Overcoming Shame Through Grace: Guest post by Shadia Hrichi

by Jennifer Slattery on June 5, 2025June 4, 2025

As a child, had you ever done something wrong and were unable to look your parents in the eye?

A few years ago, I was visiting my brother and his family.

We were all enjoying the afternoon sunshine on his back deck as the children played in the backyard. At one point, I overheard my brother tell my 5-year-old niece not to swing from the branches of a very small tree.

Minutes later, crash!

We all heard a loud crack as she and the branch came tumbling down.

I watched as my niece timidly walked to her dad, hanging her head as she pointed to the broken branch.

My brother bent down, spoke something to her, and then they hugged. In no time, she was again laughing and playing. I was just given an opportunity to witness a father’s love and forgiveness as in the Bible.

”As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him…” Psalm 103:13

Overcoming Shame Through Faith In Jesus Christ

Understanding God’s Compassion For Sinners. As God’s child, I can easily picture hanging my head low when I know I’ve broken one of God’s commands. But that day, I saw the situation from a different angle.

My niece disobeyed, was powerless to remedy her situation, and was too ashamed to look her father in the eye. But my brother reached down to meet her where she was. Stretching out his hand, he lifted her eyes to meet his so she could see his desire to forgive and restore their relationship.

Dealing With Shame And Forgiveness In Christianity

It is the same for each one of us. Covered in sin and shame, you and I are powerless to reach a holy God. Our heavenly Father must reach down to us. So God sent His Son Jesus Christ, who stretched out his hands on the cross, beckoning us to lift our eyes and remember that God passionately desires to forgive and restore us.

“…at just the right time, when we were still powerless… God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us…” Romans 5:6,8

Heavenly Father, when we sin, lift our eyes to the cross so that we can remember Your forgiveness and embrace the power to live as Your beloved children. Amen.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ” 1 John 1:9

Get to Know Shadia Hrichi:

Shadia Hrichi is a passionate Bible teacher, award-winning author, and speaker who stirs the hearts and minds of her audience through personal story, illustration, and her unwavering confidence in the authority of God’s Word.

She holds a master’s in biblical and theological studies as well as a master’s in criminal justice. Shadia is the author of several Bible studies, including RAHAB, TAMAR, HAGAR, LEGION, and WORTHY OF LOVE and the recipient of the 2022 WCCW “God’s Word is Alive” Award. Residing in northern California, Shadia is often invited to speak at churches, conferences, women’s retreats and other events, and loves to visit the ocean each week for “a date with Jesus.”

Check Out Shadia Hrichi’s Bible Study, Hagar:

Join gifted Bible teacher Shadia Hrichi and journey into the story of Hagar. Through this in-depth Bible study, you will find that when you surrender your life into God’s hands, your trials and triumphs serve a magnificent purpose: to draw you into the arms of your heavenly Father, the faithful God Who Sees Me.

Calming Anxiety and Fear with Biblical Truth – Faith Over Fear

Main idea: Connecting with Christ through biblical truth when anxiety, fear and overwhelm hit. When your thoughts won’t slow down—when one worry turns into another and then another—it can feel impossible to find peace. You try to pray, reason, or fix it, but your mind keeps circling back to the same fear. In today’s episode, Jennifer and Carol talk about what’s really happening in those spirals and how Scripture helps us interrupt them—not by suppressing anxiety, but by redirecting our thoughts toward truth. Through a deeply personal conversation about health uncertainty, sleepless nights, and “what if” thinking, they explore how God meets us in our anxiety and teaches us to anchor our minds in His character and promises. You’ll learn why anxious thoughts feel so believable, how to recognize the stories you’re telling yourself, and how to begin retraining your mind—one thought at a time. Because peace doesn’t come from controlling outcomes.It grows where God’s truth takes root. Download our free When Fear Strikes: 7-Day Reset for Anxious Hearts HERE. (Scroll down for the reflective questions.) 💡 In This Episode, You’ll Learn: Why anxiety often starts with believable but untrue assumptions How “what if” thinking pulls us deeper into fear What it really means to “take every thought captive” Why suppressing anxiety can make it worse How to practice the “truth pause” when fear rises Simple, practical ways to retrain your mind using Scripture How God uses truth, presence, and time to increase your peace 📖 Key Scriptures: Psalm 56:3–4 — “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You…” Romans 12:2 — “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” Isaiah 26:3 — “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on You” 1 Peter 5:7 — “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” Psalm 62:5–8 — “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone…” Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter Reflective Questions: When my thoughts begin to spiral, what “what if” scenarios do I tend to believe most quickly? What assumptions am I currently making that may not be rooted in truth? Which truth about God’s character do I most need to anchor to right now? When anxiety rises, do I tend to suppress it, fix it, or bring it to God? What would it look like for me to practice a “truth pause” this week in a small, everyday stressor? What one Scripture could I carry with me this week to counter a recurring fear? How has God proven His faithfulness to me in the past—and how might that strengthen me today? Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

