A Culture of Temporary Relationships

by Jennifer Slattery on February 26, 2026February 26, 2026

(Note: This first published March 17, 2022.)

Is our culture creating the “walk-away kind”? Granted, relationships have always been tough—to form and to keep, and sometimes we do need to sever unhealthy ties, especially if a particular person routinely steals our joy, effectiveness, and peace. But with all of the “toxic people” graphics I’ve seen in my social media feed the past few years, I worry we’ve learned to label every unpleasant interaction with imperfect people as poisonous. That we’ve found ways to justify remaining planted within our comfort zones surrounded by those who tell us what we want to hear.

The other day, a friend shared recent interactions with her adult daughter. The two had issues to work through, false perceptions to correct, and misunderstandings to clear up. Initially, both parties appeared interested in seeking resolution and health, until my friend began setting boundaries and speaking truth regarding past issues. Having read the texts, I knew she’d chosen her words carefully and presented them with gentleness and love. In essence, she was inviting her daughter into something beautiful and whole. But to reach that place, they both needed the courage to be honest with themselves and with one another.

The latter comes much easier, doesn’t it? Admitting we’re broken and a bit of a mess, however, tends to prick some of our deepest insecurities and fears, primarily because few of us truly understand how to live anchored in grace. Unfortunately, most of us have had way too much experience with the converse. Living in our profoundly broken world among profoundly broken people, we’ve grown accustomed to others cutting us off, rather than inviting us close, when we fail to meet their expectations. This is especially true for those, like my friend’s daughter, who don’t know Jesus.

This should not, however, be true of you and I. Because here’s the thing—if responding to others with Christ-like love came easily, such interactions wouldn’t leave our watching world confounded. Yet, Jesus, the One who laid His life down so you and I might live, stated without any disclaimers, that others would know us by our love. True, healthy, honest, and growing love.

The type that takes work, humility, incredible bravery, and perseverance.

In Acts 2:1, the Bible says the first century Christ followers “devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (NIV).

This passage may read familiar to you. It did to me, only this morning one word I’d previously skimmed over grabbed my attention. These men and women devoted themselves to one another and growing in Christ. Theirs weren’t casual interactions they engaged in when convenient or conversations felt comfortable. They remained steadfast and diligent, persevering with “intense effort” and at times “despite difficulty.”

No doubt because there were many times when it would’ve been much easier to walk away. Just as it will be for me and you.

We will often find it easier to:

Self-protect and isolate than to deepen our relationships and risk getting hurt.
Feed our pride than to cultivate the humility necessary to break down barriers, resolve conflicts, and heal hurts.
Hide behind our well-rehearsed, cheery Sunday morning smiles and slogans than to allow others to see our imperfections.
Attack rather than receive, defend rather than hear, and isolate rather than grow.

But none of those behaviors will bring the relationship depth our souls crave. To the contrary. When we choose to live like the world, we tend to find ourselves in the same lonely and fearful places into which everyone else has fallen. We begin to experience the “beyond-expectations” life Christ promised, however, when we push past the fears and sinful tendencies that keep us in bondage to boldly seek Jesus, His people, and His ways.

Let’s talk about this. When have you experienced determined, steadfast love? To whom might God be calling you to show that type of love? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below, because we can all encourage and learn from one another.

If this resonated with you, you’ll find this recent Faith Over Fear podcast episode helpful: “Why ‘Being Nice’ is Killing You: Biblical Boundaries for the People Pleaser” with author and speaker Jennifer Renee Watson.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When someone you love is in recovery, the pressure can feel overwhelming. You want to say and do the right thing, hoping to prevent a setback, yet beneath that is a quiet fear that you might make things worse. In this episode, Carol talks with Caroline Beidler, author of When You Love Someone in Recovery, about how to walk alongside someone without losing yourself, addressing the tension many families feel between wanting to help and fearing they might hurt. Caroline reframes a powerful truth: God never asked you to control someone else’s healing. He invites you to love faithfully, set wise boundaries, and trust Him with what you cannot control. If you’ve been carrying guilt or living with ongoing fear, this conversation brings clarity on support versus enabling—and the freedom to love without trying to control the outcome. Resource discussed: When You Love Someone in Recovery: A Hopeful Guide to Understanding Addiction by Caroline Beidler Connect with Caroline Beidler: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her writing on Amazon Find Carol McCracken: On her website On Facebook On Instagram Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

When Relational BEtrayal Challenges your Ability to trust

by Jennifer Slattery on February 19, 2026February 18, 2026

Relational betrayal is one of the most disorienting and longest-lasting wounds we can experience. I suspect most, if not all, of us know this from experience. When a caregiver uses our vulnerability against us, a friend slanders or gossips about us, or we discover that the spouse or spiritual mentor we once trusted implicitly told more lies than truth, it shatters more than our faith in that person.

It can challenge our ability to trust ourselves.

If we didn’t catch the warning signs with, say, that neighbor known for years, how can we feel confident in our perspective of that acquaintance we think might make a good friend?

This can also intensify any sense of self-loathing or condemnation we carry, particularly if our inner critic bombards us with blame.

Yesterday, I spoke with a precious, godly woman who endured—and is enduring—soul-crushing hardship related to an illness that has stolen her mobility and her strength. When her body first began failing and the doctors predicted a lifetime of disability, she consoled herself with the thought, At least I won’t be alone. At least I’ll have my husband.

