(Note: This content first appeared on the Crosswalk Devotional podcast. Used by permission.)
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Do you ever replay your worst moments at night—every harsh word, angry reactions, or the damage your fears and insecurities caused? Maybe you see yourself repeating the same unhealthy patterns repeating and wonder if you’ll ever truly change.
If so, you’re not alone.
Recently, I sat with a woman devastated by a relational conflict. With tears in her eyes, she admitted how quickly fear and insecurity can distort her thinking. In the moment, she assumes the worst about people’s motives. This causes her to withdraw emotionally, question their care for her, and respond to others with in defensive ways. Later, shame takes hold when she sees the damage her behavior created.
“I recognize my dysfunction. I just don’t know how to break it.”
Maybe you’ve felt that way too.
Growth and healing rarely happen overnight. Although God can transform us instantly, He often works gradually. He reveals wounds long buried and unhelpful coping strategies, while teaching us how to rely more fully on Him. That self-awareness can elicit profound grief as we begin to see the impact of our actions more clearly.
But God doesn’t shine His light into our souls to trap us in shame. Instead, His intent is always to lead us into deeper grace.
My favorite example of this comes from the book of Nehemiah. After seventy years in exile caused by Israel’s rebellion against God, the people returned to Jerusalem to rebuild what their enemies had previously destroyed–largely because of ancient Israel’s persistent rebellion against God. When Ezra, an Old Testament priest, read the Jewish Scriptures aloud, the people wept. Although they probably recognized the sacred beauty of this moment, they also recognized the depth of their sin and all it had cost them and their loved ones.
Yet, notice how their leaders responded:
“Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Neh. 8:10, NIV).
The people had already suffered the consequences for their actions. Now, it was time for them to begin again. To shuck of their shame and allow the Lord to strengthen them by His grace.
Christ says the same to us. He paid for each one of our sins, past, present and future. He bore the consequences and now invites us to live in the joy of His grace.
Biblical joy runs much deeper than circumstantial happiness.
It’s the deep and enduring confidence that God remains present, merciful, and faithful in all situations, our most regrettable included.
It’s trusting that He won’t withdraw His love or abandon us in our failures or withdraw His love in frustration.
Instead, He meets us in them and gives us the power to rise again.
The Israelites still needed to clear away the rubble rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. Grace didn’t bring about instant restoration. But God wanted them to live as His forgiven, beloved children.
This is true for us as well, because as Romans 8:1 states, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (NIV).
As I shared this biblical account with my friend, and listened to her concerns, I sensed a deeper issue at play. She’d come to see her inner critic, her “shame-driver” as helpful, believing it kept her accountable.
She assumed self-condemnation protected her from repeating her mistakes. In reality, shame leaves us exhausted, defeated, and stuck.
God’s grace, however, gives us courage to face our broken places honestly, trusting Christ’s love to bring about lasting transformation and increased intimacy with Him.
Through Jesus, we never have to hide from God. Our sin doesn’t repel Him. He draws near with mercy, healing, and truth. The cross proves this.
As we continue bringing our struggles into His presence, receiving His forgiveness, and renewing our minds with His truth, self-loathing begins losing its grip.
Joy grows stronger, as do we.
If shame is holding you captive, bring it to Christ in prayer. Ask Him to help you receive the forgiveness He’s already provided through Christ. And perhaps, repeat this each time self-condemnation invades your soul.
If this post resonated with you, make sure to catch the Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled, “Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration” to hear my cohost’s painful-to-beautiful testimony.