Finding Peace When Your Relationship Doesn’t Change

by Jennifer Slattery on June 12, 2026June 11, 2026

My husband knows the pain of estrangement.

The sting of regret and the anxiety of second-guessing himself and replaying words spoken and conversations held. He’s felt the bittersweet grief left by memories that once brought joy but now come laden with pain. I’ve watched him mourn moments he’ll probably never experience again. He’s grieved the vacations they won’t take and holidays they won’t celebrate together.

Although I suspect the treatment he suffered for years prior stung worse.

He was married prior to meeting me, and before yielding his life to Christ. While that relationship began pleasantly enough, it soon devolved in yelling, fighting, name-calling and what I’d term verbal and emotional abuse. After fifteen years of feeling constantly under attack, he left. He’s certain things between him and his ex would’ve played out differently, had he been following Christ. But sadly, he wasn’t, and they didn’t.

In the years that followed, he worked hard to remain engaged in his children’s lives, a goal challenged by geographical distance and a severe case of parental alienation. This, coupled with the guilt he felt from leaving his children, caused him to over-function and appease his kids. Although his intentions were good, the results weren’t. Afraid of losing the relationships he fought so hard to maintain, he allowed one child in particular to treat him in much the same way as his ex had. We both assumed tempers would calm with time, love and consistency.

Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Instead, the hostility and behavior escalated until this particular relationship fractured completely. While God can bring reconciliation from seemingly hopeless situations, that typically requires both parties to invest in the repair. That’s a difficult reality to accept. But it also carries the potential for freedom and personal healing, because it helps us release what isn’t ours to carry.

Our journey showed us that reconciliation requires more than one willing heart. Each person must be willing to acknowledge the wounds they suffered and inflicted. Both must willingly pursue healing, growth, and honest conversation. When that happens, even deeply fractured relationships can begin to mend. When it doesn’t, one person’s effort can carry a relationship only so far.

You might know this from experience.

Perhaps you presently find yourself where my husband stood, early in his relational storm—thinking if only you tried harder, loved more and responded to hostility with grace, you’ll eventually win the other person over. Or, maybe after decades of attempts you recognize it’s time to walk away—at least, until your friend, loved one or spouse shows they’re willing and able to change. Or maybe you sense God re-igniting the hope that a barrage of arguments and mistreatment tried to kill. Only, you’re not sure you have the courage to try again, because hope, once dashed, can feel risky.

What if you get hurt yet again?

I don’t have any brilliant answers, except this: Jesus knows the best response. The healthiest response. Scripture phrases it this way: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18, NIV).

If it’s possible.

As far as it depends on us.

This reminds us that we’re responsible for our actions and reactions, but we have no control over someone else’s choices or maturity. Because here’s something I’m learning, as I navigate some of my challenging relationships: We can’t control how anyone else behaves. We can’t remove someone else’s bitterness, expand their perspective, open their ears to productive conversation or soften a hardened heart.

But we can become the best version of ourselves possible.

We can view every interaction as a learning opportunity that leads to greater self-awareness of our wounding and the lies attached to them. To increased spiritual maturity that stems from deeper dependence on Christ. And the priceless gift of enhanced intimacy with the Lord.

God can bring such beauty to us, our lives and our future relationships when we choose to grow through the pain, refusing to get stuck in the mess or our “offense”. Christ promised to bring good from our pain. But that usually requires effort on our part—not to fix the situation, but instead, to fix our gaze—on Jesus, keep our ears tuned to the Holy Spirit, and our feet ready to follow however He leads.*

If this is something you’re navigating now, I encourage you to catch Carol and my series on the Faith Over Fear podcast on relational peace and how to love others well without losing ourselves. This past Tuesday, we launched with one of our favorite guests, Becky Harling, who discussed with Carol how fear leads to over-functioning in our relationships and how over-functioning leads to burnout and resentment. Next week, I’m talking with a trauma-informed biblical counselor regarding what Scripture actually teaches regarding healthy boundaries. The following Tuesday, Carol and Bible teacher Kathy Howard will discuss how to respond rather than react in difficult relationships, followed by a discussion with neuropsychologist Dr. Michelle Bengston on how to handle those relationships that don’t change, typically because the other person refuses to do so. And finally, we’ll close our series discussing what to do with the unpleasant emotions that often come when we others choose to remain in harmful behaviors and patterns.