Isn’t that what marriage vows proclaim—in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death do we part?

But what happens when your spouse refuses to honor the promises they made, not because of any horrific, divorceable deed like infidelity or abuse, but rather… inconvenience? What happens when one you gave your heart to without reservation walks away—when you need them most?

That was precisely what happened to the woman I spoke with yesterday. Praise God, by the time I heard her story, He’d brought deep healing to her soul and a healthy relationship with a much more honorable man. But while I celebrated the joy I saw in her eyes as she shared all the Lord had done, I doubt her journey to her “happily ever after” was anxiety- or pain-free.

I imagine she spent many nights wrestling with her past, herself, and maybe also her Savior who allowed her previous betrayal. maybe, at times, she still does.

Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you grew up in a home where caregivers exploited your weaknesses, mocked your tears, and responded to your desperate cries for help with contempt. Or you learned that a friend who seemed so kind and supportive used you for personal gain. Or that the supervisor you trusted to advocate for you blamed you for their mistake.

Now you don’t know who to trust—and you doubt yourself most of all.

I wonder if David, ancient Israel’s second king, ever felt this way. As a youth, he courageously and sacrificially served his predecessor, a man named Saul, and received homicidal malice in return. He defended an entire town, only to have them turn on him, knowing their betrayal could lead to David’s death. Then, years later, his son—whom he deeply loved—sought to kill him to usurp the throne. And while, admittedly, David wasn’t the wisest or most honorable father, that still had to sting.

Perhaps, in fact, that made the betrayal hurt all the more by convincing him he deserved it.

He could have become bitter and spent the remainder of his life in isolation, or fueled by a toxic desire to get even. Yet that’s not what happened. Instead, he is forever memorialized in Scripture as a man after God’s own heart.

Based on his prayers recorded in the Psalms, he reached that place of maturity and intimacy with the Lord the same way the woman I spoke with did—by turning to Him in his pain, processing every tear and gut-wrenching emotion with God, receiving His comfort, and routinely anchoring his soul in truth.

I want to get better at following those steps, regardless of how long that takes. I want to react less in the moment, process more with Christ, and wait on Him to heal and guide my soul. When I’m tempted to lash out, withdraw, or move through life with some level of self-imposed isolation, I want to seek God’s heart and strength instead.

I want to routinely, and increasingly, accept my Father’s invitation in Psalm 55:2:

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken (NIV).

Otherwise, I fear I’ll become the betrayer and wound myself for far longer—and with farther-reaching results—than my initial offender ever could.

I don’t want to downplay poor behavior or ignorantly invite harm. But neither do I want to block my soul from experiencing all the good God has in store for my tomorrows by forever expecting a repeat of yesterday’s pain.

***

If this post resonated with you, and you’re looking for more insight and encouragement related to building healthy and support relationships, make sure to check out my cohost Carol’s conversation with Faith Over Fear guest Becky Harling in the episode titled, “How to Find Godly Friends When You Don’t Know Who to Trust.“

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

When Relationships Hurt

by Jennifer Slattery on January 1, 2026December 31, 2025

(This first published on March 30, 2023.)

Relationships can lead to great joy and fulfillment, but they can also trigger significant anxiety and pain. While God can, and often does, bring healing, restoration, and wholeness to some of our most challenging relationships, sadly, some connections remain fractured.

This often leaves us wrestling with difficult and confusing questions like, how do we love others well, in a godly and healthy way, without inviting continual injury? How can we protect our hearts from what is harmful while nourishing it with everything life giving and true? How do we grieve well, without bitterness, and while holding tightly to hope?

Or perhaps to phrase it differently, how do we experience the victorious, thriving life Christ promised in every situation? Without allowing other people’s behavior to negatively affect ours?

Is this even possible?

These were some of the questions I addressed last weekend when I spoke to a group of women in Rockford, Michigan. While there, I heard stories of deep mother-daughter wounds. Of seemingly irreparably broken friendships. And listening, I recalled the hurt others had shared withe me shortly before. Of challenging marriages and shattered trust. And on occasion, of situations where women realized, despite their longing for reconciliation, wisdom required distance. And in every instance, I heard sorrow expressed.

I could relate. I imagine you can, too. We’ve all suffered the effects of living in a sin-tainted world that is far from what God intended; far from the joyful paradise for which we’re destined.

We are all living somewhere within the messy middle, and that hurts. But that doesn’t mean we can’t receive joy and peace amidst the storm. While I’m still on this journey of becoming and receiving, God has and is teaching me some things regarding how to thrive, even while my soul aches.

I’m learning to give myself space to mourn, and to recognize the holy thread woven through my grief. God created us to give and receive love, without fear or injury. To crave emotional intimacy and healthy connection. That is what we’re destined for, and therefore the states for which we’ll always long.

But God’s showed me that I also must always grieve with hope, keeping my heart open to the possibility that, one day, things might change. This is and may always feel hard—finding a way to accept what is without hardening myself against potential miracles to come. Even if that means my heart remains a little bruised.

In the meantime, I seek God’s perspective—of my hurts, the other person, and the situation—recognizing my perspective is limited, tainted by scars previously incurred, including past interactions with the individual, and often deceived. Once He’s corrected my view, or removed my plank, so to speak, I ask for His guidance on how to proceed. He usually only tells me my next couple steps, and that always involves resting in Him.

