(The below is a transcript, edited slightly, taken from an iBelieve video devotion.)

We know God commanded us to love, right? Sometimes, the “how” related to that seems clear, like when we serve at a homeless soup kitchen, pray with a hurting friend, or prioritize relationships with friends and family. But what if the person we reach out to consistently pushes us away? How do we know when to persevere, doing our best to initiate connection, and when to respectfully honor the other person’s wishes?

A while ago, I recorded two episodes on loving those who are hard to love. Matt Maciera, the founder of Be Bold Ministries, joined me, for one of the episodes. You can find the second HERE.) In both, I discussed some of the fears you and I might face when attempting to love others as Jesus does us. If fear tends to be your greatest outreach challenge, I encourage you to take a listen. 

What I didn’t cover, however, was how to respond when someone tells you to leave them alone. What is more loving? To honor their request or to persevere in an effort to break through whatever barriers are keeping them in isolation or bondage? 

Or, maybe you’re a parent trying to faithfully raise your kids, or lead children in a school or Sunday School classroom. When they misbehave, how do you know when to offer grace and when to enforce consequences? Perhaps you’re facing the same dilemma with adult employees or those on your ministry team. 

There are times when I find God’s call to love confusing, especially because my heart can be so self-deceptive. My pride and desire to self-protect can taint even my most benevolent acts and desires. I can even convince myself that my selfishly-motivated, prideful, or self-protecting inclinations are from God. 

Therefore, if I want to love well, I must regularly seek God’s deep soul-cleansing. In 1 Timothy 1:5, Paul, a first century apostle who wrote much of the New Testament stated, “The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith” (NIV).

Pure love flows from a pure heart. One without mixed motives or the infection of sin. I don’t believe we can reach that state apart from God. He sees gunk in us we’re not even aware of, and this deep-cleansing God does, it’s a continual process. Because if you’re anything like me, selfishness and pride can rise up mere moments after your prayer time. 

I don’t know who God is calling you to love today, or who He might call you to love tomorrow, or the day after that. I don’t know if that person will welcome your efforts or consistently push you away. Nor do I know how God wants you to respond. But I do know you’ll be better able to hear God’s voice, to sense His guidance, and to respond, when you, by His power and grace, maintain a pure heart. One regularly cleansed–and filled–by Christ. 

_{Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.}

Before you go, have you registered for Wholly Loved’s upcoming gala? It is going to be such fun! Find out more HERE.

A quick note, for those who connect with me on Facebook or through Messenger, FB has currently blocked my account (I have no idea why). Therefore I encourage you to reach out to me through this website or Instagram.

Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back – Faith Over Fear

In this opening episode of our new Faith Over Fear series, Relational Peace: Loving Others Without Losing Yourself, Carol sits down with Bible teacher and author Becky Harling for an honest conversation about the subtle ways we lose ourselves inside relationships. Together, they explore how fear, people-pleasing, overfunctioning, and the pressure to keep everyone happy can quietly erode our peace, identity, and emotional health. Becky shares practical wisdom on boundaries, friendship, emotional dependency, and how Jesus modeled deep love without losing Himself in the process. If you’ve ever felt exhausted from carrying everyone else’s emotions or guilty for needing rest, this episode offers biblical encouragement and practical next steps toward healthier, Christ-centered relationships. In This Episode, learn: Why people-pleasing is often fear in disguise The difference between healthy love and self-erasure How Jesus modeled boundaries and emotional health Signs you may be losing yourself in relationships Why Christian women and men especially struggle with overextending What healthy friendships actually look like Practical tools for saying no without guilt How to love others without carrying their emotional weight Scripture References Mark 1:35–38 Proverbs 4:23 John 2:24 Ephesians 2:10 I think I got them all? Key TakeawayHealthy relationships are not built on fear, guilt, or emotional exhaustion. They’re built on truth, grace, wisdom, honesty, and an identity firmly rooted in Christ. Find Becky Harling:  On her website On Facebook On Instagram On Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website  On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

1. Why We Lose Ourselves in Relationships—and How to Find Our Way Back 28:19
2. Recognizing and Breaking Free from Harmful Relationships 35:01
3. From Bondage to Abundance: One Woman's Testimony About Learning to Live Free 18:40
4. How God Helps Us Get to and Resolve the Root of Our Anxiety 30:51
5. Calm Anxiety and Overwhelm Through Time With Christ 27:15

Also, make sure to catch the latest Faith Over Fear episode: