February 2012

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Six years ago, we faced a period of unemployment. As my husband saturated online career sites with his resume, and we scrambled to sell our house before landing in debt, I prayed fervently for aid. I didn’t care where we lived or where he worked so long as we could make ends meet. A few months later, when a job came through, and we headed to a 500 square foot, rent-by-the-month apartment in Texas, I praised God for His provisions.

The move was tough. Everything we owned, minus what we’d crammed in our apartment, was packed in storage. Our daughter’s bedroom was the tiny living room, her bed the couch. And yet, we were happy, content. Why? Because God had come through. More importantly, having so much of our “fluff” stripped away reminded us of what was truly important. We had each other, and we had our Heavenly Father standing beside us.

Two years and another move later, I sat in the basement of our house, three times bigger, miserable. Because I wanted more. Discontentment had settled in, and it started to steal my joy.

In Philippians 4:12 Paul says, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”

Contentment doesn’t come naturally. In fact, the opposite is true. But it can, must, be learned and practiced.

I believe the secret lies in our focus. When we focus on ourselves, our situation and problems, we only become more miserable. But when we focus on others and on God, seeking to turn each day into a fragrant offering to Him, we find joy, peace, and fulfillment.

Ecclesiastes 6:3-9 reminds us to enjoy life, to focus on what we have, not what we don’t.

3 A man might have a hundred children and live to be very old. But if he finds no satisfaction in life and doesn’t even get a decent burial, it would have been better for him to be born dead. 4 His birth would have been meaningless, and he would have ended in darkness. He wouldn’t even have had a name, 5and he would never have seen the sun or known of its existence. Yet he would have had more peace than in growing up to be an unhappy man. 6 He might live a thousand years twice over but still not find contentment. And since he must die like everyone else—well, what’s the use?

7 All people spend their lives scratching for food, but they never seem to have enough. 8 So are wise people really better off than fools? Do poor people gain anything by being wise and knowing how to act in front of others?

9 Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless—like chasing the wind.

Don’t spend your days chasing after the wind. Instead, spend them chasing after a righteous God.

Paul experienced some horrendous trials. He was beaten, slandered, abandoned by friends, imprisoned, and yet, he found joy and contentment, because he focused not on his problems but instead on his mission. He had an eternal perspective and understood life here was but a blip. He also understood God was sovereign. Not only sovereign, but loving and faithful. This means everything we go through, the good and the bad, has a purpose.

Ecclesiastes 6:10 says, “Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.”

Psalm 139:16 tells us, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

God’s in control, even when life feels crazy. He’s working out His plan even when we hit a roadblock. And it’s a good plan, a loving plan, one that will result in hope.

When we face a difficult time or disappointment, we have two choices: spend our short time bemoaning our situation and arguing with God or get busy doing what He’s called us to do.

Each day the choice is ours. We can make ourselves miserable or we can grab hold of the abundant life God promised by focusing on our blessings, His nature, and the work He wants to do through us. The former leads to misery, the latter to joy.

When I get bogged down with discontentment, I’ve found relief by serving others, in getting over myself and joining in God’s eternal plan. What about you? We all struggle with discontentment on occasion, with disappointments and regret. When you’re going through a dark time, what’s helped you find and hold tight to joy?

For me, God used a hot, afternoon run through a very poor part of town to change my perspective. (You can read about my story in Cathy Messecar’s A Still and Quiet Soul)

You may also find the following resources helpful:

The Greener Grass Conspiracy: Finding Contentment on Your Side of the Fence

Finding Contentment: Lessons For Daily Living

 

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About two years ago, while listening to a radio program on empty-nesting, it hit me–my husband and I only had five years before our daughter left for college. Five years to ground her in faith, five years to train responsibility, diligence, and all those other necessary traits she’ll need to succeed as an adult.

Five years to sit with her on the couch listening to her retell her day’s events.

And now we have three. It’s frightening and exciting. I dream of who she might become yet cling to the baby-girl she once was. Oy, no wonder we moms struggle with empty nesting! Parenting is a tough, beyond-full-time job. With all we must do on a daily basis from our child’s birth to college launch, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are. How can we find purpose when our primary role–the one that’s occupied the majority of our time for 18 years–changes?

I’m not there yet, so I can’t really speak with authority on this subject, but my friend, Eileen Rife, author of Second Chance, can. Today, she wants to help moms like me embrace each phase of our lives with hope, purpose, and vigor. (And she’s giving away a free copy of her novel! Woo-hoo! Details included at the end of this post.)