Receiving from Him.

Letting Him fill my soul—with Him. The God who knows me fully, loves me completely, and will never leave.

The God who says to each of us, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you” (Isaiah 54:10, NIV).

Let’s talk about this. How do you heal, nourish, and protect your heart when others wound it?

If this resonates with you, you might also receive encouragement from this Faith Over Fear episode titled “When Relationships Hurt: Finding Healing, Safety, and Hope in Christ”.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

Choosing peace when relationships hurt- Guest post by Carol McCracken

by Jennifer Slattery on July 24, 2025July 23, 2025

Choosing Peace When Relationships Hurt

by Carol McCracken

I once had a conversation with a woman wrestling through a painful family conflict. She kept replaying her last interaction with a relative, analyzing every word and wondering what she could say or do to make things right. “If only they would apologize,” she said. “If only they understood how they hurt me.”

We’ve all been there. Conflict stings. And when we’re hurting, we naturally focus on what someone else should do to make it better. But the reality is, we can’t control other people. We can only control ourselves.

Romans 12:18 gives us a simple but challenging instruction: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” That verse quietly acknowledges a truth we sometimes forget—peace isn’t always possible. But it is always possible to do our part.

The friend I mentioned earlier eventually came to that realization. She couldn’t force the other person to change, apologize, or even acknowledge her pain. But she could make different choices. She chose to forgive. She stopped trying to control the outcome and focused on guarding her own heart. She set healthy boundaries and responded with gentleness, even if it wasn’t returned. And something unexpected happened—her peace returned. Not because the situation was resolved, but because she was no longer tied to the outcome.

There’s a strange kind of freedom that comes when we stop spinning our wheels trying to fix what isn’t ours to fix. We don’t have to be cold or indifferent. But we can step out of the emotional tug-of-war and simply say, “God, help me respond in a way that honors You.”

That may look like calmly stating a boundary. It may look like stepping back to pray before responding to a difficult message. It may even mean accepting that reconciliation might not happen this side of heaven—and grieving that reality while still choosing to walk in grace.

Peace doesn’t always depend on how the other person acts. Sometimes, it’s found in the quiet decisions we make to let go of bitterness, to speak with kindness, and to trust God to do what we can’t.

We can’t control whether others understand or respond well. But we can control our words. We can choose wisdom over retaliation. We can pursue peace, even if the road is one-sided.

And in doing so, we reflect the heart of Christ—who, even when rejected, still chose love.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for the reminder that it is possible for me to choose to live in peace, as much as it depends on me. Help me to accept my part may not completely resolve a matter, and to trust you to continue working in the situation.

(If your working through relational conflict, you might find this Faith Over Fear podcast episode on healthy conflict resolution helpful.)

Get to Know Carol McCracken:

Carol Ogle McCracken has been a Bible teacher for twenty years, serving on church staff and in women’s ministry. She currently serves as the Minister of Discipleship at her home church. She hosts the “Your Daily Bible Verse” podcast, cohosts the “Faith Over Fear” podcast, and provides daily inspiration on Christian Mix 106 web radio. But her greatest passion is to make the Bible come alive for women, connecting scripture to a real relationship with Jesus. Her book Wisdom, Where to Find It if You’ve Lost, Forgotten, or Never Had It, is available on Amazon. Find her at http://www.CarolMcCracken.com.

Check Out Her Book, Wisdom: Where to Find it if You’ve Lost, Forgotten, or Never Had it:

Wisdom is not hidden-but you may need a map to find it. If you think the only wisdom contained in your body is in your wisdom teeth, you aren’t alone. These days everyone has an opinion or answer for everything. But where do we find the right kind of wisdom? Is there a difference between our wisdom and God’s wisdom? And how can we make wise decisions when the world wants an answer yesterday? From Genesis to James, this short book will teach you biblically proven techniques to help you make wise decisions amid the busyness of everyday life. All the scripture is contained in this compact book. Enjoy some thought-provoking questions that are perfect for you to wrestle with on your own, with a friend, or as part of a small group.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

How I came to love my mother-in-law: guest post by Patti Ritcher

by Jennifer Slattery on May 16, 2025May 16, 2025

“Na-na-na-na boo-hoo. I’ll be with Jesus before you.”

My mother-in-law sang that little ditty to me in our final phone conversation. She had just accepted hospice care and, knowing I was crying, she tried to make me laugh.

Marion, who I always called Mom, kept me laughing for most of the 45-plus years I knew her. But our relationship didn’t begin so promisingly; she wasn’t sure that I was the right one for her firstborn son to marry.

Jim and I had been close friends at college for two years before we suddenly announced our engagement—with a wedding day planned for six weeks later! This caught his mother off guard since she and I barely knew each other. Further, Marion’s five other children included a three-year-old, so she had the challenging circumstance of “losing” her oldest while still raising her family.

I understood some of those concerns, but I also felt Marion’s disapproval. She had grown up in Chicago in the 1930s and 40s; she loved fashion and all things fine. She attended St. Mary’s College, across the street from Notre Dame, where she met Jim’s father. In contrast, I was from Arkansas, raised by less sophisticated parents who considered Little Rock a big city. Fashion was not my priority and I had little experience with the finer things in life.