For Those Who Fear they’ve disappointed God – Guest post by Debbie Wilson

by Jennifer Slattery on June 6, 2024June 5, 2024

I’ve become increasingly aware of how often we tend to interpret Scripture based on ideas, perhaps those we don’t consciously realize, developed from a lifetime spent in our often punitive culture. Our greatest healing and transformation come as we discover who He truly is and live in alignment with that.

For those who often feel like a disappointment, may you gain comfort and encouragement from Debbie Wilson’s post below.

For Those Who Fear They’ve Disappointed God

by Debbie Wilson

Do you think God is disappointed in you? He’s not.

You cannot shock or disappoint God. How do I know this? Because the Bible says that we were chosen “according to the foreknowledge of God the Father” (1 Peter 1:2 NIV). In other words, God knew everything about you and me before we were born, before He chose us.

He knew everything He was getting in me, yet still chose me to be His child and to represent His Kingdom. That is not a pass to misbehave. It is an incentive to get up when I fall—to press on. God knows He did not make a mistake in choosing you or me. He will fulfill His purpose in us. He knows the Spirit won’t fail to form Christlikeness in us (1 John 3:2-3).

We disappoint when we fail to meet someone’s expectations. Since God knew everything about me before I was born, my falls don’t surprise Him. Because I’m still learning the depth of sin’s influence, I’m shocked and disappointed with myself when sin rears its ugly head. But God isn’t.

I imagine Him thinking, Dear child, you think that is bad, you haven’t seen the half of it. There is more where that came from. But My Son’s blood covered that too!

I may not disappoint God, but I can sadden Him. When I cave in to sinful impulses and disobey His wise standards, I hurt Him, myself, and others. Knowing this would happen, God provided the blood of Jesus to continually wash us, so we can continue the process of being transformed into the image of Christ (1 John 1:5-10).

Wallowing in self-condemnation and guilt paralyzes and sidelines us from our higher calling. Holding on to shame is destructive and makes us self-conscious instead of Christ-conscious. Just as God knew Adam and Eve would fall, David would miserably fail, and Peter would deny Him, He knew you and I would mess up. Yet, He still chose them—and us—to be part of His forever family and build His kingdom on earth.

What have you done to disappoint yourself? Admit it to God and experience His forgiveness. He already knows; He’s not shocked. He stands ready to restore you and get you back on track. He loves you with the love of a perfect Father.

” … who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance” (1 Peter 1:2).

Adapted from Give Yourself a Break by Debbie Wilson.

More About Debbie’s Book, Give Yourself a Break:

Give Yourself a Break is an interactive study that will help you experience Jesus in ten areas that commonly cause stress. Learn how stop worry and guilt, reframe how you view unreasonable people and your work, and win the battle in your mind and with temptations. Experience the sweet peace that comes only from trusting Jesus. https://debbiewwilson.com/give-yourself-a-break/

Get to Know Debbie Wilson:

Debbie W. Wilson is an award-winning author, Bible teacher, and former Christian counselor who speaks and writes to connect fellow sojourners to the heart of Christ. She and her husband lead Lighthouse Ministries, a non-profit Christian counseling and Bible teaching ministry. Despite time in Boston, the Midwest, and Southern California, Debbie still says y’all. Her family, which includes two grown children and two mischievous standard poodles, calls North Carolina home. Connect with Debbie, find free resources, and learn about her books at debbieWwilson.com.

Calming Anxiety and Fear with Biblical Truth – Faith Over Fear

Finding Joy in the Chaos

by Jennifer Slattery on April 20, 2023April 19, 2023

(Note: This first posted in April of 2017.)

Does failing at something you’ve been assigned or entrusted with cause your stomach to knot? When you miss a deadline, does your thought life run amuck? The bigger question is, are you living in grace? That’s not to say we shouldn’t hold ourselves accountable and honestly assess our shortcomings and errors, but when we do, may we do so with an eye on grace.

As my guest today explains, that’s when we find peace and joy, even in the chaos.

Joy in the Chaos by Ralene Burke

As a writer and editor, there’s nothing like missing a deadline to take the wind out of my sails. That feeling of failure that wraps around my heart, squeezes, and then pops any modicum of self-esteem. Darkness falls over my day, and joy leaks away with each deprecating thought.