Three Ways to Prepare for Empty-nesting by Eileen Rife

Transitions in life require adjustment. Never is that more true than when the last child leaves home. Often parents, especially moms, wonder, Are my best days over? What’s next for me?

These are good questions that can lead to action steps. So, what can you do to prepare for the empty nest?

Foster a healthy, growing relationship with your husband.

This is vital, so that when you enter the empty nest season, you won’t be sitting across the table from your husband, thinking, Who is this guy? Investing in your marriage now will pay off down the road. I encourage couples to pencil in a weekly date night on the calendar, even if it simply means putting the kids to bed early and sitting on the sofa together with a bowl of popcorn.

My new release Second Chance highlights this throughout the story as Mave moves from suspicion about her husband, Jerry, to determination to love him. This tension plays out in often humorous ways, and one of them involves popcorn!

Develop a friendship with two or three trusted women.

Allow these gals to speak into your life as you grow older. In Second Chance, Mave doesn’t always appreciate what her friend, Trish, has to share. In fact, at times she’s downright jealous of the woman. But when all’s said and done, she respects her and values her input.

Know that God has a purpose for you in every season of life.

Begin now to foster your own interests apart from your family. Mine is writing, and the Lord has used this platform in my life to do what He’s put in my heart: Share His love and forgiveness with others. You may have to search for your purpose, but it’s there—some cause or people group that you’re passionate about. Mave discovers her purpose unexpectedly, but she then takes steps to pursue fulfilling that purpose.

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Eileen Rife is the author of Second Chance, the poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. She and her husband, Chuck, conduct marriage seminars in the States and overseas. http://www.eileenrife.com, www.eileen-rife.blogspot.com, www.guardyourmarriage.com

Eileen’s giving away a copy of her latest release, Second Chance. There are five ways to be entered into the drawing. Leave a comment, join our discussion on Living by Grace, share this post on FB, tweet this link, or subscribe to this blog. Do all five and you’ll be entered five times. 🙂 But remember to let me know if you FB share or tweet this link.

Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about finding ourselves beneath our many hats.

Second Chances: 

Mave wants the life back in her marriage. Dareece just wants a life. Could they be the answer to each other’s dream? Mave Robertson, a recent empty nester, wants the fire back in her marriage, but her husband, Jerry, remains aloof. Is he having an affair? A midlife crisis? When a neighbor suggests she “get a life,” Mave accepts the challenge and volunteers at an inner-city teen ministry where she is thrown into a culture of drugs, gangs, and unwed teen moms. She soon discovers someone she can help, but might he also be the cure for both her stale marriage and her crumbling relationship with her father? Dareece Jackson, a teen from the projects, wants something in Mave’s purse…and he’ll stop at nothing to get it. A poignant story of middle age, surprising friendships, and unexpected places. Includes Bonus Feature: The 21-Day Romance Challenge.

“Gently unfolds the truth that sometimes the best is yet to come, from unexpected people, and places, and hearts.”-Sandra Byrd, author of To Die For: A Novel of Anne Boleyn.

“Transcends race and reaches the extremes-from suburbia to the ghetto, from guilt over a loved one’s murder to a marriage gone dull. With a dash of humor for balance, Second Chance will speak to your heart, no matter your station in life.”-April W. Gardner, author of the Creek Country Saga; Sr. Editor of the literary site, Clash of the Titles.

“Transports readers into the worlds of two very diverse characters. With laughter, tears, and sighs, you’ll enjoy every turn of the page.”-Fay Lamb, author of Because of Me, Treble Heart Books.

“Approaches real-life issues with the gritty realism needed in today’s market. Refreshing and thought-provoking.”-Jennifer Slattery of Novel Reviews and Clash of the Titles.

“Lovingly crafted imagery and dialog will carry you into the lives of two families and show you what forgiveness really looks like.”-Lisa Lickel, author of Meander Scar.

More Resources:

Guideposts: Finding Hope in an Empty Nest

Empty Nest: Moms of Faith

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As God continues to open doors for me, I’m becoming increasingly aware of my need for Him. When human logic tells me to work harder, longer, faster, God’s Spirit draws me into His divine embrace. He tells me to come, to let His presence overshadow me, to let His will be done through me. Morning by morning, day after day, He reminds me this isn’t about me. It’s always been and always will be about Him.

