When we’re hurting, we don’t want people to bombard us with advice, try to top our struggle with stories of their own, or respond with dismissive platitudes. Sadly, those types of reactions tend to make us feel even more isolated.
If you’ve experienced something similar, you can understand how defeated and alone Rhonda felt when she returned home with her newborn while her newly transferred husband was setting things up for the family in a new city. Sleep-deprived and emotionally overwhelmed as a new mom in the middle of transition, she arrived at her parents’ house aching for encouragement and support. Instead, her mother met her pain with criticism that left Rhonda feeling ashamed and alone in her struggle.
But while she left that visit feeling more inadequate than ever, the Lord comforted her bruised soul through the loving, wise words of someone who truly saw her heart, understood her difficulty, and validated her emotions. That conversation helped her see her mom’s lack of empathy for what it was—and showed her how to recognize whether someone is, or isn’t, a safe person with whom to share her deepest hurts.
I thought of Rhonda’s story this week while listening to my cohost’s conversation with Chris Morris on the Faith Over Fear podcast. Chris shared about a time he felt so hopeless he tried to end his life and awoke in a mental hospital, initially angry that his attempt had failed. Back then, he felt no one understood his pain. Now, he has seven people he can call anytime he’s struggling—friends who listen before advising and love instead of criticizing.
In a recent Instagram post, he shared tips on how to find your safe people—those spiritual brothers and sisters who reflect the love and grace of Christ when we need it most:
- Be authentic but brief when someone asks how you’re doing. Say something like, “It’s been a challenging season,” instead of the default “I’m fine.” This invites connection without overexposing your heart.
- Notice their reaction. If they ask more, share for a minute or two. Their response will show whether they’re open to deeper friendship or uncomfortable with your honesty.
- Look for curiosity, not judgment. Safe people don’t rush to fix, preach, or one-up your pain. They listen, care, and say, “That sounds hard. Tell me more.”
I’d love to hear from you—how do you recognize safe people in your life? Share your thoughts below so we can encourage one another. I also encourage you to listen to Chris’s story in this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast episode. And make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode!
So true, wonderfully said. 🩵
Hello, friend! Thank you for the kind and encouraging comment, and for taking the time to leave it! You’re a blessing!
Most welcome, Jennifer. Blessings be yours on all sides. 🙏🏼