stress

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I’m learning a lot about regulating my nervous system and recovering from stress.

Yesterday, we had an emergency during which I literally lost my mind.

Prior, Bean, our fur baby, and I were enjoying a lovely spring morning, popping in and out, me to work and her to chew sticks and sniff the air. Walking back inside, I noticed the azaleas I’d recently purchased had fallen off the porch. As I got closer, what I saw immediately raised concern. The plant was lying on the ground, out of the pot, leaves, branches, and buds gone, nothing left but a stump of roots.

I ran into the house to Google and discovered this plant is highly toxic to dogs.

Not knowing how much she’d eaten or how long it had been in her system, I felt sick to my stomach and lightheaded.

“I’m taking her to the vet,” I told my husband, rushing to get Bean leashed and out the door.

I called her doctor while driving, a bit fast and reckless, fearing she might die before I got there. It didn’t help that our AC is broken, it was above 90 degrees, and our pup showed signs of distress, likely related to the heat.

Praise God, she’s okay. Now, 24 hours later, she’s doing well. They purged her stomach and found nothing but yard debris, no trace of azaleas, and sent us home with medicine to soothe her upset stomach.

Needless to say, I wasn’t the only one shaken by that event.

My poor Bean, unable to understand what was happening and highly attuned to my dysregulated emotions, was terrified, whisked into the car, handed off to strangers, rushed to the back, given medicine that made her throw up, and a shot of fluids, all without mom nearby.

Once home, she spent the rest of the day and evening snuggled close to me, her source of comfort and security. She slept between my husband and me all night, and this morning, retreated under the bed, her safe space, until shortly before nine, well beyond when she’s normally up and asking to go out.

After some research, I learned her behavior was her way of recalibrating after stress, because her nervous system needed time to recover.

And I wondered…

How often do I do that?

How often do I pause to recognize the mental and emotional toll something created and intentionally allow myself to recover, whether that’s reading, doing something creative, or, most importantly, drawing near to Christ?

He is my safe place, my strong tower, and my greatest source of peace.

Scripture reminds us, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge” (Psalm 18:2).

I know this intellectually, so why am I often so quick to push through stress and anxiety?

Actually, I know the reason.

Somewhere along the line, I believed the lie that productivity matters more than the health of my soul and that ignoring intense emotions will make them go away.

But as Faith Over Fear guest and therapist Kristin Faith Evans shared in Tuesday’s podcast episode, stress builds, and if it’s not processed, it can begin to rewire our brains, to our detriment.

Looking back on one of the most painful and unsettling times in my adult life, when I developed debilitating insomnia, I can see how my failure to pause, breathe, and recalibrate only compounded my overwhelm.

I kept pushing forward, thinking that was strength, when what I needed was restoration.

Granted, I don’t have time to take a tropical vacation every time I get stuck in traffic, receive an unexpected deadline, or face a problem.

But I can pause and breathe, intentionally turning my attention to the Lord and making space for His peace to steady my heart.

How do you normally decompress from difficult situations?

How might regularly practicing calming techniques, especially when something feels destabilizing, help increase your peace and protect your focus?

If you’re interested in some quick and easy calming exercises you can practice when stress begins to climb, whether you’re driving in rush hour traffic, in the middle of a work meeting, or wanting a reset at the end of an overwhelming day, make sure to check out my cohost Carol’s conversation with therapist Kristin Faith Evans in the Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled “Managing Anxiety with Christ and Practical Tools”

And may you sense God’s calming presence the next time anxiety hits.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict
  2. Bonus Episode: Faith in the Fire: When You Feel Betrayed by God
  3. Fighting for Your Heart When Suffering Pulls You Toward Despair
  4. Managing Anxiety with Christ and Practical Tools
  5. Bonus Episode: Trusting God When He Seems Silent and Faith Feels Weak

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What do you do when you feel bombarded by chaos and hardship in numerous areas of your life? How can you navigate relational tension, or financial challenges or health concerns when you’re already feeling frazzled and like you’re one more catastrophe from a total meltdown?

Disclosure: I don’t handle emotional overwhelm well, which is why I find today’s post, by AWSA sister Melissa Heiland so helpful–and important. It reiterates a message God has been speaking into my soul: I’m not stuck in today’s crisis or my reactive response. Each day, by His grace, I can grow in the peace and confidence befitting a well-cared for child of Almighty God.

