When Family Drama Threatens to Sour Christmas – Guest post by peggysue wells

by Jennifer Slattery on December 11, 2025December 10, 2025

One morning, my teen groused around the house.

I tried to cheer her with pancakes and jokes.

She absently pushed a pancake around on her plate.

My efforts didn’t improve her attitude. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to give her the silent treatment. How easy to say, “When will you clean your bathroom?”

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Romans 12:18. If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why do family gatherings become a place where we emotionally abuse one another and have pie?

1. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in me feeling rejected. Efforts to cheer my daughter were rebuffed.

2. Resentful about feeling rejected, I make up a story about my teen’s behavior.

3. Feeling resentment, I resist relationship by giving the silent treatment.

4. Resistance turns into revenge. My verbal attack about her bathroom would hurt her in the same way I feel she has hurt me.

5. Repeat.. She didn’t engage with me, I disengaged from her, she distances herself from my barbs, and the pattern continues.

These 5 Rs destroy relationships: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, repeat.

This cycle becomes automatic and expected. The aunt perpetually offended with someone. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way.

Reverse the 5 Rs.

1. Resentment You are stuck in resentment when you are stuck in drama.

“He needs to …”

“I’m not perfect but …”

“She should …”

Solution: Shift to gratitude.

“I’m grateful he …”

“What fun to …”

“I’m thankful she …”

2. Resistance is shutting down emotionally and relationally.

Solution: Engage. Make eye contact, have conversations. Get clear by saying, “The story I’m making up in my head about (situation) is _______________.”

3. Revenge is wanting another to feel hurt.

Words like, “Now he will know how it feels.”

“Serves her right.”

“He had it coming,” signal revenge.

Solution: Give grace generously for healthy relationships.

4. Repeat. Being hurt, you hurt someone, and they hurt you, and you are offended, and they are offended, and both people dive into the 5 Rs.

Solution: Release others from your expectations of how they should act or behave.

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” ~ King Solomon (Prov. 12:16).

The moment you feel rejected, choose the 5 Rs, or choose grace, joy, and health.

Rejection is based on understanding what is fact and what is fiction. The fact is:

1. my teen refused to be cheered up

2. my adult child has a life that doesn’t center around me

3. I was not recognized at an important event

We instantly make up a story about what those facts mean.

1. My teenager thinks I stink as a parent

2. My adult child keeps me out of their life

3. I am not important

We act and react based on the made-up story as if the fictional story were truth.

Instead, stick to the facts.

1. To my teen, I said, “The story I’m making up in my head is I stink as a parent and you’d rather be anywhere than here with me.”

My teen responded, “I just learned the boy I babysit has leukemia.” (Note to self: Most folks are not even thinking about me.)

2. Adult children are not obligated to keep their parents updated on their schedules. I can be thankful they have productive lives.

3. Though it doesn’t look as I expected, I am important and part of the event. Will this situation matter in five years? Maybe. Now, I choose to enjoy the celebration.

Most things people say or do, don’t say, don’t do, and accidentally do or don’t do rarely have anything to do with you. (Yes, that’s a lot of do-do.) We’re doing our best to live as well as we can.

Occasionally, people reject you. The vital aspect is how you respond. Without the 5 Rs, family gatherings are no emotional drama and all of the pie.

For more tips on building family relationships, see The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells.

Get to Know PeggySue Wells:

PeggySue Wells is an award-winning USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, writing coach, and independent publishing strategist who inspires readers and writers alike with nearly 50 captivating books and practical guides.

Check Out Her and Pam Ferrel’s book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own:

No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you’re able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?

With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of 7 children) show you how to

– be decisive
– create a nurturing home
– be proactive
– date wisely
– pray for your child
– embrace your happily-ever-after
– and more

You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity. This loving, practical guide shows you how.

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

What happens when a respected Bible teacher’s hidden struggle finally comes to light? In this special feed drop episode from Love Life Sober, Carol McCracken shares the deeply personal story behind a season she hid for years: increasing dependence on alcohol while navigating parenting stress, marital strain, shame, and emotional exhaustion. From the outside, Carol appeared to have everything together. Inside, she was unraveling. After an arrest forced her secret into the open, Carol found herself confronting painful truths about control, identity, fear, and the parts of her heart she had never fully surrendered to God. What followed became a story of grace, healing, freedom from alcohol, and an unexpected journey of restoration. Whether or not alcohol has been part of your story, this conversation speaks to anyone who has: hidden struggles behind a polished image felt trapped by shame feared being “found out” tried to manage pain through unhealthy coping mechanisms wondered if God could still redeem what feels broken In this episode, Carol and Christy discuss: the emotional roots beneath destructive coping patterns the shame many Christians carry in silence surrendering control to God how healing often begins with honesty why freedom rarely happens overnight the difference between knowing truth in your head and believing it in your heart God’s ability to restore what once seemed beyond repair Connect with Christy Osborne: On the Love Life Sober Podcast On her website On Instagram Connect with Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Scripture Referenced Romans 8:38–39 Luke 10:38–42 Lamentations 3:22–23 If This Episode Encouraged You Share this episode with a friend, leave a review, and subscribe to Faith Over Fear for more conversations that help you move from fear and striving toward freedom and deeper trust in Christ. For additional support, download this free resource: Freedom from numbing: Breaking Alcohol’s grip Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Decrease Your Anxiety this holiday season – guest post by Kathy Bruins