It didn’t start out that way, though. I was excited to receive the opportunity. I wrote it on my calendar, even setting the deadline a little earlier than the one that had been given to me. But as with many best laid plans, chaos intervened.

My husband and I got locked into a home improvement job that took more time and money than we had originally intended. Two of my social media clients had some “urgent” stuff that had to go up on social media or in newsletters right away. My allergies went into overdrive and had me laid out for a week.

My self-imposed deadline came and went. So did the one I’d been officially given.

It’s funny how the enemy knows those exact moments when we feel like a failure. When we could choose to accept the mistake and learn, joy and peace follows, but instead he presses those thoughts of what a mess we are, how there is no hope for us. He tells us God is so disappointed, along with everyone else.

Deep breath.

Ultimately, life isn’t about the missed deadlines. It isn’t about the crazy schedules or long to-do lists. Life is about opportunities. The opportunity to follow God, to be obedient, and to be His light in this world. We already know we were not made for this world, but for eternity.

We are responsible to one person: God. We are His children. And He loves us so much. He delights in us. But He’s known us from the beginning of time, long before we were born, long before time itself. He knew the lives we would have. He gave us a reason for being, passions, goals, and more. And He gave us purpose despite the mistakes we would make. Our lives are a constant learning curve.

When we put our focus on God and how He sees us, we should also find joy ourselves. Joy in the opportunity. Joy in the moment. Joy in the fact that He loves brock-wegner-e5hXTb9lupQ-unsplash us no matter what.

God knew I would have health issues, and they would force me to find ways to work around the normal 9-5 job. He knew being a homeschool mom would keep me hopping, making it feel like I had 2 full-time jobs. Struggling to find my place in the world would give me the grace to work with others struggling to find theirs.

Failure is something I’m quite familiar with—and not just when it comes to deadlines. With each mistake, I’ve learned that it’s an opportunity to trust God and step deeper into grace. I know God is with me at each turn. And even when things don’t go as planned (and how often does that happen?), He still loves me. He still delights in me. And my joy is found in Him.

How has God been revealing His joy to you?

About the Author:

Whether she’s wielding a fantasy writer’s pen, a freelance editor’s sword, or a social media wand, Ralene Burke always has her head in some dreamer’s world. And her goal is to help everyone SHINE BEYOND! She has worked for a variety of groups, including Realm Makers, The Christian PEN, Kentucky Christian Writers Conference, and as an editor for several freelance clients. Her first novel, Bellanok, is available on Amazon!

When her head’s not in the publishing world, she is wife to a veteran and homeschooling mama to their three kids. Her Pinterest board would have you believe she is a master chef, excellent seamstress, and all around crafty diva. If she only had the time . . .

You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, or at her website.

Let’s talk about this! I never would’ve thought I have a fear of failure. I’ve often said, which I believe, that there’s really no failure when we walk with God. It’s all learning, growing in Him and His will for us, and allowing Him to transform our thinking and will.

But yesterday, something hit my insecurities (and revealed my people pleasing tendencies!), oddly enough, in the form of praise. A reviewer tagged me in a comment on Facebook that, in essence, let me know about THIS. It was a bit surreal to see my name listed among such great authors. That should’ve been cause for celebration, right?

Instead, I felt a tweak in my gut as I thought about the story I’m working on, one I’ve revised at least half a dozen times that I plan to release … in a few short months. (gulp.) And all I could think about was how terrible the story was, how inadequate I felt as a writer, and how I would let this reviewer and all my other readers down.

And then I had to laugh as I realized how easily I fell into the fear of rejection trap–whenever I turn my eyes off Christ and His will for me.

That, my friends, is the answer. But isn’t it always? For as Paul says in Galatians 1:10, “If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant” (NLT).

Calming Anxiety and Fear with Biblical Truth – Faith Over Fear

Staying True to Your Purpose

by Jennifer Slattery on March 23, 2023March 23, 2023

(Note: This first published on October 20, 2016.)

Do you ever feel like God is calling you to do things that guarantee you to a life of obscurity? Financial struggle? Does it feel like His call–to die to yourself, to do what’s right whenever everyone else is conniving to get ahead–places you at a disadvantage?

Many of us know intellectually that God’s way is best and that serving Him in whatever capacity truly will be the most fulfilling thing we could ever do, so what keeps us from resting in that?

Tempted: When the World Fights Against Your Purpose

Julie Arduini

I’m so thankful to be part of Jennifer Slattery’s study on John the Baptist. He’s an inspiring person to me because he had a pioneer spirit, something I can relate to. When I’ve been mentored, the Biblical example given to me was John the Baptist. The hard part? He was beheaded.