May her words encourage you as well.

I woke up on Monday feeling completely overwhelmed, paralyzed by anxiety. I had so much to do yet felt completely unable to focus on even the most basic tasks. Some days, some seasons are like that. Chest pains, anxiety, lethargy, fear – these are all symptoms of emotional overwhelm. We love the Lord. We trust in Him. We know He is all-sufficient, yet we can still become overwhelmed with circumstances, past and present. Sometimes it is a result of current situations. Sometimes a culmination of hurts that hit us like a ton of bricks. Sometimes we know why – an anniversary, a phone call, the sight of someone who looks like someone else.

In my case, it was a storyline seen on television. It started a cascade of memories and feelings that are always there, but not always at the surface of my thoughts. And I was drowning, unable to do the things I needed to do because of the weight of the thoughts. We can know the Lord, love the Lord and trust the Lord and still feel the weight of emotions in our mind, heart and soul. As a woman who has dealt with much trauma, I am quite familiar with overwhelm, Jesus is the answer to all life’s problems, and I’d like to share some things I’ve learned that helped me deal with emotional overwhelm as a daughter of the King.

For me, the most important thing is to give myself grace. I’m learning not to beat myself up for the bad days or seasons. Jesus knows my pain; He keeps my tears in a bottle. He suffered on earth as well. Feeling the pain and the hurt is not a sin. It is a result of sin. When I am feeling this way, it’s not only okay, but necessary to slow down. God has control of my life. When I need to step back, I know that He’s always there filling in the gaps. He is faithful.

Spending time in nature helps me in the seasons. It’s tempting to stay inside, locked away from the world, but fresh air and a change of scenery can be healing. God created so much beauty for us in the mountains, the beach, the flowers, the trees. He’s used all his creation at times as a salve to my wounded soul.

Exercise can be healing. I’m not an athlete by any stretch of imagination, but walking restores balance to my mind. God created our bodies in an incredible way. We know that when we exercise, chemicals that promote feelings of calm are released in our bodies. Exercise, even in small amounts, helps up relax and cope with our emotions.

Listening to worship music when I am overwhelmed is very comforting to me. It helps me to get the perspective that is so easily lost. It reminds me of the truths of the Scripture. When I worship, my thoughts turn to Jesus instead of my circumstances, and I remember I’m not alone.

When I’m overwhelmed, I try to focus on gratitude. I try to remember the good in my life and to speak these things aloud or write them down. Sometimes, I’ll reread things I have written about the goodness of God in my life. This helps ground me when things feel out of control.

Feelings of overwhelm can take me by surprise, like they did on Monday. Monday was a hard day, but Tuesday was much better. I’ve experienced seasons of overwhelm that lasted much longer than a day. But God has always been faithful to me. He’s spoken words of kindness, love and grace to my heart in times of great distress. His presence and love is a constant in my life. My feelings may change like the wind, but God is never-changing. He is with me in the overwhelm comforting me, patiently bringing me back to the peace that passes understanding.

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. ~ Psalm 16:11

***

If this post resonated with you, make sure to check out Carol and my conversation on the Faith Over Fear podcast in the episode titled “Emotional Overwhelm: Finding Christ’s Peace When You’ve Reached Your Limit“. Download the free companion guide HERE.

You might find February 10ths episode, titled “Finding God’s Peace When the World Feels Hostile and Out of Control“.

***

Get to Know Melissa Heiland:

Melissa Heiland is a wife, mother of 6, and grandmother of 14. She is the Founder and Executive Director of Beautiful Feet International, a ministry that starts international pregnancy ministries. She is an author, speaker, and missionary. Her passion is teaching others to share the Gospel and to protect life.

Check Out Her Latest Release, You Are Wonderful: Psalm 139 for Children

Who knows you better than anyone? Discover the answers in Psalm 139! No matter where you come from or where you are in the world, you are loved, and you are never alone. Through this timeless message found in Psalm 139, using heartwarming illustrations and simple language, You Are Wonderful brings joy, security, and comfort to little children everywhere. Available in English and also in Spanish as Eres Maravilloso. This beautiful full-color book is a perfect size for little hands, on sturdy paper, perfect for bedtime or anytime. Each captivating illustration represents children from all over the world. In easy-to-understand language, children will receive the comforting security of knowing God is with them and thinks they are wonderful!

