When we’re hurting, we don’t want people to bombard us with advice, try to top our struggle with stories of their own, or respond with dismissive platitudes. Sadly, those types of reactions tend to make us feel even more isolated.
If you’ve experienced something similar, you can understand how defeated and alone Rhonda felt when she returned home with her newborn while her newly transferred husband was setting things up for the family in a new city. Sleep-deprived and emotionally overwhelmed as a new mom in the middle of transition, she arrived at her parents’ house aching for encouragement and support. Instead, her mother met her pain with criticism that left Rhonda feeling ashamed and alone in her struggle.
But while she left that visit feeling more inadequate than ever, the Lord comforted her bruised soul through the loving, wise words of someone who truly saw her heart, understood her difficulty, and validated her emotions. That conversation helped her see her mom’s lack of empathy for what it was—and showed her how to recognize whether someone is, or isn’t, a safe person with whom to share her deepest hurts.
I thought of Rhonda’s story this week while listening to my cohost’s conversation with Chris Morris on the Faith Over Fear podcast. Chris shared about a time he felt so hopeless he tried to end his life and awoke in a mental hospital, initially angry that his attempt had failed. Back then, he felt no one understood his pain. Now, he has seven people he can call anytime he’s struggling—friends who listen before advising and love instead of criticizing.
In a recent Instagram post, he shared tips on how to find your safe people—those spiritual brothers and sisters who reflect the love and grace of Christ when we need it most:
Be authentic but brief when someone asks how you’re doing. Say something like, “It’s been a challenging season,” instead of the default “I’m fine.” This invites connection without overexposing your heart.
Notice their reaction. If they ask more, share for a minute or two. Their response will show whether they’re open to deeper friendship or uncomfortable with your honesty.
Look for curiosity, not judgment. Safe people don’t rush to fix, preach, or one-up your pain. They listen, care, and say, “That sounds hard. Tell me more.”
I’d love to hear from you—how do you recognize safe people in your life? Share your thoughts below so we can encourage one another. I also encourage you to listen to Chris’s story in this week’s Faith Over Fear podcast episode. And make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a single episode!
When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
I’ve been hurt by people who’ve formed assumptions regarding my pain. I’ve also wounded others by reacting the same way. Sometimes, this comes from a desire to “fix” a loved one’s problem. Other times, I’ve interpreted their words and behavior through my insecurities and the unhealed places in my soul. Regardless the reason, these tendencies inevitably create distance, rather than connection, and often, increased hurt for everyone involved.
I reflected upon some of my most glaring regrets recently while reading about all Kristina Kuzmic and her family endured when her teenage son developed significant depression. I was awed and convicted by the way she remained gently present, sought help to learn how best to love him, and intentionally maintained an attitude of curiosity rather than assumption.
While she deeply grieved her son’s pain, she didn’t assign motive to his behavior (such as, he’s just lazy or rebellious). She also didn’t make it about herself.
Although I’m much better than I used to be, I struggle in both these areas. I tend to view “biting” behavior (like that which a frightened puppy exhibits) or withdrawal as rejection. This, in turn, results in my defensiveness and self-protection rather than gentleness and love.
I’m reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:3-5, when He said, 3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
This passage tells me that, in all situations and at all times, my sight is distorted. Sin, past wounding, and spiritual deception taint my perspective, which, inevitably, causes me to inflict pain. (Imagine an ophthalmologist attempting cataract surgery with blurred vision!) When, however, I invite God to reveal, then heal and remove, the plank lodged in my figurative eye (symbolic of my soul), I see more clearly how to help my brother, or husband, or child, or friend, with their speck.
When I do that, I find, more often than not, that God’s responsible for removing my loved one’s speck, and He knows precisely the best way to do so. My role is to simply remain present, and to listen with curiosity, not assumption.
If you someone you love is suffering, I encourage you to catch that episode for important insights regarding how best to help, not harm. And may we all, daily, invite God to remove our planks so that we don’t hurt others in our blinded state. May He give us the clear vision that enables us to love with equal parts grace and truth, with hearts purified, filled, and led by our Lord.
If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode in which I interview comedian Kristina Kuzmic about one of the most painful seasons of her life. Find it below.
