Loneliness, Singleness, and Longing for Roses

by Jennifer Slattery on April 4, 2024April 4, 2024

What happens when we never experience the relationship for which we’ve longed and prayed? Or when, after decades of marriage, the relationship fails and we find ourselves alone, feeling a deepening ache of loneliness? If you find yourself in that hard, painful place, may God speak encouragement to your soul through my guest’s post.

What About Loneliness? Who Will Bring Me Roses

by Sandra Aldrich

As I entered my second year of singlehood, well-meaning friends asked me when I’d get married again. I laughingly answered I wouldn’t think about that until somebody showed up with a dozen roses. Then I changed the subject.

That evening as I mentally replayed the conversation, knowing I often veil the truth with my humor, I asked myself a tough question: Would I really be attracted to the first guy who handed me roses? As I admitted he at least would get my attention, I made an important decision: I would plant my own garden.

The next morning, I was at our local gardening shop loading my car trunk with rose bushes and bags of peat moss. For the next several months, I pruned and sprayed—and kept fresh roses throughout the house, quietly marveling at the satisfaction I gained from fragrant blooms.

Slowly I began to “plant my own garden” in other areas of my life as well, even taking steps toward a new career in editing and public speaking. If I had waited for someone else to bring me roses, and supposedly rescue me from my single state, I would have missed the incredible path my life has taken the past several years.

Hear me: This is not a soapbox speech for forever singleness. It’s an encouragement for you to seek the Lord’s direction rather than giving in to a desperate insistence for rescue. If you want to remarry and be part of a new family, go for it. But let the Lord heal you first rather than waiting for someone to show up with life’s “roses.”

Admittedly, I made a tough choice when I decided to put all thoughts of remarriage on hold. And although it is not the choice every single mother will—or should—make, I know it was the right one for me.

My decision not to rush into another marriage allowed me learn more about the Lord and more about myself. After all, I had been Mitch’s daughter, Don’s wife, Jay’s and Holly’s mother; I wanted to find Sandra Aldrich. And I did. Oh, she’s feisty and has a tendency to shoot from the lip too much, but she’s funny and strong and occasionally even wise. And I never would have found her if I’d thrown myself into another relationship in those early days of single parenting.

I genuinely believe my life never would have turned out this way if I had settled for what my extended family and even society expected instead of what God wanted to give me. And I believe God wanted to give me more of Himself, not another husband.

I also was convinced the Lord was preparing me for another career, and I felt sure a second husband would just talk me into going back to teach in the high school classroom.

Still, women in my Appalachian culture are expected to remarry, so I had to reason with aunts or cousins who made comments at every family gathering. To keep from saying what I was thinking, “That’s none of your business,” I’d mentally quote Proverbs 15:1—“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” But I still was irritated by the constant and often rude inquiries.

My friend Rose finally helped me break out of that anger trap when she said, “You’re giving everyone too much credit when you think they really care about your decisions. They don’t; they’re too involved in their own problems.”

I laughed, decided she was right and promptly stopped worrying over the comments about remarriage. Amazingly, as I stopped arguing about my chosen status, the relatives gradually found more interesting things to talk about.

A friend even said she admired the fact I was taking charge of my life rather than merely reacting to everything. Then she leaned toward me. “But don’t put God and His future for you in a little box.”

I thought about that for several days and then prayed, “Lord, you know I want only what you want. But if I can have my druthers, I’d druther remain single. All I need are friends who will smile when I come into a room.”

Now that I’m past those early scary days of single parenting, do I regret my decision? Not for a minute.

Get to Know Sandra Aldrich:

Sandra P. Aldrich is an inspirational speaker and author or co-author of 27 books, including Appalachian novels in the Zetta series and Bless Your Socks Off: Embracing the Power of Encouragement. Widowed by brain cancer and left to raise a ten-year-old son and eight-year-old daughter alone, Sandra faced unwelcome challenges with intense faith. And occasional stubbornness.