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict
  2. Bonus Episode: Faith in the Fire: When You Feel Betrayed by God
  3. Fighting for Your Heart When Suffering Pulls You Toward Despair
  4. Managing Anxiety with Christ and Practical Tools
  5. Bonus Episode: Trusting God When He Seems Silent and Faith Feels Weak


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One morning, my teen groused around the house.

I tried to cheer her with pancakes and jokes.  

She absently pushed a pancake around on her plate.

My efforts didn’t improve her attitude. Feeling rejected, I was tempted to give her the silent treatment. How easy to say, “When will you clean your bathroom?”

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all,” Romans 12:18. If we’re doing our best to live peaceably, why do family gatherings become a place where we emotionally abuse one another and have pie?

1. Something happens or is said, done, not said, or not done that results in me feeling rejected. Efforts to cheer my daughter were rebuffed. 

2. Resentful about feeling rejected, I make up a story about my teen’s behavior.

3. Feeling resentment, I resist relationship by giving the silent treatment.

4. Resistance turns into revenge. My verbal attack about her bathroom would hurt her in the same way I feel she has hurt me.

5. Repeat.. She didn’t engage with me, I disengaged from her, she distances herself from my barbs, and the pattern continues. 

These 5 Rs destroy relationships: rejection, resentment, resistance, revenge, repeat.

This cycle becomes automatic and expected. The aunt perpetually offended with someone. The relative who plays favorites. The sibling who pouts when he doesn’t get his way.

Reverse the 5 Rs.

1.         Resentment You are stuck in resentment when you are stuck in drama.

“He needs to …” 

“I’m not perfect but …”

“She should …” 

Solution: Shift to gratitude. 

“I’m grateful he …” 

“What fun to …”

“I’m thankful she …” 

2.         Resistance is shutting down emotionally and relationally.

Solution: Engage. Make eye contact, have conversations. Get clear by saying, “The story I’m making up in my head about (situation) is _______________.”

3.         Revenge is wanting another to feel hurt. 

Words like, “Now he will know how it feels.”

“Serves her right.” 

“He had it coming,” signal revenge.

Solution: Give grace generously for healthy relationships. 

4.         Repeat. Being hurt, you hurt someone, and they hurt you, and you are offended, and they are offended, and both people dive into the 5 Rs. 

Solution: Release others from your expectations of how they should act or behave.

“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.” ~ King Solomon (Prov. 12:16).

The moment you feel rejected, choose the 5 Rs, or choose grace, joy, and health.

Rejection is based on understanding what is fact and what is fiction. The fact is: 

1. my teen refused to be cheered up

2. my adult child has a life that doesn’t center around me

3. I was not recognized at an important event

We instantly make up a story about what those facts mean.

1. My teenager thinks I stink as a parent

2. My adult child keeps me out of their life

3. I am not important

We act and react based on the made-up story as if the fictional story were truth.

Instead, stick to the facts.

1.         To my teen, I said, “The story I’m making up in my head is I stink as a parent and you’d rather be anywhere than here with me.” 

My teen responded, “I just learned the boy I babysit has leukemia.” (Note to self: Most folks are not even thinking about me.)

2.         Adult children are not obligated to keep their parents updated on their schedules. I can be thankful they have productive lives.

3.         Though it doesn’t look as I expected, I am important and part of the event. Will this situation matter in five years? Maybe. Now, I choose to enjoy the celebration.

Most things people say or do, don’t say, don’t do, and accidentally do or don’t do rarely have anything to do with you. (Yes, that’s a lot of do-do.) We’re doing our best to live as well as we can.

Occasionally, people reject you. The vital aspect is how you respond. Without the 5 Rs, family gatherings are no emotional drama and all of the pie.

For more tips on building family relationships, see The Ten Best Decisions A Single Mom Can Make by Pam Farrel and PeggySue Wells.

Get to Know PeggySue Wells:

PeggySue Wells is an award-winning USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestselling author, writing coach, and independent publishing strategist who inspires readers and writers alike with nearly 50 captivating books and practical guides.