When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
What can you do when someone you love has landed in such a dark place, it feels—to you and them—as if no amount of light can break through? This is how Teresa, President of Wholly Loved Ministries, described her experience with depression. In the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode, she said she knew logically that God, her family, and her friends loved her, but she “wasn’t in a right state of mind.” Wonky chemical processing in her brain had hijacked her emotions and perception of reality. During that painful and discouraging time, she needed, and received, a lifeline through the steady presence of a gentle and empathetic friend.*
Someone who didn’t quote Bible verses at her, shame her with a series of “you shoulds” or get frustrated when Teresa’s battle appeared to make no sense to either of them.
In this, her friend mirrored the heart of her compassionate Father who draws close when we need Him most. Psalm 34:18, written by a man accustomed to overwhelming sorrow and fear, states, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (ESV).
The Lord, Yahweh in the original Hebrew. The self-revealing, ever-present, relational God who steps into our messy and often turbulent lives, bringing supernatural strength to our weaknesses. Through His faithful and continual presence in our lives and pain.
The Lord is near. He responds to our pain, confusion, and even our rebellion and sin, by coming close. In love. This is an irrefutable truth that isn’t dependent upon our feelings or perceptions. This means, He remains with us, even when we don’t “feel” Him.
The Lord is near the brokenhearted. Those whose spirits are crushed.
Have you ever experienced grief so intense, your chest literally hurt and it felt as if someone was squeezing your heart in a vice? I have, and in those moments, I didn’t want anyone to list reasons as to why I should or could feel better. Nor did I want to hear a sermon on the goodness of God. In other situations, yes. But when guttural sobs wracked my body, all I wanted was to be held.
To know that I wasn’t alone.
And to receive the space I needed to cry.
I want to better mirror the gentle love and grace of my Savior. The One revealed in Isaiah 42:3, which states, “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish…” (NASB).
To rephrase, our Lord doesn’t belittle or berate the downtrodden. He doesn’t douse a person’s wound-weakened inner spark.
Instead, like a gardener nurturing a wilting and battered orchid, He kneels beside His hurting children, takes them in His arms, and nurses them, steadily yet slowly, to full bloom.
That is the Savior I represent—and was created to reflect. He doesn’t ask me to change or fix anyone. While He might, on occasion, encourage me to speak truth, most often, He simply invites me to walk beside my hurting friend as an instrument of His love, knowing He alone has the power to save the crushed in spirit. Knowing as well, whenever I step outside of His leading, regardless of how well-intended, I’m apt to start trampling upon those the Lord is working to lift up.
Those He is, at this moment, making ‘new.’ (Isaiah 43:19)
*Please note: Whenever we seek to offer others support, it’s important that we listen for and follow God’s lead to ensure that we ourselves are strong enough and in a safe place.
When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
Grief has no timetable and doesn’t follow a predictable journey. It can hit unexpectedly, years, decades, after a tragic loss and can come in waves that leave the mourner incapacitated. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other shared moments that once initiated joy can bring one to tears once their loved one has left. Because the sorrow of loss can last years, long after other supportive friends have forgotten, the bereaved can feel forgotten and alone. But they aren’t. There’s One that remains closer than a brother. He never forgets, never leaves, and never fails to understand.
Acquainted With Grief by Linda Randeau
This time of year may be very difficult for the bereaved … especially if the loss occurred near the holidays. Even those of great faith can find anniversaries and special days difficult to endure.
My friend Helen’s fiancé was killed in a car crash, days before their upcoming Christmas wedding. For years afterward, when the holiday came around, she became more and more secluded, despite her friends’ Herculean efforts to draw her out. Sometimes she attended office parties and other festivities for her friends’ sakes, but her heart wasn’t in them.
When I think of Helen’s difficulties surrounding the holidays, I wonder what the Father must have felt when Christ came to earth. His grief must have transcended any human’s.
Scripture foretold that our Savior would be a man who’d be acquainted with grief.
“He was despised and rejected–a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on Him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care” (Isaiah 53:3, NLT).
