A Broken Marriage Tranformed

by Jennifer Slattery on December 21, 2023December 20, 2023

(This first published on Dec. 22, 2016.)

Christmas, the celebration of the day the Light of the World brought light into mankind’s darkness, reminds us of the transformative power of God’s love and grace. It also reminds us of the lengths God will go to to bring life, light, and hope to our wounded souls.

Christmas hope

A Mountain of Hope
by Kelly Klepfer

Though my co-written novel, Out of the Frying Pan, is full of humor and quirky characters, and I’m someone who loves to laugh and find joy in the moment, I’ve had my share of sorrow and seasons steeped in darkness.

I trusted in Christ for salvation as a young child. Billy Graham scared me straight at age six. I didn’t want to go to hell so I said a prayer. Years later, I was still saying those prayers. Often. Throughout high school I managed to juggle being a good Baptist with hating myself for my inability to be a good Baptist.

My high school sweetheart and I married when we were just 19 and 20. He’d dabbled with pot and we’d both spent far too much time drinking. All grown up we continued to drink, had a child, and he began drinking other places. When I was pregnant with our second child, seven years into our marriage, he began to drink heavily and with a group of friends I didn’t know. A month before I gave birth he finally admitted he didn’t love me anymore.

Devastated, I asked him to leave and began building a life without him while he moved into a home with a barely functioning alcoholic. He insisted on being with me when our baby was born but when my water broke a month early I couldn’t reach him. His roommate said he wasn’t there.

My father took over trying to find him once they had taken me to the hospital. I was prepped for the C-section when he finally arrived. I’ll never forget the loneliness in the following few minutes. The anesthesiologist placed a mask over my face. I was strapped down and unable to communicate. The spinal aid-1807541_640 anesthesia numbed a vertebra higher than my previous C-Section so I couldn’t feel my lungs moving.

I began to panic that I wasn’t breathing. So I tried to communicate with my half-drunk stranger of a husband with my eyes. The anesthesiologist had buried himself in a Stephen King novel. My husband finally said something. The doctor leaned over. “She’s hyperventilating.” My world had grown gritty gray and white by this point, and finally he placed a breather mask over my face, and I was able to resurface.

A few months later, on Christmas Eve, my husband had a nostalgic come to Jesus moment. He did love me after all, and wanted back into our home. My heart had hardened, grown bitter. I looked at the options I had and decided if he was willing and would treat me better I’d be open to it. As long as the good outweighed the bad I’d let him stay.

My husband began to slowly increase in drinking again though he kept it at home. I continued to grow in bitterness and my mantra that as long as the good outweighed the bad he could remain.

Five years later he got scared and cold turkey stopped drinking. Within months there was something weird going on with him. He admitted to me that he felt restless and that he wanted to do dangerous, risky things. I asked him to talk to different males and to please let me know should he really find himself wanting to cave in.

A couple months later, on our anniversary, while I was getting ready to go out on a date with him, the phone rang. My aunt had just arrived to pick up the kids for an overnight and I gave them quick hugs and kisses and sent them out the door before saying hello. That hello changed my life in so many ways. It was the other woman who revealed not only the affair she’d been having with my husband but also that she was pregnant.

Dark, dark, dark days followed. We entered counseling again. He voluntarily went through the alcohol addiction program that is court ordered for those receiving DUIs. We began to attend church again for the first time in years. Somehow, in spite of very close friends and relatives telling me to leave, accusing me of having battered wife syndrome, being foolish, I stood firm. My reason–I wasn’t going to give up if he was done being an addict just to see someone else benefit from my pain. I wanted to see it through to the end just in case he might actually be able to beat this thing.

Our lives were changed in so many icky ways. The betrayal and the hardness of my heart toward him was just ugly. But I trudged through. Early after finding out about the affair I was out of town with unbelievers who loved a good party. They decided that I needed to get all dressed up and get drunk and find myself a little payback.

God delivered me.

I went to the hotel bar by myself to get drinks for the three of us while my friends were doing their hair and makeup. While there my eyes connected to those of a man at the bar. Looking into his eyes was like looking into his soul. I saw such emptiness there, such hurt, such loneliness that it called to me on a very primitive level. I wanted to connect with that. Scared, I hurried back to the hotel room with my drinks and told my friends about the guy. They insisted I go back, but I was afraid. On our way out to go bar hopping we stopped there to see if he was there. He was gone.

At the bars I drank more than I ever had before. Drink after drink after drink. Nothing touched me or loosed my inhibitions. All I could think about was how miserable I was and how much I just wanted to go back to the hotel room and cry myself to sleep. God kept me sober, I’m convinced, because payback would’ve ripped my soul to shreds. And been the nail in the coffin of my marriage. I threw up all night long. But was saved from a very ugly thing.

Five years after the affair we we’re finally able to see his daughter. They lived four hours away. We’d travel at least once a month. It was a very hard time, and I kept a very long list of what my husband was doing and not doing to make up to me for putting me and my kids through the torture.

We’d fight all the way home while I’d critique him and his performance. One night it was so bad. I’m so grateful none of the kids were with us, I remember him screaming. “I hear your words but I don’t understand what you want. It’s like you are speaking Chinese.”

