Marriage

by on

I’ve been called, by those who know me best and care for me most:

pitbullA pit bull (“but in a good way”)

A tornado (Um… thanks???)

Stubborn, determined… bull-headed

A bull in a china cabinet

(Okay, so maybe hubby wasn’t complimenting me on this one. In fact, I think he was a bit irritated. Ok, a lot irritated.)

And  yes, there are times when my bull-headed, get-‘er-done attitude creates havoc, but there are other times when I’m thankful. Because there are numerous things in life that require a fair amount of bull-headedness.

Would it surprise you to hear my bullheadedness isn’t new? That hints of it (and at times, explosions of it), can be seen throughout my history?

Where did it come from?

Because I believe God is my sovereign Creator, I also believe a chunk of this was crafted in me when He “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139). But another chunk, that ever-growing chunk, is the product of struggling. Of encountering an obstacle, choosing to face it head on, and choosing to stay in the fight until the fight is over.

That is a choice each one of us have, each and every day.

When our job becomes stressful, our boss demanding, we have the choice to stay engaged and proactive and to rise above… Or to withdraw, either through a written resignation or an emotional one.

When our marriage feels hopeless, we have the choice to stay in the fight–not with our emotional retreatspouse, but in the fight for our spouse… Or resign, either through divorce or emotional retreat.

Every time we choose to fight, a part of us and that for which we are fighting for grows stronger.

Similarly, every time we choose to cave, a part of us and that for which we are fighting for grows weaker. And it becomes easier to disengage, to walk away… to quit.

I have a friend whose daughter has been battling an insanely difficult and often debilitating illness for a long time. This fall, she went to college. Away from home and the safety of her parents’ house and the close proximity of her primary care physician.

And she struggled. With illness that bombarded her weakened immune system. With discouragement that tore at her very core. With homesickness and frustration and the ever-pressing decision: Should I press on, even if I never make it or fail in the end; or should I retreat emotionally, mentally, and physically?

Her parents watched her struggle with this decision, prayed for God’s clear guidance, and I’m pretty sure, had it been their choice, they would’ve whisked her home, safe and sound.

But this young woman persevered, and this December, she successfully completed her first semester of college.

And yet, this completion was much more than a task checked off, for so much more happened in the journey.

A part of her was strengthened.

And regardless of what career she chooses, or even if she signs up for another semester, that strength will remain, equipping her for her next struggle.

Please hear me, I am not saying everyone with illness should always push through. Sometimes, we must drop a few balls and slow things down, to give ourselves time to rest, heal, and manage effectively those things that remain. (You can read my thoughts on that here.)

What I’m saying is, we should be quick to pray, quick to persevere, and slow to quit. And victoryfor those of us who are parents with breaking hearts as we watch our kids struggle this Christmas… hold on, because the triumph is coming! And when God carries your kiddo over the finish line, they’ll be stronger for it!

Additional posts and resources you might find helpful:

Are We Overstressing Our Teens?

Are You Stuck in Haran

Knowing When to Quit

How Big is Your God

Pummeled by the Waves

Stronger Still by Edna Ellison

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this! Think back to some of your greatest struggles.

What did God teach you through those?

How are you stronger today because of those struggles?

What are you facing now?

How might your attitude during the struggle affect your inner-growth after ? And what specifically might God be wanting to strengthen in you?

Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

MeandSteveThis past July, my husband and I celebrated eighteen years of marriage. And every time we celebrate yet another year, I’m reminded of the day when everything almost fell apart. And all I can say is, praise God He intervened, for if He hadn’t, I would’ve lost the love of my life. (You can read more about our early struggles and how God turned things around here.)

Getting married is easy. You fall in love, put on your wedding-gown-and-fountain-cake glasses, and say those words you can’t imagine not keeping. Words like, “I will always love you,” and “I will stand by,” and “I will cherish you.” But then life happens and our sinful nature rears its ugly head, and suddenly, those words aren’t just words anymore.

They’re our key to marital survival.

Last Sunday our church launched a series on marriage–one I believe will give all of us tools to build marital intimacy. Because it *is* possible. More than that, it’s God’s design. So, for those of you who are married or are considering marriage, I encourage you to listen to this sermon series—because honestly, when we do this love-thing God’s way, we find it works. Marriages thrive. Hearts heal and are united in a beautiful way.