Romans 12:10 became a lifestyle, as Marion and I both grew in our knowledge of God and His ways, and we learned to honor the other above self. This verse emphasizes the need to prioritize the needs and desires of others over your own, even when it’s difficult or requires sacrifice. My relationship with my mother-in-law was strengthened during the times she came to help out after our three children arrived, and later, just to spend time with our family. Marion loved cooking healthy meals, and I enjoyed letting her take over in the kitchen. And, as I said, she made me laugh.

Having been raised by immigrant parents, Marion had stories to tell, along with all the right accents, expressions, and mannerisms. Further, there were some English words she could never quite pronounce correctly. With the emotional wound of rejection in childhood, her humorous antics might have been a lifelong coping mechanism.

At age 50, Marion was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Her doctor removed a massive tumor, ordered chemotherapy, and gave her six months to live. She endured treatments but also asked the elders at church to pray for her healing, according to James 5:14. She then proceeded to live for another 40 years.

Marion gradually became more of a mentor to me than a mother-in-law. She encouraged me to seek God daily through Bible study and prayer—without forgetting to wait and listen for His guidance.

Mom wanted to be remembered for more than her fun and laughter. She hoped to be remembered as one who was led by the Lord. And I hope to carry on this legacy she left behind for me and so many others. I honored her while she was living and honor her now.

When God puts someone in our life that we do not immediately connect to and love, it is important for us to pray and ask God to show us how to honor the person and sacrificially love them. The transformation happens when we no longer need to make an effort, but develop a genuine affection for the person.

Prayer: God, I ask you to help me love those around me, and to honor them above myself.

About the author: Patti Richter lives in north Georgia with her husband, Jim. She is a freelance journalist and long-time faith columnist at BlueRibbonNews.com with more than four hundred published articles. Patti is the co-author of the award-winning Signs of His Presence—Experiencing God’s Comfort in Times of Suffering. It is the story of Luann Mire, whose godly husband was blindsided by an indictment due to a former employer’s tax fraud. The resulting prison sentence and restitution took the once joyful couple into a long season of suffering as they fought judicial tyranny. Helpless to change her situation, Luann endured a painful examination of her life and found God faithful to His promises.

Check out Patti’s Book:

Voted 2020 Best Memoir by the Advanced Writers and Speakers AssociationLuann Mire faced overwhelming circumstances when her godly husband was blindsided by an indictment due to a former employer’s tax fraud. The resulting prison sentence and restitution took the once joyful couple into a long season of suffering as they fought judicial tyranny.

Helpless to change her situation, Luann endured a painful examination of her life-long faith as she faced evil and distress. Fear, anxiety, and depression worked against her ability to trust in God’s goodness. Meanwhile, she wrestled with powers of darkness she had never before encountered. Luann’s desperate desire for a restored family life kept her looking to God through prayer, Scripture, and every trustworthy scrap of divine encouragement she could find. Yet doubts plagued her as months turned into years, and hope for justice was continually deferred by an ironclad court system. Though trapped in severe circumstances, Luann found God faithful to His promises, especially Psalm 34:18, which says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV). Signs of God’s presence came at timely moments of need―often in astonishing ways.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

A Broken Marriage Tranformed

by Jennifer Slattery on December 21, 2023December 20, 2023

(This first published on Dec. 22, 2016.)

Christmas, the celebration of the day the Light of the World brought light into mankind’s darkness, reminds us of the transformative power of God’s love and grace. It also reminds us of the lengths God will go to to bring life, light, and hope to our wounded souls.

Christmas hope

A Mountain of Hope
by Kelly Klepfer

Though my co-written novel, Out of the Frying Pan, is full of humor and quirky characters, and I’m someone who loves to laugh and find joy in the moment, I’ve had my share of sorrow and seasons steeped in darkness.

I trusted in Christ for salvation as a young child. Billy Graham scared me straight at age six. I didn’t want to go to hell so I said a prayer. Years later, I was still saying those prayers. Often. Throughout high school I managed to juggle being a good Baptist with hating myself for my inability to be a good Baptist.

My high school sweetheart and I married when we were just 19 and 20. He’d dabbled with pot and we’d both spent far too much time drinking. All grown up we continued to drink, had a child, and he began drinking other places. When I was pregnant with our second child, seven years into our marriage, he began to drink heavily and with a group of friends I didn’t know. A month before I gave birth he finally admitted he didn’t love me anymore.

Devastated, I asked him to leave and began building a life without him while he moved into a home with a barely functioning alcoholic. He insisted on being with me when our baby was born but when my water broke a month early I couldn’t reach him. His roommate said he wasn’t there.

My father took over trying to find him once they had taken me to the hospital. I was prepped for the C-section when he finally arrived. I’ll never forget the loneliness in the following few minutes. The anesthesiologist placed a mask over my face. I was strapped down and unable to communicate. The spinal aid-1807541_640 anesthesia numbed a vertebra higher than my previous C-Section so I couldn’t feel my lungs moving.

I began to panic that I wasn’t breathing. So I tried to communicate with my half-drunk stranger of a husband with my eyes. The anesthesiologist had buried himself in a Stephen King novel. My husband finally said something. The doctor leaned over. “She’s hyperventilating.” My world had grown gritty gray and white by this point, and finally he placed a breather mask over my face, and I was able to resurface.

