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Is it OK to Question God in Our Grief?

by Mabel Ninan

(Note: This first published on 11/20/23)

I watched the news on TV in shock and horror on October 7, 2023. Hamas terrorists attacked and brutally killed Israelis in their homes and took several people, including children, as hostages. Within a few days, Israel retaliated by hunting down terrorists in Gaza through relentless airstrikes. Thousands of innocent Palestinians lost their lives, and many were displaced from their homes.   After a week or so, I couldn’t take in any more information about the war. My heart was heavy. Human suffering and senseless violence drove me to my knees. But questions filled my prayers . Why didn’t God defend these children? Why didn’t He intervene or prevent this unspeakable tragedy? I was angry, confused, and frustrated.

I wonder if you ever questioned God or doubted your faith when you tried to make sense of the devastation you witnessed, whether it was violence perpetrated by evil men or destruction caused by natural disasters. Or, you may have struggled to find words to pray when you experienced great suffering or loss. You may have failed to comprehend God’s intentions and perceived inaction. 

When our grief or pain becomes unbearable, we can doubt if God is really in control and if He cares about us. Sometimes, such questions can lead to more troubling questions. What kind of Christian am I if I doubt God? Is my faith weak? Am I a hypocrite for going to church and serving God while unsure of His power and goodness?

Expressing our sorrow or confusion to God is called lamenting and it is neither unholy nor un-Christian. Lamenting is a healthy and a perfectly normal way to process our pain. 

It’s also biblical to pour out our raw emotions, including mourning, to Him. Almost a third of the Psalms are laments. The biblical books of Job, Jeremiah, and Lamentations contain prayers or poetic expressions of sadness and inner turmoil written by people of God. Elijah, an Old Testament prophet, became afraid and disappointed when an evil queen named Jezebel threatened to kill him and he cried out, “I’ve had enough, Lord. Take my life.” (1 Kings 19:4). His prayer reveals that even the strongest Christian can reach a point where they lose hope.

David, ancient Israel’s second king and a hero of faith, questioned God when he felt alone and betrayed, when he ran for his life, faced intense suffering, and on numerous other occasions. In Psalm 22:1-2, he wrote – “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest.” Jesus uttered David’s words as He hung the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46 NIV).

We can learn from David, Jeremiah, Job, and other biblical heroes, and from Jesus, how to articulate grief when we are hurting. The loss of a child, chronic illness, or a messy divorce, for instance, can cause unimaginable pain. Sometimes, seeing others hurt saddens us. When adversity makes us mad or causes us to wonder if God exists or listens to us, we can pour out our hearts to our Father who understands. Scripture states, “Arise, cry out in the night, as the watches of the night begin; pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.” (Lamentations 2:19 NIV)

The healthy way to process our anguish is to do so in God’s presence. We can be confident that God understands our pain and won’t judge us when we express our deepest feelings to Him. God isn’t surprised by our doubts and won’t condemn us for our honesty. He sees our brokenness and  comprehends our inner angst..

Lamenting doesn’t show lack of faith. Rather, we exhibit faith when we cling to God’s side even when engulfed in doubts. Lamenting at God’s feet demonstrates our dependance on Him and our confidence in His care. Lamenting reveals our hope in His promises to deliver us.

Spending time expressing our pain before His throne clarifies our view of Him and gives us perspective. His love, faithfulness, and sovereignty come into focus, prompting us to praise God. Consider David’s words, “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Ps 42:11).

As we spend more time with Him, a mysterious transaction occurs. He trades our pain for His peace. As we look to Him with tear-filled eyes, He directs our attention toward His unchanging character and promises. A flicker of faith can become a flame. Hope can return. Lamenting may not clarify all our questions, but it builds our faith, draw us closer to God, and puts us on the path toward healing and restoration.

Reflect: Are you going through a hard time right now? How can you honestly express your feelings to God?

