My husband Bill lay dying in the dim light with his eyes closed. A tube in his mouth, taped securely to his face, snaked down to his windpipe.
I sat beside his bed, feeling the weight of forty years of memories. Joy at the births of our children. Sadness when we lost our baby girl. Memories of early battles in our marriage, and of the present chronic disease assaulting Bill’s body. I also remembered one of my greatest fears: when I rappelled down Rooster Rock, a basalt monolith in the Columbia River Gorge.
We had sat there on top of that rock, enjoying the view. A soft breeze that smelled like honey ruffled my hair. The bright blue sky contrasted with the newly sprouted lime-green leaves and dark green firs. All too soon it was time to go back down, but it was a long way to the bottom.
I looked nervously at Bill. Going down meant rappelling down. I dreaded this, though I had forced myself to do it many times before.
This was the tallest rock I had ever tried to rappel off, the double rope heavy in my hands. But I was ready to go. “Just lean back, sweetheart,” Bill said. “You’ll be okay. Trust me. Trust the rope and protection.”
So scared, I cried out, “I can’t do this!”
“Put your right hand behind your back and keep the brake on. You know how to do it.”
I held my breath and tilted backward. The chain adjusted itself to the rappel rope and jolted me with a clunk. I began to ease myself down, just inches from the rock-face. “Okay, okay. I’m doing it. Here I go.” And down I went, talking out loud, and asking Jesus to help me until I finally landed safely at the foot of the rock.
Now I was facing the time for our final goodbye. I knew it would be the last time I would talk to Bill here on earth. Moments later, the nurse said, “He’s gone.”
Going on without my husband of forty years was like looking down a steep rock with no one to set up protection for my descent. A life without my hero, the father of my children. I prayed God would get me through this loss, greater than any calamity I’d ever experienced.
During the sleepless nights that followed, I remembered Bible verses I’d memorized as a young child. They reminded me I was in the valley of the shadow of death, yet I knew Bill was dwelling “in the house of the Lord” (Psalm 23:6 NIV).
Just as I had trusted Bill to protect me while I climbed, I also trust God to provide, protect, and comfort me, whatever the situation. When I battle those fears of loneliness, sickness, and death, it is trust in the Maker of mountains that allays my fears.
Psalm 124:8 says, “Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (NIV). It is God who will help us face every challenge. For he is with us (Matthew 1:23). And we can trust in him.
Get to Know Shirley Quiring Mozena:
About the author: Shirley Quiring Mozena is a retreat speaker and national speaker for Stonecroft Ministries. She has three-hundred-plus followers who read her weekly blog on encouragement and hope, and she has published articles in the newspaper and in Christian publications. Shirley has a presence on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. Her website includes her blogs and speaking schedule: http://www.shirleymozena.com.
Check Out Her Release, A Trustworthy Anchor: God’s Hope and Encouragement in the Storms of Life:
Shirley’s books include: Second Chances (at Life and Love, with Hope), Beyond Second Chances: Heartbreak to Joy, (finalists for 2023 Cascade Christian Writer Awards). With her husband Jim, she co-authored Second Chance at Love: A Practical Guide to Remarriage after Loss (a finalist for both 2023 Cascade Christian Writers and 2024 Golden Scroll). Look for her new 40-day devotional book, A Trustworthy Anchor: God’s Hope & Encouragement in the Storms of Life, in September 2024. Visit her website at: shirleymozena.com/books.
