman's Testimony About Learning to Live Free
  4. How God Helps Us Get to and Resolve the Root of Our Anxiety
  5. Calm Anxiety and Overwhelm Through Time With Christ

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One morning, my teen groused around the house.

I tried to cheer her with pancakes and jokes.  

She absently pushed a pancake around on her plate.

My efforts didn’t improve her attitude. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to give her the silent treatment. How easy to say, “When will you clean your bathroom?”

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Romans 12:18. If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why do family gatherings become a place where we emotionally abuse one another and have pie?

1. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in me feeling rejected. Efforts to cheer my daughter were rebuffed. 

2. Resentful about feeling rejected, I make up a story about my teen’s behavior.

3. Feeling resentment, I resist relationship by giving the silent treatment.

4. Resistance turns into revenge. My verbal attack about her bathroom would hurt her in the same way I feel she has hurt me.

5. Repeat.. She didn’t engage with me, I disengaged from her, she distances herself from my barbs, and the pattern continues. 

These 5 Rs destroy relationships: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, repeat.

This cycle becomes automatic and expected. The aunt perpetually offended with someone. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way.

Reverse the 5 Rs.

1.         Resentment You are stuck in resentment when you are stuck in drama.

“He needs to …” 

“I’m not perfect but …”

“She should …” 

Solution: Shift to gratitude. 

“I’m grateful he …” 

“What fun to …”

“I’m thankful she …” 

2.         Resistance is shutting down emotionally and relationally.

Solution: Engage. Make eye contact, have conversations. Get clear by saying, “The story I’m making up in my head about (situation) is _______________.”

3.         Revenge is wanting another to feel hurt. 

Words like, “Now he will know how it feels.”

“Serves her right.” 

“He had it coming,” signal revenge.

Solution: Give grace generously for healthy relationships. 

4.         Repeat. Being hurt, you hurt someone, and they hurt you, and you are offended, and they are offended, and both people dive into the 5 Rs. 

Solution: Release others from your expectations of how they should act or behave.

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” ~ King Solomon (Prov. 12:16).

The moment you feel rejected, choose the 5 Rs, or choose grace, joy, and health.

Rejection is based on understanding what is fact and what is fiction. The fact is: 

1. my teen refused to be cheered up

2. my adult child has a life that doesn’t center around me

3. I was not recognized at an important event

We instantly make up a story about what those facts mean.

1. My teenager thinks I stink as a parent

2. My adult child keeps me out of their life

3. I am not important

We act and react based on the made-up story as if the fictional story were truth.

Instead, stick to the facts.

1.         To my teen, I said, “The story I’m making up in my head is I stink as a parent and you’d rather be anywhere than here with me.” 

My teen responded, “I just learned the boy I babysit has leukemia.” (Note to self: Most folks are not even thinking about me.)

2.         Adult children are not obligated to keep their parents updated on their schedules. I can be thankful they have productive lives.

3.         Though it doesn’t look as I expected, I am important and part of the event. Will this situation matter in five years? Maybe. Now, I choose to enjoy the celebration.

Most things people say or do, don’t say, don’t do, and accidentally do or don’t do rarely have anything to do with you. (Yes, that’s a lot of do-do.) We’re doing our best to live as well as we can.

Occasionally, people reject you. The vital aspect is how you respond. Without the 5 Rs, family gatherings are no emotional drama and all of the pie.

For more tips on building family relationships, see The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells.

Get to Know PeggySue Wells:

PeggySue Wells is an award-winning USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, writing coach, and independent publishing strategist who inspires readers and writers alike with nearly 50 captivating books and practical guides.

Check Out Her and Pam Ferrel’s book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own:

No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you’re able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?

With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of 7 children) show you how to

– be decisive
– create a nurturing home
– be proactive
– date wisely
– pray for your child
– embrace your happily-ever-after
– and more

You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity. This loving, practical guide shows you how.

Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back – Faith Over Fear

In this opening episode of our new Faith Over Fear series, Relational Peace: Loving Others Without Losing Yourself, Carol sits down with Bible teacher and author Becky Harling for an honest conversation about the subtle ways we lose ourselves inside relationships. Together, they explore how fear, people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and the pressure to keep everyone happy can quietly erode our peace, identity, and emotional health. Becky shares practical wisdom on boundaries, friendship, emotional dependency, and how Jesus modeled deep love without losing Himself in the process. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from carrying everyone else’s emotions or guilty for needing rest, this episode offers biblical encouragement and practical next steps toward healthier, Christ-centered relationships. In This Episode, learn: Why people-pleasing is often fear in disguise The difference between healthy love and self-erasure How Jesus modeled boundaries and emotional health Signs you may be losing yourself in relationships Why Christian women and men especially struggle with overextending What healthy friendships actually look like Practical tools for saying no without guilt How to love others without carrying their emotional weight Scripture References Mark 1:35–38 Proverbs 4:23 John 2:24 Ephesians 2:10 I think I got them all? Key TakeawayHealthy relationships are not built on fear, guilt, or emotional exhaustion. They’re built on truth, grace, wisdom, honesty, and an identity firmly rooted in Christ. Find Becky Harling:  On her website On Facebook On Instagram On Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back
  2. Recognizing and Breaking Free from Harmful Relationships
  3. From Bondage to Abundance: One Woman's Testimony About Learning to Live Free
  4. How God Helps Us Get to and Resolve the Root of Our Anxiety
  5. Calm Anxiety and Overwhelm Through Time With Christ

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Picture of Ashley outside resting against a tree trunkHer greatest strength, the one that had enabled her to overcome incredible challenges, was not only being called into question but was condemned. It was our daughter’s first real job, her first time out of state, on her own. Really, her first steps into the world of adulthood. But a critical roommate turned what God intended for a blessing into months of rejection and pain.