His death wasn’t fair. Not the manner in which it was executed, not the frivolous way it was ordered. But his life exemplified what the royal court couldn’t comprehend—he stood strong against temptation and stayed obedient to the call on his life.

That encourages me. As an author and speaker passionate about encouraging others to find freedom through surrender in Christ, the world’s chaos sometimes overwhelms me . Most of my work is through writing, and I create contemporary romances so readers can find hope and encouragement in their reading. I enjoy putting flawed characters together and, through surrender and faith in Christ, transform them.

This year I took an even bigger step of faith and created my own imprint. I re-published my first contemporary romance, ENTRUSTED, and published the sequel, ENTANGLED. I poured 16 hour days into formatting, creating book covers, and watching videos to learn everything. I made myself sick from not drinking enough nor sleeping well. When the books released, I had such a sense of accomplishment.

Then the temptation kicked in.

After the books were active on Amazon, I needed to continue to promote them. As I did, I noticed that other romances, the kind that mirrored Fifty Shades of Grey that would turn me 100 shades of red, got a lot of attention.

And sales.

I can’t even look at the covers but I’d see the hundreds of stars next to reviews or the bestseller status. Me? I’m trying to get readers to know my work exists, let alone have anyone buy enough to make any splash in the world as an author.

Slowly, the sneaky thoughts dropped in.

All the attention is on ero*-ick!-a.

Who cares about clean romances with a message of hope?

Do you know how piddly your royalties are compared to the others?

You could write under a false name and no one will know.

I’d love to tell you that I immediately cast those thoughts away in the name of my Best Friend, but no, I entertained them. I thought about money I’m not making against time I’ve spent. It didn’t seem fair when the “other” writers were doing so well.

That’s when it hit me.

John the Baptist lived in the wilderness, physically and spiritually. He didn’t cater to anyone. He let Herod know his marriage to Herodias was wrong because she was basically his sister-in-law. Telling the truth, doing the right thing, was his death sentence.

And his legacy.

I resolved to do the same. The moment I confessed my tempting thoughts to Jesus and focused on staying true to God’s call, I had peace. Did everything change? Not quickly. My royalties are still small, especially against time spent. But I’m starting to see favor. People are starting to find me that aren’t related or friends. They are leaving reviews, strong ones that speak louder than any promoting I could do.

John the Baptist was a strange man by the world’s standards, but he was obedient to the end. This pioneer is encouraged by his testimony. I hope you are, too.

***

Julie Arduini loves to encourage readers to surrender the good, the bad, and —maybe one day—the chocolate. She’s the author of the re-release, ENTRUSTED: Surrendering the Present, as well as the sequel, ENTANGLED: Surrendering the Past. She also shared her story in the infertility devotional, A WALK IN THE VALLEY. She blogs every other Wednesday for Christians Read. She resides in Ohio with her husband and two children. Learn more by visiting her at http://juliearduini.com, where she invites readers to subscribe to her monthly newsletter full of resources and giveaway opportunities at JULIE ARDUINI: SURRENDER ISSUES AND CHOCOLATE and the weekly e mail. SUNDAY’S SURRENDER AND CHOCOLATE. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Instragram, and follow her on Amazon.

Entangled: Surrendering the Past

Book #2, Surrendering Time Series

“You need to leave me alone. It’s the least you can do.”

Carla Rowling has been given her dream of attending cosmetology school. The gift is so generous she feels unworthy because of choices she made as a teen. The pressure mounts as Carla juggles school, is a single mom, helps her best friend Jenna plan her wedding, spends time with boyfriend Will Marshall, and deals with the fact that her son’s father is back in their lives.

Will Marshall is the one Speculator Falls resident everyone can count on. His truck deliveries are reliable. He’s the first to help friends like Ben Regan with boat work or be a card partner with Bart Davis. Will’s ready to settle down with Carla, loving her is natural. He’s bonded with her son, Noah. But when Carla starts cosmetology school, she puts emotional distance between her and Will.

Can Carla release her past and create a future full of highlights, or, will she burn her options worse than a bad perm?

Buy it HERE. Buy book one HERE.

Let’s talk about this. We all have a purpose, a role God has assigned specifically for us–one we are uniquely able to fulfill. From the time we are born until the time He takes us home, He is lovingly and patiently molding and equipping us to fulfill that role. But in our comparison-based and social-media saturated culture, it’s easy to allow the noise all around us obscure or even devalue our purpose. When that happens, we can begin to feel defeated and insignificant.

It’s really a matter of focus. When defining ourselves, evaluating our to-do lists and accomplishments, and prioritizing our time, who will we listen to, our rapidly imploding culture or that gentle yet steady voice of our Savior that guides us toward His very best.

The choice is ours.

