parenting

by on

ID-100208307Ten years ago, one could go to a restaurant and see families actually talking. They could hold a conversation–like a full, twenty minute one–without the beep of an incoming text or emails halting it.

But then came smart phones and Facebook and all those alerts and instant messages that come with it, and suddenly, these things that we thought would free our time actually hold us in bondage. Those devices that we believed would keep us connected actually distract us from the very people we most want to connect with.

And I am by far the most guilty of this. I think it’s the instant ID-100103470gratification thing. Or maybe some sort of conditioning–you know, like Pavlo did with dogs and dog food. The bell rang; they got dog food until the bell alone could make them salivate. Now swap dogs and dog food with humans and instant messages. 😉

This week, I’ve been focusing on living fully present in the present. This started on a particularly hum-drum day when my body decided to rebel but my mind wanted it to behave like it had five years ago. I think that’s maybe the hardest part of chronic illness, well, the hardest part of adapting to it; realizing that life has changed. And that you can still find joy in that.

Unless you’re consumed with thoughts of what once were or what one day might be.

Because you can’t live–fully live–in the present if you’re always searching for a way back to the past. Nor if you’re trying to leap up ahead. It’s like maybe we feel we’re missing out on something.

Which we are. If we’re not living fully present in the present. We’ll miss out on a lot.

And we’ll never really enjoy the blessings God is giving us now.

Today I focused on doing just that. I put my to-do list, hum-drums, concerns for tomorrow or thoughts of yesterday aside and spent a wonderful afternoon with my princess.

It started with a trip to the UP building to join my hubby for lunch. The weather couldn’t have been better. Overcast, a slight breeze, maybe 75 degrees. Plus, I had annoyed my daughter a total of 0 times on the drive over. (If you didn’t believe in miracles before…)

We get there to find my husband waiting, inching toward the exit. We’d fully expected to eat in the company cafe’, which is lovely.

But he–and God–had other plans.

My husband surprised us by asking if we’d perhaps like to eat somewhere else, saying he “had time”. Guiding us out of the building and toward the historical Old Market area with it’s cobblestone streets, amateur musicians, eclectic stores, and every flavor of cuisine one could imagine.

We chose to eat at Blue Sushi Sake Grill as sort of a thank you for the generous donation they gave to the Hope for the Homeless event. Then my husband returned to work and my daughter and I spent the rest of the afternoon being silly-goofy.

Being fully present in the present.

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this. You can’t fully enjoy today if you’re trying to cling to the past. Nor if you’re always looking ahead for what might be. And it’s easy to allow all those momentary distractions to occupy our time, but though they may give us “pleasure”, they’ll never give us joy. Rather, left unchecked, they’ll steal from us those very things that do bring joy: close relationships, peace, solitude, gratitude, and praise.

In what ways are you living a partial life? What have you allowed to hinder your joy of today? What can you do today, right now, to live fully present in the present?

For those of you wanting to go deeper in your friendships, you might find my latest Crosswalk article helpful: How to Maintain (Imperfect) Friendships.

 

 

by on

Broken and beautiful. I’ve seen it again and again. Those who’ve experienced the greatest pain and struggle most often have the most powerful ministry. Because they get it, and by “it” I mean a plethora of things: pain, weakness, frailty, humility, utter and desperate dependence of God, and the intense comfort He provides when we’re in despair.

acfw picIf that is you, whether you’re still despairing or praising God for carrying you through, God has a plan for you. A glorious, miraculous, compassionate, beautiful plan. Today a sweet woman who’s experienced pain unimaginable–that which every parent fears–is here to tell us about the beautiful end result. As you read Jessica Johnson’s devotion titled Great Weakness, Powerful Ministry, I encourage you to prayerfully consider how God can turn your greatest pain into a beautiful ministry, for mourning lasts for the night, but grace is eternal.

BUT, before you read further, I wanted to let you know, Sweet Freedom is FREE on Amazon Kindle! Get it here. PLUS, y’all can read the first chapter of my debut novel, Beyond I Do. Read it here, and if you do, I’d love to hear your thoughts and expectations. 🙂

Great Weakness Can Lead to Powerful Ministry

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge him
”

Sounds easy enough, right? Why wouldn’t I trust God? After all, He’s God. Little did I know when I first learned this verse at age 13, that trusting God would be one of the hardest things for me to do. Ever.