Revelations 3:7 tell us: “This is the message from the One who is holy and true, the One who has the key of David. What He opens no one can close and what He closes, no one can open.”

It doesn’t matter how hard we work, how lofty our goals and how well-thought out our steps are. It’s about drawing near to God and letting Him work in and through us. If this post seems similar to some of my past devos, it’s because I believe God wants this message to resonate in you. In me. He wants us to get out of His way so He can change the world, heal hearts, touch lives, through us. This has become a daily, sometimes hourly, reminder for me. One I quickly forget once I turn to my to-do list, and therefore, need to be reminded of again.

Christian, if you are purchased by Christ, redeemed by His blood, He has opened a door for you. That’s why you are here. He’s got a great work for you to do, and He will give you everything you need to accomplish it.

I love Revelations 3:8 “I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny Me.”

We have little strength in our own power. God knows this, but it’s not about us. He’s already got it covered. His Word tells us His strength is made perfect in our weakness. He doesn’t ask us to start a weight-lifting campaign. He asks us to abide. (John 15:1-4)

This week I’m setting aside extra time to sit at God’s feet, to let His thoughts fill me, His presence consume me. A funny thing is happening. My hunger for Him is growing. My passion to write is growing. My creativity is stirring like an overwhelming fountain. It’s a beautiful, empowering, inspiring thing. The more time I spend with Him, the more I realize my need for Him.

Stop and listen, prayerfully to the following song, and ask yourself, where am I right now? Am I abiding in the holy of holies, or am lingering in the outer court?

If your answer is the latter, will you let God take you deeper? Will you let Him draw you close, hold you close, and speak to your heart?

To understand the depth of this song and the significance not only of the holy of holies, but how it relates to Christ’s atoning work on the cross, read the following:

What Was the Significance of the Temple Being Torn in Two When Jesus Died?

Father, Unveil Our Hearts

(And make sure to visit me on Internet Cafe Devotions as I talk about the pain of unemployment and how God wants to love us through those types of struggles.)

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Early in our marriage, my husband and I made a commitment. We decided we’d place our marriage first. We’d sit beside each other in the restaurant even though our daughter tried to wiggle between us. We’d schedule date nights and hire babysitters even though it’d wipe out our monthly budget. We’d go on annual trips, just the two of us, even though leaving our daughter left a knot in my gut. 16 years later, our love is even stronger than on the day we said I do. I believe our commitment to guard date nights played a major role in that.

I’ve learned, if I want an intimate relationship with my eternal Husband, Jesus Christ, I need to do the same thing. This can be hard, especially when you become involved in ministry. There’s always a hole needing to be filled, a study to attend, a person in need of prayer. But if we’re not careful, our business can steal our needed time with God. Sometimes we have to say no and leave the results–and other people’s expectations–to God.

For me, my day is Sunday. It’s taken a few years for my family to catch on, but on Sunday, I let the laundry lie. I let the dishes set, and I grab my iPhone with my Pandora and head for a nice long walk–by myself. It’s my special time with Jesus. Sometimes it lasts a few hours, other times it extends all day, but I always come back refreshed and recharged.

What about you? Have you and Jesus set aside a “date night”? This date will look different for everyone, but I believe we all need it. I believe we all crave it. Spend a moment with God and ask Him what day and time He’d like you to set aside for Him. For the two of you to get away. Then ask Him to remind you and help you follow through.

Equally important, we need to encourage and allow other people to do the same.

Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about being intentional in our time with God. Here are some things I like to take on my “date”.

*my Bible

*my Pandora radio tuned to praise music

*my prayer list

*a journal

*a concordance

But my favorite times are when I slip away to a hiking trail and simply enjoy God’s presence–no agenda or expectations, just me and Him, spending time connecting on a heart-to-heart level.

What about you? Where can you go this week to spend time with God? What will you bring with you? What might you need to say no to in order to make that date happen?

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When our daughter was an infant, she spent hours in my arms. Then she learned to walk, and our times together have grown increasingly shorter ever since. This makes those rare moments when she sits with me on the couch or invites me to spend an afternoon with her at the mall even more special. If you’re a parent, I imagine you can relate. Today Zeke Lam, author of subMISSION shares the heart of another parent–our Heavenly Father. I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to fathom the depths of God’s love, but we can catch a glimpse of it when we look at our own children.