At Wholly Loved Ministries, we want to help you zero in on God’s voice and learn to clearly discern His will, because we know none of us will find fulfillment until we are doing that which we were created to do. Join us for one of our upcoming conferences.

Let’s talk about this! I think we all face struggles similar to what Julie expressed. I have to believe John did for sure. He was an amazing man of God, but he was also human. What do you think helped him to remain so steadfast to his calling? Have you felt God call you to something difficult, and if so, how did you respond? What do you think we can do, in the day-to-day, to tune out all the cultural noise and stifle our tendency to compare ourselves and our lives with one another so we can focus fully on God’s will for us?Share your thoughts in the comments below, at Living by Grace on Facebook, or in our online For the Love Bible study, because we can all learn from and encourage one another.

Confidence in Uncertainty – Repost

by Jennifer Slattery on December 8, 2022December 8, 2022

shield-492992_1920 — Photo by Geralt taken from pixabay.com

Note: This post first published on May 5, 2016.

“I’m quitting my job.”

It was the last thing I expected to hear from my ultra dependable, hard-working husband. And yet, looking back, I should’ve seen this coming. He’d been beaten down and overworked for far too long. I should’ve responded to his statement by wrapping him up in a giant hug.

Instead I hit freak-out mode. He was our sole bread winner. We were living in an expensive suburb of California. I stayed home with our daughter, homeschooled her in fact. And had zero desire to change our education plans.

Fast forward a few months, and my husband handed our house keys to our realtor, in essence declaring to her, our neighbors, our friends and one another that we didn’t plan on returning.

He’d turned his work keys in the night before.

My husband still hadn’t found a job, though we were hopeful. And I was panicked, like ready to vomit panicked, though I largely kept my emotions in check–to Steve and my daughter. My prayers, however, were another matter entirely:

Help us, Lord! Fix this! Give me just a hint that all this will work out.

Then, we packed our van, and headed for the Grand Canyon. For a family vacation.

Because everyone goes on vacation when unemployed right? Made perfect sense to me.

Not.

Long story short, God came through. My husband received a job offer that very day. Our house sold for full asking price. That very day. We went on our vacation and the Slattery family lived happily ever after.

Not. So not. Because life is full of upheavals, uncertainty, set-backs and gut-churning panic moments. But over the years, having made it through numerous unexpected and sometimes frightening situations, I’ve learned how to find peace in times of uncertainty. All I needed to do was follow, cling to, believe in, and live out, to the best of my ability, God’s wisdom and truth. Because His promises will never, ever fail.

The next time you’re facing a panicked moment, follow the steps laid out in Psalm 37:

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.

Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
⁴Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
    Trust him, and he will help you.
7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
    and wait patiently for him to act.
23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
    He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
    for the Lord holds them by the hand. (NLT)
Trust. Not in our circumstances, our spouse, our savings account or that job, but trust in the Lord. Remember His character. He is always and only faithful, loving and true. Remember His promises and how He has proved them true for you in the past. Center your mind on truth–what you know from God’s Word, and refuse to engage negative, fretful thinking.
Do good. God has a good, eternal work for us to do each day. Some days that ministering to a neighbor or serving the needy. Other times it’s building up our family and pointing them to Christ. Consider that God may have put you in the position you’re in, as uncomfortable or frightening as it may be, to touch a heart or reveal His grace through you. So do good. Serve Him in the hard and the easy. And take joy in knowing your purpose extends beyond you and your circumstances. 
Delight in Christ. Draw near to Him through prayer, music, and Bible reading. Soak up His presence; let His Holy Spirit fill you completely, knowing He will be strong on your behalf. Don’t let the uncertainty of the moment rob you of the sweet treasure of resting in His presence.
Commit everything to Christ. I could likely write an entire book unpacking this one but I’ll sum it up with one word: surrender. Surrender the moment, the situation, yourself, your heart and plans, to God. Leave it all in His hands, knowing He’s working at this moment on your behalf.
Be still and wait patiently. He will fight for you. He is working out a plan for your life, for your family, for your marriage–for whatever you’re facing. You won’t move things along any faster by fretting, but you may when you take the time to be still in His presence, soaking up His strength and listening for His direction. At least, when you do that, there’s a much better chance you won’t do anything to make matters worse through a panicked reaction.
Follow. If you belong to Christ, your spiritual ears have been quickened so that you can recognize His voice (John 10:16). Scripture promises God will and does speak to us (Isaiah 30:21). Psalm 16:7 says, “Even at night my heart instructs me.” So listen. Then obey.
Let’s talk about this! What are some ways you grab hold of peace when life feels crazy and uncertain? Do you have any go-to verses you like to pray or meditate on? Any songs you find especially helpful? 
 