It broke me. I sobbed the final hour of the silent trip. How could he not understand? How could I live with this one second longer? I was tired of paying for his sins. His working extra three weekends a month so he could take one weekend off. That night I screamed out to God that He needed to change my husband. I couldn’t do this anymore. And I was so, so angry that my marriage was going to end over this when it had survived alcohol, a husband who didn’t love me and an affair. So angry. When I was through screaming, God asked me a simple question, right into my heart. “Why do you think you are right?”

I couldn’t answer that question. Exhausted and silenced. I gave up, and I told Him I couldn’t but that I was going to find out what my role and responsibility were in marriage and obey Him. It just so happened that an intense marriage inductive Bible study was starting the next week at my church. I signed up to go solo. And my life began changing immediately. As I learned I changed and let go and healed and grew. I began studying other aspects and absorbing and consuming God’s word. I didn’t care as much about my marriage as I did about my right relationship with Jesus.

The trials didn’t end. But I chose to die to myself. Slowly, my husband became jealous over my relationship with Jesus. He wanted that, and he wanted to share it with me. Through this whole period of time we were involved in a church, leaders to some extent, and there was so much death in us. We began to be resurrected in Christ and we truly died.

At age nine, our youngest daughter, his from another mother, moved in permanently. While we navigated life with God at the steering wheel we were able to overcome even more obstacles. And the strangest thing happened. Our older two kids began to see faith really walked out, not just talked about in church, but the parents they saw in church were the parents they went home with.

Our youngest struggled with obvious challenges. At age 17 she told us where to put our rules, and she stepped out to live a life of her own choosing. More dark days followed. But God’s faithful answers to prayers uttered with groans and tears and His grace and mercy kept doors cracked open. Today our, MY, youngest daughter is married with a baby of her own and her own stepson. She speaks to us daily and seeks out our earned-the-hard-way wisdom. A restored relationship with her is a gift beyond words.

What about our other two children? The ones who lived through the drama and the affair’s aftermath, my bitterness and self-righteousness, the alcoholism, how are they? Did they survive the ugly childhood we provided?

They are a delight and a joy. Both living fully for the Lord and His plans for them. Our middle daughter chose to follow Christ into opening her life to foster care. She took in four little siblings and has now adopted three and prays and longs for the baby who is currently with the biological mom. As a single mom of three she is a shining light for Jesus and is making a profound difference in the lives of these amazing children. Our son teaches at a local high school. He and his wife have opened their hearts and home to so many people I can’t even keep track of those they have blessed. Generosity is who they are. And they breathe Christ in and out in their interactions.

God has been consistently for me. Allowing me to come to the end of myself, allowing me to fail miserably so that I ran to Him.

***

When the chef of Sunset Paradise Retirement Village ends up unnamed-1 dead, life for sisters Fern and Zula Hopkins is whipped into a froth. Their zany attempts to track down the killer land them in hot water with Detective Jared Flynn. Should he be concerned about their safety or the criminal’s?

But there are deadly ingredients none of them expect. Drugs. Extortion. International cartels. And worst of all…broken hearts–especially when the Hopkins sisters’ niece KC arrives on the scene.

Before the snooping pair gain any headway with the case, it becomes crystal clear that the sisters share a mysterious secret that takes life from the frying pan and into the line of fire.

Buy Out of the Frying Pan on Amazon.

***

unnamed Kelly Klepfer had ambitions to graduate from the school of life quite a while ago, but alas…she still attends and is tested regularly. Her co-authored cozy/quirky mystery, Out of the Frying Pan, is the culmination of several of the failed/passed tests. Kelly, though she lives with her husband, two Beagles, and two hedgehogs in Iowa, can be found at Novel Rocket, Novel Reviews, Scrambled Dregs, Modern Day Mishaps, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter, with flashes of brilliance (usually quotes), randomocities, and learned life-lessons. Zula and Fern Hopkins and their shenanigans can be found at Zu-fer, where you always get more than you bargained for.

When Our Loved Ones Self-destruct

by Jennifer Slattery on November 2, 2023November 1, 2023

(This first posted on July 26, 2018.)

(This first posted on July 26, 2018).

I’ve been on both sides of today’s topic. I’ve engaged in my share of self-destructive behavior. I’ve also grieved the choices made by those I love. And while they engaged in activities I know will only lead to increased pain, at times, I felt helpless, unable to do anything to prevent what seemed like an imminent crisis.

But Scripture promises the opposite. As my guest today reminds us, there’s something we can always do, whether near or far, that has the capacity to change lives for all eternity. (James 5:16)

When Our Loved Ones Self-Destruct by Linda Samaritoni

Have you ever known someone who walked away from God? Maybe a colossal disappointment shattered their world, and they assumed if God allowed such a thing to happen, then He didn’t really care about them. Maybe temptation overcame them, and they blamed God for not preventing their headlong charge into sin. Maybe… Well, there are millions of possible maybes.

What happens to those individuals who remain separated from Christ?

For many, stepping away from faith feels like a relief—at first. Even in their misery, they welcome the release of pressure, similar to ratcheting down a steam valve before the pipes blow.

Such pressure is self-induced. In a performance-driven society, people often fall into the trap that God is expecting them to succeed at an A+ level.

They don’t understand His grace. They don’t trust this grim deity who takes note of every mistake. Once they withdraw, the burdens of their own making ease off. No more straining to “be good.” No further obligations to “do good.” Since they’d already proven themselves way short in every category of life, why not abandon efforts to please God?

