I cleaned out my office yesterday, which resulted in more than a few tears. Tears shed over things I finally let go. (For now. Knowing me, I’ll pick them right back up again a month down the line, only to be asked to lay them down again when I get to the end of myself.) About two months ago, I felt God calling me in a different direction–asking me to set certain things aside to make room for His better. And I did, sort of. With an eye out for that ever-present back-up plan. And instead of devoting myself fully to the tasks God has laid before me, I just added another hour to my day. And then another, and then another–so I could get His work done, and mine.
And when I got too tired? I crashed and burned, then hosted a pity party, as is my way.
By the afternoon, I was spent. Not because of my short cleaning spurt, but because of the hours upon hours I’d spent striving the weeks, probably even months before. Which likely wouldn’t have bothered me–there’s nothing wrong with hard work, right? So long as that which you are working for has value. But if I’m running in circles just for the sake of running? Not so admirable. Downright silly, really. Perhaps even a tad bit disobedient.
As I sat the in the corner of the couch, recouping, I was reminded of a homework assignment my daughter had completed a few days past. After spending maybe twenty minutes on a math problem, she let out a long, very over-dramatic sigh, “I did the wrong problem!” The hardest problem of her assignment, the one she’d spent so much time fretting over, wasn’t even required. Now that’s frustrating.
We’ve heard it said that God will give us rest. We often talk about the peace of God and the importance of living a balanced life, but then we jump right back on that rapidly moving conveyor belt. Or at least, I do. It’s like I’m living in two worlds, and it can be rather exhausting. But when I’ve hit the crash and burn stage, I’ve only got myself to blame.
What about you? How much of your day is God-ordained and how much of it is chasing after the wind? Take a moment to evaluate your day. Which activities do you need to let go? And what activities does God want you to focus your time on?
I’ve been there. God told me I was supposed to stop writing. I threw a fit. I pouted. I disobeyed. Finally, I listened, and after a year, I got an unexpected publishing contract and God opened the door for me to start writing again!
How exciting, Julie! I can’t wait to read it. 🙂
Such a good reminder. At the moment things are rolling along smoothly here. But you know the ironic truth of it: once we whittle our schedules down so that we’re not too busy, we have more time to schedule other “good” opportunities. It’s a constant battle of time, isn’t it?
I think so, V. I tend to whittle, then somehow add, then have to whittle again, only to find a week later I’ve added yet something else!
It’s hard, when you’re so capable of so much, not to push the barriers and boundaries instead of waiting on God. Boy, do I get that! Great post, Jen.
You have a way of zeroing in on the positive. 🙂 That is a gift, I believe.
“chasing after the wind” is exactly right. I usually feel that spinning-my-wheels feeling. Running but getting nowhere.
Well expressed, I can so relate.
Thanks, Laurie. And I just popped over to your blog. It looks like one well worth frequenting frequently. 🙂