I think it’s time I go back and read some of my own blog posts. The one about riding on the naturally flowing current would be a great start. And reminding myself of my commitment to Christ and Christ alone would help, as well. It’s funny how quickly I lose my focus and allow myself to get swept away on the “performance” tide.
Last week, in a moment of mindless inspiration, I posted a weekly schedule. Which was nothing more than a personally designed, to-do-list-prison, by the way. One thing I learned some time ago, on my own, my writing sucks. Big, rotten lemons. I know God is trying, very patiently, might I add, to show me that He alone is the source for anything good I do. Whenever I grab on to the reigns and force things, I end up with egg on my face. Conversely, all of my best writing has been the result of intimate fellowship with my Creator. Which means, instead of forcing myself to perform and meet self-imposed obligations, I need to pull back and spend more time tapping into my greatest resource.
This morning, in an effort to maintain my self-imposed schedule, I forced out some cyber-garbage. Don’t worry, you won’t have to suffer through the awkward drivel. I’ve already sent it to the trash. And all this less than a week since I made the very public commitment to follow Christ, and His leading, no matter how winding the road. But how can I follow His leading when I’m forging my own way?
Wow, this surrender thing is hard. And I’m certain I’ll have many more “jumping back into the driver’s seat” episodes, but luckily God’s grace is only a delete button (or as some like to call it–repentance) away.
As a writer, surrender is hardest when the words won’t come. Most of the time, stories and articles fly off my keyboard so fast, smoke seeps from the monitor. And when they don’t come so easily, it can be rather tempting to focus on the final product. We can all force out a few hundred words if we try hard enough. But does our forced, human efforts glorify God? What if, when those moments hit, instead of striving harder, we worked less–and drew closer to God? I think the results would surprise us. He is, after all, way more creative than you or I. He formed a multi-galaxy universe out of nothing, remember? And one quick glance at any parable recorded in Scripture demonstrates God’s mastery of symbolism. Imagine what our libraries would be like if we would but take the time to experience, on a heart-to-heart level, the mind of Christ.
Wow… way to get into my head and speak my thoughts! Been struggling with this for months!
Maybe you and I should hold each other accountable on this one. Because I know even though I posted this with full commitment today, It’s very likely I’ll jump back in the driver’s seat by tomorrow and go back to striving. Aargh–this human nature thing’ll be the death of me yet. Hmm, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. I’m thinking of that poor, lonely kernel of wheat–you know, the one that had to die in order to really grow.