Before those individuals decided to turn away, they chose to keep a death grip on their lives, not allowing God to control the pressure valve. They added more weight to God’s expectations. They kept spinning the wheel harder and harder to the right, edging into the red zone until the pounds per square inch became unbearable.

I’ve agonized over a dear friend for years. He felt betrayed because God didn’t say “yes” to his one big prayer. He had worked for a positive answer. He had tithed, taught Sunday school, attended church every week, and led a Bible study.

Instead of seeking his Father in the midst of disappointment, he marched in the opposite direction, jerking that wheel farther to the right. He would never ask God for a thing ever again. A wrench of the wheel. He would do as he wished since no amount of work met with God’s approval. Wrench.

At first, he enjoyed the release from assumed church pressures and any obligations to join us in prayer or Bible study. He turned his back on the guilt resulting from his sin against God and others.

His relief was short-lived. Since he’s not on speaking terms with God, life is terrifying, yet he remains tied to performance-based objectives as a way of life. He knows every one of his character flaws, and nothing he does will ever be adequate.

These days, shame drums endlessly like a nagging headache, and he has no resources to assuage it. He won’t call on God for help. He refuses to take his hands off the controls as the needle on the gauge trembles further into the red zone.

Ultimately, the freedom to please self turns sour. God’s beckoning hand either draws the person to eternal refuge or the individual resists Him and spirals downward into hopelessness and poverty of soul.

What can we do for our loved ones head toward self-destruction? We model Jesus. We pray. And we pray, and we pray.

***

Let’s talk about this! Is someone you care about self-destructing? Did anything in Linda’s post give you hope? Or maybe you have a miracle story regarding someone you’ve prayed for over the years. Share your stories, examples, and suggestions with us in the comments below..

Get to Know Linda

Linda Sammaritan assumed she’d teach middle-graders until school authorities presented her with a retirement wheelchair at the overripe age of eighty-five, but God cut those plans short by a couple of decades when He gave her a growing passion for writing fiction. After blowing goodbye kisses to her students, she now dedicates her work hours to learning the craft. Every once in a while, though, she finds her way back to school so she can teach creative writing workshops. She is currently working on a middle grade trilogy, World Without Sound, based on her own experiences growing up with a deaf sister.

Linda often travels across the country to visit her grandchildren, regaling them with “Nona stories,” life lessons from her childhood. Visit her online at her personal website and group website, connect with her on Facebook, and follow her on Twitter.

How God Brings Good Through Wilderness Seasons – Faith Over Fear

We all have seasons of our lives where we wonder if we have purpose and fear we're aimlessly roaming about without clear direction. In those periods, God may seem silent or His direction unclear. This can create intense anxiety and discouragement. But God always has a plan, is always leading us toward His very best, and is always equipping us for the journey that's still ahead. Listen to hear how He did this in King David's life, and in host Carol McCracken's as well. (Scroll down for discussion/reflective questions.) Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter Join the private Faith Over Fear Facebook Group Discussion/Reflective Questions: What resonated with you most in this episode? How would you describe a wilderness season? What do you feel makes wilderness seasons so challenging? How can wilderness seasons deepen our faith? How might reflecting upon God's heart, power, character and promises help us endure wilderness seasons? Why is it important to live with integrity in every season? What is one action step God might be askign you to take, having listened to this episode? Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Running Ahead of God?

by Jennifer Slattery on September 14, 2023September 13, 2023

Forfeit peace Ins

(This post first published on January 25, 2018.)

I don’t like chaos, uncertainty, or when things don’t go according to plan–and I often have a plan. The problem comes when I allow my agenda to overshadow God’s voice. My guest blogger, Linda Shenton Matchett can relate.

Running Ahead of God?
by Linda Shenton Matchett

Crisis mode is never a good way to operate, but I have found myself there on more than one occasion.

I manage a boarding school’s dining hall, and meals tend to run smoothly. Until we lost electrical power. Chaos reigned. Fortunately, dinner had already been prepared or we would have had to serve PB&J. As the kids streamed in, we stumbled around looking for flashlights. (Of course, more than one contained dead batteries!)

Convinced the power would soon return, I waited before breaking out the paper plates and plastic forks. Dirty dishes, cups and silverware stacked up the dish room while the chefs figured out how to keep hot things hot and cold things cold. Our biggest concern was whether we would have enough to feed five hundred people. Though we got through the meal, the dining staff became frustrated and exhausted.

Fast forward to last week, when we lost power again. This time we had procedures in place that included having battery-powered lanterns and flashlights close at hand (with fresh and extra batteries!). Staff members had assignments, thus knowing exactly what was expected of them. The chefs had a standby “without power” menu. Although challenging, we served dinner with smiles in the soft glow of emergency lighting. Preparation and planning made all the difference.

God used both experiences to speak to me about preparation (and the lack thereof) in my life. He asked me how many times I’d done something without preparation that resulted in disastrous outcomes. I became disappointed when things didn’t go as I wanted.

Perhaps if I’d planned ahead, and more specifically, prayed about the situation, the outcome would have been positive.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? But forethought is even better.

I’m a doer. As much as I enjoy being with people–lots of people–when it comes to a task, I prefer to work alone. I love the feeling of charging ahead to get the job done. Did you catch that? “Charging ahead.”