You can find part one of the series, “Lose Your Way,” here, and you can return to this page each week to find the next sermon in the series.

And now I’m going to go listen to this song for the third time this morning, thinking of my forever-love and what God has done in our marriage. Love you, Stephen Slattery!

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this!  If you’re married, is your marriage as intimate as you’d like? If not, how might God want to change that and what might be your role in instigating that change? Perhaps ten years ago, I read an interesting title of a marriage book, one I think of often. The title was, “Why Should I be the First to Change?” So now, I pose this question to you. 🙂 And I suspect that question could apply to any marriage. Pause to consider close marriages in your social circle. What are some things you notice about this marriage? Any traits or behaviors you might wish to adopt? Join the conversation in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

Wow, it’s been a loooooong time since I’ve updated this blog. I apologize. We’ve been moving–yes, again. Only a short distance this time–down the street. (Long, boring story that has nothing to do with today’s post. 😉 ) But with moving comes packing, fence and deck painting, unpacking, cleaning, and more cleaning. Did I mention cleaning? 😉 And amidst it all, I’ve had my share of crabby days … this morning being one of them … when the garage door repairman tracked black oil across our tan carpet. Oy! Now if ever I needed to pause and pray that my head didn’t instantly explode (creating yet another mess to clean), that was it.

Funny God arranged for this post today, well before my need arose. 😉

Invoice or Love Letter by Cheri Swalwell

“Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word tells me that I am a letter being read by everyone. I pray that I won’t be junk mail today. I pray that I won’t be like a bill making people feel like they owe me. I pray that I will be a love letter, a thank you note, and an invitation to celebrate life.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” (www.girlfriendsingod.com)

Wow – After the day I had earlier this week, the prayer above really convicts me. I could blame it on the Heatwave, excessive stress, change in routine, any number of things. Honestly, though, it all boils down to me making the choice to let my emotions have the best of me. I wasn’t only miserable myself, but I managed to spread my bad mood to those I love the most too.

MH900178785I think God showed me that prayer on purpose today. You see, I realized yesterday, even as I was saying the words in a not-so-nice tone, how I sounded and how unfair I was being. So, last night, I first asked forgiveness from my Heavenly Father for being such a poor example to those He entrusted to me as well as those unfortunate souls who happened to cross my path. Then I apologized to my kids themselves for being “the wicked witch of the mid-West.”

This morning, I was determined to have a different sort of day. I asked questions instead of accused, found things to compliment my kids about instead of criticizing, and even though it’s my job to keep my children focused on “completing tasks to their best ability,” I chose the better way to go about that goal.

When I opened the cupboard to grab a container and everything fell out on top of me, my response was much different this morning than it would have been yesterday. Did I let my kids off the hook for their laziness? No, but I was very clear in my expectations, delivered with love this time. Does that mean that they were thrilled to hear the message today because it was told in a different tone of voice? No, but that isn’t the point.

I am realizing, and the prayer above just reemphasizes, that it is my responsibility to show this world an accurate example of Christ’s love. I am God’s letter. If I am going to proclaim that I am a Christ follower, then I need to show Christ in my life always, not just when my hair looks good, the scale shows numbers I like, and the temperature is in the low 80s with a breeze. I will even take my convictions one step further. I think it’s more important to show Christ when in the middle of a Heatwave, my stress level is through the roof, or Murphy’s Law has decided to set up camp in my front yard.

People who are looking to see if Christ is the answer to their life are going to look, probably doubly hard, at how a Christ follower handles life on a day-by-day basis, during good and bad days. And, even though I won’t get it right all the time, I pray that I’m learning from my mistakes (like yesterday) and will do better the next time. After all, I don’t want to be accused of false advertising.

***

Cheri_portrait-2Cheri Swalwell is a wife, mother, and avid reader, but first and foremost she is a Christ follower. She has a degree in Psychology and has been blessed to be a guest on a variety of blogs including Christiandevotions.us, Circle of Friends, and Crosswalk.com/family. She is a regular contributor to book fun magazine. If you want to hear more about the heart she has for marriage, parenting, and relationships from a Christian perspective, feel free to visit her blog: http://journeysfromtheheartofawifeandmother.wordpress.com or “like” her on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/cheri-Swalwell. She loves to interact with her readers, so feel free to connect with her at clSwalwell99@gmail.com.