Get to Know Mabel Ninan

Mabel Ninan is an author, speaker, and host of the podcast, Far from Home with Mabel Ninan. An immigrant from Hyderabad, India who has lived in seven cities across the U.S. in fifteen years, she navigates between cultures, feeling at home everywhere and nowhere. Her debut book, Far from Home: Discovering Your Identity as Foreigners on Earth, won the Christian Market Book Award for 2022 Christian Living Book of the Year. She has been a contributor to Guideposts’ All God’s Creatures: Daily Devotions for Animal Lovers since 2022. An award-winning writer, Mabel’s articles have appeared in Upper Room, CBN.com, LeadingHearts.com, Arise Daily, and (in)courage.me.

Mabel served in youth ministry in her church in India for more than ten years. In the U.S., she has been a leader with Bible Study Fellowship since 2012. She is currently pursuing M.A. in Theological Studies from the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and lives in San Jose, CA, with her husband, twelve-year-old son, and a Maltese. Connect with her at mabelninan.com.

Check Out Her Latest Release, Far From Home:

In Far from Home: Discovering Your Identity as Foreigners on Earth, Mabel draws from her personal experience as an immigrant and examines the lives of biblical heroes to shed light on how we can find purpose and joy as sojourners on earth.

Let’s talk about this! What resonated or intrigued you most about Mabel’s post?

If this post resonated, you’ll receive additional encouragement in the Faith Over Fear podcast episode titled “Fighting for Your Heart When Suffering Pulls You Toward Despair“.

Feeling Left Out? Christ Seats You at the Table of Honor – Faith Over Fear

We've probably all walked into a room and felt unseen, out of place, or excluded. Those experiences can cut deep and leave us feeling alone in the very place where everyone else seems connected with friends. In this episode, Jennifer talks with Dr. Heather Holleman to explore how powerful truths in Ephesians helps us reframes those painful experiences and related insecurities. Together, they unpack what it means to be chosen, included, and seated with Christ and how those realities speak directly into anxiety, comparison, and loneliness. Drawing from Scripture and personal story, this conversation invites listeners to move from striving for belonging to resting in the secure place they already occupy with Jesus. They also discuss the impact of the narratives we carry, what Dr. Holleman calls “shadow stories”, and how replacing those with God’s biblical truth fosters healing and transformation. Through practices like expressive writing and sharing personal “Savior stories,” listeners will discover practical ways to process pain, renew their thinking, and step into their God-given purpose. This episode ultimately shifts the focus from isolation to mission, reminding us that we are not only included in Christ but also sent to reflect Him in a world longing for connection. Resources referenced: Included in Christ: Living A New Story from Ephesians (A Bible Study) by Dr. Heather Holleman "Embracing Your True Self: Living in Your Christ-Centered Identity" Bible reading plan (on the YouVersion Bible app) Connect with Dr. Heather Holleman: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter   Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
  1. Feeling Left Out? Christ Seats You at the Table of Honor
  2. When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict
  3. Bonus Episode: Faith in the Fire: When You Feel Betrayed by God
  4. Fighting for Your Heart When Suffering Pulls You Toward Despair
  5. Managing Anxiety with Christ and Practical Tools

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Twenty years ago, I was far from a fully devoted follower of Christ. In fact, I imagine many who encountered me back then thought I was a hopeless cause. God began reaching out to me at age four (or five) through a precious Good News Bible club leader named Dorothy. He followed me through my childhood years, placing loving Christians in my path each day. But the results weren’t seen for over a decade. In fact, for a while, it appeared I was slipping in the opposite direction. (Listen to my chat with Lisa Buffaloe, host of Living Joyfully Free Radio.)

Consider where I might be now if God had given up on me. Or if any one of those patient, initiating, gentle, and loving Christians had said, “Oh, she’s not worth my time. She’ll never change.”

As you read Tanya’s story, I hope you’ll pause to consider:

1. All we see is the outside. Most often, deep, deep pain lies buried beneath a walled heart. Pain that won’t heal with a quick “Jesus loves you.” It could take decades of sacrificial love before the wounded truly understand what love is and trust it for what is it. We also can’t see what God’s doing in another’s life. As I said, had you known me at 17, I believe many would have deemed me a lost cause. But God was working, loving, healing, in His way and His time.