Spurgeon quote ins Though I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I often run ahead of God, turning to look behind to see if He’s keeping up. Fortunately, He is patient with me, and He reins me in with His soft, gentle voice. The Holy Spirit nudges me to seek the Father’s will before I start the task, project, or journey–to ask Him if it’s something I should be doing or should wait to begin. To consider whether He’d like others to be involved. He reminds me that listening to God is how one plans ahead.

What about you? Have you raced ahead of God lately? Do you need to rethink your modus operandi? Reach for God’s hand. He wants to be your partner.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT).

***

Let’s talk about this! What resonated most with you as you read Linda’s post? Do you have a tendency to run ahead of God? What’s the result been? Have you ever had Him use chaos, like He did with Linda, to guide and teach you? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from each other!

Get to know Linda:

Linda Shenton Matchett is an author, journalist, blogger, and history geek. Born in Baltimore, Maryland, a stone’s throw from Fort McHenry, Linda has lived in historical places most of her life. She is a volunteer docent at the Wright Museum of WWII and a trustee for her local public library. Active in her church, she serves as a choir member, usher, and treasurer. She lives in the central New Hampshire. Connect with her on at her website, on Facebook, follow her on Pinterest, and sign up for her newsletter HERE.

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright (c) 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinios, 60188. All rights reserved.

Check out her latest release, Under Fire:

Set in April 1942, Under Fire tells the story of Ruth Brown whose missing sister Jane is declared dead. Convinced her sister is still alive, Ruth follows clues from their small New Hampshire town to war-torn London trying to find her. Discovering that Jane has been murdered results in a faith crisis for Ruth, and she decides she must find Jane’s killer. In her pursuit, she stumbles on black marketers, resistance fighters, and the IRA – all of whom may want her dead.

How God Brings Good Through Wilderness Seasons – Faith Over Fear

Confidence in Uncertainty – Repost

by Jennifer Slattery on December 8, 2022December 8, 2022

shield-492992_1920 — Photo by Geralt taken from pixabay.com

Note: This post first published on May 5, 2016.

“I’m quitting my job.”

It was the last thing I expected to hear from my ultra dependable, hard-working husband. And yet, looking back, I should’ve seen this coming. He’d been beaten down and overworked for far too long. I should’ve responded to his statement by wrapping him up in a giant hug.

Instead I hit freak-out mode. He was our sole bread winner. We were living in an expensive suburb of California. I stayed home with our daughter, homeschooled her in fact. And had zero desire to change our education plans.

Fast forward a few months, and my husband handed our house keys to our realtor, in essence declaring to her, our neighbors, our friends and one another that we didn’t plan on returning.

He’d turned his work keys in the night before.

My husband still hadn’t found a job, though we were hopeful. And I was panicked, like ready to vomit panicked, though I largely kept my emotions in check–to Steve and my daughter. My prayers, however, were another matter entirely:

Help us, Lord! Fix this! Give me just a hint that all this will work out.

Then, we packed our van, and headed for the Grand Canyon. For a family vacation.

Because everyone goes on vacation when unemployed right? Made perfect sense to me.

Not.

Long story short, God came through. My husband received a job offer that very day. Our house sold for full asking price. That very day. We went on our vacation and the Slattery family lived happily ever after.

Not. So not. Because life is full of upheavals, uncertainty, set-backs and gut-churning panic moments. But over the years, having made it through numerous unexpected and sometimes frightening situations, I’ve learned how to find peace in times of uncertainty. All I needed to do was follow, cling to, believe in, and live out, to the best of my ability, God’s wisdom and truth. Because His promises will never, ever fail.

The next time you’re facing a panicked moment, follow the steps laid out in Psalm 37:

3 Trust in the Lord and do good.

Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
⁴Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you your heart’s desires.

5 Commit everything you do to the Lord.
    Trust him, and he will help you.
7 Be still in the presence of the Lord,
    and wait patiently for him to act.
23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
    He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
    for the Lord holds them by the hand. (NLT)
Trust. Not in our circumstances, our spouse, our savings account or that job, but trust in the Lord. Remember His character. He is always and only faithful, loving and true. Remember His promises and how He has proved them true for you in the past. Center your mind on truth–what you know from God’s Word, and refuse to engage negative, fretful thinking.
Do good. God has a good, eternal work for us to do each day. Some days that ministering to a neighbor or serving the needy. Other times it’s building up our family and pointing them to Christ. Consider that God may have put you in the position you’re in, as uncomfortable or frightening as it may be, to touch a heart or reveal His grace through you. So do good. Serve Him in the hard and the easy. And take joy in knowing your purpose extends beyond you and your circumstances. 
Delight in Christ. Draw near to Him through prayer, music, and Bible reading. Soak up His presence; let His Holy Spirit fill you completely, knowing He will be strong on your behalf. Don’t let the uncertainty of the moment rob you of the sweet treasure of resting in His presence.
Commit everything to Christ. I could likely write an entire book unpacking this one but I’ll sum it up with one word: surrender. Surrender the moment, the situation, yourself, your heart and plans, to God. Leave it all in His hands, knowing He’s working at this moment on your behalf.
Be still and wait patiently. He will fight for you. He is working out a plan for your life, for your family, for your marriage–for whatever you’re facing. You won’t move things along any faster by fretting, but you may when you take the time to be still in His presence, soaking up His strength and listening for His direction. At least, when you do that, there’s a much better chance you won’t do anything to make matters worse through a panicked reaction.
Follow. If you belong to Christ, your spiritual ears have been quickened so that you can recognize His voice (John 10:16). Scripture promises God will and does speak to us (Isaiah 30:21). Psalm 16:7 says, “Even at night my heart instructs me.” So listen. Then obey.
Let’s talk about this! What are some ways you grab hold of peace when life feels crazy and uncertain? Do you have any go-to verses you like to pray or meditate on? Any songs you find especially helpful? 
 