Before you go, what most encouraged or frustrated you in today’s post?

Share in the comments below. Let me know how I can pray for you as well. And wherever you’re at relationally, know this: God sees you. He loves you, remains with you and will bring beauty from your pain. That I can promise you, because He promised it first (Rom. 8:28).

*If this feels hard and confusing, can I gently encourage you to not give up? Learning to recognize God’s voice and sense His leading takes time and practice, and often, prayer asking for His help. Thankfully, this is a request He loves to answer! Feel free to reach out to me through my contact page if you’d like to know about the resources I’ve found helpful in my journey toward increased spiritual sensitivity.

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

Some relationships leave us feeling anxious, emotionally drained and unsure how to move forward. We want to love well, extend grace and remain faithful to God's call, yet we often find ourselves carrying burdens that were never ours to bear. In this episode, Jennifer Slattery sits down with pastor, author and biblical counselor Brad Hambrick to discuss what healthy boundaries are, what they aren't and why establishing them can feel so difficult—especially for compassionate people. Together, they explore the difference between sacrificial love and self-neglect, how to recognize unhealthy relational patterns, why boundaries are ultimately an issue of stewardship and what Scripture teaches about navigating difficult relationships with wisdom and grace. If you've ever struggled with guilt, fear of disappointing others or uncertainty about when to step back, this conversation will provide practical guidance and biblical encouragement. Scripture referenced or discussed: Matthew 7:3–5; John 2:24-25; Romans 13:1–4; Philippians 2:5–8; Philippians 1:6 Connect with Pastor Brad Hambrick: On his website On Instagram On Facebook Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When Relational BEtrayal Challenges your Ability to trust

by Jennifer Slattery on February 19, 2026February 18, 2026

Relational betrayal is one of the most disorienting and longest-lasting wounds we can experience. I suspect most, if not all, of us know this from experience. When a caregiver uses our vulnerability against us, a friend slanders or gossips about us, or we discover that the spouse or spiritual mentor we once trusted implicitly told more lies than truth, it shatters more than our faith in that person.

It can challenge our ability to trust ourselves.

If we didn’t catch the warning signs with, say, that neighbor known for years, how can we feel confident in our perspective of that acquaintance we think might make a good friend?

This can also intensify any sense of self-loathing or condemnation we carry, particularly if our inner critic bombards us with blame.

Yesterday, I spoke with a precious, godly woman who endured—and is enduring—soul-crushing hardship related to an illness that has stolen her mobility and her strength. When her body first began failing and the doctors predicted a lifetime of disability, she consoled herself with the thought, At least I won’t be alone. At least I’ll have my husband.

Isn’t that what marriage vows proclaim—in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do we part?

But what happens when your spouse refuses to honor the promises they made, not because of any horrific, divorceable deed like infidelity or abuse, but rather… inconvenience? What happens when one you gave your heart to without reservation walks away—when you need them most?

That was precisely what happened to the woman I spoke with yesterday. Praise God, by the time I heard her story, He’d brought deep healing to her soul and a healthy relationship with a much more honorable man. But while I celebrated the joy I saw in her eyes as she shared all the Lord had done, I doubt her journey to her “happily ever after” was anxiety- or pain-free.

I imagine she spent many nights wrestling with her past, herself, and maybe also her Savior who allowed her previous betrayal. maybe, at times, she still does.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you grew up in a home where caregivers exploited your weaknesses, mocked your tears, and responded to your desperate cries for help with contempt. Or you learned that a friend who seemed so kind and supportive used you for personal gain. Or that the supervisor you trusted to advocate for you blamed you for their mistake.

Now you don’t know who to trust—and you doubt yourself most of all.

I wonder if David, ancient Israel’s second king, ever felt this way. As a youth, he courageously and sacrificially served his predecessor, a man named Saul, and received homicidal malice in return. He defended an entire town, only to have them turn on him, knowing their betrayal could lead to David’s death. Then, years later, his son—whom he deeply loved—sought to kill him to usurp the throne. And while, admittedly, David wasn’t the wisest or most honorable father, that still had to sting.

Perhaps, in fact, that made the betrayal hurt all the more by convincing him he deserved it.

