“You just don’t have enough faith.”
It’s etched into my memory of a pastor telling me that years ago when I told him about my anxiety. Which, ironically, gave me more anxiety.
I walked away wondering, “Am I a bad Christian? Do I really not have enough faith?” A pit formed in my stomach thinking that I wasn’t doing enough. The room felt as if it was closing in on me, and I looked around to find the nearest exit. All of a sudden, I was getting flashbacks of all the memories in high school.
My earliest memory that I have of an actual anxiety attack was when I was 17 years old at a rehearsal for a school play. I didn’t know what it was at the time. It just felt like something was genuinely wrong. In my head, it felt like I had 100 computer tabs open that wouldn’t close. I went to the doctor and was told that it was anxiety. And from there, my anxiety progressed as I got older.
“Christians don’t have anxiety,” is what was being taught around me at the church I was attending at the time. Therefore, I didn’t feel like a real Christian. It produced shame which led to minimum prayers and reading of my Bible less.
All I kept thinking was, “I can’t be a Christian and have anxiety.”
Years later, after I got married, I connected with a Christian therapist through a free resource. As I shared my experiences, she listened carefully and eventually explained that I struggled with several anxiety disorders and OCD. It was almost like there was a rolodex going through my mind and piecing details together like I was Sherlock Holmes. I once again felt shame, but then she reminded me of this passage in the Bible.
“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (ESV)
Here’s what I love about this passage. Paul pleads three times for God to remove his thorn, and where else do we see something similar in the Bible? In Gethsemane when Jesus prayed to God three times to let the cup pass from Him.
“Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled.Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”
And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on.See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand.”” Matthew 26:36-46 (ESV)
Both Paul and Jesus ultimately submitted to God’s will even when both fully had faith. God didn’t remove their trials, but instead provided the grace and strength to endure.
What if God allows our “thorns” to keep us totally dependent on Him?
A great quote that I love from C.S. Lewis is, “You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.”
I was reminded that I can indeed have both: be a Christian and struggle with anxiety. It doesn’t make me any less of a Christian.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Hebrews 4:15 (ESV)
Having faith doesn’t always mean we get our prayers answered. Even if God doesn’t remove the “thorn” He sustains and strengthens us through it. Having faith also doesn’t mean that we are immune to feeling anything negative. If Jesus faced this, then we should give ourselves grace.
I still pray that one day I will be healed, our God is a Healer and can perform miracles; but maybe that won’t be until I am in Heaven. And that’s okay. Learning to accept my “thorn” is what allows me to write to you today about my own struggle with anxiety.
I’m not enough, but Jesus is.
In certain cases, both Jesus and medicine are needed because everybody is unique. As Christians, we need to do better to break the stigma, and not use manipulating tactics as well as shaming people into Christianity. That leads to resentment and bitterness and, unfortunately, in a lot of cases it leads to people walking away from God all together.
God can use doctors, medicine, therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists to help with mental illness. To say that seeking help for mental health is “unbiblical” is dangerous to say and is why so many Christians suffer in silence.
It’s okay to not be okay.
Give yourself permission to lament and space to heal. And when the anxiety returns, as it sometimes will, remember this: your struggles do not make you a lesser Christian.
God’s grace is sufficient for you too.
Get to Know Mel Davis
Mel Davis is a military wife based in Omaha, Nebraska. She writes from a Christian perspective, sharing stories shaped by authenticity, resilience, hope, and a deep rooted faith in God.
When she’s not writing, she’s behind the camera capturing life’s meaningful moments. With a love for nature and a curious spirit, she is always pursuing new adventures and creative endeavors.
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Let’s chat! What resonated with you most in Mel’s post? When have you experienced something similar, and how did you respond? How have your struggles increased your dependency on Christ? Share in the comments below!
Im 33 years old and never realized the connection between Jesus asking for the cup of suffering to be removed 3 times and Paul’s similar request for the thorn removal. What a great find!!
I love the depth of this post! So much to process! And a beautiful blend of honest human experience, truth and grace!