Soon after my third child, Ethan, was born, I noticed  something wasn’t right. He was frequently ill and took longer than normal to get over common viruses and ear infections. Eventually, he became so sick he had to be hospitalized. After two weeks in intensive care, despite many desperate prayers for his healing, Ethan passed away. He was nine months old.

Eventually we received a diagnosis of Primary Immune Deficiency, a genetic disease. Ethan lacked the ability to make antibodies to fight infections. I later had two more sons, and although I prayed for them to be healthy, both of them were born with this disease as well.

I never understood why God didn’t answer my prayers and heal Ethan, nor why he didn’t provide healthy children after Ethan died.  I wondered, Does God even listen to my prayers? In time, I lost trust in Him and almost stopped praying altogether.

It wasn’t until 2011 that I was faced with my inability to control my life or the lives of those I loved. My two-year-old son Gavin got lost in the woods behind our house. I looked everywhere for him, but no matter how desperately I searched for him, no matter how fast I ran or how loud I called his name, I couldn’t find him. If his safety, his protection, rested in my hands, he was in a heap of trouble. I didn’t know where he was—how could I keep him safe? I cried out to God. He was the only One who knew where my son was. I would be crazy not to trust Him.

This experience inspired me to write a book about trusting God. I often speak to groups of women, encouraging them to trust God, although I still struggle with that myself. I often ask, “Why, Lord? Why call me to a ministry in my area of greatest weakness?”

This reminds me of Moses, standing before God, who has just asked him to go before Pharaoh and order him to let the Israelites out of Egypt. Moses said in Exodus 6, “If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips?”

I can totally relate! “Why are you asking me of all people, Lord? I’m the worst at this! Couldn’t you find someone more qualified?”

But the Bible says God uses the weak to carry out His work in order that His strength and power can be displayed. (2 Corinthians 12:9) If we do something that comes naturally, we’re merely displaying our own strength. But when we do something difficult, in our area of weakness, God’s power is revealed. Others take notice and say, “Only God could do that.”

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, when talking about a physical hardship he endured, Paul says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

What is your greatest weakness? If you feel God calling you to do something that is completely out of your comfort zone, do it—no matter how incompetent you feel. Perhaps He is looking for an opportunity to display His awesome power through you. Don’t let feelings of inadequacy hinder you from being used for a heavenly purpose.

***

Jessica Leigh Johnson received her Bachelor of Science degree in Christian Education from Crown College in 1999. She has a passion for writing and speaking to women on the topics that are close to her heart. She also serves the Lord in music and children’s ministries. Jessica is the author of the book, Do You Trust Me? – Allowing Hope to Triumph Over Tragedy. She and her family reside in Northern Minnesota. Visit her online at: www.jessicaleighjohnson.com or connect with her on Facebook.

 livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this. When has God turned a painful experience into a ministry opportunity? When have you experienced blessings/compassion/grace from someone else who experienced a similar trial or difficulty you were experiencing? If you are going through a trial currently, what might God be doing in and through you through the trial? Share your comments here or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

Time is a funny thing. It zips by when you want to hold on to it most and drags when you’re in a hurry.  Lately, I feel

Me, Steve, and Ash on our way to tour School of the Mines in Colorado
Me, Steve, and Ash on our way to tour School of the Mines in Colorado

as if I’ve been in the zip stage. In fact, the clock started ticking louder the moment our daughter started touring colleges. She has one more year. One more year of family dinners, of guaranteed family vacations, of her coming into my room at night to sit on my bed and dialogue with me about all she’s learned and experienced and all she hopes to become.

When she first entered high school, I heard a lot about “empty nesting” and how difficult it could be. Funny thing, I never understood it. I thought it was about a mother not having ways to occupy her time or, having centered her identity in parenting, now felt empty and without purpose.

But as my daughter grows, I’ve gained a new  understanding. It’s not about losing the what but the who. It’s about releasing a child

MeandAshyou adore with your entire heart, releasing those moments of your day you cherish most, knowing this relationship will soon become one of periodic phone calls and occasional visits.