Check out her book, Bless Your Socks Off: Unleashing the Power of Encouragement:

Bless Your Socks Off heralds the amazing benefits of encouragement and illustrates how a few kind words can add fulfillment and joy to an ordinary life. Encouraging words have the power to lift spirits, soothe emotions, restore relationships, heal bodies, and even change lives.

How to Trust God When Prayers Go Unanswered – Faith Over Fear

(Scroll down to share your thoughts on future episodes!) In this powerful episode of Faith Over Fear, Carol sits down with Chad Roberts to confront one of the most painful lies we believe in suffering: If God loved me, He would stop this. Even more deeply, many of us quietly wrestle with the fear that suffering means God has abandoned us. Through Chad’s personal story of losing his sight, this conversation gently but firmly reframes that lie with truth: God’s presence is not measured by our comfort. Instead of standing at a distance, He steps into our pain—and never leaves. Together, Carol and Chad explore how suffering can distort our view of God and whisper dangerous lies about His character. Rooted in Scripture, they walk through the stories of Joseph, Job, and ultimately Jesus, reminding us that while God may not always provide explanations, He always offers His presence. The cross becomes the clearest picture of this truth—not a removal of suffering, but redemption through it. This episode also unpacks what it means to develop unshakable confidence in God—not confidence in outcomes, but in His character. Chad offers practical insight into what “suffering well” looks like in everyday moments and how to guard your heart against bitterness when life doesn’t go as planned. For those walking alongside someone in pain, this conversation provides compassionate guidance on what to say—and what not to say—encouraging listeners to replace empty platitudes with meaningful presence. If you’re in a season of pain, disappointment, or questioning where God is, this episode offers a steady reminder: you are not alone, and your suffering is not a sign of God’s absence—but an invitation to experience His nearness in a deeper way. Resource referenced: Blind Faith: Seeing God Through Darkness by Chad Roberts Biblical verses and passages discussed: Psalm 118:24 James 1:2 Mark 11:22 Psalm 23:2 Jeremiah 2:13 2 Corinthians 4:17 1 Peter 4:19 Isaiah 40:31 Connect with Chad Roberts: On his website On Instagram On Facebook Follow his work on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Reflective Questions: When you’re in a difficult season, what thoughts do you tend to believe about God—and are they rooted in truth or in fear? Have you ever equated God’s love with your level of comfort? How might that belief be shaping your faith right now? What would it look like for you to shift from trusting outcomes to trusting God’s character? In what ways might God be inviting you to experience His presence in your current struggle rather than removing it? How do you typically respond to others who are suffering—and how can you grow in offering presence instead of quick answers? What is one simple, grounding practice you can begin this week to stay anchored in truth when suffering feels overwhelming? We’d love your input on something we're praying through.As we plan our next mini-series for Faith Over Fear, we want to speak into what you’re actually walking through—not just what we think might help.If you have 30 seconds, would you take our quick poll on Spotify? Your responses will guide the conversations we create. Take our poll HERE! Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Healing from church hurts

by Jennifer Slattery on October 14, 2021November 1, 2021

Unfortunately, a good number of people raised in church have left the church, and most often, not because of theological disagreements but rather because they’ve been deeply hurt. They’ve been told they’re too much or not enough, and have been shut down when they honestly express their emotions and struggles. Others have experienced the toxicity that almost always comes when the unhealthy and emotionally and spiritually immature are placed in leadership positions.

A few weeks ago, the lead minister at my church and another pastor discussed the pain many have experienced in the name of religion and then apologized for wounds they, intentionally or not, inflicted on others. And while I thought briefly of various hurts I’ve experienced throughout my faith journey, that wasn’t the primary message my heart received. Instead, God brought people to mind that had scars because of me. Those driven from rather than to Jesus, because of my behavior. Caused by fear, defensiveness, and pride.

I knew God wanted me to follow my pastor’s lead, and so I did. I began reaching out to those I knew I’d hurt. Women who, through my actions, words, or lack of, I’d made feel unvalued and unseen. And it didn’t matter whether or not I’d had provocation. If their sin or dysfunction had triggered the sin and dysfunction within me. Granted, there’s a time and place for honest discussion, when wounds remain.