Calming Anxiety and Fear with Biblical Truth – Faith Over Fear

How Living in Grace Helps Us Guard Our Words

by Jennifer Slattery on October 14, 2021November 1, 2021

(Please note: This piece originally posted on March 8, 2018.)

My words have gotten me into a heap of trouble. I’ve initiated and meddled in arguments I shouldn’t have, fought to be right rather than understand, and wreaked destruction in the name of self-defense.

Considering the consequences wrought from my careless, and often damaging, statements, one would think I’d have learned to guard my words. But though I’ve memorized, prayed, and recited verses addressing this issue numerous times, I continue to stumble.

Here’s why: I’ve been fighting the symptom instead of the cause.

Whenever my mouth (or keyboard) runs a muck, my pride’s at fault. The solution, then, is surrender—making Jesus, obedience to Him, and the intimacy that follows (rather than man’s opinion) my treasure.

Let me explain using Proverbs 18:2 as an example: “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.”

Because we believe we know best, need to defend ourselves, or prove our point.

Often, this is triggered by fear (which, 90% of the time is rooted in pride)—fear of losing face or not getting something we want or hope for. But in our desire to elevate or defend ourselves, we can miss crucial unspoken “heart talk.”

Let me give an example. A while back, I engaged in a somewhat heated discussion with someone, one that revealed considerable miscommunication—things that were heard that were never said, statements taken out of context, and others extrapolated in confusing ways. Focused on the miscommunication, I attempted to unpack each one.

Remaining oblivious to the insecurities and wounds underlying it all and therefore only exacerbated the problem. Had I focused on the person’s heart more than their words, I could’ve responded with more wisdom and grace.

Reading through Proverbs 18, I thought of this interchange, and as I often do, of my propensity to talk myself into trouble. Only this time, I went deeper, to my heart. How, I wondered, could I respond differently the next time when, so often, my words tumble out before my brain catches up?

Evaluating the whys behind my behaviors, I came up with a list:

Recognize I don’t need to defend myself. When someone criticizes me, if their complaints are valid, acknowledge this and prayerfully consider ways I might change. Because living in grace means I’m in need of it. I’m broken and prone to sin and nowhere near who God would have me to be, and yet I’m accepted and deeply loved. This disarms my pride with humility as I recognize my need for Christ, and this in turn gives me the courage to grow.
Recognize God’s opinion and my obedience to Him is more important than man’s perception of me. When I base my identity in Christ and treasure intimacy with Him more than “saving face,” I don’t need to defend myself or prove a point.
When I begin to feel defensive, uncover the fear beneath, and then remind myself of who I am in Christ. He’s my defender, protector, perfect guide, and the One who holds my future in His hands.
Don’t own whatever’s not true. Simply disregard it, reminding myself of action steps one through three.
Finally, listen for the fears and insecurities behind my “opponent’s” words and address those before attempting to resolve anything external.

Relational conflicts can be messy, confusing, and cloaked in emotion and false perceptions. To resolve them grace-fully, putting a guard rail on my tongue in the process, I need to take time to go deep—to my and my opponent’s heart, surrendering my pride and resultant emotions to Jesus so that He can love that other person through me.

Let’s talk about this! How easy is it for you to guard your tongue? When considering times your words have gotten you into trouble, can you see similar “root causes” as I mentioned in my list? In the above, I suggested pride is often the root of our fears and fear is often the root of much conflict. Do you agree or disagree, and why so? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

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Calming Anxiety and Fear with Biblical Truth – Faith Over Fear

When Our Perceived Morality Deceives Us

by Jennifer Slattery on February 11, 2021November 1, 2021

The deep needs that drew me to a local Southern California church twenty-some years ago were the very things that made it so challenging to walk into that building. I didn’t understand the depth of God’s grace and that I was in fact much closer to Him than I realized. My perception was skewed by outward signs of religion. Sitting in the back, I surveyed all the people filling the rows before me. They appeared so … respectable and polished, like people who never lost their temper, uttered curse words, had marital problems, or struggled with financial debt.

I felt certain they came from Brady Bunch type backgrounds. A world I didn’t understand and assumed I’d long since been excluded from. Jesus spent decades, quite literally, decades, shattering those false perceptions that kept me bound in shame by countering my hierarchal view of sin. I came to realize, we’re all equal in our need for Christ and our complete unworthiness of His grace. Some of us are just more aware of that need. Man-made rituals can deceive us into seeing ourselves—our efforts and outward displays of holiness—as our saviors.

Human pride is perhaps the greatest challenge to authentic faith, and therefore, to true and lasting freedom. To grab hold of the life Christ offers, we first must realize how truly dead we are apart from Him.