A few months later, on Christmas Eve, my husband had a nostalgic come to Jesus moment. He did love me after all, and wanted back into our home. My heart had hardened, grown bitter. I looked at the options I had and decided if he was willing and would treat me better I’d be open to it. As long as the good outweighed the bad I’d let him stay.

My husband began to slowly increase in drinking again though he kept it at home. I continued to grow in bitterness and my mantra that as long as the good outweighed the bad he could remain.

Five years later he got scared and cold turkey stopped drinking. Within months there was something weird going on with him. He admitted to me that he felt restless and that he wanted to do dangerous, risky things. I asked him to talk to different males and to please let me know should he really find himself wanting to cave in.

A couple months later, on our anniversary, while I was getting ready to go out on a date with him, the phone rang. My aunt had just arrived to pick up the kids for an overnight and I gave them quick hugs and kisses and sent them out the door before saying hello. That hello changed my life in so many ways. It was the other woman who revealed not only the affair she’d been having with my husband but also that she was pregnant.

Dark, dark, dark days followed. We entered counseling again. He voluntarily went through the alcohol addiction program that is court ordered for those receiving DUIs. We began to attend church again for the first time in years. Somehow, in spite of very close friends and relatives telling me to leave, accusing me of having battered wife syndrome, being foolish, I stood firm. My reason–I wasn’t going to give up if he was done being an addict just to see someone else benefit from my pain. I wanted to see it through to the end just in case he might actually be able to beat this thing.

Our lives were changed in so many icky ways. The betrayal and the hardness of my heart toward him was just ugly. But I trudged through. Early after finding out about the affair I was out of town with unbelievers who loved a good party. They decided that I needed to get all dressed up and get drunk and find myself a little payback.

God delivered me.

I went to the hotel bar by myself to get drinks for the three of us while my friends were doing their hair and makeup. While there my eyes connected to those of a man at the bar. Looking into his eyes was like looking into his soul. I saw such emptiness there, such hurt, such loneliness that it called to me on a very primitive level. I wanted to connect with that. Scared, I hurried back to the hotel room with my drinks and told my friends about the guy. They insisted I go back, but I was afraid. On our way out to go bar hopping we stopped there to see if he was there. He was gone.

At the bars I drank more than I ever had before. Drink after drink after drink. Nothing touched me or loosed my inhibitions. All I could think about was how miserable I was and how much I just wanted to go back to the hotel room and cry myself to sleep. God kept me sober, I’m convinced, because payback would’ve ripped my soul to shreds. And been the nail in the coffin of my marriage. I threw up all night long. But was saved from a very ugly thing.

Five years after the affair we we’re finally able to see his daughter. They lived four hours away. We’d travel at least once a month. It was a very hard time, and I kept a very long list of what my husband was doing and not doing to make up to me for putting me and my kids through the torture.

We’d fight all the way home while I’d critique him and his performance. One night it was so bad. I’m so grateful none of the kids were with us, I remember him screaming. “I hear your words but I don’t understand what you want. It’s like you are speaking Chinese.”

It broke me. I sobbed the final hour of the silent trip. How could he not understand? How could I live with this one second longer? I was tired of paying for his sins. His working extra three weekends a month so he could take one weekend off. That night I screamed out to God that He needed to change my husband. I couldn’t do this anymore. And I was so, so angry that my marriage was going to end over this when it had survived alcohol, a husband who didn’t love me and an affair. So angry. When I was through screaming, God asked me a simple question, right into my heart. “Why do you think you are right?”

I couldn’t answer that question. Exhausted and silenced. I gave up, and I told Him I couldn’t but that I was going to find out what my role and responsibility were in marriage and obey Him. It just so happened that an intense marriage inductive Bible study was starting the next week at my church. I signed up to go solo. And my life began changing immediately. As I learned I changed and let go and healed and grew. I began studying other aspects and absorbing and consuming God’s word. I didn’t care as much about my marriage as I did about my right relationship with Jesus.

The trials didn’t end. But I chose to die to myself. Slowly, my husband became jealous over my relationship with Jesus. He wanted that, and he wanted to share it with me. Through this whole period of time we were involved in a church, leaders to some extent, and there was so much death in us. We began to be resurrected in Christ and we truly died.

At age nine, our youngest daughter, his from another mother, moved in permanently. While we navigated life with God at the steering wheel we were able to overcome even more obstacles. And the strangest thing happened. Our older two kids began to see faith really walked out, not just talked about in church, but the parents they saw in church were the parents they went home with.

Our youngest struggled with obvious challenges. At age 17 she told us where to put our rules, and she stepped out to live a life of her own choosing. More dark days followed. But God’s faithful answers to prayers uttered with groans and tears and His grace and mercy kept doors cracked open. Today our, MY, youngest daughter is married with a baby of her own and her own stepson. She speaks to us daily and seeks out our earned-the-hard-way wisdom. A restored relationship with her is a gift beyond words.

What about our other two children? The ones who lived through the drama and the affair’s aftermath, my bitterness and self-righteousness, the alcoholism, how are they? Did they survive the ugly childhood we provided?