I know this is a normal part of life–this leaving; maturing; launching into adulthood. In truth, it’s what my husband and I have spent years–her entire lifetime–preparing her for. We’ve prayed, read umpteen parenting books, sought wise counsel from others, at times asked for help. In everything, we’ve done everything we knew to do to help her reach this stage and beyond.

And  yet, that’s not entirely true, that we’ve done everything we knew to do to help her, for there were times, many, that I failed. That I let selfishness creep in, choosing the convenient over the best. There were times when my selfishness infected my attitude and my words. There were times when my mistakes and weaknesses caused her pain.

We’ve all done it, and we’ll do it again, because were imperfect, selfish beings. But that’s where humility comes in: dialoguing with our children openly (and age-appropriately) about all those times when we’ve failed and asking them to forgive us. (I also suggest opening a therapy fund as soon as they’re born. Kidding. Sort of.)

That’s where prayer comes in, confessing our shortcomings to God and asking Him to buffer and strengthen our children’s hearts, using every struggle, every parental failure, every weakness for their good.

Because that’s what He’s good out–making beauty from our messes.

Moms, I have a feeling you can relate. None of us our perfect. None of us our patient 100% of the time. There’s no fail-proof book on parenting that promises if we do X, Y will occur, and though we have the Holy Spirit to guide us, much of the time we still feel like we’re playing a guessing game. Except this isn’t a game. In fact, it’s the most important job we’ll ever have. It’s the one area we hope and pray we won’t fail in. Then one day, our children stand at the door, bags packed, and we hope we’ve done enough.

Isn’t it great to serve a God who makes all things beautiful and who showers us and our kiddos with grace?

A God who loves our children even more than we do, who created every fiber and cell of their being, and knows exactly where they’ll be ten years from now and what they’ll need to get there?

A God who, though we want to hold tightly to these precious, growing children, gives us the strength to release them when that time comes.

 

Oh, my do I love that child!

HappyMothersDayHappy Mother’s Day, my friends. If you’ve got kids at home, hold them time. Take the time to enjoy every giggle, every snuggle, every late-night awakening.

 

And moms of any age, I encourage you to read Eileen Rife’s post on Faith-filled Friends about letting go.  You can read it here. Plus, return on Saturday to learn who one our May gift-basket!

If you’re getting tired of my “Time is Short” motherly posts, sorry! I’d say they won’t continue, but I have a feeling they will, growing all the more frequent as her graduation day appears. 😉

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this! If you are a parent, what are some of your most  precious memories? What areas have been hardest for you to “let go”? How have you seen God redeem some of your shortcomings and blessings in your child/children’s lives?

Grown children, what are some of your most precious memories of you and your mother? I encourage you to call her or send a card listing telling her of three or four of them and why they meant so much to you. If your mom is not around anymore, I encourage you to share those memories with your children. Time passes quickly, but aren’t you glad we’ve been granted the gift of memories?

For those raising children, find a way to make a memory this week.

You can share your comments here or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

Oh, the messes I get myself in, all because I speak before I think. Often, before listening, which leads to a fair amount of miscommunications and relational tension. To listen, truly listen…

That’s the call of a great friend, right? And a good wife and mother?

CynPhotoTinyOuch!

Today author Cynthia Toney, author of Bird Face, talks about her tendency to listen (or not) and what she believes this says about her witness.

Read her thoughts then share yours, but first, I wanted to announce the winner of Shannon Taylor Vannatter’s give-away from two weeks ago. Shelia, congrats! You won a copy of Rodeo Song. I’ll contact you soon to discuss how to get this novel to you. 🙂

Am I listening by Cynthia Toney

Last month for the first time in my life, I read Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s me, Margaret. I didn’t know what to expect. The title was so old, no one was talking about it any more.

If you’re familiar with the story, you know little Margaret has a personal relationship with God. She believes God listens to her, even if her family members don’t seem to. But the story got me thinking, because not everyone has such a close friendship with God that they have the confidence Margaret does.

We encourage our children, family members, and friends to pray. Whether something goes wrong or right, or a favor is needed, God will listen, we tell them. But do we? Really listen to them, I mean.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish” (Proverbs 18:13 NLT).

