The moments we regret most often begin long before they become visible.
I learned that lesson years ago in a grocery store parking lot after a long, exhausting day of travel. A misplaced wallet, mounting stress and one sarcastic comment to a stranger led to an encounter I soon wished I could take back.
But what lingered with me afterward wasn’t the argument.
It was the awareness that I’d missed numerous opportunities to regulate myself before my emotions gained momentum. Initially, that insight brought shame because I saw my behavior as evidence of a character flaw rather than indication of skills to develop.
The decade since has changed how I view that afternoon. Through God’s grace, I’ve learned to examine it less as failure and more as an invitation to Spirit-led growth.
My husband and I had just returned from a trip and stopped at a grocery store on our way home. We’d been gone long enough to know our refrigerator was empty, so we planned to grab a few things for dinner before heading home.
The plan seemed simple. He’d pull up near the entrance, I’d run inside, and we’d be on our way.
Except I couldn’t find my wallet.
As I searched through my carry-on bag, my husband urged me to hurry while a vehicle idled behind us. Almost immediately, head stuck out her window, angry words flying, the driver started honking her horn.
At the time, I didn’t recognize how stressed and depleted I already was. Only that I felt pressured, frustrated and flustered.
I darted to the trunk, hoping to find my credit card there. As I glanced over my shoulder at the irritated lady behind us, I responded with a sarcastic comment.
Obviously, that didn’t help.
The woman followed me into, and then around, the store, voicing her anger. By the time we reached the checkout line, a manager had noticed and intervened.
Clearly, not my best moment, especially considering I served in ministry at the time and regularly taught others about Christ’s love and grace.
Later that night, as I mentally reviewed the situation, an uncomfortable question surfaced: What if that person attended my church? What if came to a Bible study I led or an event at which I spoke?
Would my behavior have caused her to dismiss the truths I shared … and claimed to follow?
Would she discount my Savior because I claimed to represent Him but had acted contrary to His heart?
Initially, I focused almost entirely on my failure. But as I brought my regret to the Lord, He helped me recognize something.
The confrontation didn’t started in the parking lot.
I now see that my frustration had been building for hours.
Travel delays, fatigue, hunger and stress had gradually drained my emotional reserves. By the time I arrived at the grocery store, my patience was already low and my irritation high, and my self-regulation attempts, which I knew nothing of at the time, non-existent.
Recognizing that didn’t excuse my behavior, although it did help me gain clarity. Understanding what contributed to my reaction helped me consider how to I wanted to respond differently in the future.
In the years since, I’ve learned (and am learning) to make king David’s prayer mine: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23, NIV)
You see, transformation occurs as we invite Christ to reveal those things within that we’re presently unaware and let Him guide us toward greater wholeness.
Looking back, I can now identify numerous moments when slowing down, noticing my rising stress, and seeking comfort and strength from God might have changed how that afternoon played out. But at the time, I wasn’t skilled at recognizing my internal landscape, nor did I have many tools to respond differently. (This is an area in which I’m still trying to grow.)
Today, if faced with a similar situation, here’s what I hope I’d do differently.
First, I’d pay closer attention to my body’s cues. Tight shoulders, shallow breathing, and irritability often signal inner tension before we’re conscious of our emotions. Such awareness takes practice, especially for those who spent years denying and suppressing how they feel.
Second, I’d respond to those signals sooner. A few deep breaths, a brief walk, a short prayer or a deliberate pause can help calm our nervous system and create space to respond more thoughtfully.
Third, I’d invite Christ into the process early and often. One of my deepest desires is to live increasingly aware of His presence and care. He understands every fear, insecurity and weakness I carry. He offers wisdom when I’m confused, peace when I’m agitated and grace when I fall short.
Finally, if I still failed—and sometimes I do—I would spend less time replaying the moment and more time receiving God’s mercy. Shame rarely produces lasting growth. Grace creates space for honesty, healing and change.
Most of us don’t lose our self-control without warning. Our reactions are often preceded by accumulating stress, fatigue, disappointment, fear or overwhelm. The signs are frequently present long before our emotions spill out in ways we later regret.
The good news is that Christ invites us to bring all those things to Him as they arise. As we grow in awareness, learn healthier responses and increasingly rely on His strength, we’ll often find ourselves responding with greater wisdom, peace and self-control.
Again, this isn’t an area I’ve mastered, which is why I’m so grateful to know, when I don’t handle situations well, His grace remains available then, too.
If this resonates with you, you might also enjoy my cohost’s conversation with Bible teacher Kathy Howard, which addresses this topic from a biblical, discipleship-focused perspective. Listen HERE or wherever you access podcast content.
(Note: This first posted in April of 2017.)
us no matter what.