Incomprehensible Love by Zeke Lam

When I consider God’s love for us, it generates an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. His unconditional and insurmountable love towards His children is easily the most powerful truth in our lives. Understanding the level of love that Christ offers has often been a reality that is difficult to fully grasp. Why does God care so much about me? How am I supposed to reciprocate that kind of commitment? These questions crossed my mind as I matured in my walk with Him.

The birth of my first child was an eye-opening event that catapulted my faith as it relates to grasping His love for me. On one occasion however, I received a love lesson that altered my thinking and settled any uncertainties as to what God expects of my life.

It was a typical Sunday evening service where I was filling in for our pastor who was travelling. With my head bowed in prayer as I always do before preaching, I heard a loud commotion coming from the rear of the church. It was my two-year old son. With tears flowing, he kicked, screamed, and wrestled out of my wife’s arms and made a mad dash towards the front of the church where his daddy sat. All I could hear was the loud chant of: “I want my daddy. I want my daddy!” My wife caught him and settled him down, but he generated quite a scene amidst the formal and quiet atmosphere of this particular service.

Two things happened as I laughed from the front row. First, I experienced an incredible amount of joy. As my son proclaimed his love for me, he did so with no regard for his surroundings. He didn’t care what other people thought. He refused to be held back. He wanted to run to his dad. I was so proud.

As I pondered with appreciation this little outburst and prepared to approach the podium, God spoke to my heart, “This is all I want from you.”

This was a paradigm shift in my life. In relation to God’s love, what He expects from me became so simple. He wants me to want Him with no regard for what others think. He wants me to want Him to the extent that I hold nothing back. He wants me to run to Him with all I have.

He doesn’t just command our love. He desires it.

subMISSION:

What is the greatest challenge that the Church is facing today? In one word, author Zeke Lam suggests that the following is the greatest challenge: submission, or the lack thereof. It is not the external forces that nullify the testimony of a vibrant and Christ-centered Church. Instead it is the lack of submission to the Lord within the heart of each believer. Zeke Lam shares Scriptural truths coupled with real life experiences to demonstrate a life of biblical submission. Are you ready to live a life of joyful submission unto Christ?

Zeke Lam is a 27-year-old youth minister, evangelist, and missionary who followed God’s leading in 2010 and moved his family to Sugar Land, Texas. Although they knew nothing about the area, they soon met a church family that changeed their lives.

Writing subMISSION was another unexpected detour in Zeke’s life. In the book, he outlines his best advice for daily preparing yourself to be obedient to the Lord.

‘If you don’t prepare,’ he says, ‘one of two things will happen: 1) You will not hear the call, or 2) you will hear but not have the courage to obey.’

Zeke, his wife Kathleen, and their three children currently reside in Virginia.

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Most women love Valentine’s Day. With candy, flowers, sweet cards, and romantic dates with our forever-love, who wouldn’t? But if we’re not careful, our view of love can become tainted by the messages presented on commercials and greeting cards. True love extends beyond a candlelight dinner into the home where whiskers are left on bathroom sinks, dirty clothes on the floor, and toilet seats are left up. True love is evident in the things we do and the words we say throughout the year. Today Catrina Bradley shares the depth of her forever-love, reminding us that love is not only a gift of grace, but also a continual, consistent choice of action.

LOVE IS A VERB by Catrina Bradley

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..”  Ephesians 5:25

My husband might be the epitome of this passage of Scripture. So much so, that, sometimes, I come dangerously close to worshipping him. He has no problem saying those three beautiful words we all want to hear – “I love you” – but he wouldn’t have to verbalize it to for me to know. From the day we became one flesh, his actions have proven it.

Brad knows my flaws and recognizes my limits. His love for me encompasses my weaknesses, and strengthens them. When I commuted an hour and a half to a high-pressure job, he encouraged me to hire a housekeeper. I wouldn’t have minded cleaning my own home, but when I dragged my body in the door at night, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. The long commute and the longer days zapped my energy and my motivation.

Only once was a “Spouse of the Year” honored at company’s annual Christmas Party. My husband was that spouse. I was in charge of the party, and he ran errands for me, purchased gift certificates for my boss, and put up with my crazy hours and foul moods for weeks. The usual stuff. He is always the winner of my Spouse of the Year award.

Before I left for work every morning, I pulled my pre-packed lunch out of the refrigerator. Brad said it was no big deal to fix my lunch; he was making his anyway. And when I returned home at night, his second load of laundry was usually drying.