The urge to inject our own emotions, opinions, and related experiences into the conversation when someone confides in us and asks for our help is so strong. Sometimes we think about our response when we should be listening. We’re eager to say, “When that happened to me
”

But when we’re speaking, we’re not listening. When we’re multitasking, we’re not listening. When a friend is pouring busy-woman-1070268-mout her heart to me, but I interrupt her to take a call, am I listening? And if my child or sibling doesn’t believe that I—perhaps the one person he trusts—am listening, will he believe God is? After all, I’m right in front of him in the flesh or on the phone or Skype.

Fortunately, I’m now a Margaret. I know God listens to me even if no one else seems to.  Wendy, the main character in my novel Bird Face, is often like Margaret but sometimes not. Like many of us at different times, she loses trust that God listens and cares. Why? Because some of the people she trusts to listen and show they care, don’t.

Jesus was a great listener, and He showed us that we can trust Him and the Father to listen always. He set the example I want to follow, to reassure my loved ones that they will be listened to.

I’m reminded of a scene from the TV sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond.” Raymond and Deborah visit their priest for pre-marriage counseling. The priest asks what they plan regarding children. Deborah says they want children. Ray says he hasn’t thought about it. She says, “We talked about it.” He says, “That doesn’t mean I thought about it.”

BIRD.FACE.FC.tinyBird Face: 

Anonymous sticky-notes, a scheming bully, and a ruined summer send almost-fourteen-year-old Wendy down a trail of secrets and self-discovery.

At the end of eighth grade, Wendy Robichaud doesn’t care one bit about being popular like her good-looking classmates Tookie and the Sticks—until Brainiac bully John-Monster schemes against her, and someone leaves anonymous sticky-note messages all over school. Even her best friend, Jennifer, is hiding something and pulling away. But the Spring Program, abandoned puppies, and high school track team tryouts don’t leave much time to play detective. When secrets and failed dreams kick off the summer, will Jennifer still be around to support her?

Using humor and offering hope, this story for ages 11 to 14 delicately addresses issues of bullying, eating disorders, imperfect families, and teen suicide.

Buy it here.

Let’s talk about this. I hate to use a clichĂ©, but time LivingbyGracepictruly does fly, and if we’re not careful, relationships will slip away. I’ve seen this in my marriage and with my daughter. Prior to getting sick, I spent a great deal of time doing–always writing, editing, checking or responding to emails, on my phone… I missed out on so many opportunities to connect with my family because I chose to stay home or in my office, working, instead.

Then I got sick, and for a chunk of time, it really laid me out. I won’t go into detail because much of it is embarrassing, but suddenly, I wasn’t able to join my daughter and husband on family outings. I’m not sure I can quite explain how that felt. Each time they left to go to a movie, to the mall, out to dinner, whatever, I remembered all those times I could’ve gone but chose not to. And oh, how I regretted them!

Praise be to God, I’ve since improved greatly in stamina and health, but more than that has changed. My view–my priorities–have also shifted. Now, I’m determined not to waste a moment. I’m determined to be fully present, to engage.

I believe that’s one of the greatest blessings of living with chronic illness. It clears away the fluff and distractions and reminds one of what’s truly important and to grab hold of each moment, whatever it holds, with both hands.

What are some ways, today, that you can be fully present?

What can you do this week to connect, to  listen, to engage?

What about you? Pause to consider your relationships–with others and with God. Are you fully engaged? Time flies. Don’t let it depart without you!

Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

valentines-day-background-3-1335571-mHappy chocolate, roses, and lots of snuggles day! 🙂 As a fun Valentine’s Day treat, I encourage you to pop over to Family Fiction to read my short inspirational romance titled, Love Long Lost but Not Forgotten.

With my debut novel, Beyond I Do, releasing from New Hope Publishers this fall, I thought some of you, accustomed to my blogging, might enjoy checking out my fiction. If you like it, please consider giving the story a “thumbs-up”, which constitutes as a vote for the readers’ chioce awards, and of course, feel free to share the story with your friends. :)You can also visit the board I created for this story on Pinterest.

I also encourage you to stop by Faith Filled Friends to share your favorite Valentine’s Day memory and learn who won our Launch give-away basket. Then come back tomorrow for some Faith-filled news.

