Not long ago, a young adult I mentored said, “I’m not like you. I hold grudges.” The statement took me aback as I could easily remember months and even years when I allowed bitterness from a previous wound steal my joy, my peace, and at times, my sleep. While I was thankful to think that I’d grown in this area, it still doesn’t come without a struggle. The deeper my hurt, the harder it is to forgive. I find it easier, however, when I reflect upon the inner angst my Savior is calling me from and the increased joy and peace He is calling me to.
If you can relate, you might find encouragement in Maureen Miller’s thoughts below.
Freedom in Forgiveness
by Maureen Miller
Sometimes God won’t leave well enough alone.
It hadn’t been a week since I’d been wronged. The little girl named Kristie who we’d grown to love, who’d been part of our family for more than a year, was taken away without warning on a hot August afternoon in 2008—her grandmother having changed her mind on the adoption placement we’d thought was part of God’s plan.
Our girl gone, I sat in the ash heap of my broken heart, vacillating between bitterness and deep sadness. It was then that God began meddling with my emotions, though I wanted to wallow in self-pity awhile longer, thank you very much.
“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven,” He whispered.
“But I’ve never done something so hurtful,” came my reply. “How could she?”
“First, don’t be so sure,” I heard Him say a little more loudly. After all, He’s all about leading us to humility, and my self-righteous response was a tad too haughty. And as if that wasn’t enough, God continued, “Furthermore, you’re failing to see that she loves her too.”
Truth is, I was blinded by pain, not to mention I had a tight grip on my grudge, much like a child might cling to a security blanket, as though my vice hold on hot anger brought justification.
“Can’t You see what her wrong has done to me?”
And then, on that day, the day God wouldn’t leave well enough alone, He simply repeated Himself for emphasis–
“Forgive as you’ve been forgiven.”
Blast! He was serious. So I turned to Scripture, thinking perhaps I’d find a small-print clause, anything that allowed me to stand my ground a bit longer. Surely strong-willed Peter or perseverant Paul had something to say to justify my resentment, perhaps buy me more time in my oddly comfortable pit of despair.
But what I discovered was in Mark’s gospel, that evangelist who was likely a mere teenager when Jesus called to twelve others, “Follow me.” The one who grew old and fiery, who experienced mistreatment and, eventually, was bound by a rope and dragged through Alexandria until he died in a dusty street.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, [and then] your Father in heaven may forgive you…” (Mark 11:25 NIV).
Yes, it was this man, John Mark, who penned those red-letter words, spoken by the One who’d endured more suffering than we can imagine, who then became sin on our behalf, though without sin Himself—His death offering us freedom through forgiveness.
Ah. I sensed my grip loosening on my grievance as I leaned in to listen. And here I’d thought God’s word to me was an “If / Then” that offered the one who’d hurt me freedom. Frankly, I wasn’t ready to see her set free. Instead, I wanted her to regret her decision, change her mind when she saw the error of her ways. That’s just the honest truth.
But what I read from Mark was something else. Here I was, pleading with God in prayer to heal my broken heart, bind up my wounds, so I could wear the bandages like a badge that others might see my sadness and sympathize. How selfish!
These words, however, offered a gracious gift. Instead of exhorting me to forgive so that this person would be set free, this passage spoke of my forgiveness offering freedom, to me.
Oh my, God’s mercy—to work while I was yet in my simple-minded, selfish state. All He asked was that I do that one thing, like a baby step. And though tottering, I obediently took it to find I was still standing.
What was that step? Even through clenched teeth, I said aloud those 3-words—“I forgive her.” Then I wrote in a letter “I forgive you,” and mailed it.
Though I didn’t know how it would be received, doubted it would ultimately change her mind, that wasn’t what God said was important. I’d obeyed, despite feeling.
And though Kristie never became my daughter, over time, feelings of forgiveness—yes, even love for the one whom I felt wronged me—did come to match my faith-steps. Because, just like a toddler who graduates from tip-toed wobbles to running, I also matured, discovering that it’s in forgiving that we, too, are set free from the binding fetters of sin.
Indeed, there’s power when we forgive, and it’s true—God simply won’t leave well enough alone. Why? Because He knows and wants so much more. Beyond well enough is the well-spring of abundant life that Jesus offered. Through His death, He forgave our sins, which enables us, likewise, to forgive—no matter the circumstances.
And forgiveness? It’s the crossroad to freedom just outside an empty tomb.
(Kristie Miller resides in Oklahoma. We are close friends.)
***This piece appeared first in The Mountaineer, Easter Edition.***
How have you experienced freedom in forgiving?
Is there someone you yet need to forgive? Today’s the day!
Get to Know Maureen:
Maureen Miller is an award-winning author featured in more than twenty collaboratives. She writes for her local newspaper, is a contributing writer for Guideposts, and a featured blogger for several online devotional websites. She loves life in all its forms and enjoys it with her husband and their three children and grandchildren on Selah Farm in western North Carolina. She blogs at www.penningpansies.com, sharing God’s extraordinary character in the ordinary.
Check out Maureen’s story in Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone:
Stories to warm your heart, make you nod in understanding, and remind you of the extraordinary blessings that come with being a boy mom.
Life in the Estrogen-Free Zone is a delightful compilation of laughter, love, and godly advice from moms who proudly navigate the wild terrain of raising boys.
In this heartwarming collection, Michelle Rayburn and eighteen other moms of boys come together to share their unique experiences, offering a refreshing perspective on the joys and challenges that, for some, come with being the sole estrogen ambassador in a household full of testosterone. Through amusing anecdotes, relatable tales of mischief, and practical biblical insights, these moms shed light on the rollercoaster ride of boyhood.
In the pages, mothers share:
- Laughter and tears as they recount their hilarious encounters with mud, bugs, and an endless supply of boy energy.
- Real-life strategies for tackling the messiest situations, teaching life lessons with finesse, and finding the beauty in the chaos.
- A touch of humor and a wealth of heartfelt wisdom from the vibrant world of boy moms.
If you’re a boy mom craving a dose of camaraderie, a bellyful of laughter, and a reminder that you’re rocking this estrogen-free adventure, this book is the perfect companion. Let these humorous and inspiring tales uplift you and remind you to embrace every messy, joy-filled moment.
The contributing authors include:
Abigail Wallace, Avonlea Q. Krueger, Becky Melby, Betty Predmore, Christina Ryan Claypool, Denise Loock, Gina Stinson, Ginny Dent Brant, Joni Topper, Kim Cusimano, Kolleen Lucariello, Maureen Miller, Melissa Meyer, Michelle Rayburn, Pam Farrel, Pam Fields, Rhonda Stoppe, Stacy Sanchez, Valerie McNulty
Grab a copy HERE.
God is so good. I am so thankful that he takes the most painful, dark and difficult seasons of our lives, and makes something good and beautiful and purposeful from them. Thank you for sharing part of my story. I pray readers will be blessed.
Thank you for allowing me to share your story! And amen regarding God using our pain for good. As Toni Collier said, in a soon to drop Faith Over Fear episode, our pain is never wasted. 🙂