Fighting Fear of Rejection With the Truth of Christ

by Jennifer Slattery on July 14, 2022July 14, 2022

(This post first published in 2020.)

Writers experience a great number of rejections, and some of those can be pretty harsh. Though I know to expect these “no thank yous,” seeing them stream through my inbox can leave me stunned. If I’m not careful, I can begin to question my abilities, my calling, and really, myself. We do that, don’t we? We own every negative experience, holding each one as proof that we’re somehow insufficient or defective.

A while back, after receiving numerous declines in a row, I shared my disappointment with my daughter. “But you’ve also received a lot of acceptances,” she said. I know she meant to encourage me, and for a moment, it did, but I knew my assurance needed to go much deeper. My confidence and value can’t be based on such transient standards as temporary wins and losses. To rise above my fears, I must anchor myself, immovable, in the One who knows me, loves me, sees me, goes before me, has a plan for me, and remains with and in me.

A while back, God reminded me of this truth during a rather discouraging time. For about a year, it had felt as if I’d been turned down for every opportunity I pursued, even those I felt certain had been God led. The first rejection didn’t phase me too much. The second stung, but I determined to keep moving. By the third and fourth experience, however, lies I’d thought I’d long buried began to reemerge, assaulting my weakening heart, “You’re unwanted. You’re not good enough. Insufficient.”

Those lies can be really hard to silence sometimes, can’t they? They’d long held me captive, and normally would’ve plunged me into an all-day, if not longer, gloom. But not this time. As I sat there, initially feeding all those deceptive and toxic thoughts, I sensed God’s whisper, urging me to turn to truth, my most powerful weapon against all fear, fear of rejection included. And so I did.

Bible opened to Ephesians 1, I began to read. More than that, I soaked in every word, claiming each as my own. Through that passage, God spoke so clearly, reminding me of who I was. Though I felt rejected and discarded, insufficient, the Bible promised that was far from reality. Instead, I was and am God’s holy child (v. 1), blessed with every spiritual blessing (v. 3) chosen (v. 4) loved and adopted (v. 5), redeemed and lavished in grace.

But here’s my favorite verse: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (v. 11).

God, my Creator and redeemer, the One who promised to perfect that which concerns me (Ps. 138:8), works all things, my life included, according to His will. Therefore, when opportunities don’t arise or are denied, when others don’t appreciate my skills or my gifts, that doesn’t mean I’m insufficient or rejected. Rather, it indicates God has something else in mind. He’ll show me precisely what that something is, in His way and His timing.

Because He loves me.

What’s more, I can trust Him. I can trust His heart, His wisdom, His power, and His plan. And in the waiting, I can choose to receive the love and grace, the acceptance and equipping, He’s lavished freely upon me through His Son.

I am far from insufficient. So are you. We are loved, redeemed, empowered, and called children of Christ destined for impact.

Additional resources:

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Overcoming Fear of Rejection (video presentation, by Jennifer Slattery)

Learning to Shake of Rejection to Live in Freedom

When Others Rejection Us

If you struggle with fear of rejection and other fears, make sure to join the Faith Over Fear private Facebook group. You can find it HERE. You can find additional faith-building resources HERE. I also encourage you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode on breaking free from people pleasing. Find it Here or wherever you access podcast content.