Check Out Her and Pam Ferrel’s book, The 10 Best Decisions a Single Mom Can Make: A Biblical Guide for Navigating Family Life on Your Own:

No matter how you became a single mom, you share the same challenges and fears all single moms have. You may feel stretched to the limit. You may suspect your children need more than you’re able to give. How are you going to do this on your own?

With humor, Scripture, and sage advice, Pam Farrel (child of a single mother) and PeggySue Wells (single parent of 7 children) show you how to

– be decisive
– create a nurturing home
– be proactive
– date wisely
– pray for your child
– embrace your happily-ever-after
– and more

You are capable of parenting your children with courage, confidence, and clarity. This loving, practical guide shows you how.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict
  2. Bonus Episode: Faith in the Fire: When You Feel Betrayed by God
  3. Fighting for Your Heart When Suffering Pulls You Toward Despair
  4. Managing Anxiety with Christ and Practical Tools
  5. Bonus Episode: Trusting God When He Seems Silent and Faith Feels Weak

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woman holding clock with hair blowing and gray behind herDo you constantly feel pressed for time? How easy is it for you to relax? When you lie down at night, does the next day’s to-do list run through your mind? My guest today, Edie Melson, author of Soul Care, is perhaps the most productive and efficient woman I know. She writes, directs conferences, speaks … and yet, she does it all with joy, and reading her insightful thoughts today, I understand how.

Playing with God

By Edie Melson

Everywhere I turn I see people dealing with stress. As the world has become more technologically advanced, life has gotten busier. Along with that busyness comes a level of burn-out like never before. There are numerous reasons for the whirlpool of chaos, and while I don’t have all the answers, I’ve stumbled on something that helps me.

Playtime with God.

No, not hide and seek—we all know how that turned out with Adam and Eve. I’ve found the healing power of joy paint brushes with quote pulled from postwhen I reconnect with the creativity God instilled inside me.

God is the ultimate Creator. He’s an artist, writer, composer, and story-crafter with infinite ideas. But He doesn’t just invite us to view His artwork. His invitation is to join Him.

We’ve ignored His prompting for far too long. And that. We’ve labeled play as wasted time, forgetting that God Himself ordained one day every week for rest and refreshing. If God sees the need, how can we be so bold as to disagree?

Playing with God looks different for each of us—because we’re each unique. For me it may mean grabbing my camera and taking a hike in the nearby Blue Ridge Mountains. Or pulling out my colored pens and pencils, along with a journal to doodle words and Bible verses.

I resisted the artistic side of play for a long time because I am not an artist. Even my stick figures are laughable. But I love color and found writing out a word or Bible verse in different colored ink frees my soul. And I’ve discovered that I adore doodling.

These times of creativity feed my soul and have become an intimate and precious time with God. Often I’ve heard Him whisper new truths how to apply them as I carve out space in my busy life to play.

But it wasn’t easy to develop this habit.

The erroneous belief that play time is wasted time was deeply ingrained. I love crossing things off my to-do list and somehow, 1pm: Doodling, with a check beside it didn’t seem the least bit productive.

But God didn’t give up on me. His Spirit called to mine as the busyness threatened to overwhelm my already over-full life. Once I began practicing fun-time with God, it grew into a habit that I now keep high on my priority list.

You can play too.

Start exploring your creativity as you experience the priceless joy of hanging out with God. Below is an exercise to help you get started.

colored pencilsHere is a list of possible supplies you might need:

  • Crayons
  • Colored pencils
  • Stickers
  • Journals or sketch book
  • Cell phone camera (or regular camera)
  • Bible or devotional book

An Exercise to Encourage Creativity

  • Begin by removing expectations. It’s the process of play, not the end result that matters. Give yourself to be messy and imperfect.
  • Invite God to join you and ask Him to bring to mind a word or phrase or Bible verse.
  • Write what comes to mind on a blank sheet of paper.
  • Add some color and doodles.
  • As other, related thoughts come to mind, write those down.

Just like any new endeavor, even learning to have fun takes practice. I encourage you to keep playing. If doodling or coloring isn’t for you, find something else. Take a walk, grab a camera, sing a song—follow the path to your creative inheritance as you see where playtime with God can take you.

Get to know Edie!