Let’s talk about this. If you’re like me, you often fail to pray when you need it most. Most often because I get so wrapped up in the moment–in myself–God’s kingdom is far from my mind. But like Cheri said, it can be during our most difficult times that others will see Christ shine through–if we would but let Him. What are some ways we can align our hearts and actions more with Christ? And what gets in our way?

Share your thoughts and stories in the comments before or on Facebook at Living by Grace.

by on

Biblical marriage is meant to be a beautiful thing–a living demonstration of Christ’s love and intimacy for and with the church. But marriage, no matter how blissful, should ever steal our hearts from our true bride groom. Today Joi Copeland shares a truth God showed her through Dr. Who of all things.

Me and Dr. Who by Joi Copeland

DSC_0641“I will not watch Dr. Who.” I told my husband not too long ago. I really should be careful with the words I say. A few weeks later, I found myself totally engrossed with Dr. Who.

I agreed with David Tenant when he said, “I don’t want to go.” I even told him back, “I don’t want you to either.” I really liked him as the Doctor. And then came along Matt and Amelia Pond.

I learned a lot from Amelia, a.k.a. Amy. The way she treated her fiance, Rory, to spend time with the Doctor really bothered me. It’s something that I struggled with for a bit. And then it hit me. Oh, boy, did it hit me.

In my life, don’t I do the same thing to Jesus? Oh, but I do! When I got married, I still spent time with God every morning, went to church, etc. But something, or someone, started to replace my Savior. Chris, my husband. Not because he put himself there, but because I did.

I became infatuated with “all things Chris.” I slowly began to look to my husband to fulfill my deepest needs, desires, and wants. Just like Amy did to the Doctor.

Amelia, the Doctor, and Rory often found themselves in perilous situations. She’d place so much trust and hope in the Doctor that Rory didn’t see the need to help. It was sad, really. At one point, she was stuck in a dark room apart from the guys, talking into a receiver so they could hear her. Rory often wondered if she was referring to him or the Doctor. It was heartbreaking.

Yet, I did the same thing. I looked to Chris to “save” me. It wasn’t healthy, not at all. Jesus is the only one who can save, who can fulfill the deepest places in my heart. He’s the One I ought to look to and to cling to in trying times.

Yes, God wants me to love my husband, and believe me, I 396685_love,jpgdo. I cannot imagine my life without him. Chris is my best friend, my lover, my soul-mate. He’s my confidante, my encourager, my biggest supporter. But he isn’t Jesus, and never will be. He can’t take away my hurt, heal my pain, or save me from my sins. He isn’t my Daddy, my Lord, my King. That place is reserved for Christ and Christ alone.

It took me years to come to grips with this, to realize what a pedestal I placed Chris on. So now, Jesus is back where he belongs, and I’m thankful I not only learned to love Dr. Who, but I learned a valuable lesson from Amelia Pond.

How about you? Who or what have you placed above our Lord? What did it take for you to recognize that and change?

***

Joi Copeland is married to a wonderful man, Chris, and has three amazing boys, She is living the dream in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Joi loves being a wife and mom and also enjoys spending time with friends over a good cup of coffee or tea. She’s been a Christian for over twenty years. She’s the author of two books, Hope for Tomorrow and Hope for the Journey, and three novellas, Christmas Rayne, Letters of Love, and Sheriff Bride, Rob’s Story.

Let’s talk about this. How can putting your spouse above Christ actually harm your marriage? What does that look like, anyway? What does it look like to put Christ first and to rely on Him to fulfill our needs? Do you have any similar stories to share, perhaps of a time when you were looking to get your needs filled in some other way than turning to and drawing near to Christ? How did He bring you back to Himself?

Share your thoughts and stories in the comments before or on Facebook at Living by Grace.

by on

Today’s reading: Proverbs 5:15-23; Song of Songs 5:9-16

Today’s focal verse: Proverbs 5:18 Be happy with the wife you married when you were young. She gives you joy, as your fountain gives you water.