He could have become bitter and spent the remainder of his life in isolation, or fueled by a toxic desire to get even. Yet that’s not what happened. Instead, he is forever memorialized in Scripture as a man after God’s own heart.

Based on his prayers recorded in the Psalms, he reached that place of maturity and intimacy with the Lord the same way the woman I spoke with did—by turning to Him in his pain, processing every tear and gut-wrenching emotion with God, receiving His comfort, and routinely anchoring his soul in truth.

I want to get better at following those steps, regardless of how long that takes. I want to react less in the moment, process more with Christ, and wait on Him to heal and guide my soul. When I’m tempted to lash out, withdraw, or move through life with some level of self-imposed isolation, I want to seek God’s heart and strength instead.

I want to routinely, and increasingly, accept my Father’s invitation in Psalm 55:2:

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken (NIV).

Otherwise, I fear I’ll become the betrayer and wound myself for far longer—and with farther-reaching results—than my initial offender ever could.

I don’t want to downplay poor behavior or ignorantly invite harm. But neither do I want to block my soul from experiencing all the good God has in store for my tomorrows by forever expecting a repeat of yesterday’s pain.

***

If this post resonated with you, and you’re looking for more insight and encouragement related to building healthy and support relationships, make sure to check out my cohost Carol’s conversation with Faith Over Fear guest Becky Harling in the episode titled, “How to Find Godly Friends When You Don’t Know Who to Trust.“

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

When Relationships Hurt

by Jennifer Slattery on January 1, 2026December 31, 2025

(This first published on March 30, 2023.)

Relationships can lead to great joy and fulfillment, but they can also trigger significant anxiety and pain. While God can, and often does, bring healing, restoration, and wholeness to some of our most challenging relationships, sadly, some connections remain fractured.

This often leaves us wrestling with difficult and confusing questions like, how do we love others well, in a godly and healthy way, without inviting continual injury? How can we protect our hearts from what is harmful while nourishing it with everything life giving and true? How do we grieve well, without bitterness, and while holding tightly to hope?

Or perhaps to phrase it differently, how do we experience the victorious, thriving life Christ promised in every situation? Without allowing other people’s behavior to negatively affect ours?

Is this even possible?

These were some of the questions I addressed last weekend when I spoke to a group of women in Rockford, Michigan. While there, I heard stories of deep mother-daughter wounds. Of seemingly irreparably broken friendships. And listening, I recalled the hurt others had shared withe me shortly before. Of challenging marriages and shattered trust. And on occasion, of situations where women realized, despite their longing for reconciliation, wisdom required distance. And in every instance, I heard sorrow expressed.

I could relate. I imagine you can, too. We’ve all suffered the effects of living in a sin-tainted world that is far from what God intended; far from the joyful paradise for which we’re destined.

We are all living somewhere within the messy middle, and that hurts. But that doesn’t mean we can’t receive joy and peace amidst the storm. While I’m still on this journey of becoming and receiving, God has and is teaching me some things regarding how to thrive, even while my soul aches.

I’m learning to give myself space to mourn, and to recognize the holy thread woven through my grief. God created us to give and receive love, without fear or injury. To crave emotional intimacy and healthy connection. That is what we’re destined for, and therefore the states for which we’ll always long.

But God’s showed me that I also must always grieve with hope, keeping my heart open to the possibility that, one day, things might change. This is and may always feel hard—finding a way to accept what is without hardening myself against potential miracles to come. Even if that means my heart remains a little bruised.

In the meantime, I seek God’s perspective—of my hurts, the other person, and the situation—recognizing my perspective is limited, tainted by scars previously incurred, including past interactions with the individual, and often deceived. Once He’s corrected my view, or removed my plank, so to speak, I ask for His guidance on how to proceed. He usually only tells me my next couple steps, and that always involves resting in Him.

Receiving from Him.

Letting Him fill my soul—with Him. The God who knows me fully, loves me completely, and will never leave.

The God who says to each of us, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:10, NIV).

Let’s talk about this. How do you heal, nourish, and protect your heart when others wound it?

If this resonates with you, you might also receive encouragement from this Faith Over Fear episode titled “When Relationships Hurt: Finding Healing, Safety, and Hope in Christ”.