Find your voice, live your story…is the foundation of Edie Melson’s message, and as an author, blogger, and Edie's author photospeaker she’s encouraged and challenged audiences across the country and around the world. Her numerous books reflect her passion to help others develop the strength of their God-given gifts and apply them to their lives.

In addition to being a writer, Edie has this to say, “I’m creative out of self-defense. As the daughter of an artist-mother and musician-turned-photographer-father, I’d have been a disgrace if I hadn’t been true my own creativity.” Connect with her on her website, www.EdieMelson.com and through Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Check out her latest release:

Soul Care When You’re Weary

cover image for Soul Care by Edie MelsonOur lives are busier each day, and the margin we have available for recovery and peace is shrinking.

Edie Melson helps you find Soul Care solutions using devotions and prayers and opportunities for creative expression. She has learned that sensory involvement deepens our relationship with the Father and gives rest to our weary souls. She will teach you to tap into your creativity.

Reconnect with God using your tactile creativity.

Warning! This book may become dog-eared and stained. Draw in it. Experiment with your creative passions. Learn the healing power of play. Allow God’s power to flow through creativity. Soul Care When You’re Weary will become your heart treasure.

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Messages encouraging us to slow down this Christmas  abound, but without a game plan and the courage to follow through, those inspiring posts and articles lead to little more than guilt. We know we need to focus on what’s truly important and most fills our heart and soul … but how? It’s one thing to desire–and even choose–simplicity; it’s another matter entirely to put our plans to action.

Change, especially when it comes to long held traditions and family expectations, requires courage.

(Insert background melody: It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year)

It’s the most stressful time of the year
With kids fighting and yelling
And everyone telling you be of good cheer
It’s the most stressful time of the year

It’s the bus-busyest season of all
With the holiday shopping and mass-event hopping
And you must do it all
It’s the bus-busyest season of all

~ ~ ~

Did that song resonate with you? Do you feel so squeezed by all the expectations and obligations surrounding Christmas that you’ve lost the ability to think straight?

It’s hard to say no.

You may have heard the Mary and Martha story. Martha was a stressed out matron of the home who liked to throw perfect dinner parties, and Mary was the spiritual one—the girl who sat at the feet of Jesus—in the middle of said dinner party.

woman setting table
Photo by Simple from Unsplash

How many of you have hosted an important dinner? I have a few times. Now my husband begs me to order pizza.

Picture chaos, burned (or undercooked) food, and a massive mess. Always. Had I been serving Jesus, the Savior of the world, I probably would’ve had a major meltdown. He’s the last Person I’d want to serve hard potatoes and undercooked roast to!

Martha and I could’ve been twinsies, except we’d probably give each other a migraine. Too often, I allow my desire for perfection (eh, hem. pride) to overshadow what’s truly important. And everything turns ugly.

This certainly seems to be the case for Martha. I picture her as being quite passive aggressive—stomping about, clanking dishes, sighing every couple minutes while shooting Mary the stink eye.

Only Mary wasn’t paying any attention. She was too busy enjoying the special gift God had given her—His presence.

Although, she, and all their guests, must’ve heard Martha’s fuming. But Mary chose to ignore it.

Think about that for a minute. Mary chose to ignore the drama and do what she knew she needed to do.

Make no mistake, this took courage. You’ve probably been there—stuck in a situation where you knew what you wanted and needed to do, but were surrounded by others who acted as if you’re efforts or choice was lazy, irresponsible, or manipulative.

If we’re not careful, we can easily turn into Martyr Marthas, feeding our negative thinking and fueling our frustrations until we verbally explode.

This is precisely how I envision Martha acting–trudging about her kitchen, glaring at her sister, growing all the more irritable, until she’d had enough. Couldn’t anyone see how hard she was working, and how hard her sister wasn’t? Wanting to make sure they—Jesus especially—were fully aware of Mary’s poor behavior, she confronted the issue head-on, in front of all the guests.

“She came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to You that my sister just sits there while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me,’” (Luke 10:40, NLT).

Imagine Mary’s humiliation—to be called out in front of all their guests. So how’d she respond? Did she hurry to do what Martha wanted? Argue with her? Nope. She let Jesus take care of the situation, and He did. He said, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken from her” (Luke 10:41-42, NLT).

