(Note: This first published on August 26, 2021.)
Many of us are uncomfortable with anger, likely because we’ve seen the damage the emotion, uncontrolled, can produce. We’ve probably, on occasion, created wreckage ourselves. I’ve done both. I’ve been deeply hurt by the rash actions of others, but I’ve also allowed corrosive words to erupt from my mouth.
All that pain and ugliness from the past can motivate me to squelch my anger. But God has shown me, while He is pleased when I guard what I say, He doesn’t tell me to suppress and deny my feelings.
Instead, He wants me to investigate and untangle them. To get to their root.
Scripture says, “In your anger do not sin” (Eph. 4:26a). In other words, some situations and encounters will make us mad. And the emotion itself isn’t sin, but it can easily, much too easily in fact, lead to sin—especially when we see it as a signal to spring into action. We simply cannot handle the intensity of such an emotion on our own, not if we want to respond with godliness.
We need to learn to pause. To really sit in our anger, to wrestle with ourselves and with God. Most importantly, to find Him—His heart—in our emotional angst.
As we do, we begin to understand, on a soul-deep level, what grieves and provokes His Father’s heart. When my anger stems from selfishness or pride, He’ll show me, lovingly drawing me into His cleansing embrace.
Other times, He’ll take me deeper, revealing where our souls connect, where we grieve together. As Dr. Allender, co-author of the Cry of the Soul states, “Righteous anger” —like what burns within me when I see a child abused, the weak oppressed, and a life destroyed— “warns, invites, and wounds for the greater work of redemption. It is full of strength that is neither defensive nor vindictive, and it is permeated by a sadness that is rich in desire and hope. … Righteous anger grieves and struggles with God: ‘What are You doing, God? What am I to understand about You?’”
My deepest angst becomes a call to intimacy, to discover more of my heart and God’s and where they intercept. A call to worship, and then, and only then, to action. Because as Dr. Allender so wisely states, “Our reaction to the pain and injustice of life will only move toward godly anger if we own up to our struggle with God and move toward Him with our questions.”
About a month ago, God walked me through this journey. It’d been a tough weekend where I felt bombarded by evil on every side. Someone using their religious authority to break up a marriage and friend groups. Another using their power to wound a young heart. And still another, a leader, creating ripples of dysfunction that drove numerous people from the church.
Ignited by the injustice, the wrongness, of it all, I immediately became engulfed in spiraling thoughts. Thoughts that, frankly, centered on me. On what I wanted to say or do or how I would “fix” the situation. But then I sensed God’s gentle whisper, “I’m here.” So I paused, right there in my bathroom, to pray.
To see Him and His heart, one that was even more grieved than mine.
There was beauty and comfort in that. In sharing that moment with my Savior, the loving and self-sacrificing lamb, absolutely, but also the sovereign, all-powerful lion of Judah who fights for His beloved. The One who always has a plan, and who will show me, in His timing, the role I am to play.
He is just.
He is righteous.
He is the defender of the vulnerable and oppressed.
I know many of you have experienced inner turmoil over all that is and has been occurring in our world at large and your more personal world. Righteous anger God shares. And we know that one day He will make all things right. Until then, we wrestle with ourselves, with Him, and seek His heart and His will, trusting in and waiting on the God who sees, hears, feels, and acts according to His perfect timing, His perfect love, and His infinite wisdom.
Let’s talk about this! How do you typically respond to feelings of anger? Do you suppress, lash out, or investigate? How might seeking God’s heart in the middle of your anger deepen your understanding and intimacy with Him? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another.
I’d love to connect with you on social media! You can find me on Facebook and Instagram, and you can listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode here:
Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back – Faith Over Fear
- Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back
- Recognizing and Breaking Free from Harmful Relationships
- From Bondage to Abundance: One Woman's Testimony About Learning to Live Free
- How God Helps Us Get to and Resolve the Root of Our Anxiety
- Calm Anxiety and Overwhelm Through Time With Christ
I have been struggling to understand more about God’s justice. Often when I read what people write as you did about Him making all things right, I would like very much to understand that better.
Good morning, friend! That’s a big subject! 🙂 And a complicated one that also involves His mercy and grace, making the issue more confusing for sure! If I see resources that go deeper into this, I’ll definitely point them your way. And feel free to ask specific questions. I may not have the answers (probably won’t. haha!) but maybe I could point you to someone who could answer.
May I ask you 1 question about Anger?
I really liked and needed the following suggestion you provided in this post on anger:
:…to wrestle with ourselves and with God.
Most importantly,
to find Him—
to find His heart—
in our emotional angst.”
For me, this approach works great for indirect anger, folks who share different opinions or just don’t see things your way.
But what would be your suggestion for a partnere who is a steady source of irritation and frustration?
Could you provide me with your angle on how this emotional angst would be sorted out with GOD?
I get your approach on how to manage righteous anger, but if one is in a family or marriage where one person is routinely aggravating and is a constant source of acts that annoy or undermine you, what would you advise? Is there some ideas or insight on approach that is biblical and spritually centered you could give me?
Thank you so much. I really liked this post and will use many of your thoughts and insights.
Hello, Vida,
Thanks for taking the time to engage on this post! That is such a great, important question! Unfortunately, I would also say, it’s one with a complicated answer! Without knowing anything about your situation, I can only speak in generalities, and only as to what I might do, if I were in that situation. I think perhaps what I would do, while routinely praying, expressing my emotions honestly to God, and seeing His perspective, is seek help from a licensed (and preferably, Bible-believing and Christ-led) counselor, as sometimes the situation is the result of patterns created by two people over time. (One person’s hurt leads them to respond in a certain way, which causes hurt for the other person who then responds in a hurtful way …) Also, in my husband and my marriage, early on, when we were really struggling, I later came to realize much of my angst came from my perception of things that were based more on wounds I’d experienced in the past (and he was reacting out of his past wounding, as well). And, if possible, I would try to communicate in the healthiest way possible, and seeking help as to how to do so, if necessary.
I don’t know what you mean by undermine. Is this in relation to parenting? I know parenting can be a huge challenge in marriage, as spouses can have vastly different ideas regarding how to raise children. If that was occurring for me, I might try to find time, when neither my spouse nor I felt upset, to talk through parenting values and goals, and see if we could reach agreement on our biggest issues. And, if we couldn’t, again, I’d probably seek outside help through a therapist who could guide us. Marriage can be super hard, and takes so, so much work! But, it can also be incredibly beautiful when you consistently fight for the relationship (for the health of the relationship).
May God comfort you in your pain, assure you of His love, give you wisdom regarding what to say and not to say, and what to do and not to do, and bring supernatural healing. In Christ’s name.
I often don’t stop to think that when I have a righteous anger about something, that He is angry about it as well. That I’m not alone in that feeling. This was a good reminder to try and think on that the next time it happens. To be with Him in that moment.
I appreciate how encouraging you always are, friend! Glad this post reminded you to see God in your anger and feel it with Him!