This week’s memory verse: Proverbs 6:16-17 There are six things the LORD hates–no, seven things He detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent. (To keep this verse manageable, I cut it off at 17. If you want to memorize all six things God hates, you can find it here: Proverbs 6:16-19

You’ve probably heard the saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” Have you also heard, “The grass is greener where there’s more water?” Or, in other words, if your neighbor’s lawn looks more vibrant than yours, chances are he’s spent a bit more time with the upkeep. 😉

photo-1 copyIn today’s devotion, author and social-media-guru, Edie Melson, encourages us to cherish our spouse for who they are and not who we wish they’d be.

Cherish Your Spouse

Be happy with the wife you married when you were young.
    She gives you joy, as your fountain gives you water. Proverbs 5:18

 

Early on in our marriage, I decided it was my job to help my husband improve himself. I thought I was just acting like any good wife, but you men have another word for it—nagging. I never thought what I was doing qualified as nagging; after all, I was just trying to help!

What I was actually doing was getting ahead of God. He knows, so much better than anyone else, what each of us needs to become more Christ-like. But He knows something else—the order in which those changes need to be made. And my attempts to help were actually hindering my husband’s growth.

When I was looking for ways to help my husband grow, I wasn’t cherishing the ways he’d already grown as a husband and as a man. And it was driving a wedge between us as a couple.

There was another problem with my focus, it kept me from concentrating on my own growth. It’s amazing how easy it is to see someone else’s faults and not your own.

This attempt to help God doesn’t just apply to married couples. Nagging can enter into any relationship. Once I started waiting on God and concentrating on the things He wanted to accomplish in me, the rocky road of a new relationship began to smooth out.

I could see the long way God had yet to go with me, and the long way He’d come with my husband. I once again found joy in the man I’d chosen to share my life with.

Challenge: Who are you trying to help God with? I invite you to join me, and give the responsibility of change over to God and let Him work.

Edie Melson is a freelance writer and editor with years of experience in the publishing industry. She’s a prolific writer, and has a popular writing blog, The Write Conversation. She’s the co-director of the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, as well as a popular faculty member at numerous others. Her new book, Connections: Social Media & Networking Techniques for Writers will be released on February 1, 2013. She’s also the social media columnist for Southern Writers Magazine and social media coach for My Book Therapy. Connect with her through Twitter and Facebook.

DSC_5705 - Version 2Connections:

Social Media & Networking Techniques for Writers:

“So how much time do I really have to spend on social networking?”

It’s the question that plagues every armchair marketer. What is Social Media? How much time do I need to spend on Facebook and Twitter? Do I need Pinterest? What about my blog—who is going to follow it?

Social Networking can be overwhelming—yet it’s essential for a successful writer. With the right techniques, it can be streamlined and maximized to produce exactly the results you need to further your writing career.

Edie Melson puts this crazy world of social media into perspective and gives writers the tools needed to succeed and still find time to write.

***

Let’s talk about this. Pause for a moment to consider how you view your spouse. More often than not, are you seeking out and appreciating his/her positive qualities, or do you tend to zero in on their weaknesses? I think we all have times when we’re a bit more negative than others, but that doesn’t mean we need to stay in negativity. I’ve often said, if you look for the negative, you’ll find it every time. But the converse is also true. If you look for the positive, I suspect, you’ll find it’s been there all along.

Today, I encourage you to write your spouse a letter, listing the five things you most appreciate about them.

What is one thing you can and will do to show your spouse you love and appreciate them today?

Few things wrench my heart like listening to one spouse speak negatively about the other. I’ve often wondered how I would feel to know Steve were talking negatively about me. Honestly, it’d break my heart. I’m blessed that he doesn’t do that, and I hope you can say the same.

Pause to prayerfully consider your marriage–your heart–in light of the words in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

What are some situations that challenge your patience? How can you show more patience in that situation? And more importantly, will you choose to?

What is an area your spouse has shown you patience? (I must admit, my list would be quite long here! Which is a great reminder to me to offer my husband the same grace!)

How does pride increase quarrels?

When I consider verse five, I’m reminded of Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Quite honestly, I tend to honor myself above everyone else, including my spouse. But marital intimacy and growth demands the opposite–that I die to myself and think of my spouse first.

But if I’m truly honoring my spouse, I will refuse to make cutting or negative remarks. I will find ways to bless him, even when it is inconvenient or I am tired. I will not demand my own way but will instead, seek out what’s in his best interest and the best interest of my family. I will find ways to build him up throughout the day.