Image of candle and background lights with text: there's only one gift that will leave us fulfilledIt’s easy to get caught up in all the details, especially during the holidays. Unless we take control of our schedules, we can become “worried and upset,” otherwise known as totally stressed out, and rob ourselves of the gift of God’s presence. But we are in control of us, and we get to decide what our Christmas looks like.

This holiday, we can approach it one of two ways. We can get so worked up over all the details, or we can create the kind of Christmas we and our families need, the kind that’s centered around Christ.

Let’s talk about this. Whenever I feel the need to make changes, especially if those changes impact others, I’m hesitant. It can take courage to change a tradition, or cut back on family commitments, perhaps to turn down invitations. But God calls us to please Him first. How can focusing on Him give us courage to put Him first? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you enjoyed today’s post, I encourage you to sign up for my free quarterly newsletter to receive free, inspirational content (and recipes and craft how-tos) sent directly to your inbox. Subscribers also receive a free 36-lesson study based on 1 Timothy (sent separately). You can sign up HERE. And, for added fun, you can snatch Breaking Free and When Dawn Breaks for half off–with free shipping! Grab a copy for yourself or the book lovers on your list!

I also invite you to pop on over to my blog on Crosswalk to read about the unlikely Christmas cast and what it revealed regarding the heart of God. You can read it HERE.

*Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Pubilishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

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It’s the phrase that makes nearly every mom cringe, and with summer approaching, it’s one most of us will hear a lot of soon:

ID-100361461
Photo by Stoonn taken from freedigitalphotos.net

“I’m bored.”

In our fast-paced, action-packed, activity-centered world where kids as young as seven are given cell phones and spend hours a day watching television, we can easily keep our children entertained from the moment they wake to when they go to bed.

But is that healthy? Could all this entertainment cause their stress levels to rise, their creativity to wane, and their self-confidence to falter? 

Could boredom, in fact, benefit our children, and if so, why do we, the parents, often feel the need to become our children’s entertainer?

I think maybe we’ve been conditioned to believe we, and therefore our children, must always be doing something, achieving something, progressing toward something. Sometimes it seems as if boredom has become synonymous with torture.

But what if this mindset is actually hurting our children? That’s not to say we shouldn’t encourage hard work, goal setting, and social involvement, within reason.

Because sometimes, the best thing we can do for our children is to slow things down to allow them time to experience boredom.

Boredom allows our children to decompress.

child-1146743_1920A few weeks ago, an article circulated Facebook about how even a few minutes of silence benefits our brains and helps to reduce stress. More than that, studies have found constant noise actually harms our children and delays their development (2011, Novotney). Is it any wonder, then, that today’s children show  such increased levels of anxiety (2000, Dr. Twenge)?

I find this interesting, especially considering many of us use the television to help “calm” our children  when they appear rambunctious or agitated when, according to research, our efforts could in fact be exacerbating the issue.

Boredom encourages creativity. 

child-392971_1920
photo by igrown taken from pixabay.com

When our daughter was young, I intentionally limited television and electronics to not more than a few hours a week. I’d read a study that showed how a child’s brain is more active staring at a blank wall than watching television and I decided I wanted more for her. So, I turned the tv off, sat her in a room with access to toys, books, and art supplies and watched her creative side blossom. The result? She created elaborate, three-dimensional, multi-story structures using nothing but paper, scissors, and tape.

I find it interesting that she is now pursuing an engineering degree.

Not only did her boredom spark her creativity, it allowed her time to develop her problem solving skills, skills she leaned on heavily to get through tough classes in high school and now in college.

The thing is, if given the opportunity, children will entertain themselves, and in the process, will learn how to care for themselves.

Boredom increases self-confidence.

Everything we do sends a message to our children. When we’re quick to rescue them when things get difficult rather than encouraging them to persevere toward a solution, we’re in essence saying, “I don’t think you can manage this one.” When we rush to entertain them upon first sign of boredom, we risk conveying the message, “Your incomplete on your own. You can’t entertain yourself, and solitude is bad.”

Fast forward ten years, how do you think such a child will handle sitting by themselves in the lunch room, or walking away from a group of friends venturing into trouble?

Boredom encourages self-discovery.

