Who’s Going to Take the First Step

Today I’m doing something a little different, mainly because I committed to do so. But after some nudging from Patty Wysong, and some emails shot around by the Jewels of Encouragement team, I succumbed to…vlogging. The point of the vlog was to introduce ourselves and give readers a voice and face to put to our writing. If you scroll down, you can listen to the time I alluded to on Saturday, and how a less-than-pleasant time impacted my resolve for 2012.

I’ve seen so many marriages crumble, many for small irritations, because of misunderstandings, or an abundance of bickering. Which in my mind is just wrong. Outside of abuse and infidelity, the marriage bed is sacred. So why are there so many divorces in the church? I believe it’s because we’ve forsaken obedience and flipped it to doing “what feels right” or makes us happy. But Jesus never said, “Come find the next party.” He said, “Unless you pick up your cross daily, you are not worthy of me.” And, “But whoever loses his life for me and the gospel shall find it.” And “unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

It’s about obedience and commitment even when–especially when–it’s hard. If you’re a Christian, your word should be certain. People should know with you a promise made is a promise kept. Not only when it’s convenient, or when we get something out of it, but when everything in us wants to run the other way. Why? Because we belong to an absolutely holy God who always keeps His promises.

If we want fellowship with God, if we want to “dwell on His holy hill”, we will value what He values, hate what He hates, and live like He lives. We will be people of integrity and we will do what it takes to make and keep a holy, united marriage bed. Because agape love is a forever love that never walks away.

Psalm 15:1-4
1 Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord?
Who may enter your presence on your holy hill?
2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right,
      speaking the truth from sincere hearts.
3 Those who refuse to gossip
or harm their neighbors
or speak evil of their friends.
4 Those who despise flagrant sinners,
and honor the faithful followers of the Lord,
and keep their promises even when it hurts.

We can keep our promises. We can hold tight to our marriage, no matter what state it’s in, and we can foster increased intimacy, one step at a time.


What about you? What’s step do you need to take today to work toward relational intimacy? Take it, but don’t stop there. Keep walking, friend! For those of you who have been in the negativity-spiral for some time, this won’t be easy and likely you won’t experience quick results. You and your spouse will need to learn new patterns of behavior, which takes time. In fact, it might take the same amount of time to reconnect in your marriage as it did to disconnect, but speaking from someone who went from near divorce to (as my daughter calls my husband and I) like newly weds, it’s so worth it.

And now, stop by Patty Wysong’s blog where she explains a little about what this whole vlogging thing is all about.

What about you? Do you have a marriage-transformation story you’d like to share? Shoot me an email at jenniferaslattery(at)gmail(dot)com. Now go be intentional, y’all! Chasing after an extraordinary God with radical obedience.


  1. Hi Jennifer, it’s nice meeting you! I can tell that you’ve done this quite a bit. I’m sure you could help the rest of us along the way.

    1. Thanks for stopping by, Yvonne! This is actually my third “vlog”. I did one for Clash, then made one I haven’t aired about foster care. But I have done a lot, or I should say, used to do alot of speaking. It’s pretty much the same thing, although it’s a little easier because it’s just you and your computer. grin. Which is where I prefer to spend my time, if given the choice. 🙂

  2. Marriage is hard, I have found that being in an intercultural relationship has come with many challenges.
    To help have better relationships we need to say “thank you” more often.
    Be careful when you criticize because it hurts.
    Watch where your priorities are.. Are you spending too much time on your cell phone, playing a computer game, watching TV ..? These things can kill a marriage.
    Proverbs 24:3 NCV “It takes wisdom to have a good family {marriage} and it takes understanding to make it strong. “

  3. Such fabulous advice. Taking the first step is TOUGH – but can make SUCH a difference. And those “best” views really can make a huge difference in ANY relationship, but especially marriage.

  4. Great post, Jennifer! Love your vlog – being intentional is so important! And what better time of the year to make that determination than in January. I appreciate your transparency in sharing about your marriage. Good reminder to think the best about our spouses! It’s been a blessing to blog with you over @ Living By Grace. Hugs!

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