What about you? How has today’s devotion challenged you, or, what are some changes you’ve made personally that have blessed your marriage? Join the conversation in the comments below or by joining our Yahoo Proverbs study group.


Click to join ProverbsStudy

by on

We live in crazy times. Many are facing long bouts of unemployment, wondering if things will ever turn around. Others are dealing with chronic illness or wayward children. We live in a fallen world filled with strife and uncertainty, sickness and death, but even in our fallen state, God reigns supreme. Today, author Mary Anslee Urban encourages us to actively grab hold of the peace Christ promised.

(Note: Mary Anslee Urban is giving away one free copy of her novel, Tapestry of Trust. There are three ways you can be entered into the drawing: 1) Leave a comment on this post, 2) share the link of this post on Facebook 3) Tweet the link. If you do option two or three, please send me an email to let me know.)

Peace for All Times by Mary Anslee Urban

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NIV

The day started out beautiful. Crisp and cool, a nice reprieve from the late summer’s blistering heat. The calm before the storm. September 11, 2001.

The kids were in school. I had a million errands to run, and my husband, an airline pilot, was on his way to the airport. A normal day… until the report of breaking news.

Panic mingled with frustration as I sank into a family room chair and watched the twin towers crumble to the ground. Over and over again the media replayed the scene. A plane hitting, clouds of billowing smoke, lost lives. My sense of safety and security evaporated. How could this happen in America?

Not only was our country under attack, but the weapon of choice was the type of airplane my husband flew for a living, which made the tragedy much more personal. My worries compounded when my husband arrived back home. Airlines grounded, future unknown.

The airline industry had struggled for years, teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. Now I had equal concerns, safety in the cockpit and my husband losing his job. Before my despair could consume me, I sat down to read God’s word.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world”—spoke to me loud and clear, and a gentle peace settled in my soul. God has overcome the world.

In the tough times of life, remember God’s peace is sufficient. He hears us, knows our pain and never will abandon us. This is our peace for all times.

Tapestry of Trust:
Surrendered Hearts—Interwoven Grace Isabelle had always envisioned Charlie Hamilton as the hero depicted in the romantic tapestry hanging in the Hamilton home. Then Charlie abandoned her to make decisions no one should make alone. Now, six years later, Charlie’s back, and despite Isabelle’s best efforts, she can’t ignore the longing his presence reignites. Charlie wants a second chance, but can Isabelle trust the man he’s become? Can she surrender her threadbare heart long enough for God to weave Isabelle’s own happily-ever-after tapestry?

Purchase Tapestry of Trust here.

Mary Annslee Urban is an author of Inspirational Romance. Her goal is to write stories that stir the heart about love, honor and God’s grace! Her debut book, Tapestry of Trust, White Rose Publishing, was released June 2012. Her second book with White Rose Publishing, She Came to See the Snow~A Colorado Christmas Romance, will be released Fall of 2012.

A Registered Nurse by trade, Mary also has been a freelance writer for newspapers in her area and has had articles published in magazines as well as online publications. A North Carolina resident, Mary and her husband have five children and 3 grandchildren. When she isn’t writing, she enjoys cooking, traveling, long walks and anything chocolate!

Visit her online: maryurban.blogspot.com

The peace Christ promises isn’t a peace devoid of conflict but instead, an assurance that God is in control regardless of what our circumstances indicate. Christ died to free us from everything that holds us in bondage, including anxiety and worry. The next time you are feeling anxious, what are some things you can do actively grab hold of the peace Christ offers? (I’ll share my thoughts once I see yours. 🙂 )

Join us at Living by Grace as we take about grabbing hold of and living in the peace Christ has already provided.

And make sure to come back to Living By Grace Friday and Saturday for our in-depth look at the book of James.

by on

On occasion, especially when tired or distracted, our family has a funny, yet not so funny, habit of looking for ways to be served. It normally starts at dinner time as we each, comfortably sitting at the table, watch anxiously to see who might enter the kitchen first. The moment someone shifts in that direction, requests fly, “As long as your up, can you …?”

By the time nightfall rolls around, the “serve-mes” have reached their zenith. Of course, by then, we’re all reclining, me with my Kindle, my husband and daughter with their television program. Those lovely snacks we crave so incredibly far away ….