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

Overcoming Shame Through Grace: Guest post by Shadia Hrichi

by Jennifer Slattery on June 5, 2025June 4, 2025

As a child, had you ever done something wrong and were unable to look your parents in the eye?

A few years ago, I was visiting my brother and his family.

We were all enjoying the afternoon sunshine on his back deck as the children played in the backyard. At one point, I overheard my brother tell my 5-year-old niece not to swing from the branches of a very small tree.

Minutes later, crash!

We all heard a loud crack as she and the branch came tumbling down.

I watched as my niece timidly walked to her dad, hanging her head as she pointed to the broken branch.

My brother bent down, spoke something to her, and then they hugged. In no time, she was again laughing and playing. I was just given an opportunity to witness a father’s love and forgiveness as in the Bible.

”As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him…” Psalm 103:13

Overcoming Shame Through Faith In Jesus Christ

Understanding God’s Compassion For Sinners. As God’s child, I can easily picture hanging my head low when I know I’ve broken one of God’s commands. But that day, I saw the situation from a different angle.

My niece disobeyed, was powerless to remedy her situation, and was too ashamed to look her father in the eye. But my brother reached down to meet her where she was. Stretching out his hand, he lifted her eyes to meet his so she could see his desire to forgive and restore their relationship.

Dealing With Shame And Forgiveness In Christianity

It is the same for each one of us. Covered in sin and shame, you and I are powerless to reach a holy God. Our heavenly Father must reach down to us. So God sent His Son Jesus Christ, who stretched out his hands on the cross, beckoning us to lift our eyes and remember that God passionately desires to forgive and restore us.

“…at just the right time, when we were still powerless… God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us…” Romans 5:6,8

Heavenly Father, when we sin, lift our eyes to the cross so that we can remember Your forgiveness and embrace the power to live as Your beloved children. Amen.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ” 1 John 1:9

Get to Know Shadia Hrichi:

Shadia Hrichi is a passionate Bible teacher, award-winning author, and speaker who stirs the hearts and minds of her audience through personal story, illustration, and her unwavering confidence in the authority of God’s Word.

She holds a master’s in biblical and theological studies as well as a master’s in criminal justice. Shadia is the author of several Bible studies, including RAHAB, TAMAR, HAGAR, LEGION, and WORTHY OF LOVE and the recipient of the 2022 WCCW “God’s Word is Alive” Award. Residing in northern California, Shadia is often invited to speak at churches, conferences, women’s retreats and other events, and loves to visit the ocean each week for “a date with Jesus.”

Check Out Shadia Hrichi’s Bible Study, Hagar:

Join gifted Bible teacher Shadia Hrichi and journey into the story of Hagar. Through this in-depth Bible study, you will find that when you surrender your life into God’s hands, your trials and triumphs serve a magnificent purpose: to draw you into the arms of your heavenly Father, the faithful God Who Sees Me.

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

Laughter as a self-care tool

by Jennifer Slattery on February 27, 2025February 26, 2025

(Note: This first published on October 12, 2023 and is an adapted transcript from one of my former iBelieve video devotions.)

I’ve found, I most need to laugh when I least feel like laughing. For my mental health, for the health of my relationships, and sometimes for the perseverance to push through challenges. When I feel anything but cheerful and humorous, that’s precisely when I need to find a way to intentionally bring sunshine into my day.

Years ago, when my husband and I were fighting for our marriage, and I mean fighting–for a relationship we’d mentally given up on only months before, we learned we needed to take time for fun. Especially when working through difficult stuff. And I have to tell you, that was hard. My pride tempted me to isolate myself, but our counselor told us we needed to take time to play. Otherwise, she warned, we might forget why we fell in love and that we weren’t enemies, regardless of how we felt in that moment.

While I wish I would’ve done this more, I intentionally found ways for us to laugh, together. I purposefully cultivated silliness into our relationship and our home. I believe this became the glue that held us together and kept our hearts soft toward one another when the stress of life could’ve pulled us apart.

When life feels really stressful, like I have more to do than time to do it in, I know I need to intentionally set an afternoon aside to fortify my soul with laughter.