2013-07-08 23.15.16-1Today author Laura Jackson shares a thought-provoking look at the “then and nows” of teenagehood. As a mom of a teen, I’m always on the alert for inforamtion that might help me understand and reach the heart of my teen. As a fun bonus, Laura is giving away a copy of her young adult novel, Worth the Wait to one reader randomly chosen from the comments below.  and learLooking back on my teen years, I remember hearing one of the most dreaded phrases over and over.

Teens… Taking Time to Reach Their Heart by Laura Jackson

When I was your age



It’s usually followed by some complaint about how today’s youth somehow don’t measure up to previous generations. A quick look at the news will convince anyone that today’s teens are struggling. But to compare them to how things were in the past isn’t quite fair.

Consider the things teens today deal with that we didn’t:

*Social Media—constant communication with others, cyber bullying, and sexting

*Sins blatantly shown on TV as normal, accepted, and even admirable. Casual sex, drugs, and underage drinking are status quo and even glorified in both TV, books, movies, and music.

*Violence as entertainment (video games and TV)

*A focus on outward beauty—the impossible standards that photoshop drops on our shoulders

*A society that is becoming less and less accepting of Christian values and beliefs

Yes, today’s teens aren’t the same as kids in past generations. They’re dealing with things we never thought about. (I’m so glad I didn’t have social media when I was a teen, aren’t you?)

Our Christian teens spend most of their day being bombarded by the world and its temptations. Their struggle is real, and it’s hard.

Instead of telling them what things like when we were their age, let’s sit back and listen.  Because we don’t understand what they’re going through. And that’s okay.

When we listen without interrupting, we build relationships. When we listen without lecturing, we give them a safe place to rest. When we love them unconditionally and pray without ceasing, we can change things because even though the world is ever-changing, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

And that’s what teens need most. Unchanging, unwavering, and unshakable love.

And just maybe, it’s what we all need. Perhaps the generations aren’t so different after all.

9781938708268TwitterWorth the Wait:

Ellie Lansing has a picture-perfect life with a close-knit family and the perfect boyfriend. But her world is suddenly knocked off center when her drool-worthy boyfriend cheats, and her always-has-it-together mother is diagnosed with cancer. Ellie doesn’t get it. She always does the right thing – doesn’t God owe her a happy life? Through her heartache, Ellie learns that sometimes what seems like the end is really just the beginning and that what God has for us is always worth the wait.

Laura Jackson loves books—reading and writing them. A life-long reader, Laura studied English in college and taught 7th grade language arts before earning her Master’s degree and becoming a school librarian. Now, she spends her days sharing great books with kids and her evenings writing books about teenage girls discovering God and His plan for their lives.

Let’s talk about this! If you’re a parent or a grandparent of a teenager, what are some ways you’ve attempted to reach their heart? Do you ever livingbygracepic.jpfeel as if you’re giving more corrections than affirmations? If so, perhaps it’s time for some one-on-one bonding. Do you try to spend time with them consistently? Lately, with book contracts, ministry obligations, and all the other busyness that comes with every-day life, I can easily get so wrapped up in my to-dos, I forget to connect. So, I have to schedule time in, time where just my daughter and I get away to do something fun or silly. And I believe our relationship is much better for it!

Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook, AND get entered into the drawing for a copy of Worth the Wait.

by on

loveLove. Such a confusing, abstract emotion. It’s something we “fall into” and “out of”,  something we chase after…

There’s a notion that says “You must love yourself in order to love others.”

Is this true? Biblical?

I’m no theologian, but I can’t locate a verse that says this. In fact, again and again, God tells us to take the position of a servant, and to honor others above ourselves.

To die to ourselves so we can live for God.

It’s hard to die to something you love.

Perhaps biblical love isn’t so much an emotion as it is an action.

Consider 1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

For you see, emotions wane. Therefore, true love must be a choice and an action, the moment-by-moment discipline of laying ourselves aside so that God can love others through us.

The Bible says we love because God first loved us. Therefore, our love comes not from us but from Him. It is when we completely surrender ourselves to God that we are fulfilled. That is when we begin to live lives of passion and purpose, of courage and impact.