by Jennifer Slattery on December 4, 2025December 4, 2025

Christmas always carries with it memories. Some wonderful and some not so great.

I had never really hosted a big family gathering before, but I decided to host my husband’s family for Christmas shortly after we were married. I had a new China set I was excited to use, along with new utensils. I decorated the tree and put cute Christmas items throughout the house. I tied Christmas scarves on my dogs, Max and Walker. I researched recipes for prime rib because that is what his family always served on Christmas.

Let’s not forget the Christmas cards I needed to send out, the cookies I needed to bake and share, while working 40 hours a week, and participating in all the activities that Christmas brings: choir, Christmas program, and Christmas caroling.

Along with this, I adopted John’s family’s traditions so they would love Christmas at my house. This included candy cane cookies and learning to play pinochle (they joked, “must learn to be a part of the family”). Did I mention that 15 people were coming? Remember, I took all of this on to be fully accepted by the family as one of their own (i.e., self-inflicted).

Rejection was a fear I carried back then. Not being good enough, like cliques in high school where I was on the outside, stayed with me after graduation. What if my husband’s family hated having Christmas here and thought I was a loser? These dramatic thoughts were real for me as I struggled with approval. Back then, I felt I couldn’t be myself because I wouldn’t be accepted.

These experiences always seem to stick in our minds, filed neatly in our brains. Then something or someone hits a button that may or may not connect to one of those files; it doesn’t matter, because the whole file drawer comes flying out, and reports from the files are flung all over our minds. Merry Christmas …

How did I enjoy Christmas Day? I didn’t. Exhaustion and anxiety took all the joy out of the day. Although my intentions were good, my methods were not. But here’s what I learned.

Finding peace in the chaos of the world is a true gift. Jesus is the Prince of Peace and knows exactly how you are feeling and what to do to find harmonic contentment in your soul.

First, get rid of your fears. Fears come from wounds we’ve experienced and lies told to us. Healing over these hurts can occur when we practice forgiveness. Here are some ways to forgive someone:

Know that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they are the winner; in fact, you are the true victor in allowing God to take from you the hurts, and you carry them no longer. You become free to become the person God wants you to be.
Pray for the person you want to forgive. God loves the person you are forgiving. Even though you may not feel it now, or ever, praying for them is powerful. Miracles happen every day.
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to interact with them like you once did. If that does happen at some time, great, but a little distance during the healing is good.
When the bad feelings about that person arise in you, remember your decision to forgive them. That will bring you calmness.

Second, you are worthy:

God is concerned with your heart. I imagine God loves to sit just with you and talk about your heart and how He can bless you. He already knows, but you realizing it is powerful.
He loves you so much – God did not create you to increase your stress during the Christmas season. His relationship with you is His concern and passion,
You have a right to rest in Jesus’ presence, which is a holy moment. It’s priceless, and you are welcome to experience it.

Third, plan with focus:

What gives you joy? Discern what Christmas items give you joy and do them.
What gives you peace? Again, whatever it is, do it.
When do you feel God’s presence? An important part of the whole. Don’t let the celebrations take God out of the experience.

If you do not send the cards, make the cookies, or decorate the tree, it’s okay. Let go and lay these empty hands at God’s feet for His filling. There are more important things that you need to do to protect your spirit and mind during the season. If someone really needs one of those things done, let them do it.

Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty. They may use a comparison statement like, “Aunt Trudy’s Christmas was so great because she made her mashed potatoes with a special seasoning, not just butter (like yours).” “Your tree could use some more tinsel and lights,” is another statement I have heard in the past. Don’t let the hurt, shame, or guilt stay with you. Simply say, “Thank you for your suggestion, but this is how I like to do it.” You show more class and strength in not having to defend yourself, but say, “This is me.” Don’t hold their statements against them (forgiving). Just laugh inside at their silly remarks and be proud of how you are blooming as a person.

Journal your experiences with a calm and bright Christmas to remember what you did and how it felt. I hope you see, like I do, that the activities you decide to participate in are more joyful because you have the emotional bandwidth to do them.

