Fighting Fear of Rejection With the Truth of Christ

crumpled paper and a notepad and pen

Writers experience a great number of rejections, and some of those can be pretty harsh. Though I know to expect these “no thank yous,” seeing them stream through my inbox can leave me stunned. If I’m not careful, I can begin to question my abilities, my calling, and really, myself. We do that, don’t we? We own every negative experience, holding each one as proof that we’re somehow insufficient or defective.

A while back, after receiving numerous declines in a row, I shared my disappointment with my daughter. “But you’ve also received a lot of acceptances,” she said. I know she meant to encourage me, and for a moment, it did, but I knew my assurance needed to go much deeper. My confidence and value can’t be based on such transient standards as blue and teal background and text from posttemporary wins and losses. To rise above my fears, I must anchor myself, immovable, in the One who knows me, loves me, sees me, goes before me, has a plan for me, and remains with and in me.

A while back, God reminded me of this truth during a rather discouraging time. For about a year, it had felt as if I’d been turned down for every opportunity I pursued, even those I felt certain had been God led. The first rejection didn’t phase me too much. The second stung, but I determined to keep moving. By the third and fourth experience, however, lies I’d thought I’d long buried began to reemerge, assaulting my weakening heart, “You’re unwanted. You’re not good enough. Insufficient.”

Those lies can be really hard to silence sometimes, can’t they? They’d long held me captive, and normally would’ve plunged me into an all-day, if not longer, gloom. But not this time. As I sat there, initially feeding all those deceptive and toxic thoughts, I sensed God’s whisper, urging me to turn to truth, my most powerful weapon against all fear, fear of rejection included. And so I did.

Bible opened to Ephesians 1, I began to read. More than that, I soaked in every word, claiming each as my own. Through that passage, God spoke so clearly, reminding me of who I was. Though I felt rejected and discarded, insufficient, the Bible promised that was far from reality. Instead, I was and am God’s holy child (v. 1), blessed with every spiritual blessing (v. 3) chosen (v. 4) loved and adopted (v. 5), redeemed and lavished in grace.

But here’s my favorite verse: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (v. 11).

God, my Creator and redeemer, the One who promised to perfect that which concerns me (Ps. 138:8), works all things, my life included, according to His will. Therefore, when opportunities don’t arise or are denied, when others don’t appreciate my skills or my gifts, that doesn’t mean I’m insufficient or rejected. Rather, it indicates God has something else in mind. He’ll show me precisely what that something is, in His way and His timing.

Because He loves me.

What’s more, I can trust Him. I can trust His heart, His wisdom, His power, and His plan. And in the waiting, I can choose to receive the love and grace, the acceptance and equipping, He’s lavished freely upon me through His Son.

blue and gray background with text pulled from postI am far from insufficient. So are you. We are loved, redeemed, empowered, and called children of Christ destined for impact.

Additional resources:

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Overcoming Fear of Rejection (video presentation, by Jennifer Slattery)

Learning to Shake of Rejection to Live in Freedom

When Others Rejection Us

If you struggle with fear of rejection and other fears, make sure to join Jennifer’s social media group, Faith Over Fear. You can find it HERE. You can find additional faith-building resources HERE. And keep an eye out for her Faith Over Fear podcast, releasing soon!

 

Shattering Our Glass Box — Moving Past Fear of Rejection

Woman sitting by herself in a coffeehouseOut of all the fears we women face, our fear of rejection can be the most debilitating. It hinders our relationships, steals our joy and peace, and can keep us from pursuing the dreams and plans God has for us. I’ve yet to meet a woman who in some way doesn’t struggle with this and who, beneath her fear, hasn’t battled some degree of self-loathing. I’m not sure we’ll ever overcome our insecurities completely this side of heaven, but as my guest and dear friend, Susan Aken, reveals, there’s hope! W can live bold and brave!

Living in a Glass Box

By Susan Aken

As an extremely shy, introverted, and fearful youth I often retreated into my easily controlled fantasy world. I was reluctant to open up or talk to people or didn’t know how. I’d sit in a high school classroom and fantasize about putting a glass box around myself. A place where I could read, observe, or do what I wanted unseen by others.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t a fantasy. I succeeded but my hiding resulted in the reverse of what I thought. I put myself in a box that blinded me to others. I shut myself away so I became almost unreachable.

I escaped into a self-protective mindset that caused me to avoid eye contact, especially with strangers and to engage in non-committal conversations. It caused me, as someone once told me, to be “like a knight in impenetrable armor.” I felt safe in that armor. I could look out and determine when and where to let someone in. The problem is I isolated myself and prevented others from knowing me. I developed the habit of keeping people at an emotional distance.

Thankfully, God began to open my eyes in my early twenties and He’s been helping me since to graphic with words describing who we are in Christlearn. I’m in my sixties and continue to see what I’ve reaped from that box. I still avoid eye contact with strangers and honestly have to be intentional about looking friends in the eye.

I’ve come a long way since high school and I’ve had some great moments over the years of opening up to others. But, I’m still learning and always will be. The awesome news is my heavenly Father loves me exactly as I am and always has. But He also loves me enough to help me change.

The grace of Jesus Christ covers every moment I  shut someone out, though I still reap consequences. His love for me is eternal and secure. In spite of my weaknesses I have a husband and a son who love and respect me, and many faithful friends and loved ones.

My prayer is that my Father will help me take a sledgehammer and smash the rest of that glass box and crush the armor to pieces.

Is it possible I can live being who I am and stop trying to manage perceptions or keep people at a distance? No one can live perfectly open and free. Hey, we’re human! But with the help of Jesus, I’m learning to walk freely knowing He loves me as I am, knows all my sin and weakness, has already covered them on the cross, and has called me to walk in freedom.

And when I’m tempted to retreat, I can remember Psalm 32:7, which says, “You” God “are my hiding place…” (NIV)*

I don’t need a box, a suit of armor or any other self-protective stance.

God is my hiding place.

***

Let’s talk about this! Do you struggle with insecurities or fear of rejection? If so, what’s helped you move past that? What truth (regarding who you are in Christ or how He feels about you) most encourages or comforts you? Share your thoughts and suggestions with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another. And if you’re local, make sure to come to our next Bold and Brave conference hosted by Bethany Lutheran in Elkhorn. Register by 9/22 for a discounted, early bird price! (You can find out more and register HERE.)

Contact me HERE to schedule your own Wholly Loved conference or to have one of our speakers join you for your next women’s event.

*THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Get to know Susan!

Susan Aken's author photo. Susan is a homemaker, substitute teacher, and writer. She lives in Nebraska but was born and raised in Oklahoma. Her greatest love is for the Lord Jesus Christ who has redeemed her and set her free. Her other loves are her husband, son, and daughter-in-law to be. Susan enjoys reading, photography, spending time with family and friends, writing, and sitting down with a cup of tea. She has a heart for prayer ministry and loves her church!

Visit her online HERE.