How God Brings Good Through Wilderness Seasons – Faith Over Fear

Choosing to Praise

by Jennifer Slattery on June 30, 2022June 30, 2022

Whatever we focus on tends to dominate our thoughts, and our thoughts determine our emotions. Is it any wonder then that our misery grows when we obsess over the issue or difficulty? And yet, when we choose to praise … Today my sweet friend, photographer, and gifted devotional writer, Susan Aken shares some thoughts on how we can choose to praise God, no matter our circumstances, and why we must.

(The post below first published on March 9, 2017.)

Ps 108_1

Choose to Praise by Susan Aken

“My heart is steadfast, O God! I will sing and make melody with all my being! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O LORD, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your faithfulness reaches to the clouds” (Psalm 108:1-4 ESV).

God called King David a man after His own heart (Acts 13:22). There are many reasons God said this about David but Psalm 108 shows us one clear reason. David was fixed on praising God. He was fixed on praising God not because things always went his way. Not because he never suffered. Not because he was perfect. It was a choice he made. He told God, “My heart is steadfast!” To be steadfast is to be firm, stable, established, fixed. He was set on praising God and nothing would sway him from that. He said:

I WILL sing and make melody with all my being!

I WILL awake the dawn!

I WILL give thanks to You, O LORD!

I WILL sing praises to You among the nations.

David determined to sing for God with all his being. He chose to start his day praising God. He made the choice to give thanks to Him. He was set on praising God in his heart and also chose to praise Him among the nations.

Why? Why would he praise Him in spite of trouble and oppression? Why would he praise Him in spite of his own weaknesses? Why would he praise Him in the midst of daily struggles?

“For Your steadfast love is great above the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let Your glory be over all the earth!” (Psalm 108:4-5)

Why would he praise Him? Because God’s love is great above the heavens! His love never fails. His love is everlasting! Because His faithfulness goes on forever!

He deserves all praise and all glory! His love and faithfulness will never fail us.

Like David, I can choose to praise Him. I can say with David:

I will sing and make melody with all my heart!

I will wake up in the morning praising Him!

I will give thanks to you, O LORD!

I will sing your praises to those around me.

It’s a choice I can make. I can praise Him in spite of circumstances because He never changes. His character is firm in spite of my problems and struggles. I can praise Him because His love for me never fails. He will never love me any less. I can make the choice to sing and make music in my heart. I can thank Him everyday for all He does for me. I can also choose to praise His name to those around me. I can tell them how great He is.

God’s love for me is steadfast. It will never change. His faithfulness goes on forever. He is worthy of all my praise.

I will give thanks to you, O LORD! I will sing your praises to others. Praise your Holy Name!

This is a choice we can make every day! It’s a gift we give to our Lord.

Let’s talk about this! Choosing to praise isn’t always easy, but man, is it important. It draws our hearts closer to Christ and helps us appreciate all the abundant blessings He’s provided. When life is going well, it’s easy to praise. But when life is hard, what can we do to really fix our thoughts on Christ and praising Him, remaining steadfast in our praise? Share your thoughts and experiences with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from each other.

Get to Know Susan

Susan Aken is a homemaker, substitute teacher and writer. She lives in Nebraska but was born and raised in Oklahoma. Her greatest love is for the Lord Jesus Christ who has redeemed her and set her free. Her other loves are her husband and son (she is now an empty nester). Susan enjoys reading, photography, spending time with family and friends and writing. She has a heart for prayer ministry and loves her church! Visit her online at Soaring With Butterfly Wings and check out her inspiring photos at SusanAkenInspiringPhotos

And be sure to check out her wonderful devotional!

Amazing Hope: Reflections on Hope in the Midst of a Crazy World:

This is a 40-day devotional book on the topic of hope. Each day’s devotion includes verses from the Bible, inspirational thoughts by the author, reflection questions and a prayer. The topics include many of the struggles common to us all such as parenting, death, fear, sin, and the futility of daily life. There are also devotions on the character of God, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the power of God’s word and other topics. These writings express the hope that gets me through each day and I pray they will also help you.

Steadfast Prayers for Those Far from God

by Jennifer Slattery on July 8, 2021November 1, 2021

Quote on prayer from Max Lucado on a picture with a candle.

What do we do when our loved one has barricaded themselves from God? When, despite our desperate prayers and all the times and ways we’ve tried to reach out, they slip further from Him and into greater deception, greater sin, and greater emotional and spiritual slavery? In those situations, when decades pass with no hint of progress, it’s easy to give up. To conclude the person is simply too hard-hearted.

Have you been there? I have. With that friend who’s so quick to downplay and discount the miraculous. With the relative who, during times of crisis, seemed so open to spiritual conversations, only to numb themselves with Netflix and social media once their difficulties pass. That individual that had been so clearly touched by God, was being drawn by Him, then turned the other way.