Scripture:

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

Get to Know Kathy Bruins

Kathy Bruins is an award-winning writer that helps creatives take the next step in their journey through consultation, teaching, coaching, and praying. Kathy is the founder of The Well Ministries for Creatives and The Well Publishers. Kathy wanted to do voiceover originally for audiobooks but has learned of the many opportunities available from her Great Voice training. She lives in Southwest Michigan. Contact Kathy at kbruins77@gmail.com

Check Out Her Release: Essential Keys for Marital Success:

Is there room for increased happiness in your marriage or relationship with that special someone? Learning how to relate with another person is vital to achieve a loving connection that feels so good. Essential Keys for Marital Success shares ways to reach that goal.

It’s more than focusing on better intimacy but looks at the whole relationship. There are ways

to improve your friendship with your spouse or partner, discover new information about

them that touch your heart, relinquishing your rights, missing them, and so much more.

Whether you are married or considering marriage, this book is a solid tool. Information is

invaluable to make your connection the best. Return the joy into your marriage by following the

insights of each chapter.

~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~ ~ * ~

For additional holiday stress-reducing tips, keep watch for the upcoming Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled: Less Stress, More Joy and Connection with Christ This Christmas, accessed on your favorite podcast app.

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Unwrapping rest this holiday season – Guest post by Maureen Miller

by Jennifer Slattery on November 20, 2025November 19, 2025

I could hear her weariness, though her message was merely a short text–I tossed and turned all night. I’m so stressed about finding a home and getting settled. I want to put up a tree and buy gifts for the kids, but I’m afraid I’m failing miserably. My dear friend and her three children were temporarily living in another’s home. As the time she’d anticipated moving drew nearer, she was anxious, and I sensed anxiety rising up within me as well.Lord, how do I encourage her?And right then, I heard God’s quiet voice–

What does Psalm 62 say?

I knew. Having committed portions of this particular passage to memory, the words were hidden in my heart, so I answered—Find rest in You alone, God. Our hope—yes, our expectation—should only come from You.The Amplified and King James versions both use expectation, not just hope, in their exhortation, and with regard to the holiday hype—the world’s voice particularly loud, vying for attention—this reminder from the Lord seemed a simple grace.

As I pondered this passage, applying it particularly to my friend’s situation—her stress over unmet expectations causing her unrest—I discovered several timely truths. First, we can unwrap rest from stress. Look at both words. Can you see it? Takes a little rearranging perhaps—reevaluating the use of one’s time, one’s resources. Ask the Lord to reveal His expectations for the Christmas season, enabling us to prioritize according to His best, reordering our plans so they align with His will, not necessarily the ways of the world—the urges and temptations to do more, buy more, be more.

After all, there’s no rest apart from God’s best.

Second, to unwrap rest in the season’s stress, some things may need to be omitted. Literally speaking, letters don’t only need to be rearranged but several must be dropped to reveal the word rest in stress. Ask the Lord what needs to be relinquished so that better rest becomes a reality.Though perhaps contrary to one’s tradition, this might mean omitting plans to travel, choosing instead to stay home rather than accruing added expenses. It may mean omitting elaborate, pricey presents from the gift list or resisting the expectation to buy costly decorations and groceries. Ask the Lord what He would omit that His presence might be experienced best.

After all, the sweetest rest is while snuggled at His breast.

Finally, the truth that rearranged plans and diminished expectations lead to rest, even in the midst of life’s stress, is nothing new, and it’s not merely for the month of December.Take, for example, the Holy Family all those years ago. Nothing about Jesus’s conception within the womb of an unwed girl met Mary’s expectations. Joseph’s or others’ either.The couple’s plans in the little town of Bethlehem changed unexpectedly when Jesus pressed upon His young mother. Labor told her it was time, creating panic, no doubt, in the heart of a protective husband and father.A smelly barn wasn’t likely what these new parents expected as the birthplace of their firstborn. Nor had they imagined a feeding trough being Emmanuel’s first bed—God with us welcomed by cows and sheep, perhaps a mourning dove’s song His first lullaby.The humble shepherds on the Judean hillside would have been the least expected to witness the new King’s arrival, and their message of the Messiah undoubtedly made some raise an eyebrow, questioning the accuracy of their account.Indeed, little about Jesus’s conception and birth was according to the world’s expectations. Still, He came just as God intended—a Gift of perfect peace and rest to all who intentionally come, pressing in despite the stress of life, to bend low, to be still in His presence.

After all, the sweetest rest is when one knows that—yes!—Emmanuel is God.

May we unwrap rest in the One who was wrapped in swaddling clothes.May we rest in Christ alone.Dear Jesus, it seems we’re most susceptible at Christmas—feeling the dichotomy, that tug-of-war in our souls, between resting in the quiet of the manger and being caught up in the world’s expectations, in a flurry of holiday frill. Nothing gives the enemy more delight, because it only pulls us further from You, the Reason for the season. Forgive us, sweet Savior. Remind us daily—moment by moment—why You came, and help us be worthy messengers of Your peace and rest in a weary, worried world. Amen.**(This post appeared first in Inspire A Fire, an online publication I’m privileged to write for each month. Check it out!)**

(If this post resonated with you, check out THIS podcast episode on practical ways to decrease our stress and anxiety and experience more peace.)