More often than not, he makes our supper. He also does most of the grocery shopping, so he buys yummy easy-to-make dinners, or heat-and-eat frozen delicacies. Sandwiches are always an option, and some nights we just have cereal. He’s easy to please.

He is also is the most selfless person I know. (He’d probably disagree; he’s also humble.) I vividly remember stealing into my friend Leigh’s house at midnight to whisk her away from her abusive husband while he was at work. She, her two children, and her cat spent the next few months as members of our household. Brad doesn’t even like cats. Or children for that matter. Another year we shared our home for three months with a couple who were between house closings. Many friends in dire straits have been helped out of financial holes by my husband.

We have never been in a financial hole. Brad learned stewardship from his father and is a responsible caretaker of our earnings. He thinks of little things that add up. He won’t carry a balance on a credit card, preferring to withdraw from savings if necessary instead of paying interest. And not a month goes by without a deposit into that savings account. I was reared by frugal parents myself, and I’m no spendthrift, but I do need reining in once in a while. He is reason to my fancy.

Brad is not what you would call “romantic,” but he is oh-so thoughtful. The grocery store has four rows of my brand of deodorant, but I can hardly ever find my favorite: Original Scent Solid. One day, Brad came home holding up a bag. (Did I mention he also does the grocery shopping?) “Honey, guess what I found?” He grinned, and pulled out .. “Original Scent Solid!”

I cheered, and thanked him.

“But wait.” He reached into the bag again. “I got you not one .. not two .. not three .. or even four .. but FIVE .. Original Scent Solids!”

I know I’ve done nothing to deserve such a mate, and all too often I fail to reciprocate. Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”  Submission might be repulsive to some women, but I have no problem with it. What I need God’s help with is being the Proverbs 31 wife. Verse 10 says it best: “An excellent wife, who can find?” Not here, that’s for sure. The more Brad shows his love for me, the more I realize that I need to get my act together!

James said that “Faith without deeds is useless.” (James 5:20)  I think the same might be said about love without deeds. Is your love more than three beautiful words? Is it a verb? Or, like me, do you need to put wheels on your words and get into gear?

Lord, thank you for Your amazing, undeserved, unconditional love. Please help me receive that love, and share it with more than just my words. Help me to be the wife you want me to be. Amen.

Catrina Bradley grew up in Iowa but now makes her home in Georgia where she serves her church as Admin & Ministry Assistant. She has been blissfully married for over 20 years and has a beautiful, talented daughter and two precious puppies. Her Christian poetry, essays, fiction, and devotions have been published in numerous on-line and print venues. She posts quasi-regularly at her blog Scattered Seeds and monthly at Jewels of Encouragement.

Visit her online at Scattered Seeds.

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When Steve and I were first married, we took up country dancing. Well, we tried, anyway. A local bar offered free lessons one afternoon a week, so each week we’d go and do our best to scurry across the dance floor, preferably in time to the music. We weren’t very good. Actually, we stunk, so I decided to practice at home. I went to our local library and checked out dance instruction videos, and while my husband was at work, I practiced. Then I met him at the door with arms positioned, ready to dance.

The more I “learned” the worse I got. I stepped on his feet, jerked left when he wanted to go right, and combined, we created a robotic display that was anything but romantic. You see, the problem was I was so convinced I knew how to dance, I lost sight of my dance partner.

I think often, I’m like that with God. I’m so focused on what I know to do, whether that be reading my Bible, teaching a Sunday school class, or fulfilling various responsibilities, it’s easy to take my eyes off the dancer. It’s easy to turn what should be an act of intimate surrender into rote behavior which ultimately leads to burn-out and ineffectiveness. But when I surrender to the dancer, forsaking my ideas and agendas, clearing my vision of everything but my Lead Dancer, Everything flows.

Have you ever watched professional ballroom dancers or skating partners? There’s an intimate dynamic that occurs between them. The crowd can scream and holler, cameras can flash, but they don’t see it. They are focused 100% on their partner, attuned to the slightest signal, responding instantly, beautifully, effortlessly.

What if we knew God that intimately? What if we were so focused on Him, so in tune with Him, like Jesus we could say, “I do only what my Father wills.”? And what keeps us from that? What keeps us angsting, striving, and experiencing burn-out?