When that happens, our fervent and steadfast prayers can turn rote. Then silent.

At least, that tends to be my progression. But then God reminds me, no matter how dark the human heart or how bleak things appear, His arm is never too short, His hearing and His heart never too dull, to save.

May we all exhibit the courage of the Canaanite woman who pushed her way into a house filled with religious students, and Jewish ones at that, for the sake of her child. You can read her full story in Matthew 15. To paraphrase, Scripture tells us Jesus and His disciples traveled 30-40 miles into Gentile country where they found a place to stay.

I imagine this made the disciples quite uncomfortable—to be in Gentile territory, in a Gentile home, most likely eating off of Gentile dishes. According to 19^th century theologian Charles Ellicott, “The strict Jew would not enter a Gentile’s house, nor sit on the same couch, nor eat or drink out of the same vessel.” To them, “the very dust of a heathen city was defiling.”

But there was Jesus, intentionally taking His disciples into Tyre, a port city known for its idolatry, corrupt merchants, and sexual immorality. This would’ve been the equivalent to the mega-church pastor and his staff sleeping at the local crack house.

The disciples must have felt on edge from the moment they crossed over ancient Israel’s borders. But before they’d even had a chance to settle in, a Gentile woman barged into the house.

A woman with a demon possessed daughter.

To the Jewish mind, I’m not sure this situation could’ve been any more “unclean.”

The more devout would’ve seen this intruding woman as a threat. Rather than a desperate mother pleading for the life of her child, the girl she’d once nursed and swaddled and sang to sleep. The daughter she’d watched take her first steps and speak her first words, ravished and enslaved.

How did the disciples respond to this woman’s anguished pleas? In essence, “She’s a nuisance. Get her out of here.”

And I have to wonder, who’s my Canaanite? That person I’m tempted to categorize by their sin rather than their humanity? The one I’ve deemed hopeless, beyond God’s love and grace? The person who, if I’m honest, disgusts me?

And who is fervently praying for that person I’m so quick to cast aside, as I am for my loved one and this anguished mother was for her child: “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David!”

In this simple yet profound address, the woman displayed more faith than the “righteous” Pharisees who’d gotten all worked up over some dirty dishes in the passage prior. More faith, perhaps, than the disciples acting so contemptuous before her. She knew Jesus was her daughter’s only hope and so she boldly came. She refused to leave until she received what she came for—her daughter made whole.

That was precisely what Christ provided.

Jesus said to her, “‘Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.’ And her daughter was healed at that moment” (Matthew 15:28, NIV).

Here’s what I find most inspiring. The woman’s daughter wasn’t going to come to Jesus on her own. In fact, had she encountered Him, I imagine she would’ve cussed Him out or mocked Him. She was about as far from Christ as a person could get. A hopeless case, from a human perspective.

But her mom wasn’t dissuaded by human logic, the disciple’s scorn, nor Jesus’s delayed response. Her love for her daughter was simply too strong.

I want that same kind of determined, persevering faith, whether I must pray for a day, a week, or years.

We all have “Canaanites” in our circle, maybe even in our families. Those people we fear might be too far from God. Those loved ones we’ve prayed for for decades, only to see them slip further from Christ. But even now, God’s arm is not too short to save.

Our prayers matter.

Who have you been desperately praying for? How does this woman from Tyre encourage you to persist? Share your thoughts, and your prayer requests, with us in the comments below, and let’s encourage and pray for and with one another!

For those following our chronological reading through the New Testament, can you believe we’re on week 26?! Here’s this week’s reading, beginning with the account of this faith-filled Canaanite woman:

Week 26 New Testament Chronological Reading Plan Daily Readings

And, fun news! Wholly Loved Unshakable Unbreakable Joy Bible study is now available for FREE! Grab your copy HERE.

How God Brings Good Through Wilderness Seasons – Faith Over Fear

Praying With the Confidence of a Child of God

by Jennifer Slattery on April 22, 2021November 1, 2021

We pray differently when we recognize God as our Father. Not in a figurative, authority figure sense or as a harsh rule enforcer, but as the benevolent, attentive, dare I even say doting all-powerful Dad that He is. When we don’t understand or fully embrace those truths, we tend to approach God hesitantly. Maybe even apologetically. We say things like, “I know others are dealing with so much worse, but could You please …” Or, “I hate to bother You with this, Lord …”

I don’t think my daughter has ever approached a conversation with me or my husband with such disclaimers. I have, however, witnessed this hesitation in youth our family has taken in over the years. Kids who come from rough places and who’ve developed a distorted view of the parent-child relationship, and ultimately, a skewed understanding of love. Of themselves as well.

Past hurts and abandonments, often by the very people who were supposed to keep them safe, tainted their perspectives. They struggled to recognize, understand, and fully accept their worth. As a result, if they sought my help, or my ear, at all, they did so timidly, entering my room or office with eyes downcast, as if their very presence irritated me.

The opposite is true. When they approached me with confidence, with honest and unfiltered requests, I didn’t find them rude or bothersome. I was filled with joy because their actions revealed trust—of me and my love. I knew they’d begun to see themselves less as a tenant or guest and more like a beloved child. That’s when the depth of relationship my heart desired was both built and revealed.