Get to Know Maureen Miller:

Maureen Miller is an award-winning author with stories in more than twenty collaboratives. She contributes to Guideposts’ All God’s Creatures, her local newspaper, and several online devotion sites, including the award-winning Arise Daily and Inspire A Fire. Married for thirty-six years to her childhood sweetheart Bill, she enjoys life with their three born-in-their-hearts children and three grand-girls, not to mention a variety of furry beasts. They live on Selah Farm, a hobby homestead nestled in the mountains of western North Carolina. She blogs at “Windows and Wallflowers” (Maureenmillerauthor.com), telling of God’s extraordinary character discovered in the ordinary things of life, and her debut novel, Gideon’s Book, is now available.

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Finding Safe People With whom to share your pain

by Jennifer Slattery on November 13, 2025November 12, 2025

When we’re hurting, we don’t want people to bombard us with advice, try to top our struggle with stories of their own, or respond with dismissive platitudes. Sadly, those types of reactions tend to make us feel even more isolated.

If you’ve experienced something similar, you can understand how defeated and alone Rhonda felt when she returned home with her newborn while her newly transferred husband was setting things up for the family in a new city. Sleep-deprived and emotionally overwhelmed as a new mom in the middle of transition, she arrived at her parents’ house aching for encouragement and support. Instead, her mother met her pain with criticism that left Rhonda feeling ashamed and alone in her struggle.

But while she left that visit feeling more inadequate than ever, the Lord comforted her bruised soul through the loving, wise words of someone who truly saw her heart, understood her difficulty, and validated her emotions. That conversation helped her see her mom’s lack of empathy for what it was—and showed her how to recognize whether someone is, or isn’t, a safe person with whom to share her deepest hurts.

I thought of Rhonda’s story this week while listening to my cohost’s conversation with Chris Morris on the Faith Over Fear podcast. Chris shared about a time he felt so hopeless he tried to end his life and awoke in a mental hospital, initially angry that his attempt had failed. Back then, he felt no one understood his pain. Now, he has seven people he can call anytime he’s struggling—friends who listen before advising and love instead of criticizing.

In a recent Instagram post, he shared tips on how to find your safe people—those spiritual brothers and sisters who reflect the love and grace of Christ when we need it most:

Be authentic but brief when someone asks how you’re doing. Say something like, “It’s been a challenging season,” instead of the default “I’m fine.” This invites connection without overexposing your heart.
Notice their reaction. If they ask more, share for a minute or two. Their response will show whether they’re open to deeper friendship or uncomfortable with your honesty.
Look for curiosity, not judgment. Safe people don’t rush to fix, preach, or one-up your pain. They listen, care, and say, “That sounds hard. Tell me more.”

I’d love to hear from you—how do you recognize safe people in your life? Share your thoughts below so we can encourage one another. I also encourage you to listen to Chris’s story in this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast episode. And make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode!

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Cultivating Wonder – Guest Post by Becky Harling

by Jennifer Slattery on November 6, 2025November 6, 2025

This past week, I have to admit, I felt a bit overwhelmed. Delayed flights, lost suitcases, books that had to be mailed out, and deadlines that had to be met all left me feeling a bit spazy. I was fearful I would forget some detail and drop the ball on some deadline. Ever felt that way?

Early this morning, after worshiping and surrendering my day to the Lord, I opened my Bible to Mark chapter 9. After I read about the glory of the transfiguration, I read about Jesus coming to a large crowd. The following words struck me: “As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet Him” (Mark 9:15). It was one of those divine moments when I felt the Holy Spirit speaking right to my heart!

The crowd was overwhelmed with wonder. They weren’t overwhelmed by all they had to accomplish. They were overwhelmed because they came face-to-face with the majesty of Jesus Christ.

What does it mean for you and me to be overwhelmed with wonder?

It means we are awestruck by His love. When we really understand how much God loves us, the depth of His love takes our breath away. We realize we never have to feel worried again because God Almighty loves us so much that He holds every detail of our lives lovingly in His hands. We realize His love is so great that nothing can separate us from His love. As a result, we are never alone.

It means we are stunned by His grace and mercy. I never want to take His grace for granted. When I get frazzled or frantic, His grace is extended. When I worry, foolishly obsessing over “what ifs” or “what thens,” His grace pours out on me and reminds me that He is the blessed controller of all things. I can let go of my worries. I can simply rest in His peace and once again experience the joy of His grace and mercy.