This was the message a man named John the Baptist proclaimed some 2,000 years ago. In everything he said and did, he made it clear, everyone—Jews and Gentiles, priests and prostitutes—needed redemption. His very appearance and lifestyle stood in stark contrast to the work’s-based religion the Pharisees had been proclaiming. They flaunted their “holy” status by dressing in luxuriant robes with “extra long tassels” (Matthew 28:5). Whereas “John wore clothing made of camel’s hair, with a leather belt around his waist” (Mark 1:6). His appearance would’ve immediately reminded his Jewish audience of the prophet Elijah, who dressed similarly, and the prophet’s frequent call to repentance.

John invited everyone, the “sinner” and religious elite alike to be baptized. This wasn’t a new sacrament. In fact, the Jewish people had long practiced this ancient rite, but usually when converting Gentiles into Jews. In calling the Jews to baptism as well John was in essence stating that they were as far from God and in need of repentance as their pagan neighbors, a truth many found preposterous. Therefore, convinced of their self-made righteousness, numerous Pharisees and teachers of the “law” remained enslaved to sin.

It’s easy to fall into that Pharasaical mindset, to become so convinced of our goodness, we forget our need for God. I’m so very thankful I’m no longer that shame-filled woman who walked into that Southern California church so long ago, but I hope I never forget the life God plucked her out of. I hope I never forget how desperately I need Jesus.

Where are you on the religious-acts versus grace spectrum? Are you overly consumed with guilt and shame, and therefore need to lift your gaze to grace? Or have decades of outward religious behavior begun to blind you of your ongoing need for Christ?

If you struggle to accept God’s grace, I encourage you to listen to Faith Over Fear, Episode 15: The Courage to Rest in Grace When you Mess Up.

I also invite you to join me and my team for the Wholly Loved mother-daughter conference to learn how to love one another with grace while anchored securely in grace. Find out more HERE.

For those following our chronological Bible reading plan:

How Grace Shatters Shame and Sin

by Jennifer Slattery on April 2, 2020November 1, 2021

You might not have recognized me, might even have tried to avoid me, had you met me in my teen years. I was a foul-mouthed, often drunk, angry and self-destructing kid. Then God began reaching deep into my heart, transforming and healing me bit by bit.

But though He shattered my chains of sin and heartache, through His grace, I hadn’t quite learned to step into that freedom. I hadn’t yet learned to live in my new identity—to allow His love and grace, and not my past or my shame to define me.

This was especially true when I behaved not as the redeemed daughter of Christ that I currently am but the bitter and sinful girl I’d once been. In those moments, and the regret that followed, I was tempted to believe that I still was that girl.

But that girl is dead and gone, never to return. For “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.” (Phil. 3:12).

No matter how I feel and regardless of the struggles I face, God’s precious, perfect Son lives in me.

I’ve heard it said, all sin is an identity problem. That statement’s too deep, too rich, to unpack here, but when I sin now, as a daughter of Christ, that’s certainly true. I’ve forgotten who I am and who I’m called to be. When I fight for my rights, it’s evidence that I forgot Christ saved me to die—because only in death can I truly live. When financial insecurity or fear of loss stirs ugly behaviors within me, it’s evidence that I’ve lost sight of my position as my Daddy’s girl. I’ve forgotten that I am indeed His child, and that He will indeed provide for me and meet my needs.

When I fight for that promotion, or that project, or that idea, thinking that thing will somehow fulfill me, I’ve forgotten that I’ve already received intimate interaction with the Creator and lover of my soul.

Regardless of whether I’m temporarily stuck in sin or shame, the answer is the same—grace. To meditate on God’s grace deeply and consistently. To regularly take time to remember the price He paid—for me. To contemplate what such an act revealed regarding His heart—for me. And to praise Him for the fact that I truly am free.

When I pause to reflect on the cross of Christ, my gratitude stirs within me a desire to live better. To live fully as the woman He created me to be. To grab hold of that for which Christ grabbed hold of me. (Philippians 3:12).

He died to set me free. I honor Him and the price He paid when I learn to live, daily and deeply, in that freedom.

If you’re struggling to anchor yourself in that place, in your Daddy’s heart, these verses might help:

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Corinthians 3:17, ESV).

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1, ESV).

“And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, He has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before Him” (Colossians 1:21-22, ESV).

And make sure to check out our Wholly Loved’s Bible reading plan, available for free on the YouVersion Bible Reading App:

Grace Reading Plan Image Christ’s grace has the power to change everything. We don’t have to strive, to compete, or compare, or question whether or not we measure up. We’re enough because Christ in us is enough. The cross of Christ sets us free.