On Sunday I spent the afternoon studying the Holy Spirit. Throughout Scripture, we are told the Holy Spirit guides us, has fellowship with us, teaches us, fills us, prays for us, and overshadows us.

2 Corinthian 13:14 “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit, be with you all.”

Fellowship–intimate interaction.

John 6:63 “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.”

Life-giving. Apart from Him, apart from full submission to Him, our efforts lead to futility. No matter how great our ministry, how in-depth our Bible study time, or how devoted our service, if it’s not ignited, guided and sustained by the Holy Spirit, it will be nothing but the effort of man operating on the wisdom of man to do the things of man. But we were called to more!

2 Samuel 23:2 “The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me; His word was on my tongue.”

Our ultimate goal as Christians should be to be cleansed and open vessels, ready to do God’s will. Like funnels, conduits of God’s power and grace.

Ephesians 5:18 “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.

To be filled, we must first be emptied–of ourselves, our sin, our wants, our desires. I believe anytime we cling to anything–even good things–other than God, they become a hinderance to the working of the Holy Spirit. That job we fear losing, the ministry we can’t let fail, whatever it is, when we begin to strive for it, hold tight to it, we begin to operate in our own will. To be overshadowed, we need to stay surrendered completely, focused on our Dancer, not the dance. Otherwise, I believe, our actions lack power. Why? Because we’ve left our dancer behind.

Lord, may we be like Paul, so driven by Your Spirit, so infused by Your presence, that Your love compels us. (1 Corinthians 9:16) Remove all expectations and obligations except that of drawing near to You in full surrender, listening to Your voice, and obeying. Draw us into Your Dance, Oh, Lord.

 
Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about living fully surrendered, Spirit-driven and empowered lives. We all want to be there, right? We all want to experience the “power of His resurrection.” Stop and consider, what are some things that get in the way of experiencing the abundant life God promised? And what steps can you take to draw near, to come empty, and to receive all that God has in store for you?

What might our churches, our homes, our cities look like if Christians joined and stayed in the divine dance?

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Early in our marriage, with a young child underfoot and long hours changing diapers, cleaning blocks, and watching Teletubbies, I’d anxiously await my husband’s return from work. If only to have adult conversation. But back then his work schedule was crazy, with long hours, sometimes 14 day stretches, calls at all hours. We’d plan an event, maybe a trip to the ice cream store or an evening at the park, and invariably, his phone would ring. So what’d I do? I got upset, and soured the rest of our night.

Then one day it hit me. My attitude was hurting me, and my daughter. By throwing a fit and focusing on the negative, I was robbing us all of a chance to grab hold of the rare moment we had. I decided to change my attitude and my focus.

In today’s post by Anita Estes, her husband made the same choice, and the result was beautiful. As you read her account of her husband’s gift of grace, ask yourself how you can give your spouse that same gift this Valentine’s Day. Because we live in a fallen world with stress, disappointments, responsibilities, frustrations, and demands. Life’s going to throw hurdles your way. Most likely your spouse will also, on occasion. Will you respond with anger or with grace?

God Rekindles Marriages—
With Grace
By Anita Estes

My husband’s twelve to midnight schedule had the habit of ruining evenings together, especially Friday nights when he often slept through to Saturday. But this weekend held hope for a date night, since he’d taken the previous night off. We had planned on going to the movies, so on the way home from work I bought a newspaper with the theatre listings. It had been a crazy week for me with grades due for 700 students, Bible study, lesson plans and coursework, so when I came home I collapsed on the couch. Looking through the listings, the only promising show was across the river. I doubted he would go that far, but he owed me this one since he had cancelled our previous night out, and I desired to be with him.

Let me explain why. My husband and I have been married over thirty three years and it’s been a rocky road—one littered with broken promises, near poverty, problems with addiction, and marital strife. We’ve met with no less than five counselors and are now on our seventh. This one laid out some strict guidelines for my husband, who baulked at the reigns being tightened. You see, he has been a very independent person, partly due to his heritage and my independent personality, which kicked in when he pulled away from me. But now with the children out of the house (for the most part), I’ve really needed and wanted him.

For years he weaved in and out of a close relationship to God and me, fighting depression and bouts of addiction. This drove me into a strong relationship with Jesus and my children. They became my world, and my spouse would pop in and out of ours. I didn’t grow bitter, but my lack of respect became evident to the point of putting him down in front of the children. He reacted by withdrawing affection and love. At times we would move closer to each other, then something would happen again, and he would build a wall around himself. This went on for years with only minor improvement. At one time, I had contemplated divorce.