Did the Father grieve when the angels heralded the long-awaited birth? When He watched that infant grow into a toddler, than a teen, and then a man? God knew what the future held for His only son and that the time would soon come when many would cry, “Crucify Him.”
For thousands of years, the world anxiously awaited their promised Savior not knowing the price that would be paid … a plan put in place from the beginning of time and told by prophets. He was born to suffer so that you and I could be set free.
“But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed” (Isaiah 53:5, NLT)*.
Only God knew of Heaven’s future loss. And I wonder if His grief is renewed each Christmas and Easter as men continue to scorn the gift He gave. And yet, God held nothing back from His promise of deliverance from sin’s hopelessness.
***
Let’s talk about this! If you’re experiencing grief, what days tend to be the hardest for you? How does knowing Jesus knows, understands, and cares deeply bring you comfort? In what ways has He walked this hard journey with you? If you aren’t currently grieving, chances are, someone in your circle is. Did Linda’s post give you any insight as to how you can be there for your friend, church family, or whomever God places in your circle who might be experiencing grief? Share your thoughts in the comments below, because we can all encourage and learn from one another!
If you enjoyed today’s post, I encourage you to sign up for my free, quarterly e-mailing; the next edition releases soon! Subscribers receive great, free content sent directly to their inbox along with a free, 36-lesson study (ebook form) based on truths presented in 1 Timothy (sent separately). (If you signed up and haven’t yet received your free study, please contact me through this website so I can get that to you!) You can sign up for my e-mailing HERE.
Get to know Linda!
Award winning author, Linda Wood Randeau writes to demonstrate our worst past, surrendered to God becomes our best future. A veteran social worker, Linda now resides in Hagerstown, Maryland. Readers may visit her web site at www.lindarondeau.com. Contact the author on Facebook,Twitter, Pinterest, Google Plus and Goodreads.
Check out her latest release, Miracle on Main Street:
“Christmas is a time for miracles,” Ryan McDougal tells his mother, when he is told that a long lost cousin, Millie, has resurfaced after nearly forty years, the cousin whose picture his mother clasped the day his father abandoned him. Though they occurred decades apart, he always believed the two disappearances were connected like opposite links of a chain.
With Millie’s arrival, perhaps he might finally receive the answers he so desperately sought. However, Ryan has a third thorn in his side, more devastating than any mystery. His wife, the love of his life, has left his arms and his bed. How long before she moves out of the house and takes his beloved son with her? He prays for his own Christmas miracle. Millie’s anticipated visit prompts Ryan’s mother to reveal secrets that bring all to light. However, when past and present collide, the truth is more than Ryan can bear.
Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinios, 60188. All rights reserved.
Perhaps, like me, you’ve wrestled with thoughts like, “If God’s sovereign, why pray?” Or maybe you’ve been frustrated when your prayers don’t get answered like you’ve hoped. When I first got sick, my prayer life suffered. I couldn’t understand why a loving, faithful, all-powerful God would choose not to heal me. For maybe a year, I got stuck in the why. I can happily say I’ve moved past that phase and have learned to trust Him, whether He says yes or no, and honestly, the depth of my prayers have deepened, as has my intimacy with Christ.
It’s interesting that I’m sharing Gail Pallotta’s post today, when another friend chose to share one I’d written on a similar subject–a time when God used a crisis to revive my passion for prayer. You can read about that HERE. (You’ll want to scroll down past my bio to read it.)
Today my sweet friend and fellow ACFW member shares how God allowed her to see His answers unfold. Her story reminded me of a verse I read this morning from Psalm 107:43: “Those who are wise will take all this to heart; they will see in our history the faithful love of the Lord” (NLT).
They will see in our history, in considering all God has done, that He is indeed faithful.
Celebrating answered prayer
by Gail Pallotta
My husband and I joined a Bible study class while visiting a small church. The leader introduced us to a slender man with blond hair, probably in his forties, and a dark-haired woman about the same age. She sat with a walker in front of her, and both peered at us with sad eyes, their lips turned down. Interesting.
I’ll call the guy Fred and the pretty woman, Lou.
“Lou loves music. I hope she’ll sing for us sometime,” the leader said.
