Christmas always carries with it memories. Some wonderful and some not so great.
I had never really hosted a big family gathering before, but I decided to host my husband’s family for Christmas shortly after we were married. I had a new China set I was excited to use, along with new utensils. I decorated the tree and put cute Christmas items throughout the house. I tied Christmas scarves on my dogs, Max and Walker. I researched recipes for prime rib because that is what his family always served on Christmas.
Let’s not forget the Christmas cards I needed to send out, the cookies I needed to bake and share, while working 40 hours a week, and participating in all the activities that Christmas brings: choir, Christmas program, and Christmas caroling.
Along with this, I adopted John’s family’s traditions so they would love Christmas at my house. This included candy cane cookies and learning to play pinochle (they joked, “must learn to be a part of the family”). Did I mention that 15 people were coming? Remember, I took all of this on to be fully accepted by the family as one of their own (i.e., self-inflicted).
Rejection was a fear I carried back then. Not being good enough, like cliques in high school where I was on the outside, stayed with me after graduation. What if my husband’s family hated having Christmas here and thought I was a loser? These dramatic thoughts were real for me as I struggled with approval. Back then, I felt I couldn’t be myself because I wouldn’t be accepted.
These experiences always seem to stick in our minds, filed neatly in our brains. Then something or someone hits a button that may or may not connect to one of those files; it doesn’t matter, because the whole file drawer comes flying out, and reports from the files are flung all over our minds. Merry Christmas …
How did I enjoy Christmas Day? I didn’t. Exhaustion and anxiety took all the joy out of the day. Although my intentions were good, my methods were not. But here’s what I learned.
Finding peace in the chaos of the world is a true gift. Jesus is the Prince of Peace and knows exactly how you are feeling and what to do to find harmonic contentment in your soul.
First, get rid of your fears. Fears come from wounds we’ve experienced and lies told to us. Healing over these hurts can occur when we practice forgiveness. Here are some ways to forgive someone:
- Know that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they are the winner; in fact, you are the true victor in allowing God to take from you the hurts, and you carry them no longer. You become free to become the person God wants you to be.
- Pray for the person you want to forgive. God loves the person you are forgiving. Even though you may not feel it now, or ever, praying for them is powerful. Miracles happen every day.
- Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to interact with them like you once did. If that does happen at some time, great, but a little distance during the healing is good.
- When the bad feelings about that person arise in you, remember your decision to forgive them. That will bring you calmness.
Second, you are worthy:
- God is concerned with your heart. I imagine God loves to sit just with you and talk about your heart and how He can bless you. He already knows, but you realizing it is powerful.
- He loves you so much – God did not create you to increase your stress during the Christmas season. His relationship with you is His concern and passion,
- You have a right to rest in Jesus’ presence, which is a holy moment. It’s priceless, and you are welcome to experience it.
Third, plan with focus:
- What gives you joy? Discern what Christmas items give you joy and do them.
- What gives you peace? Again, whatever it is, do it.
- When do you feel God’s presence? An important part of the whole. Don’t let the celebrations take God out of the experience.
If you do not send the cards, make the cookies, or decorate the tree, it’s okay. Let go and lay these empty hands at God’s feet for His filling. There are more important things that you need to do to protect your spirit and mind during the season. If someone really needs one of those things done, let them do it.
Don’t allow anyone to make you feel guilty. They may use a comparison statement like, “Aunt Trudy’s Christmas was so great because she made her mashed potatoes with a special seasoning, not just butter (like yours).” “Your tree could use some more tinsel and lights,” is another statement I have heard in the past. Don’t let the hurt, shame, or guilt stay with you. Simply say, “Thank you for your suggestion, but this is how I like to do it.” You show more class and strength in not having to defend yourself, but say, “This is me.” Don’t hold their statements against them (forgiving). Just laugh inside at their silly remarks and be proud of how you are blooming as a person.
Journal your experiences with a calm and bright Christmas to remember what you did and how it felt. I hope you see, like I do, that the activities you decide to participate in are more joyful because you have the emotional bandwidth to do them.
Scripture:
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).
Get to Know Kathy Bruins
Kathy Bruins is an award-winning writer that helps creatives take the next step in their journey through consultation, teaching, coaching, and praying. Kathy is the founder of The Well Ministries for Creatives and The Well Publishers. Kathy wanted to do voiceover originally for audiobooks but has learned of the many opportunities available from her Great Voice training. She lives in Southwest Michigan. Contact Kathy at kbruins77@gmail.com
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For additional holiday stress-reducing tips, keep watch for the upcoming Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled: Less Stress, More Joy and Connection with Christ This Christmas, accessed on your favorite podcast app.