They are a delight and a joy. Both living fully for the Lord and His plans for them. Our middle daughter chose to follow Christ into opening her life to foster care. She took in four little siblings and has now adopted three and prays and longs for the baby who is currently with the biological mom. As a single mom of three she is a shining light for Jesus and is making a profound difference in the lives of these amazing children. Our son teaches at a local high school. He and his wife have opened their hearts and home to so many people I can’t even keep track of those they have blessed. Generosity is who they are. And they breathe Christ in and out in their interactions.

God has been consistently for me. Allowing me to come to the end of myself, allowing me to fail miserably so that I ran to Him.

***

When the chef of Sunset Paradise Retirement Village ends up unnamed-1 dead, life for sisters Fern and Zula Hopkins is whipped into a froth. Their zany attempts to track down the killer land them in hot water with Detective Jared Flynn. Should he be concerned about their safety or the criminal’s?

But there are deadly ingredients none of them expect. Drugs. Extortion. International cartels. And worst of all…broken hearts–especially when the Hopkins sisters’ niece KC arrives on the scene.

Before the snooping pair gain any headway with the case, it becomes crystal clear that the sisters share a mysterious secret that takes life from the frying pan and into the line of fire.

Buy Out of the Frying Pan on Amazon.

***

unnamed Kelly Klepfer had ambitions to graduate from the school of life quite a while ago, but alas…she still attends and is tested regularly. Her co-authored cozy/quirky mystery, Out of the Frying Pan, is the culmination of several of the failed/passed tests. Kelly, though she lives with her husband, two Beagles, and two hedgehogs in Iowa, can be found at Novel Rocket, Novel Reviews, Scrambled Dregs, Modern Day Mishaps, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Goodreads, and Twitter, with flashes of brilliance (usually quotes), randomocities, and learned life-lessons. Zula and Fern Hopkins and their shenanigans can be found at Zu-fer, where you always get more than you bargained for.

Learning–the Hard Way–to Be a Blessing

by Jennifer Slattery on March 9, 2023March 8, 2023

(Note: This post first published on August 30, 2018.)

I don’t like failing–at anything. But I especially hate when my failure hurts someone else. Unfortunately, there’ve been numerous times when I’ve sensed God asking me to do something–to say something or reach out to someone–but didn’t. There have been even more times when I’ve felt a prick in my heart cautioning me not to act, but my pride propelled me forward anyway.

Praise God for His grace that can turn every failure into a growth opportunity and ultimately, a win. Today my guest, Kass Fogle, shares a time when she found this to be true and what God taught her through that situation.

Learning–the Hard Way–How to Love Others Well

By Kass Fogle

The most self-absorbed person I know is writing this blog post. Though I pray against my selfishness regularly, most of my plans revolve around me.

And every day, God’s love and mercy convicts me and reminds me to follow the example of Jesus. Christ surrendered His place with God and, fully obedient, he humbled himself to put the needs of others first.

Though I’ve learned to stop and pay attention to this lesson, it wasn’t always this way.

I missed a friendship opportunity with a friend from high school who was hurting deeply. She lost two daughters in a tragic car accident and reached out to me via social media. While we communicated back and forth a few times, we never connected in person. Though she was only three hours away, I didn’t get an address so I could visit. I didn’t grab a phone number for a quick call of encouragement.

Instead, I listened to the lies filling my head: “You can’t explain this. You can’t help. She has other friends who live closer.”

And I also heard another other voice whisper, “You don’t have to explain. You have to love. She needs you.”

If my heart ached in disappointment for listening to the louder voice, it shattered over my disobedience to God.

Because I’m accountable for which voice I listen to and believe. And instead of swimming in the vortex of shame, I’m choosing to obey my Father.

Though I take responsibility for my failures, I believe God will use them for the glory of His kingdom. With the example above, He chose to use my poor decisions as a friend to teach me how to better care for others. And not just in a ‘coffeehouse-pay-it-forward” way, but in a Holy Spirit inspired “I can’t wait to share it” way.

Through this, I learned how to better care for others:

Loyalty First – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov. 17:17, ESV). I have a group of unquestionably faithful girlfriends. But sometimes we’re called to show loyalty to those outside our “inner circle”. We can show the same type of care to those we’re closest to and those we aren’t. In those situations, it’s all about obedience.

Not good with words? Come bearing gifts – a coffee cup, a pretty pen, a bracelet, or a snuggly pillow – anything you think will bring comfort.

Not good with words in times of suffering? Try: “You matter.” “Would you like for me to pray with you now or in private at home?” “I’d like to come over and sit with you for a while.”

Transform Your Mind – Sometimes we don’t help others because we think their values, traditions, or social networks are too different from ours. But I suggest we pay close attention to people who pop into our lives repeatedly. Most likely, they’re there for a reason. We can call them by name and ask God how he wants us to engage with them. Who knows? Maybe they’re there to bless or grow us.

While we need to recognize if someone is not meant to be in our life, we can also pray that God removes our judgmental tendencies so we can become open to the gift of friendship God has in store for us.

Remember friends, we don’t bless others so we’ll be blessed, we bless because He first loved us.

We’ve been saved by the power of the holy spirit, through the blood of the Son, and the grace and mercy of our Father, so our hearts are prepared to best share the blessing with others.

Just for reading today, you can get a free journal page by clicking on Friendship With a Purpose –While you’re there, check out the other freebies!

***

Let’s talk about this! When has a past failure taught you how to better show grace? Do you have anything else you’d add to how we can love our friends well? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below because we can all learn from and encourage one another!