Once again, we go in go into hyper-alert, ready for that slightest shift, that sideways glance that might indicate someone is heading to the kitchen.

Why is it so much easier to serve those outside our home?

The gimmes can be quite contagious, but so can the givies. Often it jut takes one person to get things started. Acts of service can create a safe, loving, nurturing environment where each family member submits one to another.

Taking that first step might be hard. Perhaps we fear our loved ones will take advantage of us–will come to expect our service. But there is no fear in love, my friend.

If fear and distrust is holding you back from truly giving yourself to your loved ones, ask God to help you. To heal you from whatever wound has created that fear. Is there a real issue creating this fear? Then address this, speaking the truth in love. If need be, seek help. Commit to moving your family toward intimate, authentic, honest mutual submission and total trust. A trust that says, “I trust you with my whole self. I trust you enough to give myself away.” And recognize, if your relationship suffers from distrust, this healing and relationship building could take time.

Perhaps our pride gets in the way. It’s hard to humble ourselves, to willingly take a servant’s role. But love is not proud, and pride is not fun. Pride creates intimacy barriers that ultimately lead to isolation.

For me, it often comes down to plain selfishness–self-absorption. I get so focused on my needs and wants, it’s easy to forget about those around me. I need to become actively aware of the needs and wants of others. Outside the home, my attitude changes because I know I’m “on mission.” It’s an attitude change that heightens my perception. But somehow, when I come through my garage door, that alertness fades. I get lazy. Compliant. Selfish.

Lord, help me to focus more on the needs and desires of my family. Show me how I can serve them daily. Show me how I can tangibly demonstrate the love of Christ not just “out there,” but within my home.

25 But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. 26 But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. 28 For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28 NLT).

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about submitting one to another through daily acts of service. When we read of God’s commands to submit to one another, it’s easy to say, “Yeah, but God says ‘one to another!’ My husband, daughter, co-worker doesn’t serve me! As soon as ….”

That’s conditional obedience, my friend. We are each responsible for ourselves. Focus on your obedience and leave your spouse, brother, neighbor to God. In regard to your sons and daughters, train and model. 🙂

I’d love to hear from you. How can we serve one another in a healthy manner without it becoming co-dependent or skewed? I’m thinking this one could be a book, although I suspect the answer might lie in the motivation. Are we serving out of obedience to Christ or out of guilt or fear? Are we serving without obligation or have we attached strings?

How can we actively combat selfishness in our homes? Do you have an example of a way you served a family member or perhaps how they served you you can share? What was the result? How did it change or enhance the atmosphere of your home.

I’ll give an example of something I did that had greater results than I’d expected. The other day, after my husband went for a long, hot bike ride, I brought his dinner to him along with a cold drink. (Normally, although I prepare the meal, we each serve ourselves in buffet line fashion.) He reacted with such gratitude, beaming as if I’d purchased him major league baseball tickets. My act of love–one that took me tops three minutes–resonated deeply. And added but one more layer of glue to our relationship.

Before I leave you to contemplate over (or fume about) today’s post, I want to thank my July Reach Out to Live Out contributors. It is encouraging to read about all the wonderful ways Christ is loving the world through His children.

The most popular Reach Out story came from Katie Ganshert, a sweet sister in Christ who has been called to reach out to an orphan. (You can watch her vlog here.) Congrats, Katie! You won July’s gift basket. I’ll be contacting you shortly for your mailing address. Please stop by again, after your adoption, and let us know how things progress.

by on

About two years ago, while listening to a radio program on empty-nesting, it hit me–my husband and I only had five years before our daughter left for college. Five years to ground her in faith, five years to train responsibility, diligence, and all those other necessary traits she’ll need to succeed as an adult.

Five years to sit with her on the couch listening to her retell her day’s events.

And now we have three. It’s frightening and exciting. I dream of who she might become yet cling to the baby-girl she once was. Oy, no wonder we moms struggle with empty nesting! Parenting is a tough, beyond-full-time job. With all we must do on a daily basis from our child’s birth to college launch, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. How can we find purpose when our primary role–the one that’s occupied the majority of our time for 18 years–changes?