But mine had healed. And besides, in these situations, I’d been the leader, the one who was supposed to model what it looked like to live and love like Jesus. To get my needs met by Him, to find my identity in Him. Ultimately, to receive strength and encouragement from Christ and a close circle of mature and Holy Spirit empowered peers.

I neglected both, people were hurt, and God wanted me to take responsibility for the pain I’d caused. To make it clear, though I may have represented Him in my role, my behavior had not.

He wanted me to live out His commands in Matthew 5:23-24, where Jesus said, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (NIV).

Words from Matthew 5:23-24 on tan background.

And so I did, and I can only hope my honest apologies helped heal those wounds my words and actions created, wounds that may even have driven them, for a time from the church. At the very least, I hope they were able to see Christ’s love and grace more clearly.

We all have a responsibility to create safe, healthy places where people can experience God. And we all have areas of dysfunction that threaten those same safe places we’re prayerfully trying to create. This means, you and I will hurt people along the way, and we’ll also get hurt. When others wound us, may we seek comfort and healing from Christ, refusing to retaliate and grow bitter. And when we’re the ones to cause pain, may we own up to every behavior that taints the image of Christ within us.

Connect with Jennifer Slattery on Facebook and Instagram.

If you’ve experienced church hurt, you might find the latest Faith Over Fear episode helpful.

How to Trust God When Prayers Go Unanswered – Faith Over Fear

Going to Church Despite the Church: Jesus and Women

by Jennifer Slattery on May 6, 2021November 1, 2021

Quote from post with a floral abstract background.

Jesus routinely elevated, honored, and welcomed those society pushed to the fringe or rejected outright. Can you imagine the emotional healing He must’ve brought to those individuals? The message of love and grace that He sent them?

Over the past few weeks, I’ve watched one young woman in particular experience a similar journey. For years, most of her church experience, actually, she was told that she was too much—too loud and intimidating, too intense, too dominant.

That no man would want to marry a woman “smarter” than him. These were the messages sent by those in her faith community.

“I felt like they were talking about all of me,” she said, “instead of a particular character trait. So, I tried to be quieter and tone myself down when I met new people and was in group settings. But that wasn’t who I was and I always ended up being ‘loud and opinionated,’ and so I left the interactions feeing like I’d failed and that everyone probably thought I was annoying.”

The place designed to help her thrive as a confident daughter of Christ became a stifling, lonely environment that led to increased insecurity. She quickly realized, she didn’t fit into people’s preconceived ideas of biblical womanhood. To her, this meant she didn’t fit in the church.

To put it simply, she attends church despite the church.

Praise God she’s now in a safe place where she’s learning to heal. And perhaps most importantly, where she can voice her thoughts, her doubts, and even her pain without fear. A place where she’s beginning to come alive, as God intended—to live fully as the strong yet loving, determined yet teachable woman He created her to be. It’s such a beautiful thing to see.

I thought of her journey, and the stories I’ve heard from numerous women over the years, as I read Luke 8:1-3. Scripture tells us, shortly after a “sinful woman” anointed Jesus’ feet (Luke 7:36-50), “Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with Him, ²and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; ³Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means” (NIV).

These once sick and sinful ladies joined Jesus and His male disciples. This would’ve been unheard of during that time. To travel with, and therefore learn from, a Rabbi? That was something women didn’t do. And yet, Jesus welcomed them close and invited them to play a vital—and public—role in His ministry.

I imagine a lot of people misunderstood their actions. Shouldn’t they be home raising children, or helping someone else raise children? What could they possibly need religious teaching for? Why would Jesus even allow such a thing? Or waste His time on them for that matter?

And yet, God recorded their devotion in Scripture, I believe to tell all women everywhere: you’re invited.

Quote from post on orange abstract floral background.

When others push us out, God says we’re invited.

When others misjudge and discount us, God says we’re invited.

When others tell us we don’t fit, we’re not enough or too much, God says we. Are. Invited.

For those, like my friend, who walked into church despite the church—you are invited. And loved. Valued, and in Christ, empowered, and called. God has a plan for you. He didn’t place that spark in your soul, that passion and unique insight, simply to bench you. He’s chosen you to play a unique and vitally important role in advancing His kingdom.