Get to know Kass!

Kass Fogle is a Contemporary Christian Author, Speaker and Blogger who lives with her husband and two children in South-Central Illinois. Her first novel, Ruth’s Garden placed third for Contemporary Christian Fiction at the Write to Publish Conference in 2018.

Her new website, THE INTROVERTED BELIEVER will launch in late 2018 and will focus on encouraging fellow introverts in their work, marriage and friendships. Be sure and subscribe to her website kassfogle.com to stay up to date on the launch progress.

When she is not working the day job you can find her at the local coffee house writing, at home baking, hanging out with family or causing trouble with her tight-knit group of girlfriends. Kass is also a raging Football Mom.

Follow her on Twitter @kassfogle, find her on Pinterest, and connect with her on Facebook .

She invites you to email her a prayer or other request at kassfogle(at)gmail(dot)com.

Before you go! I encourage you to read my thoughts on finding the courage to obey when others deem our actions foolish. You can read that HERE. And mommas of little ones, you may find my post on MOPS International encouraging. You can read that HERE.

How God Redeems Your Pain (Genesis 41:51–52) – Your Daily Bible Verse

Today’s Bible Verse: “Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.’ The second son he named Ephraim and said, ‘It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.’” — Genesis 41:51–52 Genesis 41:51–52 captures a turning point in Joseph’s story. After years of betrayal, loss, and hardship, God brings him into a place of restoration. The names of his sons tell the story—God helped him move beyond the pain of his past and brought fruitfulness out of a season marked by suffering. Interested in creating something new with us!? Take Our Newsletter Survey! “Want to listen without ads? Become a BibleStudyTools.com PLUS Member today: https://www.biblestudytools.com/subscribe/ MEET YOUR HOST: Chaka Heinze at https://www.lifeaudio.com/your-daily-bible-verse/ Chaka Heinze is a writer, speaker, and lover of the Bible. She is actively involved in her local church on the Prayer and Healing team and mentors young women seeking deeper relationships with God.After personally experiencing God's love and compassion following the loss of her eleven-year-old son, Landen, Chaka delights in testifying to others about God's unfathomable and transformative love that permeates even the most difficult circumstances.Chaka and her husband of twenty-six years have five children ranging from adult age to preschool. Trained as an attorney, she’s had the privilege of mitigating sibling disputes for twenty-plus years.Follow her on Chakaheinze.com. Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Fighting Fear of Rejection With the Truth of Christ

by Jennifer Slattery on July 14, 2022July 14, 2022

(This post first published in 2020.)

Writers experience a great number of rejections, and some of those can be pretty harsh. Though I know to expect these “no thank yous,” seeing them stream through my inbox can leave me stunned. If I’m not careful, I can begin to question my abilities, my calling, and really, myself. We do that, don’t we? We own every negative experience, holding each one as proof that we’re somehow insufficient or defective.

A while back, after receiving numerous declines in a row, I shared my disappointment with my daughter. “But you’ve also received a lot of acceptances,” she said. I know she meant to encourage me, and for a moment, it did, but I knew my assurance needed to go much deeper. My confidence and value can’t be based on such transient standards as temporary wins and losses. To rise above my fears, I must anchor myself, immovable, in the One who knows me, loves me, sees me, goes before me, has a plan for me, and remains with and in me.

A while back, God reminded me of this truth during a rather discouraging time. For about a year, it had felt as if I’d been turned down for every opportunity I pursued, even those I felt certain had been God led. The first rejection didn’t phase me too much. The second stung, but I determined to keep moving. By the third and fourth experience, however, lies I’d thought I’d long buried began to reemerge, assaulting my weakening heart, “You’re unwanted. You’re not good enough. Insufficient.”

Those lies can be really hard to silence sometimes, can’t they? They’d long held me captive, and normally would’ve plunged me into an all-day, if not longer, gloom. But not this time. As I sat there, initially feeding all those deceptive and toxic thoughts, I sensed God’s whisper, urging me to turn to truth, my most powerful weapon against all fear, fear of rejection included. And so I did.

Bible opened to Ephesians 1, I began to read. More than that, I soaked in every word, claiming each as my own. Through that passage, God spoke so clearly, reminding me of who I was. Though I felt rejected and discarded, insufficient, the Bible promised that was far from reality. Instead, I was and am God’s holy child (v. 1), blessed with every spiritual blessing (v. 3) chosen (v. 4) loved and adopted (v. 5), redeemed and lavished in grace.

But here’s my favorite verse: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (v. 11).

God, my Creator and redeemer, the One who promised to perfect that which concerns me (Ps. 138:8), works all things, my life included, according to His will. Therefore, when opportunities don’t arise or are denied, when others don’t appreciate my skills or my gifts, that doesn’t mean I’m insufficient or rejected. Rather, it indicates God has something else in mind. He’ll show me precisely what that something is, in His way and His timing.

Because He loves me.

What’s more, I can trust Him. I can trust His heart, His wisdom, His power, and His plan. And in the waiting, I can choose to receive the love and grace, the acceptance and equipping, He’s lavished freely upon me through His Son.

I am far from insufficient. So are you. We are loved, redeemed, empowered, and called children of Christ destined for impact.