Breaking Body Image Shame With Rachael Gilbert – Faith Over Fear

Do all the parties, cookie exchanges, and holiday meals this time of year prick your insecurities and create anxiety? Do you find yourself simultaneously enjoying home-baked treats and calculating how many hours at the gym each bite will cost? More importantly, do you ever long for the day when you don't stress about your body? In our photo-shopped, filtered, social media culture, is that even possible? Faith Over Fear guest Rachael Gilbert, author of Image Restored, says yes and shares her inside out approach to learning to feel comfortable in our skin, whatever shape it encompasses. (Scroll down for discussion/reflective questions.) Resource Mentioned: Image Restored: Tear Down Shame and Insecurity to Experience a Body Image Renovation. Connect with Rachael Gilbert: On her website On Instagram On Facebook On her Amazon Author Page Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Find Wholly Loved: On their website Join the private Faith Over Fear Facebook Group Join the Private Wholly Loved Community Facebook Group Discussion/Reflective Questions: What resonated with you most in this episode? What body image messages have you absorbed from your social circle? What body image messages have you received from generations before you? How often do you put your thoughts "on trial"? How often do you check your negative thinking against the truth of Scripture? In what ways might a negative body image be impacting your relationships How might your life change were you to feel confident in your skin? What is one action step God might be asking you to take, having listened to this episode? Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Finding Our True Selves––the Unveiling of Faith

by Jennifer Slattery on July 9, 2020November 1, 2021

We can’t live like a queen while prancing through the pig sty, and make no mistake, you and I are royalty of incredible value. Realizing this, living in this truth, changes everything—our behavior, perceptions and interactions. This reality necessarily leads to freedom, just as surely as failure to grasp this truth results in slavery.

Years ago, our family opened our home to a young woman who hadn’t a clue who she was.

She believed she held no worth outside of her looks and whatever attention she gained from boys. She received what she sought, at least, on a surface level. Her phone constantly lit up with messages from young men who spoke charming words in the moment, only to use her. And though her friends bathed her in compliments, her emptiness remained.

What might you have done, had you been me? Corrected or rebuked her? Assigned harsh consequences designed to scare her into acting appropriately?

That’s often how we respond, to others and ourselves, when we fail to live as God desires. And while I understand, as parents or teachers, sometimes we must apply the stern hand of discipline. But I also know, from experience and Scripture, true change goes much deeper.

I’m convinced Christianity is less about becoming and more about unveiling who we truly are; who we were created to be. It’s like, prior to Jesus, we’ve all suffered from a case of mistaken identity. We’ve allowed all the voices of the world to confuse and define us, leaving us insecure and bruised. But as we draw closer to Christ, He whispers to our hearts, “That, my child, is not who you are, who I created you to be. You’re mine. You’re loved, fully and eternally. A creature of inexpressible value, hand-crafted in My image, to shine as a beautiful reflection of me.”

In Genesis 1:26, God said, “Let us make mankind in Our image, in Our likeness …” In the original Hebrew, “Let us make mankind as Our shadow …”

When my daughter was young, she loved making her shadow dance and jump. When she skipped, her shadow did as well. It twirled as fast or as slow as she did, remaining, forever connected to her, the form it represented. The greater the light, the stronger and more defined her shadow. Similarly, as the light dimmed, her shadow faded.

In other words, we discover our truest selves not by chasing after success, accolades, or approval. To the contrary. That will only blur our edges and distort our true beauty. We find ourselves in the One who loves us, knows us, and called us to forever shadow Him.

The apostle Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, understood this. When speaking to the ancient Ephesians he recognized heir behaviors and weaknesses, absolutely. But he saw their Christ-centered identity first. God their Father had called them out of the pig sty and to Himself. And lest they feel tempted to prance back to the muck they’d once danced in, Paul reminded them, emphatically, “That is not who you are!”

He told them they were God’s holy people (v. 1). They were far from lacking, for they were abundantly blessed. They weren’t rejected or cast aside. To the contrary, they were chosen by the supreme Creator Himself. They were to shake off the memories of every slimy pit they’d once fallen into, for God had declared them holy and blameless, redeemed and forgiven.

That was their true identity. Their challenge, then, was to learn to live in that reality. They needed to learn to live in grace as children of grace.

We do as well, because identity changes everything, and Christ paid much too high a price for you and I to ever go tiptoeing through the pig sties again.

So how do we do this? By allowing God to change the way we think until our thoughts mirror His, because His thoughts always lead us toward His love and truth. He always leads us toward the absolutely best versions of ourselves. May we never accept the cheap substitutes our world tries to force upon us ever again.