Lou smiled, and several of us seated in the circle of folding chairs returned the gesture. Then we studied the Parables, and before I knew it, it was time to leave.The leader closed her Bible and asked us to pray aloud whatever was on our hearts.
Fred was last. He asked the Lord to help Lou, who’d been ill for eight years with a crippling disease. The leader closed with “Amen” and we disbursed.
The next class, Lou brought a song she’d written and led us to sing it. We all clapped and told her how much we loved the tune. It was hard to tell who grinned bigger, her or Fred. After the study, I watched as Fred took Lou’s walker, and she navigated the church steps with great difficulty My heart ached to see her struggle so.
Busy, we missed visiting the church for several weeks. When we returned for a morning service,, I saw Fred. on my way into the sanctuary.He smiled so big I wondered if he would crack his cheeks. I said, “hello” but he charged past me as though he hadn’t seen me. Curiosity needled me. What prompted his happy, yet intense focus?
We entered the sanctuary, and I turned my attention to the altar. Lou was in the choir! Apparently, someone had encouraged her to join. When the director motioned for the choristers to rise, Lou stood with no help. My heart leapt each time she got up and sang a hymn. After the closing song, two ladies held onto Lou, and she walked arm and arm between them as the choir left the loft.
None of the choristers had been a part of the class or heard Fred’s prayer. Perhaps someone in the group told them the joy music brought to Lou and Fred. I don’t know. But by honoring her talent, caring for her, these Christians followed Jesus’ commandment that we love one another, and she brought a joyful noise to the service. I blinked back the tears in my misty eyes and marveled at divine intervention.
***
Award-winning author Gail Pallotta’s a wife, mom, swimmer and bargain shopper who loves God, beach sunsets and getting together with friends and family. A former regional writer of the year for American Christian Writers Association, she won Clash of the Titles in 2010. Her teen book, Stopped Cold, finished fourth in the 16th Annual Preditors and Editors readers’ poll and was a 2013 Grace Awards finalist. She’s published five books, poems, short stories and two-hundred articles. Some of her articles appear in anthologies while two are in museums. Gail loves to connect with readers. To learn more about her, visit her website at GailPallotta.com.
An illness comes out of nowhere and strikes Suzie Morris. Her boyfriend dumps her. She has no living family, and her physician can’t diagnose the malady. Suzie relies on her Christian faith as she faces the uncertainty of the disease, and turns to a renowned alternative doctor in Destin, Florida. She takes a job coaching a county-sponsored summer swim team. She’s determined to turn the fun, sometimes comical, rag-tag bunch into winners. Her handsome boss renews her belief in love, but learns of her mysterious affliction and abruptly cuts romantic ties. Later he has regrets, but can he overcome his fear of losing a loved one and regain Suzie’s trust?
Let’s talk about this! How’s your prayer life? Can you share a time when you felt God call you to pray for someone and then were allowed to see the results of that? Can you perhaps share a time when God didn’t answer your prayer as you’d hoped, and yet God showed you His love through that?
In the beginning of my post, I mentioned my struggles with prayer, and God’s answers at the time. He ended up using a “no” in a powerful way. You can read about that HERE.
May God give you a renewed passion for prayer as you seek Him this week and intercede on behalf of others. And make sure to come back next week to read a transparent post by Mary Bowen about when she struggled to see herself as God sees her, and how He changed her self-perception. Then, on June 1st, author Jana Kelley will share a story of an opened door, a woman who allowed fear to keep her from stepping through it, and what Jana learned from that experience. Then, on June 8th, I’m going to be sharing some about an upcoming I’m excited to launch with a friend, and how God sparked that passion within. So make sure to come back!
For those in the Omaha Metro area, make sure to come to Wholly Loved’s next conference on June 24th. You can find out more HERE. Want to book Wholly Loved for your next event or host one of our speakers? Email us at contact(at)whollyloved(dot)com.
Scroll through social media long enough, and chances are you’ll read a few (or more) negative posts regarding Christians and Christianity. Some say we’re intolerant, others that we’re hateful, close-minded, or out of touch, or whatever. Find a negative adjective, and I’m pretty sure you can find a statement connecting it to Christ-followers.