*

Learning to love is receiving and giving the love only God can give.

*

Consider insecurity and fear of rejection and all those negative emotions that supposedly stem from a lack of self-love. What if the opposite is true? What if those emotions stem from love of self and a desire to protect self.
We protect that which we love.

*

But when we die to ourselves, there is but one focus, what God would do throughAshleywithElSalvadororphan us. 

*

And that is the most freeing occurrence we can experience.

*

Let me provide an example. I have a less than glamorous past, and for years, I vehemently longed to hide that past. This fear kept me from embracing God’s call to write for many years. I told Him again and again, “I’ll only write if you protect me from exposure.”

*

I’m sure you can imagine God’s response. He knew His grace is best seen when revealed through an imperfect sinner.

*

But still I fought Him. I was afraid to tell my story for fear of what others would think and for fear of losing friends. Until I started hanging out with at risk teens and the homeless. Suddenly, I wanted for them to see Jesus and what He could do so badly, I no longer cared about embarrassing or shaming myself. My fear and insecurity went away because I found something more important–the saving of another life.

*

The results were glorious, inspiring, fulfilling, because the more I died to myself and lived for God, the more I experienced His all-consuming love pour through me.

*

You cannot be fearful, prideful, envious, and insecure when God’s Spirit invades your core. It’s impossible.

*

So what does this all mean?

*

1. If you want to experience an abundant, joy-filled, peace-saturated life, ask God to help you die to yourself–your fears, desires, pride, insecurities. All of it. Then ask Him to replace those things with His all-consuming love as you follow after Him with surrendered obedience.

*

2. Parents, if you want your children to rise above the toxicity of their clique-infested schools, if you want for them to grab hold of a purpose that will propel them forward with a God-given passion, teach them to see others through God-sized lenses and to get involved in His mission. Then sit back and watch them thrive.

*

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this! Looking back on your journey, when have you felt most fulfilled? What do you think of my take on love? Consider a time when you’ve felt God’s love coursing through you. What were you doing? What did His love motivate you to do?
Share your thoughts in the comments below or at Livng by Grace on Facebook.

*

And congrats to Lillianne Kohler! You won a copy of Cara Putman’s novel, Shadowed by Grace! I’ll be contacting you soon to get that book to you.

*

Other posts you might enjoy:

by on

sorrow-and-worry-692910-mIt’s a choice I never wanted to make. It tore me up, tore my daughter up, and I’m pretty sure, it tore my husband up as well. But when a situation arose where I had to choose between my husband and my child, I knew there was really only one choice I could make. For if I followed my mother’s heart, the one that longs to buffer my child from every pain and surround her with nothing but abundant blessings, I honestly believe I would’ve robbed her of that which blesses her most–parents with a healthy, united marriage.

It was 2012, and my daughter and I were content. Happy. We lived in a great cul-de-sac filled with involved parents and great kids. The kind of neighborhood where parents kidsplayingfelt safe allowing their kids to play outside on late summer nights. We were involved in a growing church, had our hands in meaningful ministries. Our evenings were filled with family dinners, lots of hugs, and plenty of laughter.

Only my husband wasn’t happy. Not fully. Long story short, things outside our home had become toxic, and he was ready for a change. For peace. When his boss offered him a transfer to the corporate offices in Omaha, he saw his chance.

But this chance came at a price. We’d have to sell the home we loved, one we’d spent a great deal of time and money-making our “own”. We’d have to leave our church and the connections we’d made. Worse, we’d have to uproot our high school daughter. Surviving high school is hard enough. Her trying to navigate the inherently awkward halls as a newbie? The thought made me ill.

I’ve seen her weather enough broken friendships, unexpected rejections, and cliques to know this was going to be tough. Painfully tough. I worried about lonely lunches and even lonelier weekends as she waited, and waited, and waited to establish safe, lasting friendships. In fact, I worried myself sick, and prayed for a solution. One that could provide a much-deserved blessing for my precious husband while allowing our daughter to finish high school in Kansas City.

I knew if I complained or fought against it, my husband would stay. Because that’s how he is, always putting others first. But I also knew how much he needed this move, how much he deserved it. And I trusted if I put my husband first, God would bless our daughter for it.