But now he and I are beginning to experience some real breakthrough. I am praying for his emotional healing and trusting God with the outcome. He is trying to love me for who I am, and we are both trying to accept our differences. We are learning to operate in grace towards each other and listening to our counselor’s advice. My assignment is to respect my spouse more, and his is to love me more. That’s what ensued.

Sitting on the couch, tired and in a bad mood, I announced the location of the movie, to which he barked back. “No way, I’m not going that far!” Annoyed, I threw down the newspaper and retorted, “You can never make any sacrifices for me!” He replied, “You’re being quite nasty. I’m not going anywhere with you.” A fight was brewing. Then suddenly he caught himself and said, “I’m not going to let this ruin the day. I’m going to choose to love you.” The fight fizzled. I backed down and apologized, which is hard for me to do. We smoothed things over, found a great movie and had a wonderful time together.

So what was different this time? The application of grace. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work (2 Corinthians 2:9).” My husband extended grace to me like God does to us. It’s grace that gave me the ability to love my husband in good times and bad. It gave me the ability to persevere, to trust God’s timing and receive grace back from my husband. Grace poured over me when I didn’t deserve it; it poured over him when he messed up.

After thirty three years of marriage, I can see it’s becoming what God intended it to be, not the American dream, but the vision God has for us—a married couple working together to perform His will, bound together in mature love. We have endured difficult times with God’s grace. Now we are reaping the harvest as we submit to His plan for our marriage, to each other and to wise counsel.

To those of you in difficult marriages, my advice is: fall in love with Your Savior first, read the Word of God and let it dwell richly within you, take time for your relationship with Him and extend grace to your spouse. Seek the godly counsel of others and submit one to another. Love and respect each other. It’s a tall order, but God’s abundant storehouse of grace is limitless!

Recommended reading: Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Anita Estes resides in the beautiful Hudson Valley of upstate New York with her husband and son. She is an art teacher, freelance writer and avid gardener. As an educator, she has been honored  in “Who’s Who of American Teachers” for 2000 and 2005. Her work appears in several compilations including God Allows U-Turns, A Cup of Comfort, Deliver Me and Adams Media books. Her devotions have been published in Penned from the Heart, “Upper Room” and on-line.
She is the author of When God Speaks: 40 Days of His Promises, Transformed—Inspiring Stories of Freedom and Letters to God on a Prodigal Son—Overcoming Addiction through Prayer.  Her passion is encouraging others in their Christian walk, by calling the church to intimate and honest communication with God. She desires to help others break the bonds of addiction and pain through an understanding of God’s promises.  Visit her at www.anitaestes.com and http://anitaestes7.blogspot.com/
Anita Estes, author of When God Speaks, invites you to come along on a life changing journey through the landscape of God’s Promises. Your destination –the Promised Land. Once you embark on this forty- day excursion, you  will gain valuable insights into key promises in which God communicates concerning: Your True Identity, Divine Guidance, Resurrection Life, Hope, True Prosperity, Empowering Love, Healing and much more. Each day of When God Speaks is loaded with nuggets of wisdom that Anita Estes shares in her inspirational stories, prayers, application and evening meditation. As you reflect on these powerful verses you will be challenged and equipped to implement them into your daily life. God has given you everything you need for spiritual victory, but you must take the first step.
Letters to God, on a Prodigal Son—Overcoming Addiction Through Prayer is the poignant, true story of a parent’s journey through the minefield of her adult child’s addiction. It is the heartfelt cry of a mother who finds peace in the midst of her tsunami and discovers the secret of victorious prayer! It is a potent journal packed with prayers, practical advice and key spiritual insights. Letters to God will unlock the secrets to successful prayer, not only for those dealing with prodigals, but for anyone facing their own storm.

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As our daughter nears fifteen, she’s beginning to dream about driving and college and all those rights of passage that signify adulthood. (She’s already planned the furnishings for her college dorm room … and her future house, career, basically, the next twenty years of her life.)

She thinks she’s so ready, but often, my husband and I must hold her back. Not because we don’t love her, but instead, because we do. We know the vital steps that must occur, the growth that needs to take place, the dangers that await if we allow too many privileges and responsibilities before the proper time. We know there’s imperative character traits, like perseverance, inner grit, determination, that must be developed.