Yesterday I considered all the ways God’s children have shown up in my life lately, of all the sacrificial giving of time and resources I’ve seen displayed, not by one, not by two or three, but by a large number of believers with whom I have contact.
All this points not to the good of the human heart, nor to the quality of my friends (though I think they’re amazing) but rather to the power of the Holy Spirit, at work in us. And every act of love displayed by one of God’s children points to His ever-reaching, ever-faithful Daddy’s heart.
Let me explain:
God has called our family to something hard, amazing, beautiful, and frightening. He has called us to help initiate life change and healing, to show the truth and depth of His love, even when–especially when!–that love is spurned.
This in and of itself is not unique to Christians. I believe we all as humans long to make an impact, to help others, and to see our world change. But wanting and doing are entirely different things, and on our own, in our own strength, we lack the power to truly live “all in,” sacrificially, for a significant length of time.
Let me explain–from my experience. Lately, many have showered me with accolades, saying they view me as giving, loving, and … saint-like. But I’m not. So not. On my own, I’m selfish, fearful, distracted, impatient, ever-viewing the world through a me-centered lens.
And that’s where the tug-push-pull comes in–an inner wrestling of God’s Spirit with mine, and an intimate time where He personally meets with me, changing my thinking, softening my heart, and empowering me to follow, wholeheartedly, His leading.
Here’s how it starts. I’ll step out in love and faith, only to have my love spurned. My natural, human reaction? To get frustrated, maybe even angry, discouraged, and to want to pull back. To self-protect and withdraw–to take the easy route.
But then, in the midst of my selfish thinking, God speaks gently to my heart. Sometimes He’ll remind me of His love. Always, He’ll help me see the situation and the other person through His eyes.
Let me pause here. That is the most powerful, most attitude and heart changing aspect of walking in a close relationship with Christ–being granted the ability to see, truly see, other’s through Christ’s eyes–to catch a glimpse past behaviors and words to the hurting, bleeding heart within.
When that happens, everything changes, in an instant. Anger is turned to compassion. Frustration to peace. Discouragement to hope. Selfishness to love. And suddenly, one is filled with a passion so strong, they cannot not act, cannot not love.
This has been my journey lately, a daily teeter totter, and praise God, He has been winning–love has been winning. Not because there’s anything remotely good within me, but because God has proven strong on my behalf. Again and again and again. And through it all, I’ve grown even closer to Him as He overwhelms me with the revelation of the depth of His love for our hurting world.
When I started this post, I planned to share all the ways God’s children have shown up for our family as we seek to obey Him. But as I wrote, it took a bit of a detour, hopefully one that was God directed.
For now, I leave you with this–if you’ve never experienced the love and life-changing power of God’s Spirit living within, today can be the day–the day you quit trying to live on your own and in your own strength, the day you stop seeking temporary fillers to the emptiness within, the day you know what it’s like to be loved deeply, at your core, and held close by your heavenly Father, from now to eternity. (Find out how HERE.)
For those of you who do have a relationship with Christ, I challenge you (and me) to get and stay connected–to Him. Make your relationship with Christ your top priority and to carve out time when you rest in His presence, allowing Him to change your perspective, soften your heart, and empower you to do that which He has called you to do. Because in Him, you have everything you need to live the life He desires.
I leave you with one of my favorite verses:
“By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know Him, the one who called us to Himself by means of His marvelous glory and excellence” (2 Peter 1:3 NLT).
Let’s talk about this! What is God calling you to do? In what ways has He empowered and equipped you to do that? In what ways has He revealed His love to you through others? Share your stories with us here in the comments below or on Facebook at Living by Grace, because God is worthy of our praise and the whole world needs to know about all the great things He does and has done!
But before you go–an invitation to my Omaha Metro friends. Join me and my sister in Christ, singer Shelly Conn, at Chocolaterie Stam for a fun afternoon of live music, books, readings, and chocolate!
How many challenges and setbacks can an individual encounter before he decides to give up?
I hate to admit it, but if I’d experienced even half of what Dr. Ohaju, director of St. Joseph’s trauma center endured, I fear I may have retreated. Thrown my hands up in defeat and turned down an easier path.