Our children are vastly different than us, and they’ve been created to embrace and fulfill a unique kingdom role. Childhood is meant to be the time when they begin to discover who they are, what they enjoy, and what they’re passionate about. And they will, if we allow them to do so. But when pack their day with activities and distractions, we hinder their ability to get to know themselves. Boredom gives our children time to think, which in turn allows them to be introspective.

Let’s talk about this! Did any of these points resonate with you? What are some ways you help encourage your children to entertain themselves? How have you incorporated times of silence into your children’s day, and how do you believe that helps them emotionally and cognitively? Can you see evidence of increased stress when your children become busier, and if so, how have you handled this?

Share your thoughts with us in the comments below or on Facebook, because we can all learn from each other!

Novotney, Amy. “Silence Please.” American Psychological Association, 2011, Vol 42, No 7

Dr. Twenge, Jean M. “Studies Show Normal Children Today Report More Anxiety Than Child Psychiatric Patients in the 1950s.” American Psychological Association, December 14, 2000.

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Photo by LoganArt taken from freedigitalphotos.net

This is almost ironic–the day after I make a vlog sharing my tendency to worry, stress and fret (when I should be still!) my article on Internet Cafe’ Devotions on embracing risk goes live. The two might seem contradictory… or maybe not. Because surrender is a constant, daily battle. As is learning to trust, and I say learning intentionally, because I believe we should be active participants in the processes that deepen our trust in Christ.

But that’s a blog (or maybe vlog) for another day.

If you have a tendency to worry, to work every what-if situation in your mind until your stomach knots and your temperature rises, if you’re like me and would rather avoid those uncomfortable stretching moments, you may be able to relate to the below. (And um… 4:00 yesterday quickly turned to 8 am today… Sorry about that!)

(After you watch my vlog, join me on Internet Cafe’ to take this trust thing one step further, figuratively and literally. Read more HERE.)

Oh, and it’s that time again–another book launch is upon me! Which means, in the next couple months, I’ll be visiting numerous websites, answering interview questions, sharing stories behind my stories, testimonial devotions and more. I’ll try to keep you updated of all my happenings and visits.

Today I’m on the Internet Cafe’ (linked to above). I visited Robin Mason’s blog to talk about self-protecting (or not) when we’re under attack. You can read more HERE.

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Photo by Unsplash taken from Pixabay.com

I’m also on Preslaysa Williams blog talking about one of my favorite subjects–love! 🙂 You can read more HERE! God has done such amazing things in my marriage, and thanks to Him, my honey and I will be leaving soon to head back to Seattle–where it all began–for a special anniversary week. To add fun to fun, I’m editing, now, a novel set in Seattle (which will release in March), so I hope to take lots of pictures for Pinterest!

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Wow, it’s been a loooooong time since I’ve updated this blog. I apologize. We’ve been moving–yes, again. Only a short distance this time–down the street. (Long, boring story that has nothing to do with today’s post. 😉 ) But with moving comes packing, fence and deck painting, unpacking, cleaning, and more cleaning. Did I mention cleaning? 😉 And amidst it all, I’ve had my share of crabby days … this morning being one of them … when the garage door repairman tracked black oil across our tan carpet. Oy! Now if ever I needed to pause and pray that my head didn’t instantly explode (creating yet another mess to clean), that was it.

Funny God arranged for this post today, well before my need arose. 😉

Invoice or Love Letter by Cheri Swalwell

“Dear Heavenly Father, Your Word tells me that I am a letter being read by everyone. I pray that I won’t be junk mail today. I pray that I won’t be like a bill making people feel like they owe me. I pray that I will be a love letter, a thank you note, and an invitation to celebrate life.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.” (www.girlfriendsingod.com)

Wow – After the day I had earlier this week, the prayer above really convicts me. I could blame it on the Heatwave, excessive stress, change in routine, any number of things. Honestly, though, it all boils down to me making the choice to let my emotions have the best of me. I wasn’t only miserable myself, but I managed to spread my bad mood to those I love the most too.

MH900178785I think God showed me that prayer on purpose today. You see, I realized yesterday, even as I was saying the words in a not-so-nice tone, how I sounded and how unfair I was being. So, last night, I first asked forgiveness from my Heavenly Father for being such a poor example to those He entrusted to me as well as those unfortunate souls who happened to cross my path. Then I apologized to my kids themselves for being “the wicked witch of the mid-West.”