I also invite you to listen to my latest podcast episode: Courage to Conquer our Fear of Missing Out. Find it HERE.

Setting Aside Expectations to Love With Grace

by Jennifer Slattery on October 31, 2019November 1, 2021

Sometimes I forget that transformation takes time. I’m not just talking in regard to my own growth, but this is especially true when I watch others. I can easily expect them to have reached a certain level and therefore to behave and think a certain way.

The problem is, I have spiritual forgetfulness. I forget where I once was and how slow my progress came; all the tentative steps forward followed by numerous slips and stumbles backward. I forget about all the nights I lay in bed reviewing my day—all the ways I had failed and all the people I had hurt. I often felt so defeated.

I felt certain I wasn’t growing, wasn’t changing; at least not in ways I could readily see. And I worried that maybe I never would, that maybe this Christianity thing wasn’t working for me, or that something about me was irreparably broken. I didn’t understand the reason for my struggle or the process of growth. I didn’t realize that transformation takes time. A lot of time.

It takes time for worldviews to shift, for attitudes to change, and habits to be broken.

This spiritual forgetfulness causes me to lay unrealistic expectations on my precious sisters in Christ, and in the process I unknowingly speak condemnation. In my attitudes and my expectations I say, “You’re not doing this right. This faith-thing isn’t working for you. You’re irreparably broken or maybe too hard hearted for God’s grace to reign within you.”

When discussing sinful behavior displayed by others, I often hear, “Yes Jesus loved the sinner, but He told them to ‘Go and sin no more.’” And this is true; Christ never encouraged or applauded or condoned sin. But neither did He—nor does He—expect instant transformation. Nor do we have any idea what transpired in people’s lives days or even months after their encounters with Jesus.

Consider the woman at the well. You can find her story in John chapter 4. Though she has initiated a great deal of speculation, we don’t really know what her behavior had been prior to encountering Jesus. We do know, however, that she lived perpetually empty—because Christ offered to fill her. We know she wasn’t living as the radiant daughter He created her to be, because apart from Christ, we’re all living false versions of ourselves. We also know she had spent decades among other humans, navigating her way, without God, through a broken and sinful world. Therefore we know she behaved sinfully and harbored deceived thinking.

We all did, before God’s intervention. And we all do, on occasion, likely more often than we’d care to admit, even now.

Our thoughts, desires, and habits change, slowly but steadily, as we draw ever-closer to Christ and soak in Scripture (Romans 12:2).

As we “renew our minds” daily with truth, as we surrender to God’s Spirit within, He takes us from “glory to glory.” In other words, He molds us ever-increasingly into the likeness of His Son. This speaks of an ongoing progression, one I’m certain the Samaritan woman experienced, and needed to experience. By the time she met Jesus, she’d lived a lifetime apart from Him. She’d developed a particular way of perceiving, acting, and reacting. She might’ve been fowl mouthed, short-tempered, and addicted to men. Those parts of her, whatever her particular sins were, had become ingrained deep within. I suspect it took years, if not decades, for God to remove and redeem them.

At least, that was the case for me, and I’m still learning, growing, and changing.

Sometimes, I encounter people who remember me from five years ago or perhaps even one year ago, and they expect that woman today. But she’s gone. She’s been transformed. She has grown and she has experienced a new level of freedom. And a year from now, God willing, I’ll be dramatically different—more patient and loving and self-controlled—than I am today.

Some people recognize this, and they treat me as if that were true. In this, I find the freedom, courage, and the hope to keep growing. But others don’t get it, and when they treat me as if those things were not true, as If I haven’t grown, or perhaps can’t grow, I’m tempted toward shame and defeat.

How we treat others matters. I want to be one who speaks life. I want to recognize growth regardless of how big or how small, to celebrate it and call it out. I want to allow others to change, not holding past behaviors or attitudes against them. I want to treat others with the same gentleness with which Christ treats me. I love the apostle Paul’s words in Philippians 1:6. Speaking to relatively new believers living in Philippi, he said, “being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Paul was confident God would continue to grow the Philippian believers.

I want to live and love with that same confidence. I want to live recognizing that it is God who transforms, and that God always complete what He starts.

I’ll say it again: God always completes what He starts, in His way and His time, by the power of His Spirit working in all of us broken and sinful humans.

Let’s talk about this! When do you most find you struggle with unrealistic expectations, when it comes to your growth or the growth of others? How does God direct you during those times? Share your thoughts, stories, and questions with us in the comments below.

Speaking of grace, and God’s gift that came through Christ, you may also enjoy an article I recently wrote for iBelieve on all the symbolism and truth wrapped up in Christ’s birth and birthplace. You can read it HERE.