I believe God is the same way. He has an omniscient view of our lives. He sees our past, present, and future. He knows every obstacle we’ll face, every blessing that’ll come our way. Most importantly, He sees us not as we are, but as He plans to make us–a beautiful masterpiece ready to do His will.

Today, Fay Lamb, author of Because of Me, looks at disappointments through God’s sovereignty and loving Father’s heart. She reminds us, no matter what comes our way, God wants us to trust and obey. Trust His love, His goodness, His tender care.

God Loves Me More Than That by Fay Lamb

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD,

thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11

Life verses—they abound, and Jeremiah 29:11 is among the most quoted. As an author who feels that God has called me to write, I cling to verses such as this. For me, they prove that God’s love is a blanket of warmth against the coldness of a sometimes harsh reality.

The writer’s life is like a rollercoaster with moments of high exhilaration and days of deep despair. Times when all is right with the world, and then there are those occasions when a writer wants to crawl into a cave and hide from the very world where before all was bright and sunny.

God says in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the thoughts He has toward me. He declares those thoughts are kind and not evil, and He wants to give me a future of hope. When I meditate on this verse, I imagine this is God’s way of saying, “Daughter, I have a plan for you. Trust and obey.”

Often I hold my hand out to God, asking Him to lead me toward a writing contract, an encounter with someone, even an idea to build a story. Like a child, I want my prayers answered easily and immediately.

But God loves me more than that.

I do not like rejection, but is it truly rejection when God has designed the plan and I am walking in obedience to Him? No, it’s a step. I must trust God and move forward even when the path is rough and harrowing.

I do not like to be unsettled in my spirit, yet criticism has a way of doing that. Truth given in love, however, is one of a writer’s most valuable assets. The sting at first may leave me uncomfortable, but when I come to terms with it and take the suggested steps to improve my writing, my spirit is filled with the peace that God promises.

When I start out on a trip, I am the one who likes to know every stop along the way. Trust and obey means that I trust God when he doesn’t tell me each leg of my journey. My life as an author may take unexpected turns.

I have purposed in my heart to remain content with any direction God purposes in my writing career. In fact, I’ll be satisfied on whatever road He places me. My future hopes rest in Him and not in my desires, and God has promised a future better than any I can dream.

BIO

Fay Lamb works as an acquisition/copyeditor for Pelican Book Group (White Rose Publishing and Harbourlight Books), offers her services as a freelance editor, and is an author of Christian romance and romantic suspense. Her emotionally charged stories remind the reader that God is always in the details. Because of Me, her debut romantic suspense novel will be released on February 3, 2012, by Treble Heart Books/Mountainview Publishing.

Fay has a passion for working with and encouraging fellow writers. As a member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), she co-moderates the large Scribes’ Critique Group and manages the smaller Scribes’ critique groups. For her efforts, she was the recipient of the ACFW Members Service Award in 2010.

In 2012, Fay was also elected to serve as secretary on ACFW’s Operating Board.

Fay and her husband, Marc, reside in Titusville, Florida, where multi-generations of their families have lived. The legacy continues with their two married sons and five grandchildren.

Because of Me:

Issie Putnam’s life took a detour the night she was raped at gunpoint in front of her fiancé, Michael Hayes. Instead of marrying Michael, a promising young investigative reporter, Michael, along with the man who attacked her, and the man who held the gun on Michael, are imprisoned for conspiracy to assassinate the local district attorney—a crime Michael was trying to expose but had no intention of committing. Issie’s name is ruined, she lost her perfectly-planned future, but she gained Cole, her son—born of that rape.

On the eve of her attacker’s parole, Michael, already released from prison, follows through on his plan to return to the small town of Amazing Grace and protect Issie from the madman who promised to seek revenge. There, he meets Issie’s seven-year-old son for the first time.

Can Michael learn to love the child Issie holds so close to her heart? Will Michael be able to protect the woman he loves from the man who will stop at nothing to destroy them all?

Purchase the book at Amazon.

Let’s talk about this!

Join us at Living by Grace as we talk about our disappointments, hopes, and dreams and try to view them through our Father’s eyes. How does trusting in God’s love for you, His plan for you, His continual care, help you persevere? If you’re a parent, how has your experience as a parent changed your understanding of God? Has there been a time when you’ve been able to look back on a delay or detour that, although painful at the time, turned out to be a blessing?