Today’s post, by Kathleen Maher illustrates the point I’m going to make tomorrow. Forgiveness is rarely a one-time event, as you will see in the following story. Come back tomorrow as we discuss the things that keep us from forgiveness and how we can overcome them. Then, on Thursday, we’ll talk about continual forgiveness–what do you do when the person you’re trying to forgive continues to hurt you? Although in truth, I don’t have definitive answers for these, I’m going to throw some things out there for you to chew on and pray over. Ultimately, only God knows the steps each of us need to take. Ultimate healing and freedom comes through obedience and continual surrender. And at times, as you will see in Kathleen’s story, the journey of surrender will be painful, but God has promised to hold us through it. Through ever tear, every disappointment and rejection, He is might to save and His ear is never too dull to hear.
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490 Degree Forgiveness
Three-year-olds absorb the world from maternal arms, like an extension of Mother’s experiences, going where she goes, seeing what she sees and feeling what she feels.
As a three-year-old, I saw my mother’s world—raging arguments, chaos, turmoil, events I could not understand. Her grief hung like a paralyzing fog over our home, and took siege of my own heart. All I knew is that my father stopped loving us. He stopped coming home. He would call, though, sometimes. For money. For rides from the bar. After a while my mother stopped answering his calls entirely. And I didn’t understand why.
My mother would play Jim Croce’s song Lover’s Cross and I came to understand through the word pictures it painted that my mother had been a longsuffering martyr to an abusive, alcoholic man. When my father left her, it hurt, but slowly, she healed. And so did I. Until he showed up with a new family.
I had been the baby of the family, and now, my Daddy had replaced me with a little baby boy. He had a different wife, too, and though she was kind, she was strange to me. I felt betrayed. He loved her and that boy, but he didn’t care that I’d had a birthday or that Christmas had come and gone for me with no Daddy.
I knew I had to love the baby because it wasn’t his fault. I forgave. And my father forgot—he disappeared from our lives again.
My mother had a little bookmark in her Bible with a picture of a child nestled into a big, masculine hand. The image called to me. I related to that child, because I felt very small and vulnerable. I wanted to be that child, treasured enough to be held in a Daddy’s hand. I remember reading the caption. Isaiah 49:15-16. “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget or abandon you—I have carved you in the palm of my hand.”
For the first time I understood that God wanted to be my Heavenly Father. That even though I couldn’t see it, His hands held me, comforted me, and guided me. He wanted me as His daughter.
God had brought me 360 degrees from abandonment to redemption. But I still had a journey ahead.
In my teen years, I learned that my biological father had begun yet another family. His alcoholism and violent outbursts had apparently summoned the Foster Care system to take his new children away. It sickened and embarrassed me. He brought my mother shame in our small community as word of his behavior trickled back like daggers into her genteel heart. I hated that my mother, who had raised me and my siblings all by herself and sacrificed so much for us, had been hurt once more by his evil and selfish choices.
I looked to God for peace and comfort once again, but this time, His hands did not hold a child, they held the imprint of a nail. They held the weight of the world’s sin. My father’s sin. God showed me the price He’d paid to forgive. He told me that my peace would come only through forgiveness. I had to go the extra mile, beyond my 360 degree redemption, to 490 degree forgiveness. Seventy times seven.
I forgave, and it has set me free.
I had the chance to serve him in his old age. I took him food, I prayed with him. I know he heard the gospel on several occasions. My father passed away three years ago, and I attended his funeral. My sisters and I spoke on forgiveness and shared the salvation message to the small assembly.
I think of Joseph in the Bible who endured great suffering at the hands of his earthly family. He forgave, and God was pleased to use him “to save many men alive”, his family in particular. He named one of his sons Manasseh, which means, “I will forget the pain of my father’s household.” His other son he named Ephraim which means “fruitful in the land of my suffering”.
Perhaps like Joseph, God allowed the pain of my childhood so that I would have compassion on others who have suffered. Through God’s grace, I have been blessed to talk with a few of my half-sisters. I Iearned that God reached down into the chaos and pain of their childhood and brought them to a Christian foster family who adopted them. Perhaps God has used the healing He has done in my life to help them. I earnestly hope so.
Memories still creep up, which can resurface hurt, anger and resentment. When confronted with these, I go back to that simple math equation.
Q: How much is 70×7?
A: It is a lifetime commitment. 490 Degree forgiveness.
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Now, I leave you with this video.
Kathleen L. Maher’s passion for fiction began in preschool with the cuddly hero from The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter. Writing soon followed, and she had penned her first novel by the time she was a freshman in high school. Having put her writing on hold to raise her family, she recently picked it back up. In 2009 and again in 2010, her romance novel placed second in the inspirational category of RWA’s Launching a STAR contest.
She’s been an active presence on several writing loops, and will soon mark three years with ACFW. She serves as co-moderator for Civil War HIStory yahoo group, and with her critique partner, Debbie Lynne Costello, founded CROWN Fiction Marketing Network. CROWN promotes the work of a dozen multi-published CBA authors through a quid pro quo system of reviews, blog tours and social network campaigning.
Kathleen holds an Associate degree from Corning Community College where she studied literature and journalism and contributed articles to the school newsletter. She has been an occasional guest writer on blogs such as Uncommon History, and Faith, Fiction and Friends. Her own blog features upstate New York history and book reviews.
She shares her passion for history and writing with her critique partners from ACFW’s Scribes 213 group. She and her beloved husband live in an old country farmhouse with their three children, one of whom is on the autism spectrum, and two “rescue” Newfoundland dogs.
What a powerful message, Kathleen. Thank you for sharing your heart and your struggles which many of us can well relate to. I just sent this link on to a loved one as well. I’ll never forget that phrases—490 degrees forgiveness. Blessings!
Elaine, thank you for stopping by and commenting. Thank you for your kind words, too. Blessings to you and your friend. God’s love is so immense, isn’t it? He’s a wonderful Father.
You have answered many questions I had about your life Kathleen thorugh your powerful story. Meekness is learned through pain and sorrow. You have learned it, and now I better understand your loving heart.
Kathy, I don’t know what to say. I’m still absorbing your beautiful testimony. What an amazing picture of 490 degree forgiveness. I also had to go the extra degrees with my father and my stepfather and it changed my life, and theirs.
Bless you for sharing this!
Awesome post, Kathy,
Appreciate it so much. I had to deal with forgivenness with a grandfather and father in law. Now I have to guard against building bitterness because of other things going on in the family. Thank you so much for the reminder that forgivenness is for our own mental and emotional health and spiritual well-being.
Awe, Suzanne, you are dear. Thank you for your kind words. To God be the glory, because He motivated me well to forgive–I needed peace. 😀
Carla, thank you, sweet. I would love to hear your story some day. God uses the foolish things to confound the wise, like using children to bring wisdom and grace to their elders. God bless you for your willingness.
Tina, just got your comment this morning. I’m sorry for your ongoing struggles, and will stand in faith with you for that “exceedlingly, abundantly above” promised to us in Eph 3:20. Blessings, hon. ❤
This post couldn’t be more right on!
Thanks, pr 10 project. Blessings to you on your journey.
I read this a few years ago and reading it again today was a wonderful blessing. Thank you for sharing your gift.
I am so glad you found Kathleen’s post encouraging! God bless you, Mary!