(This post first published in 2020.)

Writers experience a great number of rejections, and some of those can be pretty harsh. Though I know to expect these “no thank yous,” seeing them stream through my inbox can leave me stunned. If I’m not careful, I can begin to question my abilities, my calling, and really, myself. We do that, don’t we? We own every negative experience, holding each one as proof that we’re somehow insufficient or defective.

A while back, after receiving numerous declines in a row, I shared my disappointment with my daughter. “But you’ve also received a lot of acceptances,” she said. I know she meant to encourage me, and for a moment, it did, but I knew my assurance needed to go much deeper. My confidence and value can’t be based on such transient standards as temporary wins and losses. To rise above my fears, I must anchor myself, immovable, in the One who knows me, loves me, sees me, goes before me, has a plan for me, and remains with and in me.

A while back, God reminded me of this truth during a rather discouraging time. For about a year, it had felt as if I’d been turned down for every opportunity I pursued, even those I felt certain had been God led. The first rejection didn’t phase me too much. The second stung, but I determined to keep moving. By the third and fourth experience, however, lies I’d thought I’d long buried began to reemerge, assaulting my weakening heart, “You’re unwanted. You’re not good enough. Insufficient.”

Those lies can be really hard to silence sometimes, can’t they? They’d long held me captive, and normally would’ve plunged me into an all-day, if not longer, gloom. But not this time. As I sat there, initially feeding all those deceptive and toxic thoughts, I sensed God’s whisper, urging me to turn to truth, my most powerful weapon against all fear, fear of rejection included. And so I did.

Bible opened to Ephesians 1, I began to read. More than that, I soaked in every word, claiming each as my own. Through that passage, God spoke so clearly, reminding me of who I was. Though I felt rejected and discarded, insufficient, the Bible promised that was far from reality. Instead, I was and am God’s holy child (v. 1), blessed with every spiritual blessing (v. 3) chosen (v. 4) loved and adopted (v. 5), redeemed and lavished in grace.

But here’s my favorite verse: “In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will” (v. 11).

God, my Creator and redeemer, the One who promised to perfect that which concerns me (Ps. 138:8), works all things, my life included, according to His will. Therefore, when opportunities don’t arise or are denied, when others don’t appreciate my skills or my gifts, that doesn’t mean I’m insufficient or rejected. Rather, it indicates God has something else in mind. He’ll show me precisely what that something is, in His way and His timing.

Because He loves me.

What’s more, I can trust Him. I can trust His heart, His wisdom, His power, and His plan. And in the waiting, I can choose to receive the love and grace, the acceptance and equipping, He’s lavished freely upon me through His Son.

I am far from insufficient. So are you. We are loved, redeemed, empowered, and called children of Christ destined for impact.

Additional resources:

Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst

Overcoming Fear of Rejection (video presentation, by Jennifer Slattery)

Learning to Shake of Rejection to Live in Freedom

When Others Rejection Us

If you struggle with fear of rejection and other fears, make sure to join the Faith Over Fear private Facebook group. You can find it HERE. You can find additional faith-building resources HERE. I also encourage you to listen to the latest Faith Over Fear podcast episode on breaking free from people pleasing. Find it Here or wherever you access podcast content. 

How to Stop Letting Fear Drive Your Need for Control (ft. Lysa TerKeurst) – Faith Over Fear

When we fight for control, it's rarely because we have an insatiable desire to play boss. Most often, fear is driving our behavior—especially when we’ve experienced situations that left us feeling powerless, uncertain and deeply wounded. After those experiences, we naturally want to do whatever we can to avoid landing in a similar crisis or painful spot. And so, we might overthink, try to fix other people or work harder to secure a particular outcome, while believing we’re simply being responsible and caring. So how can we recognize when healthy responsibility has crossed into control? In this episode, Jennifer Slattery talks with bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst about her latest release, Making Peace with What I Can't Control, and the fears that can drive controlling behavior and how to respond differently. Lysa shares how to distinguish responsibility from control, recognize the role our perceptions play in fear and focus our energy on what we actually can manage. She also discusses trusting God when we don’t understand what He’s allowing, remembering His past faithfulness and releasing outcomes into His capable hands. Resource referenced: Making Peace with What I Can't Control: Find Relief from the Exhaustion of Overthinking, Trying to Fix Others, and Wanting to Figure It All Out Scriptures referenced: John 16:33; Galatians 5:22–23 Connect with Lysa TerKeurst: On her website On Instagram On Facebook Follow her work on Amazon Find Jennifer Slattery: On her website Instagram Facebook Amazon Subscribe to her free newsletter   Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

1. How to Stop Letting Fear Drive Your Need for Control (ft. Lysa TerKeurst) 28:17
2. How to Trust God When You Need a Miracle 36:55
3. Bonus: Saturday Scripture Reset: When You Feel Unloved By God 16:27
4. Why It's Hard to Receive God's Love and Rest in His Delight 35:13
5. How God Meets Us in Our Grief 35:16