And as I listened to her relay all her roommate had said and done, my anger and sorrow began to rise. Had we been discussing an issue of sin, then perhaps I could’ve understood. Even agreed with the young woman, encouraging my daughter to embrace truth as she attempted to grow in her faith and talents.

And perhaps had our daughter been home, surrounded by her friends, her support system, the criticism wouldn’t have cut so deeply. But there she sat, over 1,000 miles away, barely twenty years old and embracing a role many adults would find intimidating, and her every move, her every word, her very identity, was being challenged. To make matters more confusing, this other woman, who was older than my daughter, claimed to be a Christian, and often used Scripture to back up her condemnations.

“Mom, what’s wrong with me?” my daughter asked.

My response: “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Do not let her challenge the core of who you are. Those things that make you strong. That make you you.”

Though my daughter knew I was right, it was hard to shake off the insecurity her roommate triggered. Those inner lies that cropped up when life became hard and others acted ugly, lies that told her she was annoying or not good enough kept playing through her mind.

But my daughter kept pressing, kept praying, and kept going to work each day, refusing to cower to one woman’s faulty opinion. And over time, reality hit. She began to notice instances when her roommate was critical of others, belittled others behind their back, and viewed everyone and everything through a lens of judgment. This provided the context that allowed my daughter to see the situation more clearly.

She gained the wisdom necessary to shake off the rejection and move forward in godly confidence.

In Matthew 7:5, Jesus instructs us, when in relational conflict, to first remove the beam out of woman praying with text of quote pulled from articleour eye so that we can see clearly. In context, He’s addressing the person doing the judging, the person with a critical spirit, but I believe the general principle applies to both sides. So often, we have planks, whether pride, areas of deception, or wounds caused by past hurts, that distort our vision. Only God can see the situation clearly. Therefore, the best thing we can do, whenever conflict arises, is to seek Jesus. To ask Him to show us what’s really going on—our role and the other person’s.

When we do that, we may find, as my daughter did, that the issue isn’t about us at all. Other times, He may show us areas we need to change. Either way, by leaning into Him and seeking His wisdom, we step deeper into freedom and in situations like my daughter experienced, learn to move from rejected to deeply and wholly loved.

If this post encouraged you, pop over to the Wholly Loved website to watch a short video devotion on “shaking off the dust” of rejection. You can watch it HERE.

I also encourage you to sign up for my free quarterly e-mailing to receive great content (short stories, inspirational messages, recipes, and more) sent directly to your inbox. You can do that HERE.

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As a freelance writer, I love helping new writers and as a result, I spend a fair amount of time doing critiques. The other day I had to send a less than glowing critique to someone I care about. It was hard. Selfishly, I wanted to cushion my words, but I knew doing so would only hurt my friend. And so, praying our relationship withstood my honest feedback, I sent the email. Why? Because one thing I learned early on–if I want to grow, in life or in my career, I need to learn to accept, and grow from, rejection. In fact, as Julie Arduini points out in the following article, quite often, rejection can be a great opportunity for improvement, even promotion…if handled well.

Thankful For Rejection by Julie Arduini

I thought I’d share today why I’m thankful for rejection.

You read it right, I’m thankful when I experience rejection.

That doesn’t mean I enjoy it or look forward to it, but I’ve finally reached the place that I understand it isn’t just part of life, it’s necessary and an opportunity for me to grow. A few years ago I read Becoming Lovers: From Disciple of Christ to the Bride of Christ and I believe it was in those pages Joy Chickonoski talked about rejection meaning promotion.

Yep, you read that right, too. Rejection means promotion.

That took me a long time to understand. Not so long ago I went through a season of personal rejection that if it were possible, could have turned me inside out because it felt so brutal. It was consistent and one of the most painful times of my life. But when it started I clung to the Lord and asked for His help. I relied on His strength and became a true picture of the person being carried in the “Footprints in the Sand” poem. The more I surrendered my hurt and fears, the stronger I became. I received step-by-step direction on how to lovingly respond that I believe was Holy Spirit led. When that season reached the apex I was able to deliver truth with a peace that absolutely passed any definition man could have. I knew whatever happened next, it would be okay.

Fast forward and everyone involved in that season is better for that rejection. It was a valley experience that refined me. Since then I’ve faced writing rejection and things of that nature that I feared for decades. After thriving past that true rejection, the other kinds didn’t seem that daunting anymore. If anything, I licked my wounds, laughed, and moved on.

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I read a lot and I interact with a lot of people in different circles. As Thanksgiving and Christmas approach I’m observing so many people battling rejection. Perhaps it is marriage related and custody or perhaps in-law issues. Family wounds with parents or siblings. The unemployment rate is a big factor this year to families across the country and although most of the time a layoff or job loss isn’t personal, it sure feels that way. Friendships or relationships that are barely hanging on or ended. Rejection is the understudy in a play praying the lead gets sick so they can take over.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. When I write things I’ve either recently come through it or am going through it right now. If you can relate to rejection, are you able to embrace it? Can you be thankful for it?

(BTW, Jeannie Campbell has a great post about a fundraiser for author Sandi Rog that includes prizes. Sandi is going through her own valley experience and your help would be a blessing. Thanks!)

Julie Arduini is a writer and speaker residing in NE Ohio with her husband and two children. Her work is included in such works as the Peculiar People Project’s Delivered and Guideposts Incredible Answers to Prayer series. She’s editing her contemporary romance, Spectacular Falls. She’s a webinar presenter through Christian Women Affiliate and is a team blogger with Christians Read. Her passion is to encourage audiences to find freedom through surrender, but knows it has to start with her. She’s surrendering the good, the bad, and—maybe one day—the chocolate. You can contact her through her website.

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