It means we are amazed at His righteousness and faithfulness. I can’t even wrap my human mind around God’s goodness. He is so righteous my imagination can’t comprehend it, and He is so faithful that I am simply flabbergasted! His perfect nature compels me to fall on my knees and worship. He is the glorious One in whom there is no shadow of sin or shame. As I worship Him in His glorious nature, my mind is calmed, and once again I experience the peace of His presence.

Friend, I want to invite you to pray with me that we will be more overwhelmed with wonder as we fix our gaze on Jesus Christ. A song that has helped me rekindle wonder has been “Holy Hands” by Hannah and Paul McClure. Don’t just listen—allow the words to lead you to deeper worship and wonder!

This week on The Connected Mom Podcast, we are introducing a new series on how to cultivate a love of reading in your child. Be sure to tune in!

Friend-Wise releases in February. I am looking for women who are willing to pre-read the book, order the book, and then help me get the word out. If you’re interested in being part of my Friend-Wise launch team, would you contact me?

Get to Know Becky Harling

A best-selling author, Becky Harling has written 16 books. She is a popular speaker at conferences, retreats and other events. Becky is a John Maxwell leadership and communications coach. She has been a guest on many media outlets including Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, 100 Huntley Street, Moody Radio and the Total Christ Television Today Show. Becky is the host of, The Connected Mom Podcast and loves encouraging other moms to connect more intentionally. She loves hiking with her husband, playing with her 14 grandkids, shopping with her daughters, hanging out with her son and having coffee with friends!

Visit her on her website and follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and her Amazon author page.

Check Out Her Book, Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World:

Loneliness is an epidemic, but you can live life with a deep sense of belonging.

If you’ve ever felt that ache to connect and belong, you’re not alone: three out of every five people are suffering from loneliness. No group is excluded—married, unmarried, parents, pastors, leaders, elderly, and teenagers. We all experience moments . . . or long seasons of heart-aching loneliness. And it hurts. It can hurt right to the core.

In Cultivating Deeper Connections in a Lonely World, relationship expert, mother, grandmother, and John Maxwell Certified Coach Becky Harling taps into the deep ache of loneliness and shares with readers a rich theology of belonging. Does God ache for us? What does it mean that we belong to Him? How do we establish a deeply bonded relationship with others? What steps can we take to improve our relationships?

Because we were made for God and for community, relational isolation or brokenness is incredibly painful. But we don’t have to live isolated and unconnected. In fact, we must not. Our souls were designed for more. Deeply rooted in Scripture and joined with reflection questions, this book shows us how we can strengthen our relationships and experience deep connection.

Grab your copy HERE.

Jennifer here. Here’s a song that has helped me to cultivate holy wonder of my God–and that I’ve currently been listening on constant replay. Enjoy!

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Living Split: The Cost of Hiding Our Wounded Half – Guest post by Jessica Brodie

by Jennifer Slattery on October 30, 2025October 30, 2025

Have you ever seen a tree split in two, yet still standing tall? It’s a beautiful and amazing thing to behold.

Recently my husband and I went camping in the Monongahela National Forest in West Virginia. I didn’t notice the tree the evening before, when we set up camp. But at dawn, I wandered a bit and discovered the tall beauty. Slender but sturdy, she rose high above our campsite. Right down the center, it looked like a perfect slice had been made from top to bottom. Yet still she stood, growing and thriving, providing shelter for countless forest creatures.

Gazing at the two halves, I began to think about how that’s sometimes the way it is with people. Many of us seem to have two halves—one that’s our private self and one that’s the version we show the world. Both halves are there, making up one whole and functioning as one for all the world to see.

Yet when you pause to look closely, you notice there’s a split. Maybe one half isn’t identical to the other. Perhaps it has scars, defects, and wounds, things that weaken its structure or weigh it down. The other side might look healthier, as if thriving. Regardless, it’s connected to that other half. Both are part of the same unit. They are one, tied together in life.

For many years I was like that—I had what felt like two widely separate “halves.” I had my public self, which pretended everything was just perfect, as if I had no problems at all. Perhaps I looked confident, invincible, like I had it all together. Yet walking alongside me in every moment was that other half—vulnerable, wounded, hurting, and overly sensitive.

That other half had a harder time trusting, a harder time confiding. It built up an armor of protection from what it assumed was a big, bad world—so much armor, in fact, that few could penetrate it. So much armor that I spent far too much energy on protecting myself from harm instead of what God really wanted me to focus on.

It was a lonely place, and I’m grateful those years are over.

That notion of a hidden self—a hidden “half”—is something I address in my latest Christian contemporary novel, Tangled Roots. In the book, Tiff has carefully constructed a façade so ironclad that no one knows she was once raised in an abusive, dysfunctional family, one of those “no good Steadmans.” She ran so far from her past both physically and emotionally that it doesn’t even cross her mind anymore, except in the occasional nightmare.