I could learn a great deal from Dr. Ohaju, not only about perseverance but about gratitude, humility, and what it means to have a servant’s heart.
I met this man during a very frightening and stressful time. My mom-in-law had gone into the emergency room with stomach pain and a distended abdomen. After an emergency scope, she was rushed into surgery where Dr. Ohaju saved her life.
I shudder to think what might have happened had God not placed my mom-in-law under his care that week, and it was a good week that she spent in the hospital as she began the difficult and painful process of recovering from major surgery.
While dealing with a cancer diagnosis. That stung, and created all sorts of questions and uncertainties. You could feel the apprehension in the room, a tension that instantly dissipated whenever Dr. Ohaju walked in. God’s love flowed from him and instantly set us all at ease. We knew immediately not only that we were in the presence of a brilliant and compassionate surgeon, but also that, through him, God had absolutely everything under control.
That’s what happens when we surrender our gifts and passions into God’s hands; He uses our every act as a love letter from us to His hurting world. As he did for us through Dr. Ohaju, and as he does for numerous impoverished Nigerians to this day, also through Dr. Ohaju.
He grew up during the Nigerian Civil war, also called the War of Biafra. It was a brutal, terrifying time where innocent people were slaughtered and masses of children and the elderly were abandoned. Many starved to death.
During this time, Dr. Ohaju did whatever he could to survive while helping his family put food on the table. One would find him standing outside the train station, waiting to sell oranges or bananas or whatever he could find to hungry travelers. He went to school in starts and stops, when he was able. Until it came time for him to enter sixth grade, when, in Nigeria, one must pay to go to school.
There was no way Dr. Ohaju’s family could pay his tuition.
Until one day, a teacher had mercy, and offered him an opened doorway. One of many to come. Because God saw something in Dr. Ohaju—God saw past his devastating beginnings to the gift that poor little boy would one day grow to be.
I’ll be telling his story, which is quite extensive and nothing short of miraculous, over the coming year through a separate blog, but first, I’ll share the ending. Well, not the ending, as his story is still unfolding, but what this godly man is doing now.
By God’s grace and with the help of others, Dr. Ohaju came to America where he pursued a degree in medicine. It was an incredibly difficult and long journey. One marked by heartbreak, for while he was in America, his father, back in Nigeria, died. From a treatable condition. Like so many others in Dr. Ohaju’s homeland.
Many Nigerians are dying daily from illnesses and diseases that are easily treatable, a tragedy Dr. Ohaju is determined to do something about through the medical missions nonprofit he started. In 2004, the VOOM Foundation, named after his deceased father, was born. The mission’s goal: to bring medical care to the poor and indigenes of Nigeria. (You can read more of his story HERE.)
And you can help. I encourage you to check out his foundations website and visit them on Facebook, and prayerfully consider donating to his cause. I also invite you to visit a blog I’ll be starting at the end of this month titled Truth in Fiction where I’ll be sharing bits of Dr. Ohaju’s story in more detail. In addition, I’m hoping to capture the essence of his story in a full-length novel, one he’s graciously agreed to help me with.
In the meantime, pray for us both: pray that he stays encouraged and focused on the call God has infused in his heart, and pray for me that I can capture the beauty, miracle, and perseverance of his story in novel form.
Let’s talk about this! What thoughts came to mind as you read about Dr. Ohaju’s story? How do you typically respond to setbacks? Have you ever sensed God calling you to something that felt so incredibly difficult, maybe even seemed impossible? If so, how did you respond? Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook, because we can all learn from each other!
Seeing others, really seeing them, doesn’t come naturally. I think that’s because most of us, me included, have a strong self-obsession. Meaning, our thoughts most often are centered on we, ourselves, and us. This is an area God is really working on in me lately. I so want to be a blessing. To be the type of woman who brings out the best in others, points them toward Jesus, and helps them discover and grow in their calling.
It’s time I get more intentional in my efforts. It’s time I practice regularly dying to myself so that Christ might always, at every moment, live through me.
Today’s post by women’s fiction writer Brenda Anderson encouraged me this morning. I hope it does you as well.