2. Love is patient. I love Senior Editor of Christ to the World Ministries, Dr. Art Criscoe’s quote: “In our Western culture conditioned by television programs where everything is ‘wrapped up in a package’ and resolved in thirty minutes, we are not accustomed to waiting. We have forgotten that it took William Carey seven years in India to win the first convert to Christ, and it took Adoniram Judson six years to win the first convert in Burma.”

         When the homeless say, “No,” by Tanya Eavenson

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

The Bible clearly states in James, “If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them,  ‘Go in peace, be warmed and filled,’ without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” But what happens when the poor aren’t responsive to your help?

I’ve recently been faced with situations like this. How do you share the love of Christ with a man who’d rather live in the woods and give his every last cent to his addiction? Or the woman who would rather sell herself to prostitution instead of receiving help to start over?

Do I give up?

I’ve always held a deep desire to help those less fortunate, to provide for their needs. My job provides the opportunity to do just that as I portion out government checks and manage funds. In my work, I search out housing, buy groceries, or find avenues to help people with their financial needs, but I’m also able to provide for their spiritual needs like giving out Bibles. I love being able to spend time in prayer with someone who has cancer or another whose mother has told her she could never come home. But there are times when people won’t accept my help. They would rather shiver on the streets, sell themselves, or live in jail and pass up living arrangements it took me two weeks to arrange.

More than once my emotions have gotten to me and I’ve cried at my desk. One particular day, I asked, “Why can’t they accept my help? Why do they turn away from Your mercy? Are they not listening?”

An example from Jesus own life came to mind. Scripture records He left Nazareth because “He could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick and healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief.”

I rose and wiped my face. An image ran through my thoughts. A picture of a man. He was beaten and bruised, skin torn, almost unrecognizable. He wore a crown of thorns, carrying His cross down the Via Dolorosa willingly to suffer and die for my transgressions. Not only mine—everyone I meet.

Jesus was 33 years old when He cried out “It is finished.” Was there still more work to do in telling people about the Father? More mouths to feed? More people to help? Of course. However, Jesus had done everything His Father asked and not everyone believed or turned from their life styles. So how much more should I obey the Father in helping the needy, the poor, or the lost? I should never give up, but press on in perseverance to what God has called for me to do no matter the circumstances or rejection I face. I need to be as obedient as Jesus was taking up His cross.

Jesus is the example.

Has there ever been a time in your life when someone rejected your help? If so, were you able to help after all or did you walk away and leave it in the Lords hands? Jesus promises we are never alone and He will help us to never give up.

Or maybe you’ve been on the other end. Has someone reached out, consistently and patiently to you? What barriers did their love help to break down? Tell us about it.

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Tanya Eavenson grew up in a non-Christian home, catching a bus to attend church as a child. She accepted Christ at a young age after walking down the reddest carpet she’d ever seen. At sixteen, she received her first Bible for Christmas. Never in her wildest dreams did she think God would use her to reach others for Him. But that is exactly what she’s been doing since God called her and her husband into the ministry. Tanya is also writer for Christ to the World Ministries, has written for Novel Editions Reviews, Reflections In Hindsight, and The Bookshelf Newsletter. She is a member of ACFW and was a semi-finalist in the 2011 Genesis contest.

Visit Tanya online:

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Proof, See the Evidence

Thanks to July’s Reach Out Donors: Elaine Marie Cooper with the Road to Deer Run and the Promise of Deer Run, Sandra Robbins with Shattered Identity, Katie Ganshert with Wildflowers From Winter, JoAnn Durgin with Awakening, and Ann Lee Miller with Kicking Eternity. 

Do you have a Reach Out story to share? Send it to me at jenniferaslattery(at)gmail(dot)com.

Authors, agents, and publishers, if you or one of your authors/clients would like to donate a book to one of the Reach Out gift baskets, shoot me an email at the above address.