So we went, and I’m pretty sure the summer that followed was the toughest our daughter had ever faced.

And I wondered why? Why did what was good for one have to come at the cost of another?

It didn’t. It just took time for us to catch sight of God’s blessing. Which is what this move has been–a blessing. For all of us. On New Year’s Eve, as I listened to giggles rising from a basement of teens, I thought back to our move and all God has done since078. God has returned to us all we lost in Kansas City triplefold. And our daughter? She didn’t really lose anything. Her truest friends held on, and they remain close to this day. But now she has many more friends to add to her circle. Great friends. Christ-centered friends.

In short, this move turned out to be exactly what our daughter needed.

Because when we do things God’s way, everyone wins.

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this.

But… before we do, I want to invite you to pop on over to a new blog I joined with some of my sweet writer friends, Faith-filled Friends. We started this blog so we’d have a place to talk about our books, our characters, our fun research outings, and all the other things that make us smile. This month, we’re hosting a launch give-away. Join the conversation and get entered into the drawing for some great books and precious jewelry. 🙂 And make sure to subscribe, because you never know when there’ll be other gift baskets to win.

Then, join the conversation at Living by Grace as we chat about making difficult choices. Can you relate? Have you ever felt as if God were asking you to choose between a child and your spouse? If so, what did you do, and what was the result? Why do you believe it’s imperative, not just for us, but for our children as well, to put our marriage first?

Share your thoughts here in the comments below or on Facebook at Living by Grace.

by on

I’ve been called, by those who know me best and care for me most:

pitbullA pit bull (“but in a good way”)

A tornado (Um… thanks???)

Stubborn, determined… bull-headed

A bull in a china cabinet

(Okay, so maybe hubby wasn’t complimenting me on this one. In fact, I think he was a bit irritated. Ok, a lot irritated.)

And  yes, there are times when my bull-headed, get-‘er-done attitude creates havoc, but there are other times when I’m thankful. Because there are numerous things in life that require a fair amount of bull-headedness.

Would it surprise you to hear my bullheadedness isn’t new? That hints of it (and at times, explosions of it), can be seen throughout my history?

Where did it come from?

Because I believe God is my sovereign Creator, I also believe a chunk of this was crafted in me when He “knit me together in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139). But another chunk, that ever-growing chunk, is the product of struggling. Of encountering an obstacle, choosing to face it head on, and choosing to stay in the fight until the fight is over.

That is a choice each one of us have, each and every day.

When our job becomes stressful, our boss demanding, we have the choice to stay engaged and proactive and to rise above… Or to withdraw, either through a written resignation or an emotional one.

When our marriage feels hopeless, we have the choice to stay in the fight–not with our emotional retreatspouse, but in the fight for our spouse… Or resign, either through divorce or emotional retreat.

Every time we choose to fight, a part of us and that for which we are fighting for grows stronger.

Similarly, every time we choose to cave, a part of us and that for which we are fighting for grows weaker. And it becomes easier to disengage, to walk away… to quit.

I have a friend whose daughter has been battling an insanely difficult and often debilitating illness for a long time. This fall, she went to college. Away from home and the safety of her parents’ house and the close proximity of her primary care physician.

And she struggled. With illness that bombarded her weakened immune system. With discouragement that tore at her very core. With homesickness and frustration and the ever-pressing decision: Should I press on, even if I never make it or fail in the end; or should I retreat emotionally, mentally, and physically?

Her parents watched her struggle with this decision, prayed for God’s clear guidance, and I’m pretty sure, had it been their choice, they would’ve whisked her home, safe and sound.

But this young woman persevered, and this December, she successfully completed her first semester of college.

And yet, this completion was much more than a task checked off, for so much more happened in the journey.

A part of her was strengthened.

And regardless of what career she chooses, or even if she signs up for another semester, that strength will remain, equipping her for her next struggle.

Please hear me, I am not saying everyone with illness should always push through. Sometimes, we must drop a few balls and slow things down, to give ourselves time to rest, heal, and manage effectively those things that remain. (You can read my thoughts on that here.)

What I’m saying is, we should be quick to pray, quick to persevere, and slow to quit. And victoryfor those of us who are parents with breaking hearts as we watch our kids struggle this Christmas… hold on, because the triumph is coming! And when God carries your kiddo over the finish line, they’ll be stronger for it!