I’m sure for some of you this post stirred up something. Honestly, that’s precisely why I didn’t want to write on this passage. In fact, I sat and stared at it for some time this morning, thinking of all the ways I could avoid it. But again, my husband’s words of wisdom propelled me forward: “If that’s the passage you’re on,” and it is, as we’ve been following Scripture chronologically, “then I’d say you need to write on it.”

And so I did. Knowing some of my readers might not like what I have to say. But also knowing for others, this post might help initiate healing. I’d love to know your thoughts. When have you “gone to church despite the church” and how did Jesus meet you there?

Share your thoughts in the comments below or connect with Jennifer on Facebook and Instagram.

Additional Resources:

How to Heal When You’ve been Hurt by the Church by Cortni Marrazzo

For those following our chronological reading plan through the New Testament, today’s post kicked off day one’s reading.

If you’re not wanting to follow our chronological plan but are still interested in a Bible plan, you may enjoy reading through Ephesians. Find that plan HERE.

You might also enjoy listening to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode on having the courage to be vulnerable.

How to Trust God When Prayers Go Unanswered – Faith Over Fear

When Hurts Come––Guard Your Inner Spark

by Jennifer Slattery on October 1, 2020November 1, 2021

The heart is a fragile yet powerful organ. Nurture and feed it well, and life and health follows. When we neglect it, allow hurts to sink deep and then fester, bitterness begins to invade every crevice, strangling our joy and peace. That’s not to say we should ignore, suppress, or deny our hurts. In fact, I’d argue doing so only leads to decay. Somehow, we have to learn to feel and to heal. To grieve with Jesus.

And perhaps that’s the difference between those who manage to move forward and those who seem to remain forever stuck, not just in their wounds, but in all the byproducts that come from unresolved, and often fed, past hurts.

A while back, after a powerful women’s event that proclaimed the freedom of forgiveness, of emotional release, I talked to a woman who’s been struggling for years. Maybe ten. Someone in her past hurt her deeply. They betrayed her trust, had abandoned her, and treated her unjustly. She had every right to be angry, and she was.

For nearly a decade, in fact. And her anger was destroying her, imprisoning her, only it didn’t show up as anger. Instead, those deep wounds presented as anxiety and chaos, as depression, sorrow and distrust. We spoke about this briefly, and I encouraged her to grieve with Jesus, following His lead in full surrender. But she couldn’t.

No. She wouldn’t. Her injustice felt much too unjust for her to just let go. I suppose she thought releasing the offense would simultaneously absolve her offender of guilt. She couldn’t see how she was allowing him to hurt her all over again, continuously.

She was letting him snuff out her candle. Her inner spark. What made her her. As a result, she was walking through life not only weakened, but many times, already defeated. And in this, she was robbing herself of the life Christ had died to give her.

Consider the converse. A couple of years ago, a friend called me. “Pray for my heart,” she said, explaining how she’d been wounded pretty deeply. She didn’t tell me how or offer a name, nor did she need to. Instead, she asked me to surround her candle, her inner spark, with prayer. She grieved the hurt, absolutely. But because she invited Jesus into her pain, bitterness never took root.

I’ve heard it said, anger is often a secondary emotion, arising, most often, when we’re afraid or have been hurt. It’s so easy to bypass the hurt, which can make us feel weak, and jump straight to the anger, which often gives the illusion of strength. But Scripture tells us, “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah. Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord” (Psalm 4:4-5, ESV).

Before we react, God tells us to pause. To ponder. And to trust.

Dr. Allender and Longman, authors of the Cry of the Soul, put it this way: “Anger should lead us into silent pondering rather than direct action. Usually, anger is a starting gun that signals us to leap from the blocks to control, consume, destroy. Instead, anger should be a starting gun that calls us to sit down and think.”

What hurts lie beneath our anger?

Why do those hurts hurt so deeply?