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Maybe you’ve felt the last half of that verse. Maybe your life this year has felt anything but cheerful. Maybe laughter has all but disappeared from your home, from your relationships, and your heart. I’ve been there, and man, is it hard. Much too hard, in fact. And when I land in that place, I intentionally find reasons to laugh.

At first, it might feel fabricated, forced. But soon, it becomes a habit, one that fills my heart with joy and soon spills from me, contagiously. It changes the tone of my home and my relationships for the better.

Try it, because right now we could all use all the sunshine we can get.

These videos may help:

And make sure to catch this week’s Faith Over Fear episode:

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

The Freedom We might Resist But Desperately Need

by Jennifer Slattery on March 21, 2024March 21, 2024

Not long ago, a young adult I mentored said, “I’m not like you. I hold grudges.” The statement took me aback as I could easily remember months and even years when I allowed bitterness from a previous wound steal my joy, my peace, and at times, my sleep. While I was thankful to think that I’d grown in this area, it still doesn’t come without a struggle. The deeper my hurt, the harder it is to forgive. I find it easier, however, when I reflect upon the inner angst my Savior is calling me from and the increased joy and peace He is calling me to.

If you can relate, you might find encouragement in Maureen Miller’s thoughts below.

Freedom in Forgiveness

by Maureen Miller

Sometimes God won’t leave well enough alone.

It hadn’t been a week since I’d been wronged. The little girl named Kristie who we’d grown to love, who’d been part of our family for more than a year, was taken away without warning on a hot August afternoon in 2008—her grandmother having changed her mind on the adoption placement we’d thought was part of God’s plan.

Our girl gone, I sat in the ash heap of my broken heart, vacillating between bitterness and deep sadness. It was then that God began meddling with my emotions, though I wanted to wallow in self-pity awhile longer, thank you very much.

“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven,” He whispered.

“But I’ve never done something so hurtful,” came my reply. “How could she?”

“First, don’t be so sure,” I heard Him say a little more loudly. After all, He’s all about leading us to humility, and my self-righteous response was a tad too haughty. And as if that wasn’t enough, God continued, “Furthermore, you’re failing to see that she loves her too.”

Truth is, I was blinded by pain, not to mention I had a tight grip on my grudge, much like a child might cling to a security blanket, as though my vice hold on hot anger brought justification.

“Can’t You see what her wrong has done to me?”

And then, on that day, the day God wouldn’t leave well enough alone, He simply repeated Himself for emphasis–

“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.”

Blast! He was serious. So I turned to Scripture, thinking perhaps I’d find a small-print clause, anything that allowed me to stand my ground a bit longer. Surely strong-willed Peter or perseverant Paul had something to say to justify my resentment, perhaps buy me more time in my oddly comfortable pit of despair.

But what I discovered was in Mark’s gospel, that evangelist who was likely a mere teenager when Jesus called to twelve others, “Follow me.” The one who grew old and fiery, who experienced mistreatment and, eventually, was bound by a rope and dragged through Alexandria until he died in a dusty street.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, [and then] your Father in heaven may forgive you…” (Mark 11:25 NIV).

Yes, it was this man, John Mark, who penned those red-letter words, spoken by the One who’d endured more suffering than we can imagine, who then became sin on our behalf, though without sin Himself—His death offering us freedom through forgiveness.

Ah. I sensed my grip loosening on my grievance as I leaned in to listen. And here I’d thought God’s word to me was an “If / Then” that offered the one who’d hurt me freedom. Frankly, I wasn’t ready to see her set free. Instead, I wanted her to regret her decision, change her mind when she saw the error of her ways. That’s just the honest truth.

But what I read from Mark was something else. Here I was, pleading with God in prayer to heal my broken heart, bind up my wounds, so I could wear the bandages like a badge that others might see my sadness and sympathize. How selfish!

These words, however, offered a gracious gift. Instead of exhorting me to forgive so that this person would be set free, this passage spoke of my forgiveness offering freedom, to me.

Oh my, God’s mercy—to work while I was yet in my simple-minded, selfish state. All He asked was that I do that one thing, like a baby step. And though tottering, I obediently took it to find I was still standing.

What was that step? Even through clenched teeth, I said aloud those 3-words—“I forgive her.” Then I wrote in a letter “I forgive you,” and mailed it.

Though I didn’t know how it would be received, doubted it would ultimately change her mind, that wasn’t what God said was important. I’d obeyed, despite feeling.