If you’re a parent, you can probably understand what I mean. Maybe you’re smiling at a memory of your son or daughter running into your bedroom, begging for a pony or something else you had no intention of granting. Or asking for protection from monsters you knew don’t exist. I doubt their pleas irritated you. In fact, you probably came to expect this. You expected them to ask for the big things and the small, the things you loved to grant and those you lovingly withheld. That was your role—to decide what requests to fulfill or deny, just as it was their proper place to ask.

Jesus offered us, His beloved, this same invitation when He said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7, NIV). He then shared an analogy intended to deepen our understanding of our Heavenly Father at His core and who we are to Him.

Matthew 7:7 on blue background with floral accents

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?” Jesus said. “Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:9-10, NIV).

If we interpret Christ’s words as a promise to grant all of our desires, we’ll become disappointed and disillusioned. If we receive His words as the caring invitation they are, however, our confidence in Him and His heart for us grows—regardless of His response.

He truly is a good, loving, faithful, and attentive Father always focused on our best. His heart is for us always, and He longs to grant us not just good things, as Jesus so clearly proclaimed, but full access to Himself as our Savior, our Creator, and as our Dad. That doesn’t mean He wants us to embrace a flippant and entitled attitude. That’s not relationship; that’s not love. But He does want us to come. To come often, to come easily, and to come with the boldness of someone who knows they are indeed wholly, eternally, and oh, so deeply loved.

Pause to consider your common approach to prayer. Do you proceed to God’s throne with the confidence of a child of God and heir of grace (Hebrews 4:16) or with the timidity of a tenant?

What might God need to do within your heart to help you more readily and authentically draw closer to Him?

For those following the chronological Bible reading plan, today’s post focused on day one’s reading.

Chronological Bible reading plan week 15

If you missed the Beautiful Mess Mother-Daughter event, fun news! You and your loved ones can still enjoy the content. Find out more HERE.

Before you go, I invite you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast.

How God Brings Good Through Wilderness Seasons – Faith Over Fear

And make sure to connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.

Eternally Impactful Prayers

by Jennifer Slattery on November 12, 2020November 1, 2021

If our prayers reveal our hearts, our desires, than mine demonstrate that I’ve become overly entangled in today. Or perhaps more accurately, that I frequently lose sight of eternity. I ask God to alleviate my friends’ and loved ones’ pain, to protect them from harm, and to pour His blessings upon them. And while there’s nothing wrong with those requests––God wants us to bring all our needs before Him––He invites all of us to go deeper.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the prayers of Paul, recorded in his letters to ancient believers. He was perhaps the most effective missionary and church planter in the history of christendom. He was a man of action, but he was also a man of prayer. Of powerful, soul-stirring, life-changing prayer.

Here’s what I find significant. The people Paul prayed for were experiencing intense persecution. Deep pain. Most likely fierce fear. They were losing jobs, their homes, and for some, their lives.

So, how did Paul pray for them? Did he ask God to keep them safe? To alleviate their suffering?

Perhaps, but those aren’t the requests that were recorded and preserved for all time. Instead, we see a man completely focused on Christ and His mission––His mission for the world, and for every person Paul encountered.

To the Colossians, he wrote, “We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because … of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people …” (Col. 1:3-6, NIV).

He thanked God for their faith and the fruit it bore.

To the Thessalonians he wrote, “We always thank God for all of you and continually mention you in our prayers. We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Thes. 1:2-3).

Again, he thanked God for their faith and the fruit it bore, and the endurance Christ had given them.

To the Philippians he wrote, “… In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6, NIV).

Do you see the pattern?

I’m sure Paul felt the same concern for his brothers and sister in Christ that you and I share for our loved ones. While I imagine he prayed for their welfare and provision, he remained focused on their growth in Christ.

He understood, in a way my mama’s heart easily forgets, that God had called each of those ancient believers to something glorious, something eternal. To become like Christ and live for Him.

I want to do the same.

This doesn’t mean I’ll stop asking God to protect, bless, and provide for my friends and family. But it does inspire me to expand my view so that I may begin to see them and their situation through His eyes, through the lens of eternity.

Yes, I want God to care for my loved ones today. But even more, I want Him to grow their faith, change and strengthen their hearts, and empower them to change their world.

Let’s talk about this! How often do you pray for your loved one’s spiritual growth? Who might God be calling you to pray for today?

When Grief Makes it Hard to Hear God

by Jennifer Slattery on May 14, 2020November 1, 2021

Sometimes God’s voice seems so clear. Other times, and maybe even when we are most desperate to hear God, He seems silent. When that occurs, how do we respond? While we all have different journeys, we can trust that God will speak to us, in His way and His timing. He will speak to us uniquely, knowing precisely what we need to hear. But even more than that, we can trust that He is with us and will stay with us, always. Whether we “feel” His presence or not.

His heart? To lead us back to His embrace. My guest today shares how God helped her walk through an intensely painful time and how, for a time, she nearly lost her way.

When You Can’t Hear God

By Deb Gorman

For years, I thought that believers always listened to and obeyed God, myself included. Then I grew up. The truth is that there have been shining moments in my life when God led me, I did what He said to do, and what a blessing it was—for me and those around me. But only moments. Nice. Most of my experience with Christ has been trial and error, largely because of what I call the Me Factor. There’s been too much me and not enough Jesus. My ability to hear Christ is hindered when there’s too much of me and not enough of Him.

Let me explain.