Yet when her brother is released from prison and his parole officer wants him to join Tiff in her new, wholesome hometown of Dahlia, South Carolina, her carefully concealed past now comes back to haunt her. She has to confront her past—her hidden wounds, her hidden self, not to mention her anger toward her brother and her family—in order to move into a healthy, godly future.

Do you know someone who goes through this in real life, or is that something you have been struggling with? It takes a lot of emotional and spiritual effort to maintain those two halves—so much so that the work sometimes interferes with God’s purpose for our lives. Sometimes it prevents us from forgiving those who once hurt us, or even forgiving ourselves for past sins. Sometimes it prevents us from becoming the best, healthiest version of ourselves—the person God truly wants us to be, brimming with the fruit of the Spirit.

There are times when it’s best to leave the past in the past. But sometimes, we need to deal with the pain of the past in order to let it go.

God can help with this. Church can help with this.

But once we’re free of the shackles of the past, the liberation is truly, abundantly awesome.

“So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”—Colossians 2:10 (NLT)

Let’s talk about this! How easy or challenging do you find it to share your pain and difficulties with others? Why do you think this is? Share your thoughts in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage each other!

Get to Know Jessica Brodie

Jessica Brodie is an award-winning Christian novelist, journalist, editor, blogger, and writing coach. She is also the editor of the South Carolina United Methodist Advocate, the oldest newspaper in Methodism. Her two Christian contemporary novels, The Memory Garden and Tangled Roots, are Amazon bestsellers. Learn more about Jessica’s writing ministry and read her faith blog at http://jessicabrodie.com. She has a YouTube devotional, and you can also connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, and more. She’s also produced a free eBook, A God-Centered Life: 10 Faith-Based Practices When You’re Feeling Anxious, Grumpy, or Stressed.

Check Out Her Latest Release, Tangled Roots:

Some secrets can’t stay buried forever.
Tiff Steadman has spent seven years running from the broken pieces of her past—the alcoholic parents, the convicted-felon brother, the shame of being “one of those no-good Steadmans.” Now, as editor of the Dahlia Weekly, she’s finally built the respectable life she’s always craved. With a proposal from her upstanding boyfriend Bobby, everything seems perfect.

Until her past comes knocking.

James Steadman has found God behind prison bars, but freedom feels more terrifying than his cell ever did. All he wants is a chance to reconnect with the little sister he once protected—the sister who now refuses to even acknowledge his existence. When his parole officer sends him to Dahlia, James discovers Tiff’s walls run deeper than he imagined, and starting over means confronting the wreckage they both left behind.

Two siblings. One devastating secret. And a love that refuses to let go.

As wedding plans collide with family secrets, Tiff must choose between the safe life she’s built and the messy grace that might heal them both. Can she find the courage to let her brother back into her heart? And can James prove that redemption is real—even for people like them?

In a small Southern town where everyone knows everyone’s business, some stories are too painful to tell—and too powerful to stay buried. Grab your copy HERE!

Buy Book Two in the Dahlia Series, where grace meets grit, hearts are mended, and hope finds a way to flourish.

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Held Secure in Christ

by Jennifer Slattery on October 23, 2025October 22, 2025

(This first published on May 19, 2022.)

Jesus should’ve given up on me long ago. But each day, despite my sins and failures, God draws and holds me close.

In Christ, I am held secure.

I never fully understood God’s heart for me until I became a parent. But having walked beside my daughter through her obedient and rebellious times, I’ve come to understand the love that never lets go and never gives up.

When our daughter was young, we moved across the country, a transition she struggled with. Though initially we were oblivious to her pain—seven-year-olds aren’t often able to express their emotions—we soon became alert to a drastic change of behavior. Our normally cheerful, affectionate little girl had become sullen and angry.

I was confused and concerned.

One afternoon, she grew quite upset with me (for reasons I can’t remember), and shouted, “I hate you!” then slammed her bedroom door.

That was the first, and perhaps last time she’d ever said something like that to me, and it broke my heart, but not for the reasons you may assume.

My heart broke because I knew hers was breaking. Beneath her anger and harsh words, I saw her pain, and in that moment, what I longed for most was to draw her near and hold her close.

I’ve displayed a similar response toward God as she had to me, numerous times, throughout my faith journey. Like when my friend was dying, and I struggled to reconcile my circumstances with what I knew regarding God’s love, power, and sovereignty. Once my emotions settled down, guilt and fear followed. Had my anger angered God?

Had I—or would I—do something that would drive Him away for good?

But each time, I discovered not only had He remained, but He was actually taking giant, loving steps toward me.

In John 10:29, our Savior said, “My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand” (NIV).

That’s a promise we can hold tight to. Christ holds me, and you, secure and His love will always, always remain.