Additional posts and resources you might find helpful:

Are We Overstressing Our Teens?

Are You Stuck in Haran

Knowing When to Quit

How Big is Your God

Pummeled by the Waves

Stronger Still by Edna Ellison

livingbygracepic.jpLet’s talk about this! Think back to some of your greatest struggles.

What did God teach you through those?

How are you stronger today because of those struggles?

What are you facing now?

How might your attitude during the struggle affect your inner-growth after ? And what specifically might God be wanting to strengthen in you?

Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook.

by on

Parents, everything we do and say affects not only the atmosphere of our home and family relationships, but has the capacity to penetrate deep into our children’s hearts as well. At each moment, we are either building up or tearing down.

I don’t know about you, but things can get pretty frazzled in the Slattery arguing-440262-mhousehold, and there are days when it’s all I can do to keep myself in check. Throw no fits, burn no meals, start no arguments…

Honestly, 99% of the time, it comes down to a choice: Will I fight for my rights or die to myself, ecarole180ven if that means surrendering the last piece of apple pie?

Today Carole Brown is back with us sharing one of the most beautiful true life stories I have heard in some time.

Stockinged Feet by Carole Brown

Have you ever had an event unfold in front of your eyes that caused it to become a “Stick-in-your-mind” remembrance?

We were young–my husband and I–and in our second pastorate with two young sons. As any pastor and his family can tell you, pastoring can be either a blessing or a trial, in it’s own way and depending on the characters, emotions and personalities of all involved. This one was no different: the neighborhood was–uh, unique, the people, kind of what would be called as isolated, and the church located a distance away from our families.

One week. in our pastor-ish duties, we visited a couple a certain evening. Now my husband, Dan, has always set high standards of dress and neatness for himself so why on earth we would be visiting with him wearing work boots is something I definitely don’t remember.

But I do remember the remark the wife made as we entered. “Wish my husband could afford new boots.”

These were new boots, only we hadn’t bought them. Dan’s brother (for whatever reason) didn’t want them and passed them on to my husband, who was happy to get them. You learn to be especially thankful for every little blessing that comes your way when you’re pastoring!

My husband said nothing, but after we were seated, he bent over and unlaced the boots and calmly slipped his feet from them. The evening went on as if nothing had been said.

When it came time to leave, my husband headed for the door, minus the boots and in his stocking feet.

Of course, the wife was flustered. But my husband was adamant that he was to give those boots to her husband. Any other man might have been suspect of a tinge of “pay back” or perhaps even loftiness, but not Dan. Knowing him as I did then, and even now looking back, Iold-worn-out-boots-1013579-m realize that his act truly came from a generous heart. He had two pairs of boots–the old and the new. He chose the old.

Silly? No. Because that action stuck in my mind and our sons’ minds. We saw generosity in motion. Ever after we will remember the boot episode and be grateful God gave us a wonderful–full-hearted man for a husband and father. That’s probably one reason why our sons consider him their best friend and why all these years later, he’s still my hero.

***

Besides being a member and active participant of many writing groups, Carole Brown enjoys mentoring beginning writers. She loves to weave suspense and tough topics into her books, along with a touch of romance and whimsy, and is always on the lookout for outstanding titles and catchy ideas. She and her husband reside in SE Ohio but have ministered and counseled nationally and internationally. Together, they enjoy their grandsons, traveling, gardening, good food, the simple life, and did she mention their grandsons?

Connect with her here online at her blog, on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Goodreads.

Her novel, The Redemption of Caralynne Hayman:

The Redemption of Caralynne HaymanHow far would YOU go to avenge a daughter’s cruel death? Cara is considered rebellious and inappropriate to befriend. Dayne is the apple of Elder Simmons’ eye—until he takes a stand against their teachings. Can his prayers and love reach Cara and show her the way to redemption? Will Cara realize God’s love and forgiveness before she goes too far?

Order your copy now!  http://www.amazon.com/dp/1938499948/

More posts and resources you might enjoy:

Dying to Live

Death by Wheat Squares

Compassion is Caught and Taught

The Family God Uses by Tom Blackaby