April 2010

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Sometimes I think my laundry basket has the whole Elijah thing going on—like with the widow who never ran out of flour. Most days my home runs like a fast-paced assembly line. Wake up, make the bed, clean the kitchen, answer the phone, take my daughter to school, fold laundry, mop the floor, pick my daughter up from school, go to bed, wake up, make the bed… It’s like a never-ending cycle that drags me from one task to the next like a wayward waif clinging to a steadily moving conveyer belt. And each day before I pull myself out of bed, I make a promise—to myself and to God. Today I will find time to pray.

But then the day begins, and laundry must be folded, lunches must be made and dishes must be washed.

But what would happen if I quit…for a day? What if I put my to-do list aside, turned off my cell phone, unplugged my landline and shut down my computer? Perhaps my house would not be as tidy as I would like, and maybe left-overs would grace our table more frequently, but along with the dirty dishes and micro-waved meals, my family would get a much happier, calmer me. And I suspect, if I were to ask them which they preferred–an immaculate home and crabby mommy or a little bit of clutter with much joy–I am sure they would choose the latter.

Unfortunately, creating a sanctuary where my heart can truly connect with God is not easy. As a freelance writer, I work from home, which means no matter where I go, work surrounds me. Couple this with the normal day-to-day tasks of raising a family, and often my prayer time resembles more of a daily shout out than a divine romance. Turning on the answering machine isn’t enough to keep my mind centered on my Savior. To truly connect with God, I have to venture outside.

I have a few special places that are close enough to allow for last minute retreats and yet far enough away from the hustle and bustle of the city to allow my heart, and senses, to soar. For me, worship is a sensory experience where sights, sounds, smells and the gentle touch of a soft summer breeze all come together to create an atmosphere of intimacy.

One of my favorite places to go is a small park just south of my daughter’s school. Surrounded by flowering Dogwoods and American Elms, with blue birds flittering among their branches and the soft scent of honeysuckle blossoms in the air, I am instantly drawn to my Creator. I take a notebook, Bible and pen with me, but nothing else. No cell phone. No watch. Nothing to distract me. I have no expectations. No plans.

Like the glistening leaves dancing in the wind, I let my Savior lead me, one gentle breeze at a time, into His divine dance.

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My first book was about a drug-addicted pregnant teenager, and the novel I’m currently working on is about an alcoholic gambler. I must be some depressed pessimist always looking for the downers in life, right? Wrong. I’m throwing off the masks and getting real. Putting it all out there–the good, the bad, the scandalous–because that’s life. Or maybe more accurately, that’s my life.

OK, so maybe I’m not a drunken teen (at thirty-five? Hilarious) or a habitual gambler (don’t have the patience for cards), but I’m certainly not one of those superhouse Christians who looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. Hardly. My Christian life is more like a roller coaster ride full of joy one minute and deep pain the next. Not that I don’t love my Savior, because I do–with everything in me. But unfortunately, I’m a sinner to my core just struggling to hold on. Thanks be to God that His grace by far exceeds any good I could ever do on my own!

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If you read my previous post about poor Alice peeking around dust-covered lace curtains, you’re probably wondering, “Who is this lady and why is she playing hide and seek from her neighbors?”

Alice Goddard, the main character of my next novel (currently entitled “Impossible Choices”, but I suspect this will change by the time I am done.) is your typical middle-class American housewife–who’s married to a drunken gambler. Only she doesn’t know her husband’s a gambler. She knows he’s a drunk, which is why she’s hiding–from her neighbors, from her friends. But not a ten thousand dollar drunk, which is what it would have taken to totally max out their credit cards and empty their bank accounts.  Must be a hacker, right? Someone got ahold of their personal information–like one of those identity thieves?

Keep thinking that, Alice…if only it were that easy.

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With dirty dishes piled in the sink, laundry waiting to be folded and an office cluttered with notebooks, pictures, a stick my dog chewed to threads, and packages that should have gone in the mail yesterday, I know I need tear myself away from my computer but Alice Goddard, the heroine in my new novel, will not let me. Oh, poor Alice! Still playing the “I’ve got it all together” act. When will she take off her plastic smile and tear down her carefully constructed walls? At least she has Beth, her long time friend, and a wonderful polyester blue dress that looks like it came straight off the set of Alice in Wonderland—the original version. Pairing it with a pair of chocolate brown clogs, she’s sure to turn heads down at the local truck stop. Nothing like bussing tables to make a woman feel sexy!

Ah! But don’t give up yet, Alice. Things are bound to turn around! Who knows, Mr. Steckleberg may opt for the plaid uniforms next year! Stylin!

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With dark clouds looming overhead, a cold wind blowing and the melodious sound of rain dripping on my roof, I am ready to lose myself in a world of make-believe. For children, that means finding a ball of yarn that can be turned into a beautiful princess about to be rescued by her prince charming…ah, but we have left such fanciful notions behind, along with the toys that once cluttered our lives, to pursue much more meaningful and purposeful ideals like responsibility and efficiency and success. But for those of us who look back upon those days–those days that were filled with tales of enchanted horses and starry nights–with longing, we can, if but temporarily, enter into a world of adventure and beauty, allowing an eloquent flow of words to flood our hearts until we have once again entered that place of unhindered imagination. Today this is where I will be, cuddled up with a great book that beckons me to leave the rest of the world behind…if but only for a day.