If you’re struggling to live anchored in your true identity, you might find my conversation with Grace Fox in my sixth podcast episode, Moving Past the Fear of Insignificance helpful. You can find it HERE.

Connect with me on Facebook and Instagram.

Additional resources:

Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen

Reclaiming Our Identity, video presentation, session one in the Becoming His Princess Bible study.

Anchored and Secure: Sixty Days of Resting in Grace

Thanks to Christ’s death and resurrection, we don’t have to stress, strive, or perform. We simply need to rest in what Christ has already done. That is when we begin to come alive and find the power and courage to live as He intended. That’s when we experience true and lasting freedom. This sixty-day devotional helps women reflect on God’s grace and the freedom of living deeply anchored in Him.

Rising Above the Negativity to Sludge to Live in the “Heavenlies”

by Jennifer Slattery on April 4, 2019November 1, 2021

Scripture tells me I’ve been “seated in the heanvenlies” but I often allow myself to get caught up in the sludge of negativity. Of anxiety and uncertainty. Of pride and selfishness.

I can become so consumed with all the chaos and noise around me, I forget I was redeemed to rise above.

When this happens, I must remind myself of who I am, who I belong to, and therefore who’s sovereign over the big and little details of not just my life, but all of humanity overall.

I’m not a powerless, helpless orphan forced to navigate this harsh world on my own. I’m blessed with every spiritual blessing, chosen, adopted into God’s family as His beloved child, forgiven, and lavished with kindness by the One who has full authority of all things, my family and circumstances included, and is, at this moment working everything out in accordance with His good and perfect will. (Eph. 1:4-11).

Standing on those truths allows me to shift from reactionary living to empowered, courageous, and eternally impactful purpose.

To look beyond the problems and concerns of today to the victory of tomorrow.

Last month, I spent an evening serving in a local church spanning three stories accessed by relatively steep stairs. As children raced up and down, their breath grew heavy, their faces sweaty, and their legs fatigued. The younger ones, however, moved much slower, their much shorter legs greatly challenged.

Standing at the bottom, or even the midway point, the climb ahead of them must have felt monumental, as if the staircase went on forever.

You may know precisely what that feels like.

One little girl in particular, perhaps two years old, clearly labored for every step. Her father, holding her hand, watched her patiently, lovingly, gently tugging her forward. Then, about halfway up, likely sensing her strength was gone, he scooped her up and balanced her on his shoulder.

Resting deeply in his embrace, she smiled and watched his strong and sure feet take her higher and higher, effortlessly. From that view, those stairs looked much different. A little less steep, each one not quite so high. Not nearly so insurmountable.

This is the type of view our heavenly Father offers. He knows our journey is tough. Exhausting. He knows, at times, the climb feels never-ending, and ten times more so when we survey the staircase from a ground level view. But God wants us to shift our perspective. To remember we’re not stuck in the muck that appears to stretch for miles in every direction. The anger and confusion and uncertainty of this present world. We are, at this moment, raised up with Christ and seated with him in the heavenly realms.”

Our home is elsewhere, so though we still struggle with the day to day, we have the power and authority in Christ to do as victorious daughters of the risen King. Notice, this is the truth. Where we presently, at this moment, reside.

Jesus paid a high price to grant us this position. With every action, reaction, and interaction, may we choose to live in the reality of this standing.

Let’s talk about this! How often do you give negative thinking more power than God’s voice? How can you more intentionally and more consistently focus on truth? What are some ways you currently do this? Share your thoughts, examples, and suggestions with us, because we can all learn from and encourage one another.

You may find this video, week one’s video presentation for our Becoming His Princess Bible study, encouraging and helpful as well.

If you haven’t grabbed your free copy of our study yet, you can do so HERE.

Want me or my team to come speak to your Bible study group, Moms group, or next women’s event? Contact me HERE.