And though Kristie never became my daughter, over time, feelings of forgiveness—yes, even love for the one whom I felt wronged me—did come to match my faith-steps. Because, just like a toddler who graduates from tip-toed wobbles to running, I also matured, discovering that it’s in forgiving that we, too, are set free from the binding fetters of sin.

Indeed, there’s power when we forgive, and it’s true—God simply won’t leave well enough alone. Why? Because He knows and wants so much more. Beyond well enough is the well-spring of abundant life that Jesus offered. Through His death, He forgave our sins, which enables us, likewise, to forgive—no matter the circumstances.

And forgiveness? It’s the crossroad to freedom just outside an empty tomb.

(Kristie Miller resides in Oklahoma. We are close friends.)

***This piece appeared first in The Mountaineer, Easter Edition.***

How have you experienced freedom in forgiving?

Is there someone you yet need to forgive? Today’s the day!

Get to Know Maureen:

Maureen Miller is an award-winning author featured in more than twenty collaboratives. She writes for her local newspaper, is a contributing writer for Guideposts, and a featured blogger for several online devotional websites. She loves life in all its forms and enjoys it with her husband and their three children and grandchildren on Selah Farm in western North Carolina. She blogs at www.penningpansies.com, sharing God’s extraordinary character in the ordinary.

Check out Maureen’s story in Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone:

Stories to warm your heart, make you nod in understanding, and remind you of the extraordinary blessings that come with being a boy mom.

Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone is a delightful compilation of laughter, love, and godly advice from moms who proudly navigate the wild terrain of raising boys.

In this heartwarming collection, Michelle Rayburn and eighteen other moms of boys come together to share their unique experiences, offering a refreshing perspective on the joys and challenges that, for some, come with being the sole estrogen ambassador in a household full of testosterone. Through amusing anecdotes, relatable tales of mischief, and practical biblical insights, these moms shed light on the rollercoaster ride of boyhood.

In the pages, mothers share:

Laughter and tears as they recount their hilarious encounters with mud, bugs, and an endless supply of boy energy.
Real-life strategies for tackling the messiest situations, teaching life lessons with finesse, and finding the beauty in the chaos.
A touch of humor and a wealth of heartfelt wisdom from the vibrant world of boy moms.

If you’re a boy mom craving a dose of camaraderie, a bellyful of laughter, and a reminder that you’re rocking this estrogen-free adventure, this book is the perfect companion. Let these humorous and inspiring tales uplift you and remind you to embrace every messy, joy-filled moment.

The contributing authors include:

Abigail Wallace, Avonlea Q. Krueger, Becky Melby, Betty Predmore, Christina Ryan Claypool, Denise Loock, Gina Stinson, Ginny Dent Brant, Joni Topper, Kim Cusimano, Kolleen Lucariello, Maureen Miller, Melissa Meyer, Michelle Rayburn, Pam Farrel, Pam Fields, Rhonda Stoppe, Stacy Sanchez, Valerie McNulty

Grab a copy HERE.

Healthy Boundaries for Compassionate People – Faith Over Fear

Becoming What God Desires

by Jennifer Slattery on June 9, 2022June 8, 2022

(This first posted in 2018.)

We all have an idea of who we want to be, who we think we are, and who, in Christ, we’re becoming. Sometimes those “identities” contradict one another, leaving us feeling confused, frustrated, and defeated. If you’ve entrusted your life to Jesus, Ephesians 2:10 says you’re His masterpieces, handcrafted for a specific purpose, planned before you took our first breath. As my guest today illustrates, the more we allow God to chisel and mold us, the more we discover who we truly are–who God created us to be.

Becoming What God Desires

by Katie Clark.

It’s hard to live as the person God created me to be. Sometimes this contradicts who I think I am. Other times, discovering her involves pain and heartache. I criticize, talk down to myself, and obsess over all my failures.

Broken dreams, failed plans, and unexpected roadblocks have diverted my vision and altered my steps. Instead, I find myself on a different path—the one God put me on.

I’m slowly learning how to be whom God designed instead of the person I thought I would be. I’m also learning, even in my broken places, I’m still the person I always thought I was. I’m broken and whole. Broken because of the path my life has taken, but whole because of how Jesus put me back together.

