(Taken and adapted from one of my video devotions shared to Crosswalk Plus Subscribers; used by permission.)
As a recovering co-dependent, learned, in part, from unhealthy faith communities, I’m struck by Jesus’ intentional delay in John 11. Upon learning of a friend name Lazarus’s terminal illness, instead of rushing to heal the man, “he stayed where he was” preaching and teaching for “two more days” (John 11:6, NIV).
He knew how much Lazarus was suffering. He also knew the intense grief the man’s two sisters would experience upon their brother’s death.
Had I been them, I probably would’ve been angry at Jesus for not hustling to my aid. I might have felt like He didn’t care about my or my loved one’s pain. Yet, Scripture tells us in John 11:5 that Jesus loved Marth and her siblings. Other places in the Bible, including the account of His crucifixion, reveal in Him a love more deep and pure than we’ll ever experience from other humans.
But He still allowed His close companions to suffer, even though He had the power to alleviate their pain.
Note: God’s delays never stem from indifference.
When we read the full account, we realize He did this to bring about a greater work—the deepening of their faith in Him and the eternal life He offered.
This reminds me that I can feel intense empathy, and can grieve with the grieving, but that doesn’t mean it’s always helpful to act on those feelings.
Sometimes, my desire to “fix” a person’s situation can make it worse or stunt their growth by alleviating the difficulty God wants to use for their transformation and freedom. When I do that, I’m often motivated by selfishness. I’m uncomfortable with their discomfort and want to bring us all to a place of happiness and peace.
My angst over someone else’s pain doesn’t entitle me to interfere with God’s plan.
But as today’s passage demonstrates, sometimes our wisest and kindest reaction is to simply remain present with someone else in their pain. Our empathy is a holy and right reaction, but not necessarily a call to action.
Here’s an important fact with which I’m learning to wrestle: Codependency often becomes control disguised as care.
Our best response, then, is to seek God’s wisdom and patiently await His instructions, knowing that He, not us, is the Savior. Sometimes, He’ll encourage us to help in tangible ways. Other times, He’ll invite us to simply be—present, gentle, prayerful, and empathetic. While this can feel uncomfortable in the moment, our courage to follow His lead increases when we remember His tender and compassionate heart for each of His children and His perfect knowledge of their deepest needs.
I’d love to hear from you! When have you sensed God asking you to simply remain present, how did you respond, and what was the result? I’d also love to hear the converse—times when the Lord nudged you to physically or financially care for someone in need? Share your thoughts in the comments.