I’m not there yet, so I can’t really speak with authority on this subject, but my friend, Eileen Rife, author of Second Chance, can. Today, she wants to help moms like me embrace each phase of our lives with hope, purpose, and vigor. (And she’s giving away a free copy of her novel! Woo-hoo! Details included at the end of this post.)

Three Ways to Prepare for Empty-nesting by Eileen Rife

Transitions in life require adjustment. Never is that more true than when the last child leaves home. Often parents, especially moms, wonder, Are my best days over? What’s next for me?

These are good questions that can lead to action steps. So, what can you do to prepare for the empty nest?

Foster a healthy, growing relationship with your husband.

This is vital, so that when you enter the empty nest season, you won’t be sitting across the table from your husband, thinking, Who is this guy? Investing in your marriage now will pay off down the road. I encourage couples to pencil in a weekly date night on the calendar, even if it simply means putting the kids to bed early and sitting on the sofa together with a bowl of popcorn.

My new release Second Chance highlights this throughout the story as Mave moves from suspicion about her husband, Jerry, to determination to love him. This tension plays out in often humorous ways, and one of them involves popcorn!

Develop a friendship with two or three trusted women.

Allow these gals to speak into your life as you grow older. In Second Chance, Mave doesn’t always appreciate what her friend, Trish, has to share. In fact, at times she’s downright jealous of the woman. But when all’s said and done, she respects her and values her input.

Know that God has a purpose for you in every season of life.

Begin now to foster your own interests apart from your family. Mine is writing, and the Lord has used this platform in my life to do what He’s put in my heart: Share His love and forgiveness with others. You may have to search for your purpose, but it’s there—some cause or people group that you’re passionate about. Mave discovers her purpose unexpectedly, but she then takes steps to pursue fulfilling that purpose.

~~
Eileen Rife is the author of Second Chance, the poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. She and her husband, Chuck, conduct marriage seminars in the States and overseas. http://www.eileenrife.com, www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com, www.guardyourmarriage.com

Eileen’s giving away a copy of her latest release, Second Chance. There are five ways to be entered into the drawing. Leave a comment, join our discussion on Living by Grace, share this post on FB, tweet this link, or subscribe to this blog. Do all five and you’ll be entered five times. 🙂 But remember to let me know if you FB share or tweet this link.

Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about finding ourselves beneath our many hats.

Second Chances: 

Mave wants the life back in her marriage. Dareece just wants a life. Could they be the answer to each other’s dream? Mave Robertson, a recent empty nester, wants the fire back in her marriage, but her husband, Jerry, remains aloof. Is he having an affair? A midlife crisis? When a neighbor suggests she “get a life,” Mave accepts the challenge and volunteers at an inner-city teen ministry where she is thrown into a culture of drugs, gangs, and unwed teen moms. She soon discovers someone she can help, but might he also be the cure for both her stale marriage and her crumbling relationship with her father? Dareece Jackson, a teen from the projects, wants something in Mave’s purse…and he’ll stop at nothing to get it. A poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. Includes Bonus Feature: The 21-Day Romance Challenge.

“Gently unfolds the truth that sometimes the best is yet to come, from unexpected people, and places, and hearts.”-Sandra Byrd, author of To Die For: A Novel of Anne Boleyn.

“Transcends race and reaches the extremes-from suburbia to the ghetto, from guilt over a loved one’s murder to a marriage gone dull. With a dash of humor for balance, Second Chance will speak to your heart, no matter your station in life.”-April W. Gardner, author of the Creek Country Saga; Sr. Editor of the literary site, Clash of the Titles.

“Transports readers into the worlds of two very diverse characters. With laughter, tears, and sighs, you’ll enjoy every turn of the page.”-Fay Lamb, author of Because of Me, Treble Heart Books.

“Approaches real-life issues with the gritty realism needed in today’s market. Refreshing and thought-provoking.”-Jennifer Slattery of Novel Reviews and Clash of the Titles.

“Lovingly crafted imagery and dialog will carry you into the lives of two families and show you what forgiveness really looks like.”-Lisa Lickel, author of Meander Scar.