Graphic made from quote pulled from post.

Unshakable. Immovable. Solid and Sure.

Let’s talk about this! How can you rest in the security of Christ today? Sometimes this starts with a reminder. The reminder that we don’t have to have it all together or know all the answers. We simply need to turn and surrender to and rely upon the One who does.

Speaking of reliance on Christ, make sure to check out the latest Your Daily Bible Verse podcast episode on living in Christ’s perfect guidance.

Before you go, make sure to check out my latest Bible reading plan on the YouVersion Bible app!

Plan description: You’re not insufficient, overlooked, unimportant or unseen. In Christ, you are loved, chosen, called, redeemed, empowered and held close by the One who crafted your every cell, knows your every flaw, sees your potential. Unfortunately, wounds from our past can challenge our ability to view ourselves as the Lord’s beloved. May this 30-day plan remind you of who you are to Christ and in Christ, helping you live with increased confidence and joy.

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Trusting in the Power of Christ

by Jennifer Slattery on October 16, 2025October 15, 2025

Image of a candle with quote from Andrew Murray.

(Note: This first posted on August 12, 2021).

In my early years in ministry, I often exhausted myself trying to manage everything. Though I knew with certainty my assignment came directly from God, I routinely behaved as if He expected me to carry the load alone. As if results came through sheer grit rather than the works of His hands.

When one of my team members forgot or failed to complete a task, I felt responsible to step in and catch every ball that happened to get dropped. Though I talked a great deal about faith-filled, surrendered living, I routinely behaved as if our results depended on me. Unfortunately, my attitude trickled down to everyone else, turning roles that should’ve brought us great joy, fulfillment, and ever-deepening connections with our Savior into tiresome, anxiety-producing chores.

I knew, intellectually, I wasn’t living or leading as God desired but lacked the courage to slow my hustle. I felt like if I did, we’d fail. When it was my very fear of failure that steadily and rapidly led me in that direction by decreasing my reliance on Christ, my source of wisdom and strength. While, sadly, proclaiming the power of surrender, demonstrating perhaps my heart didn’t believe what my mouth proclaimed.

Then, one spring, life hit many of my team members hard. Hurricanes threw some off balance. Family illnesses left others struggling to think straight let alone write or create. At first, I tried to work harder and faster but this only led to burnout with little visible growth.

My inspiration and vision squashed, I wanted to quit. And so, for a time, I basically did. We all did, in fact, for nearly six months. I expected to see all that we’d worked for begin to fade until our organization died completely, like so many others I’d seen pop up then disappear over the years.

Instead, we grew. And when the Coronavirus forced us to cancel a year’s worth of events, and therefore a year’s worth of funding, we grew again in terms of readership, impact, and volunteers. Through this, God reminded me of something, in all my running, I’d seemed to have forgotten. The God who formed, redeemed, molded, and empowers me doesn’t need me to perform or to strive. Instead, He invites me to yield and to trust. Or rather, to shift my trust—off of myself and place it where it belongs, on Him.

Isaiah 30:15a says, “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” (NIV). God spoke these words to ancient Israel when the Assyrian army was coming against them. Grossly overpowered from a human perspective, they were terrified. In their desperation, they turned to Egypt, with its iron chariots and well-trained army, placing more faith in the might of man than God Almighty. They thought they were aligning themselves with strength. But by distancing themselves from the God who loved them, they were actually increasing their weakness.

God beckoned them to return to Him, the One who had proven His faithfulness again and again, but they refused to listen. And while I can recognize the foolishness of their actions when reading the historical account from the comfort of my bedroom, I much too frequently behave like them when I feel under attack. I soon realize, however, how insufficient my most fervent efforts and greatest allies truly are, when formed apart from Christ. But the moment I turn back to Him in faith, however, God fights on my behalf, makes up for my lack, and gives me everything I need to do all He’s asked, just as He did for ancient Israel when King Hezekiah humbled himself and turned to God.

Image of woman sitting on bench at dusk.

Then, his soul was quieted and at peace, not panicked, rushed or confused.

Though choosing surrender, especially when the stakes seem high, can feel incredibly frightening, doing so places us in a position of power and strength. I’m reminding myself of this truth now as I am about to enter into a busy season, returning to school while writing, speaking, leading a ministry … When people ask how I’ll manage it all, I smile and say that I have an amazing team. And I do, but even more than that, we serve an amazing God. I know He will carry everything He wants to thrive. Therefore, whatever areas fall short must not be from Him, because He is big enough and strong enough to perfect all that concerns us.

All that concerns you as well.

Let’s talk about this! What or who are you tempted to place your trust in? What might it look like for you to fully rely on Christ? Share your comments, thoughts, and examples with us in the comments below because we can all learn from and encourage one another.