This morning, I was determined to have a different sort of day. I asked questions instead of accused, found things to compliment my kids about instead of criticizing, and even though it’s my job to keep my children focused on “completing tasks to their best ability,” I chose the better way to go about that goal.

When I opened the cupboard to grab a container and everything fell out on top of me, my response was much different this morning than it would have been yesterday. Did I let my kids off the hook for their laziness? No, but I was very clear in my expectations, delivered with love this time. Does that mean that they were thrilled to hear the message today because it was told in a different tone of voice? No, but that isn’t the point.

I am realizing, and the prayer above just reemphasizes, that it is my responsibility to show this world an accurate example of Christ’s love. I am God’s letter. If I am going to proclaim that I am a Christ follower, then I need to show Christ in my life always, not just when my hair looks good, the scale shows numbers I like, and the temperature is in the low 80s with a breeze. I will even take my convictions one step further. I think it’s more important to show Christ when in the middle of a Heatwave, my stress level is through the roof, or Murphy’s Law has decided to set up camp in my front yard.

People who are looking to see if Christ is the answer to their life are going to look, probably doubly hard, at how a Christ follower handles life on a day-by-day basis, during good and bad days. And, even though I won’t get it right all the time, I pray that I’m learning from my mistakes (like yesterday) and will do better the next time. After all, I don’t want to be accused of false advertising.

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Cheri_portrait-2Cheri Swalwell is a wife, mother, and avid reader, but first and foremost she is a Christ follower. She has a degree in Psychology and has been blessed to be a guest on a variety of blogs including Christiandevotions.us, Circle of Friends, and Crosswalk.com/family. She is a regular contributor to book fun magazine. If you want to hear more about the heart she has for marriage, parenting, and relationships from a Christian perspective, feel free to visit her blog: http://journeysfromtheheartofawifeandmother.wordpress.com or “like” her on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/cheri-Swalwell. She loves to interact with her readers, so feel free to connect with her at clSwalwell99@gmail.com.

Let’s talk about this. If you’re like me, you often fail to pray when you need it most. Most often because I get so wrapped up in the moment–in myself–God’s kingdom is far from my mind. But like Cheri said, it can be during our most difficult times that others will see Christ shine through–if we would but let Him. What are some ways we can align our hearts and actions more with Christ? And what gets in our way?

Share your thoughts and stories in the comments before or on Facebook at Living by Grace.

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Between VBS, taxiing teens, getting our daughter set up for the new school year, writing, and starting a new job, this summer’s turned crazy. Listening to other friends, it appears I’m not the only one with a rapidly mounting to-do list. For me, a lot of jobs and little time equals a dull mind. Yesterday is a perfect example. First, I missed our daughter’s orthodontist appointment, then I showed up to our doctor’s appointment without the physical forms and had to return home, wasting time I didn’t have.

By the time evening rolled around, I felt squeezed and ready to pop. My first inclination was to put things in overdrive, although I’d already seen how ineffective frantic scurrying was. Instead, I chose to slow things down and reconnect with my Maker.

Taking an hour to pray and listen to praise didn’t magically erase or accomplish my to-do list, but it did bring things back to perspective. It reminded me of God’s sovereignty and His promise to perfect that which concerns me. (Psalm 138:8)

Ephesians 2:10, Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalm 139:16 remind me that God’s still on the throne, even when my to-do list fights for dominance. No failure or missed appointment can impede His plans. Knowing that gave me peace to finish my day strong.

What about you? How do you regain perspective when your stress level rises? What about today? Feel like you need to xerox yourself in order to accomplish everything on your agenda? Meditate on the following verses, then focus on doing the best you can with the time you’ve got. God will take care of the rest.

Psalm 139:16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Jesus is called the Prince of Peace. Not only has he enabled us to have peace with God, but He also gives us a daily peace that surpasses our circumstances–when we abide. If we abide in Him, remain in Him, draw near to Him throughout our day, He’ll come to us, soothing our anxieties and filling us with peace and strength. It might feel like we don’t have time for prayer, but honestly, if we’re feeling frazzled and pushed to the max, we don’t have time not to pray.

Let Jesus be your all in all today.