More Resources:

Guideposts: Finding Hope in an Empty Nest

Empty Nest: Moms of Faith

by on

Most women love Valentine’s Day. With candy, flowers, sweet cards, and romantic dates with our forever-love, who wouldn’t? But if we’re not careful, our view of love can become tainted by the messages presented on commercials and greeting cards. True love extends beyond a candlelight dinner into the home where whiskers are left on bathroom sinks, dirty clothes on the floor, and toilet seats are left up. True love is evident in the things we do and the words we say throughout the year. Today Catrina Bradley shares the depth of her forever-love, reminding us that love is not only a gift of grace, but also a continual, consistent choice of action.

LOVE IS A VERB by Catrina Bradley

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..”  Ephesians 5:25

My husband might be the epitome of this passage of Scripture. So much so, that, sometimes, I come dangerously close to worshipping him. He has no problem saying those three beautiful words we all want to hear – “I love you” – but he wouldn’t have to verbalize it to for me to know. From the day we became one flesh, his actions have proven it.

Brad knows my flaws and recognizes my limits. His love for me encompasses my weaknesses, and strengthens them. When I commuted an hour and a half to a high-pressure job, he encouraged me to hire a housekeeper. I wouldn’t have minded cleaning my own home, but when I dragged my body in the door at night, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. The long commute and the longer days zapped my energy and my motivation.

Only once was a “Spouse of the Year” honored at company’s annual Christmas Party. My husband was that spouse. I was in charge of the party, and he ran errands for me, purchased gift certificates for my boss, and put up with my crazy hours and foul moods for weeks. The usual stuff. He is always the winner of my Spouse of the Year award.

Before I left for work every morning, I pulled my pre-packed lunch out of the refrigerator. Brad said it was no big deal to fix my lunch; he was making his anyway. And when I returned home at night, his second load of laundry was usually drying.

More often than not, he makes our supper. He also does most of the grocery shopping, so he buys yummy easy-to-make dinners, or heat-and-eat frozen delicacies. Sandwiches are always an option, and some nights we just have cereal. He’s easy to please.

He is also is the most selfless person I know. (He’d probably disagree; he’s also humble.) I vividly remember stealing into my friend Leigh’s house at midnight to whisk her away from her abusive husband while he was at work. She, her two children, and her cat spent the next few months as members of our household. Brad doesn’t even like cats. Or children for that matter. Another year we shared our home for three months with a couple who were between house closings. Many friends in dire straits have been helped out of financial holes by my husband.

We have never been in a financial hole. Brad learned stewardship from his father and is a responsible caretaker of our earnings. He thinks of little things that add up. He won’t carry a balance on a credit card, preferring to withdraw from savings if necessary instead of paying interest. And not a month goes by without a deposit into that savings account. I was reared by frugal parents myself, and I’m no spendthrift, but I do need reining in once in a while. He is reason to my fancy.

Brad is not what you would call “romantic,” but he is oh-so thoughtful. The grocery store has four rows of my brand of deodorant, but I can hardly ever find my favorite: Original Scent Solid. One day, Brad came home holding up a bag. (Did I mention he also does the grocery shopping?) “Honey, guess what I found?” He grinned, and pulled out .. “Original Scent Solid!”

I cheered, and thanked him.

“But wait.” He reached into the bag again. “I got you not one .. not two .. not three .. or even four .. but FIVE .. Original Scent Solids!”

I know I’ve done nothing to deserve such a mate, and all too often I fail to reciprocate. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”  Submission might be repulsive to some women, but I have no problem with it. What I need God’s help with is being the Proverbs 31 wife. Verse 10 says it best: “An excellent wife, who can find?” Not here, that’s for sure. The more Brad shows his love for me, the more I realize that I need to get my act together!

James said that “Faith without deeds is useless.” (James 5:20)  I think the same might be said about love without deeds. Is your love more than three beautiful words? Is it a verb? Or, like me, do you need to put wheels on your words and get into gear?

Lord, thank you for Your amazing, undeserved, unconditional love. Please help me receive that love, and share it with more than just my words. Help me to be the wife you want me to be. Amen.

Catrina Bradley grew up in Iowa but now makes her home in Georgia where she serves her church as Admin & Ministry Assistant. She has been blissfully married for over 20 years and has a beautiful, talented daughter and two precious puppies. Her Christian poetry, essays, fiction, and devotions have been published in numerous on-line and print venues. She posts quasi-regularly at her blog Scattered Seeds and monthly at Jewels of Encouragement.

Visit her online at Scattered Seeds.