Before you go (or listen to one of the podcast episodes embedded below) I have fun news. My latest Bible reading plan, Embracing Your True Self: Living in Your Christ-Centered Identity, is now available on the YouVersion Bible reading app.

From the plan’s description:

You’re not insufficient, overlooked, unimportant or unseen. In Christ, you are loved, chosen, called, redeemed, empowered and held close by the One who crafted your every cell, knows your every flaw, sees your potential. Unfortunately, wounds from our past can challenge our ability to view ourselves as the Lord’s beloved. May this 30-day plan remind you of who you are to Christ and in Christ, helping you live with increased confidence and joy.

Access it for free HERE. And, keep an eye out for more fun news that I’ll share in the near future! 🙂

Break Free from Shame: Carol McCracken’s Story of Freedom and Restoration – Faith Over Fear

Conversations in a hostile and polarized world

by Jennifer Slattery on October 9, 2025October 17, 2025

Sadly, I’ve hurt a lot of people in the name of Christ. More accurately, when I claim I’m furthering His mission but later discovered, when my thinking brain re-engaged, that I was actually working against His mission. And I’m in a strange place where I recognize the ugliness displayed by many Christ-followers while seeing myself in them. This happened again just the other day. While out to dinner with non-religious friends, they shared strong emotions related to a social media clip they’d watched in which an evangelist verbally wounded a college-aged rape victim.

Not wanting to receive second-hand information as fact, I went home and searched for the video. I never found it, but I did discover another, similar video that seemed to support our friend’s claims. Initially, I felt angry and indignant. Not long after, I felt convicted as the Lord reminded me of all the times my pride caused me to prioritize winning a discussion over protecting a relationship and my fear provoked defensiveness that prevented me from hearing the other person’s heart.

And sometimes still does. Each time a situation or conversation provokes a gut-reaction, I walk away with shame and regret. I suspect many of the Christ-followers I see fighting with others on social media feel the same. The Holy Spirit, our supernatural source of peace and love, resides within us, after all, inviting us to more consistently demonstrate the heart and mission of Christ who chose to die for the very people raising their fists against Him.

Jesus regularly demonstrated how to apply all of 1 Peter 3:15, which states,

“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect” (NIV).

As a faith-based communicator, I’m comfortable sharing reasons for my faith. But as a recent Faith Over Fear guest so wisely stated the other day, how we share is equally important. And like I indicated at the beginning of this post, this is an area in which I want, and need, to grow.

Here’s how I’m working on this.

Practicing “the pause.”

You may remember this phrase from the graphics that circulated social media a year or so ago. I’ve combined this idea with what I’ve learned regarding neural plasticity. I’m practicing pausing for three seconds before responding in typical, low-stakes, conversations to dismantle the neural pathways in my brain that trigger reactivity while creating new, gentler channels more aligned with my core values.

The more I practice this in peaceful conversations, the easier it will feel to do the same when I feel more emotionally charged.

Evaluating My Emotions

For years, I’d react first and process how I felt and why later. Obviously, this didn’t help me change my behavior. I’m learning, however, to recognize physical signs, like increased body temperature, an accelerated pulse, and a tight stomach, that indicate something evoked within me anxiety and fear. This allows me to seek God’s insight regarding the reason for my inner angst. Sometimes the root surprises me.

For example, a while ago an extended family member engaged me in a debate on religion. This person identifies as naturalistic atheist. Initially, the conversation felt pleasant and intellectually stimulating. Soon, however, my loved one became animated. Not hostile or rude but passionate. Unfortunately, the alarm center in my brain connected this with childhood wounds where caretakers became explosive and rejected me when I expressed a viewpoint contradictory to theirs.

Although I didn’t see the connection in the moment, once I prayerfully processed the situation, I understood my reaction came from past experiences, not the debate. I was then able to use this Spirit-led insight in future scenarios that threatened my subconscious.

Informing my emotions with relevant truth.

This is the Sunday school answer many of us learned in church. We’re taught to take our thoughts captive, to not let our feelings drive us, and to instead fix our minds on truth. But we want to focus on relevant truth. We need to understand our inner world, the lie stirring things up, and how it arose to refute it accurately and effectively. This includes more than reflecting on verses to consider evidence that contradicts our fear, such as the depth of our relationship with the person and their character and heart.

I want to be a peacemaker who accurately reflects my Savior and, through a perfect blend of love truth and grace, show just how good life with Him is. I recognize I still have much room for growth in this area. Thankfully, the Lord gave our brains the ability to change and fills our souls with the power to do so. I’m encouraged to know that the more I take in Christ’s love, the more His love will naturally flow from me, and the more I practice applying all of 1 Peter 3:15, the more natural it will feel to do so in the future.

What do you find most helpful in regard to regulating your emotions and more consistently responding to uncomfortable discussions and events with love and grace? Share in the comments!