I struggle with knowing whether I can be both at once, but I know it’s true because I’ve lived it. 1 Peter 2:9 tells me I’m chosen, whether I feel this or not. Daily Bible reading, devotions, and prayer time are my most trusted means of coming to terms with who God made me to be.

But I’ve also found being this person—this broken yet whole person who struggles with grief and pain—allows me to connect with others in a way I never knew was possible before. I can see the brokenness in others now, and I want to help them. I believe serving others can bring healing and wholeness in a way nothing else can.

I still struggle with self-degradation and living in regret. Questioning all my choices that led me to this place. But through a gentle walk with God I’m learning I don’t have to listen to those negative voices in my head. I can stand boldly in Christ and be the person He fashions me into each day.

What about you? How do you find strength and courage to step into God’s role for your life? What are some ways you combat negative, self-defeating thought patterns? Share your thoughts, tips, and examples with us in the comments below, because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

***

Before you go, make sure to sign up for Jennifer’s free quarterly newsletter (HERE)!

You’ll receive great content sent directly to your inbox (a short story, devotion, recipe, and more) along with a free, 36-lesson study (ebook) based on 1 Timothy (sent separately via a clickable link in the follow-up welcome letter). Note: If you signed up for her newsletter but never received your free ebook, please contact me HERE.

Want Jennifer or one of her team members to come speak at your next women’s event? Contact her HERE.

Get to know Katie!

Katie Clark started reading fantastical stories in grade school and her love for books never died. Today she reads in all genres; her only requirement is an awesome story! She writes adult inspirational romance, including her novel Securing The Handyman’s Heart, and her Christmas novel Radio Wave Romance. She also writes young adult speculative fiction, including her romantic fantasy novel, The Rejected Princess, her supernatural survival novel, Shadowed Eden, and her dystopian Enslaved Series. You can connect with her at her website, on Facebook, or on Twitter.

Check out her latest release, The Rejected Princess:

When Princess Roanna Hamilton’s parents arrange a marriage with a prince of Dawson’s Edge—the mysterious and backwards kingdom to the south—Roanna reluctantly agrees. But when Roanna is introduced to Dawson’s royal family, strange mind-bending anomalies are awakened within her, and she discovers the Dawsonian royal family holds secrets of their own. With threats growing daily, Roanna comes to realize the danger she is in. If Roanna is to save herself and her future, she must stall her marriage and squelch the growing rebellion—all while discovering how deeply her power runs.

Before you leave, make sure to catch the latest Your Daily Bible Verse podcast episode.

When You Feel Forgotten, God Still Hears (Jeremiah 33:3) – Your Daily Bible Verse

Today's Bible Verse: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." — Jeremiah 33:3 Jeremiah 33:3 is a powerful reminder of God's invitation to seek Him through prayer. Spoken while Jeremiah was imprisoned during a difficult season for Judah, this verse reveals that God is not limited by our circumstances. Even in moments of uncertainty, hardship, or waiting, He invites His people to call on Him and trust that He hears. Become a BibleStudyTools.com PLUS Member today: https://www.biblestudytools.com/subscribe/ Looking for a peaceful way to end your day? Listen to "Your Nightly Scripture" to end your day with God's word Meet Today’s Host: Reverend Jessica Van Roekel 🎙️ Listen to more daily devotionals with Jessica at Your Daily Bible Verse on LifeAudio Rev. Jessica Van Roekel is a passionate Christian speaker, author, and worship pastor who shares how God brings beauty from brokenness. Her message centers on God’s power to rescue, restore, and renew, even after seasons of rejection or loss. She is the author of Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything, a guide to seeing God’s purpose in life’s disappointments. Jessica and her husband are raising a vibrant family, with two adult daughters, a college-aged son, and a high school daughter. You can explore her teachings, devotionals, and resources at WelcomeGrace.com. Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When Hurts Come––Guard Your Inner Spark

by Jennifer Slattery on October 1, 2020November 1, 2021

The heart is a fragile yet powerful organ. Nurture and feed it well, and life and health follows. When we neglect it, allow hurts to sink deep and then fester, bitterness begins to invade every crevice, strangling our joy and peace. That’s not to say we should ignore, suppress, or deny our hurts. In fact, I’d argue doing so only leads to decay. Somehow, we have to learn to feel and to heal. To grieve with Jesus.