BUT first, fun news. When Dawn Breaks is on sale for under $4! You can get your copy HERE. You can read the first three chapters for free HERE.
A Gem of a Gift by Brenda Anderson
I’m blessed to have been given the gift of writing fiction. Think about it. I get to create people, cities, or even whole new worlds. How fun is that? Even more exciting is that I get to share this gift with others, hopefully spreading the gospel in a unique way, just as Jesus did with the parables. What an awesome privilege.
God’s gifts are like precious gems: they’re multi-faceted. Until recently, I focused on spreading the gospel as the purpose for this gift of writing, but God has shown me an equally precious facet: learning to see others through His eyes, with His heart.
My stories tend to center around people who’ve experienced the darker side of life, many by their own choices. My hero in my Coming Home series killed a teen in an inattentive-driving accident. My heroine chose to abort not just one, but two children, and was a pro-choice advocate. In my current release, Hungry for Home, the focus is on a homeless teen who mugs a woman.
Honestly, my first reaction when I hear of someone who fits the above description is disgust. What was he thinking to be driving while texting? How selfish, uncaring are you to be pro-abortion? That teen needs to go to jail! How dare he mug that woman?
On the surface, they’re people I don’t really like. But God does. He not only likes them, He loves them, and through their stories He’s shown me the heart He sees.
Photo by Foundry taken from Pixabay.com
He’s helped me realize I’m no different from them. He’s shown me why they behaved as they did, not excusing the behavior, but knowing the why helps me meet them where they’re at and love them there. God has said to me, “This is my child, and I love them. Help others love them too.” I saw them as broken and needing a savior.
Just like me.
So now when I’m watching the news or reading the newspaper that spotlights bad or horrible behavior, rather than judge, I tell myself that God loves them too, and I ask “What’s their story?” and pray to see the heart that God sees.
What an immense privilege it is to see God’s children in this new light, like the sun shining through a crystal prism!
I can’t wait to see what else God has planned through this gift!
About Hungry for Home:
After a troubling encounter with a pregnant teen, Sheila Peterson-Brooks hurries from the crisis pregnancy center into the frigid Minnesota winter where she is mugged and left for dead. After a frantic search, Richard, her husband, finds her, and the police quickly nab the mugger …
A hungry, homeless teen. The brother of the pregnant girl Sheila had just counseled.
The girl pleads for her brother, and Sheila and Richard choose not to press charges. Instead, they open their home to the boy, a move that could cost them their possessions, and their hearts.
And, in the process, teach them the true meaning of home.
Brenda S. Anderson writes gritty and authentic, life-affirming fiction. She is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW), and is currently President of the ACFW Minnesota chapter, MN-NICE. When not reading or writing, she enjoys music, theater, roller coasters, and baseball, and she loves watching movies with her family. She lives in the Minneapolis, Minnesota area with her husband of 28 years, their three children, and one sassy cat.
Let’s talk about this. In what ways do you try to view others through God’s eyes? Is that easy or difficult for you, and why? What has helped in that regard? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook.
Normally during book launch time I share links of all the places I’ve been, online, in the past week, but today… I’m getting ready to head to Lincoln to spend time with my daughter. Yay!
Do you ever wish you could find some hidden, remote closet to hide away in? Do you ever feel like the Internet–most specifically social media–has become a breeding ground for hate? Can good–love, peace, compassion, sacrificial service, dialogue–truly overcome evil? And in the case of Baltimore, do we even have a clear idea of what evil looks like, or have the lines become blurred?
Last night, after skimming through the Facebook wars, I went to bed feeling completely overwhelmed and emotionally charged, so I asked myself why. After a bit of thought, the answer came: because I realize behind the posts, tweets, and news headlines exist hurting people. I think we forget that. It’s so easy to zero in on behavior without ever taking the time to look deeper.
To truly understand the root.
Before I get too far, let me make it incredibly clear: I do not condone rioting, vandalism, and open hatred. But neither to do I condone secret hatred hidden in passive aggress social media updates. Nor do I condone sneaky hatred, spoken in racial epitaphs, jokes, and callous stereotypes.
And in all our posts and comments, we forget, or fail to realize:
Hatred and prejudice still exits.