Many times, I can’t hear God’s voice—even though I read my Bible every morning, pray for myself and those around me, and serve in various capacities in my church and community.

Why do believers sometimes get to a place in life when God seems to “go dark”? When we ask, and ask, and ask again, but our asking seems to get stuck in some great void above our heads.

Is there something that can turn the God-voice-knob to “off”?

Betrayal, when not handled well, can cause our spiritual ears to stop up, and stall spiritual growth. Betrayal is what King David, ancient Israel’s second king, spoke of in Psalm 55:12-15.

“For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
then I could hide from him.
¹³But it is you, a man, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
¹⁴We used to take sweet counsel together;
within God’s house we walked in the throng.
¹⁵Let death steal over them;
let them go down to Sheol alive;
for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart” (ESV).

Betrayal hurts the most between people who trust each other.

Over the years, my family has experienced many—too many—forms of betrayal. I won’t go into all of it. I’m sure you have your own stories, because betrayal has been part of our DNA since the first humans, standing naked before their Creator, pointed at each other and said, “He [she] did it”. (Gen. 3:12-13)

But I will say that those of us who have experienced the betrayal of suicide carry the heaviest burden of all. This was how my sister’s suicide felt to me—like a betrayal.

We had made promises to each other as we grew into young women. We’d always be there for each other. We’d tend to our aging parents together. We’d make sure our children knew each other, grew up together, loved each other. Even though she was younger than me, I looked up to her in so many ways. She cared for people in a way that I couldn’t. I admired her and depended on her friendship.

So when my beloved only sister—three years younger than me—committed suicide in March of 1989, I felt betrayed. A young mother of two small boys, she said good-bye to her husband, drove her two boys to their schools, then drove hundreds of miles away to a motel in Montana and ended her life.

So many things happened to her family and friends in the years that followed that one horrendous decision. I venture to say that all of us, in one way or another, walked away from God for a time. Some are still walking away.

Why? Because instead of prostrating ourselves at the foot of the Cross, we employed The Me Factor and made my sister’s suicide about us. I can’t intelligently speak to what was in the rest of the family’s minds, nor can I judge them. I can only see the results—from March 25, 1989 to today. We still share a brokenness that will only be healed in His presence.

But I can say out loud what I did.

I blamed God. Sometimes I still do. But, thirty-one years of heartbreak later, I know the truth. She not only broke my heart, she broke His. He was there with her in the room as she made the decision. He stood by her. And I’m sure He wept over her body with tears I will never be able to shed in this life.

For years, I couldn’t attend church. I couldn’t explain to my children why their favorite aunt would do such a thing. I couldn’t explain why their relationship with their cousins had all but died. Every black thought that entered my head was infused with why, why, why? Her decision became the focal point of my life. And then, I became the focal point of my life. The Me Factor took over, causing me to forget about her pain that led to her decision. It was all about me.

That’s the pity of it. I allowed her betrayal to lead me to do the same to the God who loved me. The day—decades later—that I could finally say, “God did not cause this. It was the pain of this broken world that caused it” was the day that I finally walked out of the gloom, back into the light of His presence. The day I could once again hear God’s voice.

At first, His voice was faint, like the sound of music floating on the breeze from far away. But the more I let go of The Me Factor, the stronger His message became.

His message? It was I know, Deb, I know. I know you don’t understand, but I do. I know you walked away from Me, but I haven’t moved. I know you have many questions, and I promise, someday you will sit on My lap and ask them. And I know the answer you need most right now. She is here with Me and I’m taking care of her.

This life will always contain sorrow. How we respond will either cause growth or stunt it. We must make sure we take the pain of our sorrow to the Only One who can heal. He’s got this.

What can you identify in your life that causes you to not be able to hear God’s direction?
What keeps you from experiencing the love He wants to pour over you?
What keeps you stuck in a period of stagnated growth?
Are you willing to take your bundle of pain and lay it at His feet—and trust that He understands? That He’s got this?

Get to know Deb!

Deb Gorman, owner of Debo Publishing, is a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, cleverly disguised as a wife, mom, grandmom, and author. Her purpose is to regift the Word of God to believers and seekers everywhere, using the talent and imagination God gave her. Her prayer is that His Name would be praised and His glory would fill the earth! Visit her online at debggorman.com.

Check out Deb’s book, Leaving Your Lover: They Have Left the Path of Truth:

Have you ever confronted a fork in the road of life and paused, wondering which way to go? Or maybe you took the path that seemed most logical, without much thought.

Perhaps the new direction was the correct one…but perhaps not. What do you do if you travel the wrong path? You can’t seem to retrace your steps because a sweeping crevasse looms now between the right choice and the wrong choice, one you can’t traverse without grave risk of slipping and falling into a thousand feet of sharp-edged, rocky nothingness.

Read the stories of thirteen people from the Bible who stood at the fork and made a choice. See where their journeys took them. Pause at the fork in your road and make the right decision, not just for the here and now but for future descendants—your children, grandchildren, and generations beyond, doomed to suffer the consequences of a wrong choice and who scream silently at you to go back.

And if you’re now on the wrong road, don’t believe the lie that you can’t turn back. For the first terror-filled step into the great divide will lay out a cross-shaped bridge before you, stained with holy blood—the sure road that will lead to the beginning, where you will find grace to start again.

Buy it HERE.