And perhaps that’s the difference between those who manage to move forward and those who seem to remain forever stuck, not just in their wounds, but in all the byproducts that come from unresolved, and often fed, past hurts.

A while back, after a powerful women’s event that proclaimed the freedom of forgiveness, of emotional release, I talked to a woman who’s been struggling for years. Maybe ten. Someone in her past hurt her deeply. They betrayed her trust, had abandoned her, and treated her unjustly. She had every right to be angry, and she was.

For nearly a decade, in fact. And her anger was destroying her, imprisoning her, only it didn’t show up as anger. Instead, those deep wounds presented as anxiety and chaos, as depression, sorrow and distrust. We spoke about this briefly, and I encouraged her to grieve with Jesus, following His lead in full surrender. But she couldn’t.

No. She wouldn’t. Her injustice felt much too unjust for her to just let go. I suppose she thought releasing the offense would simultaneously absolve her offender of guilt. She couldn’t see how she was allowing him to hurt her all over again, continuously.

She was letting him snuff out her candle. Her inner spark. What made her her. As a result, she was walking through life not only weakened, but many times, already defeated. And in this, she was robbing herself of the life Christ had died to give her.

Consider the converse. A couple of years ago, a friend called me. “Pray for my heart,” she said, explaining how she’d been wounded pretty deeply. She didn’t tell me how or offer a name, nor did she need to. Instead, she asked me to surround her candle, her inner spark, with prayer. She grieved the hurt, absolutely. But because she invited Jesus into her pain, bitterness never took root.

I’ve heard it said, anger is often a secondary emotion, arising, most often, when we’re afraid or have been hurt. It’s so easy to bypass the hurt, which can make us feel weak, and jump straight to the anger, which often gives the illusion of strength. But Scripture tells us, “Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah. Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord” (Psalm 4:4-5, ESV).

Before we react, God tells us to pause. To ponder. And to trust.

Dr. Allender and Longman, authors of the Cry of the Soul, put it this way: “Anger should lead us into silent pondering rather than direct action. Usually, anger is a starting gun that signals us to leap from the blocks to control, consume, destroy. Instead, anger should be a starting gun that calls us to sit down and think.”

What hurts lie beneath our anger?

Why do those hurts hurt so deeply?

What lies have we attached to them? We almost always do this. We’re not simply hurt because someone snubs us. No. The hurt often comes when we assign motive—“They don’t value me.”—and then a falsehood—”I’m annoying.”

Pause to prayerfully consider how that’s been true for you. Invite God to unpack your anger, your hurts, to show you everything entangled in them. Then ask Him to replace every falsehood He reveals with truth.

This is how, in part, we guard our hearts above all else, so that the well springs of life might first fill them then flow from them.

Is there something you need to grieve? An offense you need to let go? Will you have the courage to release it? Will you guard your candle, your inner spark, knowing all God has for you is good?

If this post resonated, I encourage you to read my latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode with Leigh Mackenzie on finding the courage to heal. You can listen to our discussion HERE.

Share your thoughts, stories, and comments below and connect with Jennifer on Facebook and Instagram.

I also encourage you to listen to my latest Thriving With Chronic Illness podcast episode on growing closer to Christ. Find it HERE.

Finding Emotional Health Through Daily Scripture Reading

by Jennifer Slattery on July 19, 2019November 1, 2021

God created us to live in freedom and deep connection with Him and others. Unfortunately, life experiences often hinder our ability to fully experience the abundant, beyond expectation, life Jesus died to give us. Many of us are hurting, struggling with insecurity, and tiptoeing through our days as we attempt to navigate the chaos. Still others of us are reacting to others with “fight” or “flight” responses–living in a continual state of avoidance and withdrawal or offense and defensiveness. So often, we attempt to fight these deep, heart-level battles with surface level tactics, but God wants to take us deeper. He wants to bring us to a place where we’re so grounded in Him, so encased and filled with His love, all the gunk of the world bounces off our wholly loved selves.

We want to help you take steps toward greater emotional and spiritual freedom, and we’ve designed a Bible reading plan, now available on the YouVersion app, to help you do that. You can find the app HERE.