What lies have we attached to them? We almost always do this. We’re not simply hurt because someone snubs us. No. The hurt often comes when we assign motive—“They don’t value me.”—and then a falsehood—”I’m annoying.”

Pause to prayerfully consider how that’s been true for you. Invite God to unpack your anger, your hurts, to show you everything entangled in them. Then ask Him to replace every falsehood He reveals with truth.

This is how, in part, we guard our hearts above all else, so that the well springs of life might first fill them then flow from them.

Is there something you need to grieve? An offense you need to let go? Will you have the courage to release it? Will you guard your candle, your inner spark, knowing all God has for you is good?

If this post resonated, I encourage you to read my latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode with Leigh Mackenzie on finding the courage to heal. You can listen to our discussion HERE.

Share your thoughts, stories, and comments below and connect with Jennifer on Facebook and Instagram.

I also encourage you to listen to my latest Thriving With Chronic Illness podcast episode on growing closer to Christ. Find it HERE.

Healing in the Hands of the God Who Sees

by Jennifer Slattery on February 28, 2019November 1, 2021

I spent most of my adult life hiding while presenting an image to others of the person I wanted them to see. The woman I hoped to be but quite frankly, didn’t see myself as. If asked, I would’ve readily admitted I had an unhealthy fear of rejection.

I knew I overemphasized other’s opinions, but I didn’t understand why. Therefore, I continually fought surface level battles that led to short-lived behavior modification, frustration, and, often, defeat.

Galatians 1:10 was my go-to verse, one I prayed and meditated on countless times. Written by a first century church planter who routinely faced rejection and persecution, it says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

And every time I read those words, conviction squeezed my heart, followed by a commitment to do better. But a week or maybe a month later, I’d find myself battling the same insecurities.

I felt defeated. Stuck.

I wasn’t. Instead, I was held, searched, and known, deeply and intimately, by the one who not only saw my struggles but also the root cause beneath them (Psalm 139:1-2). Through a series of painful events, He allowed an inner lie to surface so that He could replace it with truth.

I was a new, and hugely insecure leader at the time, interacting with wounded and insecure women while still, largely, dealing with my own hurts and fears. I thought I could power through, but in so doing, was living but a fragment of who Christ created me to be.

God wanted to take me to a place of freedom. Therefore, He allowed me to land smack dab in three consecutive, ugly interactions where I felt misjudged, slandered, and attacked.

In response, I began to pull deeper into myself, feeding negative thinking that had been dormant yet festering deep within my heart. Lies I’d thought I’d overcome, had long since moved past, but which the God who searches and knows me saw as clearly as the tears on my face. And as He watched, He was waiting for the perfect moment to reveal them to me—so that He could initiate healing.

One afternoon, while I was moping around the house, my husband said, “You’re acting like you did something wrong.”

In that moment, something clicked, and a thought followed, Because I think I’m bad.

As God’s gentle Spirit ushered in, I realized my intense reaction—the reason the three rejections had hurt so deeply—came from a belief adopted early in my childhood, one I thought I’d long since dealt with but that had been far too engrained through years of hurt and failure to uproot easily.

Bowing my head, I offered my pain and the falsehoods surrounding it to the God who “searched me and knows me, when I sit and when I rise;” and who “perceives my thoughts” the reason behind every action and emotion “from afar” (Ps. 139:1-2, paraphrased and personalized.)

God knows and loves you just as deeply, and wants to bring you to a place of deeper healing and freedom. When emotions and insecurities arise, instead of fighting them in your own strength, surrender them to Christ. Ask Him to show you their root and to, step by step and prayer by prayer, push out all that is false, ugly, and painful with His love and grace.

Let’s talk about this! When strong emotions arise, how do you normally respond? How might turning to Jesus lead to lasting freedom? In what ways have you experienced this to be true?

Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments below, and make sure to grab a free copy of Wholly Loved Becoming His Princess Bible study. You can do so HERE. For those who live in the Omaha Metro, join me for live teaching at Christ Community Church, starting March 12th. Register HERE.

And make sure to join me for one of Wholly Loved’s upcoming Fully Alive conferences. Find out more HERE.