A few weeks ago, I was speaking to a business woman who happens to be a Japanese American. Somehow our conversation turned to racial tension and stereotypes, and I mentioned how my brother, a Korean American, often experienced prejudice when we were growing up. Her comment, “You mean you saw it?”
In other words, often, the greatest damage is done when others aren’t looking, and those of us watching from the sidelines only see a fraction of the hate our ethnic friends experience.
Then again, even once is enough to deeply wound. I can think back over my childhood to teachers that have said hurtful things, friends who’ve misjudged me, and those things stay with me. I have to work to forget and forgive.
I could give numerous examples of prejudice I’ve witnessed or heard of, but I suspect you can, too. And if you can’t, I’d say widen your circle. Engage with the world at large. Take time to listen to other people’s stories and to understand their perceptions and hurts. If you live in middle-class whiteland, get to know, really know, those who are different than you. Spend time in the inner cities. Serve in inner city ministries. Get to know those on the front lines of this issue.
There’s a video making the Facebook rounds of NFL player Ray Lewis condemning the rioters for their behavior, as I think many do, myself included. But if we take the time to truly listen to what Mr. Lewis is saying, we’ll notice he acknowledges hatred, oppression, and discrimination does exist. He’s merely saying, “This isn’t the way to fix it.”
Let’s not jump on the sentiment, “This isn’t the way to fix it,” without taking time to figure out what the way to fix it is.
So what is the way? Or perhaps I should say, what are the ways?
Invest in inner city missions, helping families in poverty find a leg up.
Invest in our youth, especially those who, through their behavior, demonstrate a sense of hopelessness.
Walk beside our single moms so that they can raise their kids how they want. (I could go on and on about this one, but sadly, this post is already nearing TMW stage (too many words–a novel worth, actually).
Photo by artura84 taken from freedigitalphotos.net
Poverty leads to hopelessness.
When we lived in Kansas City, our family reached out to a Sudanese family that came to America from the refugee camps of Kampala. Life was so different for these teenagers! So many things we take for granted were completely foreign to them–like the fact that landlords are responsible for the care and upkeep of their buildings.
It was an insanely hot summer, and the complex this family lived in had window units. The teenage girl called them fans, but I’m pretty sure they were AC units. Anyway, most of the units in the complex were broken. (Did I mention it was an insanely hot summer? Like the type that routinely soared into the triple digits?) When she shared this with me, I told her she needed to talk to her landlord. She said her father–a working, single father, by the way–had, but the landlord hadn’t done anything. I told her this wasn’t right and that she should contact the city. This idea threw her as she had no idea she had a right to, well, rights period. She and her family felt at the mercy of her landlord, and as they were completely broke, they also felt they had no other options but to endure. And the “fans” were but one instance.
Stereotypes and quick judgements only make things worse.
How easily we throw out opinions on things we don’t understand. How easily we lump individuals with beating, bleeding hearts together. How easily we remain on the surface without taking the time to really dig. To engage. To dialogue and find solutions.
But love engages. Love listens. Love helps. Love breaks down barriers and finds ways to form bridges. Love links arms with those in need of help, support, encouragement.
This post (hopefully) begs the question: What now? Where do we go from here?
We find a way to rise above, to reach out, and to saturate this country with love and grace. Folks, let’s go deeper and find a way to be part of positive change.
And, on a happier note, Mark Bethea of New Hope Publishers interviewed me via Skype the other day. And I learned something. Pink reflects! Watching the below linked video, at first I thought, wow, why is my neck so red? Was I embarrassed? But then when my head bobbed (lesson two, keep head still!) the red crept up to my chin then back to my neck. Pink reflects! Even so, it was a great conversation, and I was glad for the chance to share my heart.
Let’s talk about this. What are your thoughts about this issue and my post? Am I completely off base? What are your experiences with prejudice, injustice, and racial oppression? What are your thoughts about the posts and comments making the social media rounds? Where do you think America should go from here, and how do you suggest we begin moving in that direction? Share your thoughts here in the comments below or at Living by Grace on Facebook. Speaking of… are we Facebook friends yet? If not, how come? Connect with me here! 🙂