Additional resources:

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Overcoming Fear of Rejection (video presentation, by Jennifer Slattery)

Learning to Shake of Rejection to Live in Freedom

When Others Rejection Us

If you struggle with fear of rejection and other fears, make sure to join the Faith Over Fear private Facebook group. You can find it HERE. You can find additional faith-building resources HERE. I also encourage you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode on breaking free from people pleasing. Find it Here or wherever you access podcast content.

When Your Loved One is an Alcoholic or Addict – Faith Over Fear

Forgive and forget: Guest Post by Jennifer Henn

by Jennifer Slattery on November 4, 2021November 3, 2021

Forgive and Forget

Guest Post by Jennifer Henn

This post first appeared on Wholly Loved.com

Maybe you’ve always heard, “Forgive and forget.” But what do you do when it’s impossible to forget? A certain song, smell, or a curse blurted in anger, and, at lightning speed, our mind remembers. Even when the memory laid dormant for several years.

I woke up to sheer panic, my bed shaking. When I opened my eyes, the mirror on the wall wildly swung back and forth. As soon as I caught my breath, I let out a terrified scream. My parents couldn’t come to me—they were rushing to secure the cupboards so all the dishes wouldn’t fall out. The early-morning San Fernando earthquake became a permanent memory in my six-year-old brain.

We moved from California the next year, and it wasn’t until decades later, in Georgia, when I felt the earth tremor once again. My husband was in the bathroom shaving and didn’t even feel it. Newscasters joked about how most people didn’t even know we’d had an earthquake. I knew. Some things you never forget.

Everyone hasn’t gone through a natural disaster, but everyone will experience fear and trauma. Often, people in their life cause their pain. Our emotions are an intricate part of who we are. Some memories, especially traumatic ones, refuse to leave. We may not be able to forget a painful memory, but we can control whether or not we will dwell on it.

God has never asked me to deny, or “forget,” hard situations of my past. Instead, He calls me to walk in truth and then asks, “Now how are you going to handle it?” and “Am I enough?”

When Christ died a cruel death for our sin, He never denied our offenses against Him. He forgave us because we couldn’t save ourselves. I can’t be like Christ and save anyone, but I can forgive them.

In the Bible, a disciple asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV).

When I think about someone who wronged me, I’m reminded of a parable Jesus told of a man who owed a king a huge debt he could never repay (Matthew 18:23-35). The man begged the king for mercy, and the king forgave the debt. However, the forgiven man went to another who owed him a small amount of money and insisted on immediate payment.

This second debtor begged for more time to pay, but the forgiven man’s heart was hard, and he refused to give more time to pay the debt.

Word got back to the king. “Hey King, remember that guy’s big debt you forgave? Well, now he wants a man thrown in jail for a much smaller amount of money owed.” (Paraphrased.)

Outraged at the man’s lack of mercy, the king had him brought back to court and thrown into jail.

Chills go down my spine as I recall this story, for I remember my reluctance sometimes to forgive others. While I don’t need to forget what happened, God gives me mercy in abundance, and I should offer the same to others—even those who wronged me horribly.

Therefore, I have to make a conscience choice to forgive. Sometimes, over and over. When situations trigger a memory, the quicker I forgive and move on, the better. Moving on doesn’t mean I forget every wrong endured. If I did, I might stay in an unhealthy relationship or miss out on a lot of good lessons. But I do forgive.

Think about it. If we really were made to forget every wrong done to us, we’d keep going back for more abuses or continue in poor judgement. We wouldn’t be able to walk in truth.

We need to consider other’s deeds with wisdom and truth. If your friend is not responsible with their finances, you don’t lend them money. If your teen is known to take drugs, you don’t lend him or her your car. The circumstances can range from mild to tragic. With truth, understanding, and love, we can honor people and still set appropriate boundaries based on their character.

When I have bitter feelings toward someone, I know I’m resistant to forgiveness. That’s when focusing on the cross helps.

Christ forgives me not because I’ve changed or paid Him back for my wrong, but because of His love for me. I need to love others in the same way.

God understands how hard it is to forgive some offenses over and over. That’s okay—just keep your eyes on Jesus, the One who forgives all the sins of the world, and know you are cared for. He sees you and loves you deeply.

Get to Know Jennifer:

Years ago, Jennifer asked God, “As the gray hairs come in, make me wise.” Today, her gray hair may be camouflaged, but she has compassion and wisdom to share. She’s mentored women through a variety of leadership roles, small group meetings, and now through Wholly Loved online groups. Jennifer also serves the homeschool community through conferences and writing.

She shares how you can teach your children at home, while enjoying the freedom to explore their individual interests. Her first book, Take the Mystery Out of Homeschooling: A How-To Guide, takes parents incrementally through the basics of homeschooling and offers practical advice so they can make informed decisions. Jennifer and her husband live in Metro Atlanta where their nest is down to one chick. Besides writing and speaking, she is the secretary for Christian Authors Guild, a member of Word Weavers Intl, and serves on the mission’s assessment team at her local church. Visit Jennifer online at JenniferHenn.com, connect with her on Facebook, follow her on Instagram, and find her book on Amazon HERE.

Before you go, I have fun news. Grace Fox and I are now hosting Bible Study Tools’ Your Daily Bible Verse. You can find us HERE.

I also encourage you to check out the latest Faith Over Fear Podcast episode: The Courage to Grieve.